Matt

“Are you planning on coming in today?” I bark at Nick over the phone.

“A few months ago you sat me down and said you wanted more responsibility. You said you wanted me to take it easy. I finally do that, and you’re up my ass?” Nick snaps back.

“I told you to take some shit off your plate, not give me the entire goddamn plate.”

“Don’t flatter yourself, Matty. You couldn’t handle the whole fucking plate. I’m on my way. But you should know, fuckhead, I was there last night until midnight while you were out getting drunk somewhere.” With that, he hangs up.

Now I feel like an asshole. Was Nick really here last night? I glance over at the outgoing mail and notice, for the first time, that all the invoices are done. And with all the shit my brother has gone through in the last months—being in Paris at the concert during the attack there, scared for his life—he deserves some time off.

Just when I think I’m getting my life together, I see June again, and shit falls apart. Today I have meetings with three different liquor vendors, something I do not want to deal with, but it’s too late to cancel—my first meeting just walked in.

“Hey, Nick. Where do you want me to set up?” Ronald asks, putting down a box on the bar top. Ronald’s a regular vendor who’s there to show me some new vodka products that he’s promoting.

“Right there’s fine, man.”

“How’ve you been?” Ronald asks as he opens up two different bottles of vodka. If there’s one thing I do not like, it’s fruity drinks, and by the pink and purple hues of those bottles, I’d bet my ass these are fruit-flavored vodkas.

Grabbing the nearest stool, I sit down and listen to Ronald sell his product, explaining about trends, different mixers, and the cost of the bottles. Then he opens the first one and pours some straight into a glass, some more into a different glass with tonic, and some into a third with 7-Up. Rolling my eyes, ready for the assault on my palate, I down the first one, followed by the second and the third. “Easy there, Matt,” Ronald chuckles.

Normally I just taste the new products and move on, not necessarily shooting back three of them at a time. As soon as I set the third glass down I frown, all the flavors mixing together in a nauseous concoction of alcohol and berry. “Ready for the lavender?” Ronald asks, pouring into the same three glasses, but this time with the purple vodka.

Ugh…lavender? I almost purge the berry when I see the purple liquid.

Shrugging, I down the next three just as quickly. “Not too bad,” I croak out. It wasn’t that bad. Not really. Not after a few.

“You want to make the usual order, then?”

“Nah, man, I’m not buying as many of those as your regular vodka. Let’s start off with one case of each.” I might be bordering on tipsy, but I’m still not stupid enough to get a load of colored vodka. As I shoot the shit with Ronald, I hear the beep from the front door, and in comes Holly, the second vendor of the afternoon. After everyone says their hellos, Ronald packs up and leaves and Holly takes his place. She’s tall, almost as tall as my six-foot-one frame, with thick blond hair, red lipstick, and red nail polish. Her dress is tight and short but still professional. For months she’s been giving me the I-want-to-fuck-you eyes. And damn, I should take her up on it. Now that I’ve finally gotten closure with June, I can date or screw whomever I want. Right? I mean, for the last year I felt some sort of guilt—like dating would mean I was cheating on her, even though she’d disappeared. But now that I know she’s a lying bitch, I should take Holly up on her offer.

“Looking good, Matt,” Holly says with a wink as she sets up four bottles of wine on the bar. “Want some?” She gestures to a bottle of pinot noir, but everything rolls off her tongue in a way that screams dirty no-strings sex, and I know she doesn’t mean the wine.

I sway a little. The six shots are starting to burn through my veins now. “Yeah, sure.” I watch as she holds the bottle like she’s gripping my cock, her hand moving up and down as if she’s stroking it, then popping the cork with more gumption than needed, arching her tits my way. Her voice is a little high-pitched, and through the cloud of alcohol it irks me, but I let her continue her little game of seduction.

“Hey, Holly.” I turn at my brother’s voice. He’s walking in, hand in hand, with Katie.

“Katie, honey, how are ya?” I yell, my voice coming out louder and chirpier than I intended.

“Jesus Christ,” I hear Nick mumble. “You blasted already? It’s barely noon, for fuck’s sake.”

“I’m not fuckin’ blasted,” I yell back. I feel the legs of the stool wobble as I lean forward, so I quickly grab the bar to steady me.

“Don’t look at me—I just got here,” Holly says, her hands up defensively.

“Why don’t we reschedule, Holly?” Nick suggests.

“No!” I snap. “I’m here. She’s here. This is work. Stop acting like you’re in charge.” I grab the wineglass.

“You’re wasted, Matt. You can’t be in charge of anything when you’re wasted.”

“I’m not.”

“Are too,” he retorts with a death glare.

“Okay, super-mature guys.” Katie pushes between us and places her hand on my shoulder. Addressing the rep, she says, “Holly, is it?” Holly nods. “Why don’t we leave the boys alone for a sec? Come upstairs to the office with me. Bring the wine.”

As Holly leaves with Katie and the wine, my brother’s eyes are still on me, his lips set tight, anger rolling off him. Once we’re alone, Nick starts to talk. “What the hell is wrong with you, Matt? You’ve been drinking a lot this last week. I’m worried about you, man.”

“Nothing to be worried about.”

“Is this about Dad?”

“Fuck Dad.”

Nick rolls his eyes. “Is it about June?”

“April,” I correct him. “Fuck April.”

“Okay, so this is clearly about Dad and April.”

He knows me better than I know myself most of the time. He is, after all, my twin brother. “You need to go home.”

“I’m not going home.”

“You are, Matty. Go sleep it off. Get your shit together. Come to dinner later and we’ll talk.”

I want to argue, but Nick cuts me off before I have a chance. “Geo and David are coming this afternoon. After the hell they’ve been through, I don’t want them to see you like this.”

Damn, all of them have been through so much. Nick, Geo, and David were all held at gunpoint during the Paris attacks a few months ago. Katie went through some very traumatic shit early on in her life too. What the hell have I gone through? Nothing, really. Love lost. But most people lose love at some point in their life. I need to pick up the pieces, man the fuck up, and stop wallowing. This asshole is not me. This must be what rock bottom feels like.

“April was here.”

Nick hisses.

“I hate her, Nicky. I hate her.” I know I’m slurring my words, and I think I feel wetness around my eyes.

“Matt…” He looks so sad. Is he sad for me? The room is spinning and I’m not so sure about anything anymore.

“She was undercover here. The entire time. She played me, Nick. She’s the reason we were all arrested.”

He comes closer, and I feel his hand on my shoulder. “It’s going to be okay.”

“It’s not.”

Feeling like complete shit, I slump down onto the bar. I don’t know what else to say to Nick. It stings—what he says, the shit with June, with dad. But my brother’s right. I need to stop acting like a selfish self-loathing asshole. “I’ll call a cab.”