Matt

She doesn’t know what she did, yet she is still apologizing. I’m not sure how I feel about that. I do know I feel like an asshole that I told her. Maybe it wasn’t fair of me to do that. “I remember a little,” she admits, catching me off guard.

“What?”

“Not everything, but I remember going into a bar or something like that, and you being mad. I don’t remember the details—I just remember the feeling, sort of. It’s part of the dream I keep having.”

“Yeah,” I say, running my palm down my face. “I was mad.”

“You had every right to be.”

“You don’t even know what you’re talking about.”

“Are you defending me now? You understand why I did it? Because honestly, Matt, I don’t. I don’t understand why I’d do something like that.”

“It was work. Your career. Can I really blame you for that? From the first moment I saw you I wanted you. That’s never changed. I didn’t exactly make it easy for you to walk away.” I stalk toward her. Sleeping with her every night is hard, but sleeping with her while her defenses are down and she’s had one too many drinks—that was harder. Last night she snuggled closer to me, little moans escaping her lips as I brought her firmly against my chest. And now, with her wearing just my T-shirt, her long lean legs on display, my eyes roam from the tips of her toes up to the hem of that shirt. I know she’s wearing a pair of baby blue underwear because when she moves, her plump baby-blue-covered ass peeks out from underneath. I so want to pull those panties to the side, or rip them off, or slide them down, or…

She leans a hip on the vanity and crosses her arms over her chest, which lifts the bottom of the shirt higher and pushes her tits up. A groan escapes my lips, and I don’t even try to pretend it didn’t. I want this woman. I want April. And the way her lips turn up as she watches me watching her…I think she wants me too. “Is that some sort of cocky way of telling me that I had no way of resisting your charms?”

I shrug. “Are you telling me that you don’t feel the same way I feel? Fuck what happened before. Now, right this moment. You and me. Matt and April. You don’t want me? I don’t think I’ve kept it a secret. I may have fought it, but when you’re in my bed and my cock is pressed hard against you, there’s no hiding it.”

She pushes off the vanity and steps toward me confidently. I remember this. This is April. This is one of the parts of April that would peek out of June. Confidence. Which is sexy as fuck, and I don’t think I’ve ever wanted her more than I do now. Not even then.

She rests her palms on my chest. “I know how attracted I am to you now. I may not remember much, but I’m sure back then it wasn’t any different.” Her nails rake softly down. “We sleep together every night. Yet we pretend we don’t. How long are we going to keep pretending, Matt?”

“When I wake up before you, I stare at you for far too long. The way you automatically move toward me, seeking me out, even in sleep. The way your hair falls over your eyes and the soft little incoherent whispers you say in your sleep. You’re so soft and at peace, and it’s taken all the willpower I have not to kiss you.”

She moves in closer. Her body is now pressed to mine and she’s looking up at me. “Why are you exhausting all that willpower on such a stupid thing?”

“If I kiss you, April. I may not be able to stop at just that.”

“Who said anything about stopping?”

A low, almost feral groan vibrates through me.

I take her face in my palms and do exactly what I’ve wanted to do for a year: kiss my woman. Kiss her hard and soft. Sweet and roughly. All my feelings pouring out with just a kiss.

“I missed your mouth so much,” I tell her.

I know she can’t repeat the sentiment, but she doesn’t have to because I can tell she’s enjoying this as much as I am. Whether she thinks it’s our first kiss or the hundredth, this—this is perfect. We kiss there, in the middle of my bathroom, for far too long. I’ve never spent so much time kissing a woman. Slowly and softly I explore her mouth and she sucks on my tongue and nips at my bottom lip. “I like doing this,” she says, eyes smiling back at me.

I take her hand and lead her to the living room so we can get comfortable and kiss some more when I hear someone knock on my front door.

I throw my head back against the couch. “Go away!”

“I hope everyone’s dressed,” I hear Nick say as he opens the front door. Of course, the motherfucker decides today is the day to use his spare key.

“No. We’re naked. Go the fuck away.”

I hear another man’s chuckle, and then I’m watching Nick and Fox walk into the living room.

“Thought you’d like your bike back,” Nick says, dangling my keys in front of me. I search my memory bank and remember we had to come home in a taxi last night. I put out my palm and he drops the keys.

“You mind if grab some coffee, boss?” Fox says, making himself at home. This is the first time he’s ever been here.

“Yes, I mind. Get out,” I say, but of course he and Nick are already filling a couple of mugs while I feel April’s shoulders shaking next to me. “This isn’t funny,” I whisper.

