“I want you to leave…” The words choked from my throat, and Ryan froze as he knelt in front of me. His fingers held supports to my two broken fingers, and the bandage hung limply down to his wrist. Taking a deep, shuddering breath, my lips quivered as a headache pounded behind my unfocused eyes. “… Just for a little… I need to think…”
Everything moved in slow motion as Ryan lifted his head, and his gaze sparkled with pain. The sight knocked the wind from my lungs, and my heart twisted behind my ribs.
“Okay. If that’s what you want.” Murmuring softly, the strain in his voice only pulled more energy from me. Carefully he continued to bandage my hand, his own stiff and slow as if moving each muscle was a chore for him.
The silence was deafening, and my blood pounded against my ear drums to a slow, weak beat. When he was done Ryan said nothing as he pushed himself to his feet, and I stared at my hand as his gaze bored holes into the crown of my head. He stayed for a few seconds, and I could feel his hope settling like a thick, invisible tar on my skin.
His hope was in vain, at least right now, and he sighed heavily before making his way through the living room towards the front door.
“If you need me, you know where I’ll be, Sylvia.” Those words pierced my heart, and the door shut with the finality of a judge’s gavel. Cold settled deep into my bones, and my tears ran down my face to create ruts in my skin.
How did this happen? How did it go from last night to this? My mind started to sputter into action, but it was slow and my thoughts short. I couldn’t grasp how I had gone from such a high to such a low in such a short amount of time. Last night was a dream and this morning was the nightmare that followed.
A dull glint caught my attention, and I turned my eyes to my cell phone as it sat on the coffee table. It took a long time for a thought to appear, and my joints creaked as if they’d never moved before when I finally gathered the energy to lean over.
My fingers shook, and I was glad I only had to press one button to bring up my mother’s number. I wasn’t sure if I could handle more as my injured hand throbbed all the way up to my shoulder.
“Hello?” At the sound of my mother’s voice something broke inside me, and my tears became thicker and fell faster. I couldn’t respond, all my words replaced with croaks and sobs as hysteria overwhelmed me. Holding my phone to my ear, I fell onto my side on the couch to curl up and cry.
Shivering, my breath came in choking gasps even as my mom just listened.
“... Sylvia, honey, tell Mom what’s wrong.” Nothing more than a soft coo, my mother’s gentle demand pulled a harsh sniffle from me that shook my brain. Wiping my nose, I forced my lips apart and ignored the stinging tearing of my skin. There wasn’t a second thought in my mind to do exactly what she said, and I took a deep, trembling breath before finding my voice.
“He turned into a bear… Mom, I don’t… how… what do I do?” I wasn’t sure if my mom could understand me, but at that moment, it didn’t matter. The smallest bit of advice would’ve helped; if she told me to brush my teeth, I would’ve done it. In my ear, the receiver crackled faintly, and I took another stabilizing breath before she spoke up.
“Honey, did you say he turned into a bear?” Nodding furiously, I rolled onto my back to stare blankly at the ceiling as my mom sighed into the phone. “Sylvia, what did I teach you about people’s appearances?”
“But M-” My mind whirled at the question, but my protest was cut short by a soft ‘tsk.’
“No. Sylvia, I thought we raised you better than that. It’s not necessarily what’s on the outside that counts, you know that. You really liked this man from what you told me. I don’t see why a bit of hair changes that.” My eyes nearly boggled out of their sockets, and I sucked in air through my teeth.
“Mom, he turns into a bear… a real, huge bear! The appearance rule doesn’t apply here!” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, and a crackle, a shuffling, burst from the speaker to make me wince. But my mother was steadfast, only humming at my outburst.
“I heard you, honey. I know you would never lie to me. But I’ll repeat it - it’s not what’s on the outside that counts. You told me last time we spoke that you felt a real connection with this man, did you ever wonder why? I know you didn’t, Sylvia. Yyou’re not like that. So, appearances aside, why do you not want to be with him?”
“Mom - I just…he turned into a bear. How am I supposed to cope with that?” Chewing on my bottom lip, I felt a childish kind of feeling building in my veins. My mom was supposed to take my side, no matter how irrational I was.
But she’s never been like that anyway, so why would she start now? Holding my breath, I knew the answer to that silent question.
My mother would never give bias advice and therefore tried to stay as neutral as possible.
“That’s not an answer, Sylvia. You said he was a gentleman, that he treated you well and understood your predicament. He didn’t push you into something you were unsure of. Why does learning he turns into a bear overshadow all of that? I have no doubt you’re telling me the truth in this, and it’s a little hard to believe, but you shouldn’t throw away a good man because of what he is or isn’t.”