Twelve
The morning of the wedding, I was flipping out. I hadn’t slept at all, and I had dark circles under my eyes. I slathered on the makeup and put my hair in a ponytail. Cara was going to be over in a few minutes to do my hair, I was going to do her makeup, and then we were going over to the courthouse. My parents and Ansel had wanted to come over to “help prepare,” but I had said no. We didn’t need to make this into a bigger thing. I was already having a hard time getting my hands to stop shaking as I applied my eyeliner. I had to wipe it off and start over three times.
My doorbell rang and I dashed downstairs to let Cara in. She had a huge bag with her and I had no idea what was in it since my parents had picked up our dresses and were in charge of bringing them to the courthouse so we could change there. What did she have in there?
“So, since this isn’t a real wedding and we’re not doing a honeymoon or anything, I decided that I’m sleeping over.” She dropped the bag in my room and joined me in the bathroom, hopping up on the sink.
“Do you want to do your hair first?” she asked.
“Yeah, sure.” I turned around and took it down so she could do her thing.
“I think I’m just going to do a low messy bun, kind of like what Chloe did when I tried on the dress. I’m glad we’re not doing veils. Veils are weird and have gross connotations.” I agreed with her, but a little part of me kind of wanted to see what Cara would look like with one on. Not like, over her face, but maybe tucked under her hair and flowing down her back.
I stayed still as Cara combed water and mousse into my hair and then started braiding it back. The braid started on one side of my head, then she worked it around so it formed a loose crown on my head before pulling a few pieces out to make it look casual. Then she sprayed the hell out of it with spray so it would stay that way. I checked myself in the mirror and the effect was gorgeous. Ethereal and whimsical.
“Okay, your turn.” I decided to go with a fresh and glowy look since her dress was pink, and pulled that color in, using it on her eyelids and to highlight her cheeks. I brushed her lips with a peachy pink lip color and then we were done. I finished my makeup and then it was time to go.
“Hey,” Cara said, reaching for my arm before I left the bathroom with my makeup bag. She was still sitting on the sink and hadn’t said much as I did her makeup. It wasn’t like her to be so quiet, but I assumed that she was just thinking about everything. I had a million thoughts going through my head right now, and was trying to shut them up for a little while so I could focus on what we still needed to get done.
“What?” I said. “We really need to go.” I normally wasn’t the one who kept us on a schedule, but I guess we were reversing roles today. She would take over once we got there, I was sure of it.
“I just...” she let go of my arm and pressed her hands on the counter to lean closer to me.
“Yeah?” I said, stepping closer.
“You just look really great, that’s all. And I’m really excited to be your wife, Loren.” Everything stopped. I froze and couldn’t stop looking at her.
She looked incredible. Honestly, I couldn’t look at her or I’d get completely and totally distracted and want to spend the rest of the day staring at her instead of marrying her. I also knew that once we added the dress and the bouquet, I was definitely not going to be able to focus on anything else. She took up all the space in my head, and she was doing it now.
“You look amazing. And I can’t wait to be your wife,” I said in a voice that didn’t sound like mine. Cara held her arms out and I walked into them. She held me tight, like she was worried I was going somewhere.
I held her back, and not just because she wasn’t letting go. I didn’t want to let go either. I could smell her hairspray and light perfume and just the tiniest bit of sweat. I knew I wasn’t smelling all that great right now. The stress sweat was real.
I ran one of my hands up and down her back, hoping I could soothe any kind of anxiety she might have. I used to do that when we were kids. Cara would get so stressed about school projects and I would always rub her back to make her feel better. I didn’t know if that would still work now, but I was going to try.
“It’s going to be amazing,” I said, speaking about the wedding, but I was also talking about moving in together and our life going forward. Cara was going to get everything she wanted, and I was going to see to that. I was going to be there for every step, making sure she knew she could do it, and that she deserved it. My mom’s words came back to me. That we both deserved to be happy. Making Cara happy made me happy, bottom line. Honestly, even if I wasn’t getting any money out of this deal, I would have done it for her. Always for her.
Cara let out a little sigh and finally ended the hug, but didn’t pull away. Our faces were so close I could count every one of her eyelashes. They were so long she didn’t even need extensions or falsies. I’d been jealous of them for years.
My face went hot and cold and there was a squeezing sensation in my chest that I’d never had before. Cara leaned forward just a little.
Was... was she going to kiss me?
No. Impossible. Cara was my best friend. She was also completely and totally straight. I knew her and I knew that was true. There was no question about that. I blinked and then my phone went off, scaring the shit out of both of us. I tore my eyes away from her face and looked down at my phone.