“Yo, April, how are you feeling?” Nick asks as he strolls his ass back to my living room and plops himself on one of the recliners.

“You guys were wrecked last night,” Fox says, making himself comfortable on my other recliner.

“What is going on right now?” I ask incredulously, pointing to the two men in front of me.

“Nothing, brother. Just visiting. Had to bring someone to take me back to the club, since I had to drive your bike back here. Fox was available.”

My eyebrows knit together as I look at Fox. “Why were you at the club so early?”

“Yeah, why were you at the club so early?” Nick asks.

“Ooh, I know, I know.” As April finally speaks, she raises her hand like she’s in class. It’s cute as hell.

Nick laughs and points at April. “April for the win.”

“It’s because of that shy bartender, right? The one who was there last night. The one that made those Buttery Nipples.” She makes a gagging noise, and I recall the shots we downed last night.

“Dude, Lola?” Nick says with a glance at Fox, and I remember that Lola is on shift today, which means she’d be in early to prep her station. “We already talked to you about that. Leave her alone.”

“But she keeps rejecting me,” he says, as if it’s the most preposterous thing that’s ever happened.

“So take a hint.”

“How can she reject me without at least going out on one date?”

April shrugs. “Maybe she’s not attracted to you.”

He looks at her, his eyes wide, as if it had never once occurred to him that someone would just not like him.

“Babe, I think you broke him,” I whisper to April, and she laughs. Fox just continues to look perplexed.

“Seriously, man, she’s new, she’s shy. Just let her do her work. You don’t have to hit on every single female who walks into the club. In fact, it’s against the rules. We could—and probably should—fire you for that.”

“Like not attracted to me physically? Or to my personality?” he asks April, still on the topic of Lola possibly not being into him.

“Either. Both,” April says matter-of-factly.

His eyes get even larger.

“She’s so pretty, though,” he says, and it’s the first time I notice that he may genuinely like her. “And sweet. The other night, when it was pouring outside, I walked in, drenched, and she saw me and handed me a shot of bourbon to warm me up.”

“She did that for John and Raul too,” I say, talking about the valet guy and the other bouncer.

“What?” he yelps incredulously.

“We’ve talked about this longer than I ever wanted to. You two, out. You”—I point to Fox—“stop hitting on Lola.”

As I’m leading them out, Katie walks in. “Hi, guys,” she chirps. Damn, is everyone going to visit me today? “Hey, thought you’d like to take this with you back to the club,” she says to Nick, and hands him a big Tupperware container of food. April’s stomach immediately starts to rumble. Shit, she’s probably hungry.

“Katie girl, whatcha got there?” I ask.

“Oh, I made some of Nick’s favorite. Paella.” Katie makes the best paella ever. The woman can cook. “I have more upstairs. Want some?”

For a moment I’m torn between eating, on the one hand, and getting everyone out of my apartment so that I can continue kissing April, on the other. But the choice is easy: April. In a perfect world, I’d eat April, but I don’t think she’s on the menu. At that moment, however, April’s stomach starts rumbling again, and the decision’s made for us.

“We’ll be there in five minutes.”

“Great. Geo’s on her way too. April, I’d love for you two to get to know each other. You’ll love her.”

For the next hour, I sit across from three chatty chicks. It’s great to see April smiling and loosening up. She seems in her element, even if her eyes find me across the table every few minutes, seeking assurance that this is okay, that getting close to my tribe of people is okay with me. And it is.

Geo is, as always, hysterically funny. She’s inappropriate, and the craziest things come out of her mouth—you can’t help but fall into her bubble of charm. I’m so happy she seems to be getting back to her old self; with the evidence of the gunshot still marring half her face, it’s hard to forget what she went through. I can’t wait for David and her to finally move down here. It’ll be fun having them around all the time.

Once we’ve all eaten and the conversation has dwindled, April and I leave, with April promising to return for a girls’ night soon.

“That was really, really fun,” she tells me.

“I’m glad. They’re great, and they’ve grown tight these last months.”

She looks pensive as the elevator door opens and we walk down the hall to my apartment.

“What’s going on? What are you thinking?”

“Just that…I’ve never had that, and it’s nice. And soon I’ll be good enough to go home and then what? I really feel lost most days, and thinking of the future…” She presses her temples with her thumbs.

“Day by day, sweetheart. And just because you live in a different apartment building doesn’t mean you won’t see them.” I open the door. “Or me, for that matter.”

