Jackie stared at the ceiling, ignoring the phone that had been insistently buzzing for thirty minutes. She should’ve turned it off, but then the caller would’ve been banging on her door. As it was, with it ringing and going to voicemail, he’d simply left messages.
More than a dozen of them.
She’d hardly slept and didn’t want to talk to anyone. Not even Jaz.
She wanted a cup of tea. A really, really strong cup of tea. She might even be willing to suffer through a cup of coffee if it would wake her ass up. But she didn’t want to get out of bed. Not just yet.
Mac wanted her and she wanted to savor that knowledge for a while longer.
She’d known for years that he did, but something changed during their conversation last night as she was cleaning up at the club.
He wasn’t going to take her less than convincing No for an answer. Not anymore. He knew her too well. It was only a matter of time before she capitulated and gave in. She wanted him as much as he wanted her.
He didn’t understand her hesitancy. He didn’t understand that while one night might be enough for him, it would never be enough for her.
Her phone vibrated again. Jaz’s mug popped up on the screen. Jackie sighed and a split second before answering it, she left it alone. She promised herself that as soon as she was out of the bed and out of the shower and out of excuses, she’d call him back.
She slid from the under the sheet and put her feet on the floor. That’s when she heard it. The key in the lock of her front door. “Son of a bitch,” she muttered, quickly grabbing for the sweatpants slung over the end of the bed.
“Jacks?”
“Hold on,” she called out. Impatient bastard. Though how impatient was he really? He’d called. She hadn’t answered. She always answered. So did he. It didn’t matter what else was going on … Okay, well yes, it did matter. If it was sex or something equally serious or intimate, then, no. The phone would not be answered. But Jaz was well aware that Jackie wasn’t sleeping with anyone or attending a wedding or funeral. Therefore, he’d shown up exactly as they’d promised they would. Pinky swears and blood oaths.
They were all each other had in this world. Correction. They had been. Jaz had Mandi now and Jackie couldn’t have been happier for him. He deserved happiness. He deserved the love of a good woman who could match him passion for passion. Mandi was that woman.
Jackie shrugged into an old concert t-shirt and padded into the living room.
“I was ready to send out a search party for you.”
“I know. I’m sorry.” She hugged and kissed the man who’d grown up with her in hell hole foster homes until she’d been adopted by the sweetest couple. They’d tried to steer her right, but their definition of right and her definition came from two very different dictionaries.
She had a lot in common with Dallon’s girl, Carrie. She’d been adopted, too. Raised to take the high road, but once out from under them, she chose to take a back road and ended up on the end of Dallon’s arm and in his bed.
“I brought tea.”
“Oh you are the best.”
“Yes, I am.”
Jackie snagged the cup from Jaz and power walked into the kitchen. A little honey and a dash of cream and she was good to go. The caffeine hit her system in a matter of seconds – at least that’s what she told herself – and she felt the fog begin to lift.
“Late night?” Jaz from the doorway.
“No.”
“That hangover look says otherwise.”
“I’m serious. It wasn’t a late night.”
“Then what gives?”
“You’re nosy this morning.”
“And you’re evasive. Did something happen?”
Could she tell him? Did she dare tell him? She and Jaz had no secrets. They shared everything. It was the one bond she’d formed in her life that had never been broken. “Mac.”
“Still?”
“What do you mean still?”
“I mean, still.” He sounded bored. “Mac has been after you for so long now, Jack. When are you going to put that man out of his misery? Not to mention, the rest of us.”
“It’s not that easy,” she said behind the cup at her lips.
“It is that easy. You’re the one making it difficult.”
“He’s wants a one night thing. I can’t do that.”
“One night? You sure that’s what he said?”
“Yeah. Why? Do you know something?”
“I know that one night thing is a crock of shit.”
Jackie sighed. “I kinda figured it was, too.”
“Did you say yes?”
“No.”
“You are so damn stubborn.” Jaz pushed away from the door jamb. Jackie followed. He plopped on the couch and she slumped down next to him, careful not to spill her tea.
“He’s the sheriff. An elected official.”
“So? The preacher from the Presbyterian church comes in to your place twice a week for dinner. Three of the deacons from the Baptist church take turns pinching your girls on the ass.”
“What?”
Jaz chuckled. “You didn’t know?”
“No I didn’t know. If I had, I’d have put a stop to it.”
She didn’t play those kinds of games and she didn’t allow the girls who worked for her to be harassed or messed with in any way.
She was not above using her background if it meant taking down one of those self righteous assholes. She’d been arrested for much less.
“That’s why you have me. And Mac. We help out, even when you don’t know it.”
“Thank you. I should pay more attention.”
“The club grew more than you expected. Remember when you just wanted a small place that served good food and gave women with few options a job and some independence? You’ve done that. And more. Your eyes can’t be everywhere all at once.”
“Yes.” Jackie did remember and yes, Katz was more. It had grown. Selling a little bit of sexual fantasy with food that shocked and amazed. But the club belonged to her. Responsibility for the club and what happened inside rested on her shoulders.
“He cares for you, Jacks.”
“He does,” she agreed.
“You care for him, too.”
She couldn’t deny it, but she wouldn’t admit it, either. Not out loud at least.
“Fine,” Jaz teased with a chuckle. “Keep it to yourself. We both know I’m right.”
“Yeah, yeah. You need any help with the barbecue?”