“My parents are wondering where we are.” We were totally off schedule, but I didn’t care anymore.
“Oh,” she said, her voice a little dreamy. “Then we should probably go.” I realized I needed to step away from her so she could get off the counter and leave the bathroom. I did, moving mechanically through the apartment to make sure that I wasn’t forgetting anything. Not that my brain was even working. It was all muddled and fuzzy and confused.
Cara grabbed my makeup bag and a few things from her bag and we rushed downstairs to the car that had been waiting for us. I gave the driver the address of the courthouse and sat back, not looking at Cara.
“You okay?” she asked. I nodded and gave her a smile.
“Yeah, I’m just thinking about stuff. Wedding stuff.” That was a good enough excuse and it wasn’t that far from the truth.
“It’s going to be fine. It’ll be over in a few hours and then we get to go to your parent’s place and have a great time.”
This time she reached for my hand, but she didn’t let go. Not until we got to the courthouse and got out of the car with all our shit. We found my parents in the lobby, both dressed as if they were going to a real wedding. My dad even had flowers pinned to his jacket and my mom had a corsage with pink flowers on it that almost matched our bouquets.
“Mom, I told you not to do this,” I said through gritted teeth. Ansel came around the corner in his classiest pinstriped pants, black jacket, blue shirt and a light pink skinny tie.
“All of you were supposed to wear regular clothes,” I said, but no one was listening to me.
“You knew we weren’t going to do that, right?” Ansel said and then he looked over his shoulder and motioned to someone down the hall. “So, I know this was all secret and shit, but I couldn’t keep my mouth shut.” He turned back to me and gave me his adorable sheepish smile that he could use to get out of (or get into) any situation he wanted. Many a lady had been seduced by that smile.
“Yeah, I guess I should have known,” I said, as at least seven more people in wedding attire came down the hall. Kell and her girlfriend Lane, Jason, Ahn, Jamie and his partner Alex, and Cedar. The gang was all here.
“We couldn’t let you do this without us,” Kell said, giving both of us hugs. “You tried to be sneaky, but you made a fatal mistake telling Ansel.” I glared at him, but he just beamed.
“You’ll be glad they’re here,” he said, and then we all realized that we were even more behind schedule and needed to get into our dresses ASAP. Mom, Kell, Lane, Ahn, and Cedar all came with us to “help.”
Fortunately, there was a large changing room just for this purpose, but it was chaotic in there since we weren’t the only people getting married today.
I was shoved into a corner as I pulled on my skirt and tried not to rip any of the lace as the top was shoved over my head by too many pairs of hands to count.
Cara was having an even harder time with her dress as the zipper wasn’t going up. There was one moment of chaotic panic and then Anh got it to go up without ripping anything.
“Okay, hair,” Cara said before whipping her hair into a perfect messy bun in about three seconds. My mom sprayed her with hairspray and then made us stand there so she could “get the full picture.”
“Oh, girls. I’m just so happy for you.” She was tearing up and I thought about rolling my eyes, but there wasn’t time. We embraced and then filed out of the bathroom and dashed to check in and get our paperwork verified. From there, we went to a waiting room where someone would call us and then we’d get to have our little ceremony. Someone came and asked if we wanted traditional vows and I realized that I’d forgotten about all of that.
“We’ve got some,” Cara said, handing the person a piece of paper. “We also have music. Ansel?” He popped up and then went with the person to help them get the song ready. We were the first ceremony of the day, so we had a little advantage of setting our stuff up without a ton of pressure.
“We got you something else,” Mom said, looking at her phone and then waving someone else over.
“Are you kidding?” I said, but Cara smiled.
“You need to document this day,” Mom said, leaving no room for arguments. The photographer shook our hands and introduced himself.
“Uh, we didn’t really...” I started to say, but Cara was chatting with him and it seemed like they were long-lost best friends, so I shut my mouth and let him pose us for a few pictures. It was a little strange holding Cara and looking into her eyes and pretending to be romantic, but Zane, the photographer, said we were doing great and kept cracking jokes, so the both of us were laughing through every frame. At last our names were called and we walked into the room. My parents and our friends sat down in the rows of seats near the front and I tried not to drop my bouquet because my palms were so sweaty. We’d planned to walk toward each other, but that didn’t work out, and they put on the song so we started walking down the aisle. I glanced at both my parents and they were both crying. Honestly.
Cara and I got to the front, and the music volume lowered as the officiant in black robes welcomed us. We joined hands without him even telling us to.
“We are gathered here today to unite Cara Margaret Simms and Loren Lynne Bowman in holy matrimony,” he said, reading from an iPad.
