I consider following Landon, I really do. This situation is out of control and my mind can’t figure it out. This whole scenario is worse than I’d ever imagined it would be— Landon’s leaving. Landon’s leaving now…And he doesn’t remember me.

Todd sees my tears and pulls me in for a controlling hug.

“Why are you doing this?” he says into my hair. “You’re so silly sometimes.” I stare past him toward the far end of the gravel car park to the eighteen-wheeler on the far side. There’s shadows walking up to it. Is that them? It can’t be. He can’t be leaving now…

“You were gonna hurt me,” I say quietly into Todd’s chest.

“Pfft, I…wasn’t, sweetie.” He laughs it off. “I wasn’t.”

I lift my head back. He forces a laugh, this time. “Don’t shrug that one off. You lunged towards me. If Landon wasn’t there, you would’ve laid your hands on me.”

He keeps trying to laugh to ease the tension. “You say you know how I get and you push me there, right to my limit.”

“You’re really blaming me right now?”

“Christ! Listen to yourself. You are certified crazy.”

“You’ve almost done it before. Forgive me for having a guard up.”

“Well, sometimes you almost deserve it. And I’m sorry about that…that time. I was too drunk.” His jaw clenches and his fist slams atop the outdoor table as he tries to calm his aggression.

I fight the tears and back away from him.

Me and Todd fight. We always fight but he’s being vicious this time; Hitting me where it hurts— A place in my mind where I deserve to be punished. I’m drawn to the conflict. I’m obliged to stay and bear it because this is the way I think I need to be treated because, in my mind, it somehow makes up for what we did to Daryl.

“Oh, the silent treatment, huh? Fuck you, bitch.” Todd goes back inside behind the taps to return to serving customers. Billie catches my eye through the window with a look of concern but doesn’t approach me.

Outside, everything falls quiet. All I hear is my breath. All I see is the billow of it. My mind is awash with what-if’s and should-I’s.

I look to the truck, to Landon and the man hauling pieces of his bike into the back.

This punishing sentence is mine to face. I brought this life on myself and I am made to endure it for all I’ve done in the past. Any sadness that comes into my life is karma resetting the balance. If I choose to stay, things will settle back to normal eventually. I can blame this entire Landon thing to be an innocent, naïve mistake— The kind Lucy Rivers makes because of how much she cares for people and how she wants to see the good in everyone. I’ll keep working in the tavern. I’ll keep painting. I’ll agree to be with Todd in whatever capacity he wants me. I’ll accept that this is my life, because only a few days ago I already had.

But now I had a new choice…

I could go.

If I left, I’d be burning bridges beyond repair. I’d destroy my quiet life I’ve struggled to build myself up here in the redwoods. All those lies, all those relationships, all those years wasted in exchange to spend a few more days with Landon, to settle him back into life in Jethrow, life in the club, a life of crime, a life where he’s connected to a woman named Mia, a life where I don’t fit in anywhere. Jethrow, where my mom is either missing, dead, or so high she might as well be.

“What’re you doing out here? Get inside! It’s mad in here.” Billie shouts from the back door.

Auto-pilot rattles my bones. I obey. I walk back towards the door. Behind me, I can hear Landon’s voice beside the truck but dare not look back.

I enter through the Tavern’s kitchen, sidle beside the Tavern’s two chefs, down along the bar behind a sneering Billie, I collect my rucksack and barge through the heaving crowd and finally out the front door.

But what I see before me makes me trip and fall into the gravel. The truck, my way out of here, Landon and any hope for any alternate future, pulls away onto the road.

No.

No, no, no.

It’s not too late.

It can’t be too late.

I have to go after him. I have to take this chance.

I sling my bag back over my shoulders and run so fast I feel rocks flicking up onto my calves.

“Landon!” I squeal as the truck creaks up through its gears. I’m hanging behind so Landon can see me in the mirror, waving my hands furiously. “Landon, please stop!”

I see him lean out the window and squint through the darkness. I’m illuminated only by the red rear lights.

The truck starts breaking. I could slow down too but I don’t. I sprint right up until I’m at his passenger door.

The truck stops and he jumps from the cab. His hands hold either side of my head. “It’s easier if I go… I don’t want a goodbye, Lucy.”

“I don’t want one either.” I pant heavily. “I’m coming with you.”

“You…fascinating thing.” Landon is lost in my eyes and taking my hands in his.

“Hey!” Todd’s voice is heard from beneath the darkness of the road. “Lucy! What the fuck are you doing?! Where are you going?!”

“If you want me to come, it has to be now,” I say to Landon.

He smiles at me and lifts me up into the passenger cab. I give an awkward ‘hello’ to the trucker who I hope is okay with this and climb into the back sleeper section of the cab.

Twang! Twang! Twang!

“Don’t you dare run away from me!” Todd thumps his palm hard on the truck’s side paneling as we drive off. “You fucking bitch! What are you doing?!”

We accelerate. I cry some more, hearing Todd’s shouting get quieter and quieter. Landon’s arm is reaching back for me, squeezing my knee for comfort.

“This is the right choice, darlin’. You’re always safe with me.”