“Nah. Just bring what you agreed to and we’ll be good.”
“Carrie’s really going all out with this potluck thing, isn’t she?”
“Seems to be. Dallon on was board from the word go. Vinter ponied up his yard and house. And Mandi’s brothers are coming down for it.”
She heard the trepidation his tone and turned to face him. “Stop worrying. They’re gonna love you.”
“I'm an ex-con, Jack.”
“So? We both have pasts. I know them. Trust me. They’re going to be just fine with you and Mandi.”
“We’re talking about her brothers,” he insisted. “The other super important men in her life. They still have influence over her. They still have a say.”
“That girl is strong enough to stand up for what she wants. Which, by the way, is you. It doesn’t matter a hill of beans that you went to jail. Not to her. And I doubt it’s going to make much difference to them once they see how you two feel about each other.”
“You think?”
“I know.”
“Then maybe apply that own logic to yourself and your situation with Mac.”
“Jaspar … Don’t start.”
“I hate that fucking name.”
“I know.”
“Be serious for a second, Jacks … There’s nothing stopping you from being with Mac except you.”
“It’s different. It wouldn’t look good for him.”
“You think he cares what other people think? He keeps the peace around the county. He keeps us all safe. Him being with you isn’t going to make a difference or change that.”
“You make the same arguments that he does.”
“Cause we’re right.”
“Don’t let me stand in the way of your arrogance.”
“Don’t worry. I won’t.”
“I’ll think about it.” That was the only concession she planned to give.
Jaz pulled her close and kissed the top of her whacked out bedhead. “You’ve been thinking about it. It’s time to do or tell him it’s never going to happen.”
She hated when he was right. She’d been thinking about and wanting Mac for way too long. It was time to put up or shut up.
His phone vibrated and he shifted position enough to reach it. She glanced up and saw a smile full of tenderness cross his lips. He was in love. She never thought she’d see it. She never thought he’d trust anyone enough to let them in. Not the way he’d let Mandi in.
Mandi was a few years older, but a freer spirit than some other women her age. She still worked for Katz part-time, when Jackie needed the help. The rest of the time, she did what she’d wanted to do all along. She made jewelry. Some she sold in the tattoo shop. And some she sold in a large craft community online.
They were happy, Jaz and Mandi.
Vinter and Elise.
Dallon and Carrie.
The most unlikely women had come into the lives of the most unlikely bad boys and turned their collective worlds upside down.
Did she deserve happiness like that? After everything she’d done in her life? Did she deserve a man like Mac? Everyone … All her friends, and Mac, said yes, she did.
But did she trust that she could have him?
“I’ve gotta go,” Jaz said, interrupting her thoughts. He kissed the top of her head again and eased his big body off her couch.
“Mandi?”
“Yeah. She needs me to pick up a few things before heading back to Vinter’s.”
Jackie stood, too. “I’ll be over as soon as I get a shower.” She hadn’t looked in a mirror, but knew she had to look like death. Her head felt heavy from the mousse and hairspray, too. She knew better than to go to bed without a shower.
“Oh yes, please shower. The raccoon eyes don’t work unless it’s Halloween.”
“Go on. Git.” She gave him a shove toward the front door. “I don’t need to take that kind of truthful talk from you.”
“Nope. You’ll see it in the mirror. Try not to crack it though.”
Jackie faked her shock at his words and slammed the door behind him. His laughter could be heard as he walked away. God, she loved him. He was family and she cherished their friendship. There was nothing she wouldn’t do for him and there was nothing he wouldn’t do for her.
Though, he could use a kick in the ass to take him down a notch or two. Love made him cocky, made him think he was invincible. She knew better. She could still take him in arm wrestling and it looked like she would need to prove it. Again.
She flipped the lock, then tossed the cold tea down the kitchen drain.
A small, casual get-together had been her idea, but once Carrie got wind of it, she’d taken charge. That was fine by Jackie. The girl had more energy than that damned pink battery bunny.
Their small group of friends would be there. The bar the boys owned wouldn’t open until much later as would Katz.
Ink Spot would be manned as well.
Mac had deputies, so he’d be there, too.
Jackie thought it would be a good way for Mandi’s brothers to meet Jaz and the rest of them. She’d met them a few times back when she and Mandi were in high school together.
But the regret was setting in. She didn’t want to go to a cook-out. Okay, that wasn’t true. She loved food. She loved her friends. The truth was she didn’t want to see Mac again so soon after their brief conversation last night.
She couldn’t get out of it, though. Jaz and Mac would know what was up and drag her ass kicking and screaming out of her house.
“This sucks,” she groused.
She grabbed pair of panties and bra from her dresser and tossed them on the bed. She’d wear denim capris and an old t-shirt. She’d wear a baseball cap instead of fixing up her hair. She’d wear minimal make-up.
She’d downplay everything about herself.
She’d show Mac the other side.
He only ever saw her made-up and dressed the part of an adult entertainment club owner.
She didn’t know if he’d want the her she was outside her job.
She didn’t know if it was the fantasy he wanted or the real woman.
She turned on the shower and as the water heated, she finally faced the mirror hanging above the sink. “Oh my God.” Her hair stuck out at odd angles in most places. In the back it was plastered flat against her scalp. “I do look like death. And a raccoon.” Lipstick smeared her lips and up one cheek. And mascara flaked and smudged beneath and around her eyes. “A dead raccoon.”