I barely listened to the rest of his words and just kept holding Cara’s hands. Mine were shaking and sweaty, but so were hers. I just kept looking at her and telling myself that we could get through this.
“Loren, would you like to share your vows with Cara?” Wait, what.
“I didn’t write any,” I blurted out.
“That’s okay,” Cara said. “Just make some up, I don’t care.” Well, I sure as fuck cared. This might be the only time I got to do this, and I didn’t want to mess it up. Why hadn’t I thought about vows until now? I guess I didn’t expect to need them in this kind of ceremony.
“Oh, wow. Okay.” I took a deep breath and willed my heart to stop trying to pound its way out of my chest.
“Care. You’re my best friend. I love you so much and I will always love you. We’re meant to be in each other’s lives, as if we were created for each other. You’re the only person I want to tell when something good happens to me and when something bad happens to me. You’re always there for me, even when I ruin your spreadsheets.” She laughed and I saw tears running down her cheeks.
“We’re building a life together and there isn’t anyone I would rather do that with. I love you.” Cara sniffed and Ansel ran up with some tissues as she pulled a notecard out of her bra. Now it was my turn to listen to her.
“Loren. You’re my best friend, and my favorite person. When my own family wasn’t there for me, yours took me in. I can’t imagine my life without you, and I don’t want to. Whatever souls are made of, yours and mine are made of the same stuff. I love you and I can’t wait to see where life takes us. Even if you ruin my spreadsheets and always make us late. I’d rather be late with you than on time with anyone else.” Now I was crying. Why did she have to do that to me?
I was blubbering and crying all over the place and Cara took the tissue Ansel had given her and wiped my eyes. My makeup was probably running. I bet I was a complete mess. I was definitely going to delete these pictures.
“Cara and Loren have shared their vows with each other and all of us. Now for the second part.” He turned to Cara and smiled at her. I was barely aware he was even here. All I could see was her.
“Do you, Cara Margaret Simms take Loren Lynne Bowman to be your wedded wife, your best friend and your soulmate?”
Cara threw the tissue down and took my hands again. We both laughed and cried as she said, “I do,” and then it was my turn.
“I-I do,” I said and the weight of what we were doing settled on my shoulders so hard that I thought I was going to fall over.
“With the power vested in me by the state of Massachusetts, I pronounce you married. You may seal your vows with a kiss.”
I hadn’t thought that anyone was going to be seeing this, so I figured we could just tell the officiant that we weren’t going to kiss, or maybe do a fake kiss or something, but there hadn’t been time. Now everyone was staring at us and we were crying and my parents were crying and Cara was looking at me as if I was the most important person in the entire world.
I opened my mouth to say something, and then Cara tugged me forward. It was either fall into her, or dive sideways and eat the gross carpet, so I fell into her, and consequently, my lips met hers. It was happening before I realized and my body seized up for half a second. Then my brain screamed OMG, YOU’RE KISSING CARA AND SHE’S KISSING YOU AND THIS IS YOUR WEDDING AND YOU’RE MARRIED NOW and kissed her back.
I kissed her back. Her lips were soft and sweet on mine, and slightly salty from our combined tears. What started as a simple pressing of our lips together quickly turned into... something.
She inhaled and sucked my bottom lip into her mouth. Oh. I trembled and held onto her desperately. Dimly, I heard people cheering, but I was completely consumed by Cara. She let go of my lip, but only to let her tongue reach out and taste me. It was gone before the sensation registered. I wobbled and almost fell over as she smiled and then we walked back down the aisle to the song My Life Would Suck Without You. I had the suspicion Ansel was responsible for that one. I was going to yell at him later, but for now, I couldn’t stop smiling and holding Cara’s hand.
“OKAY, THAT’S PERFECT,” Zane said. Cara and I had been posing on the steps of the courthouse for the better part of an hour. He’d made us do all kinds of shots, even ones where we kissed each other on the cheek, but he hadn’t pushed us to do any lip kissing, which I was grateful for. I was still off-balance from the kiss during the ceremony. Cara and I hadn’t had time to talk, let alone about that.
After a few more group shots, Zane finally agreed to stop and said he would be sending us a flash drive with our pictures in a few weeks, and posting a few test shots online so we could tell him if we liked them or not.
“Great, thanks,” I said.
“You’re two of my favorites. I can tell you’re really in love. These are going to be dynamite.” I rolled my eyes at his back as he went to talk with my parents.
“I bet he says that to all the couples.”
“Maybe not,” Cara said, adjusting some of my hair. “I’m starving.”