“And you’re just going to forgive me for what I did?”

“Listen, April, I’m not gonna lie—it still haunts me all the time. But I’m willing to try to forget all of that. Focus on what I’ve learned and like about you now…if you’re willing to forget things too.” I don’t know what else to say. I mean, there are moments when she’ll say something and it reminds me that she lied and it ticks me off. But then I quickly remember that this is April and I’m making an effort to move forward and forget that ugly part of June. But it’s not easy, and it’ll probably get harder once she starts to remember. Still, I’m willing to try if she is.

She laughs humorlessly. “Forget? I can’t even remember.”

“When you do remember, I mean—if there’s something that maybe affects us and our relationship. Maybe something I did or maybe something you did…we’ll move past it. Focus on the present and forget the past.” Even though she fucked up, I’m worried about her remembering the ugly things I said to her. I don’t hate her, I realize now. I never did. And to think that I called her a whore…fuck, that still burns. I want to apologize, but I can’t do that until she remembers.

“I think I can do that.”

“Good. So, fresh start?”

“Fresh start,” she agrees, sounding as hesitant as I feel. As if by just saying the words, everything’ll be okay. But other than try, what else can we do? I like her, I want to be with her, and if I don’t get past this hurdle, it’ll never work. I’m taking a leap of faith. We both are.

“So, what else has you looking concerned?” I ask. No matter how hard she tries to school her emotions, I see right through her. The thing is, April is all the best parts of June, and I want to get to know her…for real this time.

“So this thing…the kisses and…I mean, this isn’t just…” She shakes her head, looking lost for words. “I know we’re moving on, but how much, exactly?”

“We were great together, April. At least for me, it was something I’d hoped would be moving forward. I was hoping you’d move in. I was thinking this was it for me. Then shit went down, but now that you’re back and I’m moving past everything, I still have feelings. I’d like to start over.”

Her smile is huge, and she gets on the tips of her toes and wraps her arms around my neck. “Me too. I want that too.”

“Tell me something. Something real. Something you haven’t been able to say because you didn’t think I felt the same way about you.”

She hesitates for a moment and then she gives me that cheeky confidence I love. “At night, when you pull me to you and hold me, I can feel how hard you are against my back and I fantasize about how it would feel if you were inside of me.”

My cock immediately hardens, and I squeeze the back of my neck. “Jesus.”

We’re still in the hall, and I stalk toward her like a predator. We’ve waited long enough. A year without touching her…I’m losing my mind. I attack her mouth. The kiss is not soft. It’s not tentative. It’s a year of frustration, anger, worry, and now relief. And she doesn’t hesitate either. She’s right there with me, giving as hard as she’s taking.

I lift her in my arms and walk her to my bedroom, where I lay her down and slowly take off her clothes. She’s lost so much weight, but I’m hoping that now that the doctor says she’s in remission, she’ll start gaining some of that back. I miss her round ass; I want to sink my teeth into it. She scoots back as I undress, throwing my clothes on the floor. Without hesitation, I grab both her ankles and pull her forward, making her shriek.

“It’s a tossup,” I say as I kneel on the floor. “I may have missed your mouth, but I think I missed your little cunt more.” I sink my face between her legs, holding her thighs apart.

“Ohhh!” she yells.

“Yes. Be loud, April. You were always loud.” In the back of my mind, even with my face in her pussy, I remember how she didn’t like me calling her June while we had sex. And now that I know why, it bothers me to no end. But I push down the feeling and focus on what I’m doing. Because June’s gone and this is April. And I like April a helluva lot.

“Matt. Matt!” she moans as the pressure seems to be building. I go to my bedside table and take out a condom, since I’m not sure if she’s still on birth control or if she’s been with anyone since, and I slide it on. In one fast push I’m inside of her. I probably should have prolonged this further, reveling in everything I’ve missed, but I can’t. I have no self-control when it comes to this woman.

“Get there,” I demand, grunting as I take myself to the edge.

“Wait. No, not yet. Don’t stop,” she cries out. “Oh God, this feels so good.”

I bring my thumb to her clit because fuck waiting…I can’t wait. I’ve waited a year. I’m not waiting anymore. I need to come right the fuck now. Two strokes to her clit and she’s off like a rocket, tightening so hard against my dick I think she’ll snap it in two. With that I lose all control.

A few moments later I roll off her, and we’re both on our backs breathing heavily.