“Me too. Maybe we should have had a reception. Then we’d get food sooner.” She nodded and then I called out to my mom.
“Are we ready to go?” She nodded, and we rounded up our friends and piled into several cars. Cara and I were stuck with my parents, and the rest split between three cars to head to the house about an hour outside of the city.
“Mom, can we stop somewhere? I think my body is going to digest itself.” As if it was listening, my stomach growled.
“We’re going right to the house, we’ll be there soon. Can you wait?” It was like being seven again on a long car trip.
“Um, not really. And Cara is hungry too.” She nodded.
“Okay, fine, we’ll go through the drive thru, but you’re not getting anything that might spill on those dresses. Just a quick snack to hold you over.” Yup, I was a child again.
My dad found a fast food restaurant and we got in line.
“I hope this line doesn’t last too long, we really need to beat everyone to the house,” Mom said. She was fretting and Dad put his hand on her arm.
“It’ll be fine. It’s all going to work out. Don’t stress.” They smiled at each other and I felt some of the tension instantly ease. My parents balanced each other so well. When one of them got uptight about something, the other helped calm them down, or supported them through the storm. I’d always known that they loved each other, even if they didn’t say it every day. They had the kind of relationship that I had always wanted, but didn’t think I could have. That kind of love was like lightning striking the same place twice. It didn’t just happen every day.
We finally got to the window and, regardless of what my mom said, Cara and I both ordered large fries with ketchup, sodas, and a double cheeseburger to share.
“You’re going to ruin your appetites. I worked so hard on planning this,” Mom said, but let us order.
“It’s not that much, Mom, and I promise you we will be hungry again. This is just so our bodies don’t eat ourselves. Because my arm is looking kind of tasty right now.” My mom wasn’t usually so frazzled, so I wasn’t quite sure how to handle her, but Dad just laughed and handed us our bags.
“Fine, if you’re going to do this, then at least let me take pictures.” Cara and I posed with fries held to our faces and did another cute one where we were both taking bites out of the burger at the same time. Mom was having a coronary about us spilling, but we’d covered ourselves with napkins she’d handed us from under her seat, and there were stain-remover pens if we needed them. I wasn’t worried. I was just going to eat really carefully.
“Oh my god, this is so good,” Cara said through a mouthful of burger.
“Seriously,” I agreed and shoved as many fries as I could into my mouth.
“Remember what we ate after our wedding?” Dad said, smiling at Mom in that special way that was reserved just for her.
“Of course. Everyone stared at us when we walked in and I remember a few asked if we were in a play and were shocked when we said we were just married. And then we got free pie,” Mom said. I’d heard the story dozens of times before: they had gone to the courthouse and then to the local diner because it was one of the only decent places to eat in our small town. They’d still been wearing their wedding attire, and had even gotten dollars handed to them by patrons wishing them luck. Oh, and the free pie.
“So really, we’re just continuing that tradition,” I said, fishing out the last fry. Cara pouted as she realized she was out of fries. I handed mine to her.
“Here, you can have my last one.” She beamed and shoved it in her mouth.
“That was quite a ceremony. I wasn’t expecting to get emotional, but it happened anyway,” Dad said. “I didn’t know you would do vows and everything. Did you plan that?”
“Uh, not really,” I said.
“I did, just in case,” Cara said, wiping her hands with the napkins and shoving them back in the fast food bag.
“And why didn’t you talk with me about it? I was totally thrown because I was thinking about so many other things and vows kind of slipped my mind,” I said.
“I’m sorry. I kind of wanted to surprise you? And I didn’t want to freak you out ahead of time, I guess. Vows seem kind of serious, don’t they?” Yeah, they had felt serious. I might be panicking a little about this whole marriage thing. I knew other people had done this for all kinds of reasons, but hearing the words and signing the papers made it official. We were now legally married. We might not share each other’s names, but we shared everything else. And we were going to share our money.
“Yeah, they are. But I think I did okay? Honestly, it’s all kind of a blur.” This whole day was a blur. When I looked back on it, I probably wasn’t going to remember much. One thing I did know I would never forget was the way Cara had kissed me. She’d really gone for it, to make it convincing.
“I know,” Cara said. “That’s why I had to write my stuff down ahead of time. I knew my brain was going to blank. I mean, I’d practiced, but it was a whole other thing standing up there. Maybe they should have classes or something to prepare you for that stuff.”
“And how to find an apartment, and pay bills and all of that.” My parents laughed.
“You’ll both figure it out, kids. We did,” Mom said, smiling at us over her shoulder.
“I hope so.” I shared a look with Cara and she smiled back at me. Holy shit, Cara was my wife.