“I understand your tricky position, but I don’t know how I can help you.” The governor frowned from his place across his desk. “I’d like to help your wife, but what about the family of the people Frederick ‘Snake’ Jordan killed?”

James stepped forward, once again coming to my rescue. “If I might suggest something, sir?”

Governor Starnes rolled his hand in a motion for James to continue.

“What if you only make it seem like he’s getting pardoned? Wait until we get the girl, then bring him back in. Is something like that possible?”

Starnes sighed, obviously thinking of the headache he faced. “So many people would be needed. Undercover cops, judges, and tracking devices put on Snake himself so we could track him in case we did lose him. I’m not sure the risk is worth it.”

I stood up, slamming my fist on the governor’s desk. “Of course it’s worth it! My wife is going to die if we do nothing.”

Starnes raised an eyebrow, the bushy gray of them not making him look grandfatherly like I would expect, but more obstinate. “What do you think the chances are of them actually letting her live? You know as well as I do what these gangs are like. This one’s small, but vicious. I’ve looked into the data the local sheriff sent over. Snake’s latest victim isn’t the first person they’ve killed. It’s just the first one we have enough evidence to put him away for.”

While I knew that better than anyone, I couldn’t see how admitting my past with the gang would help my case. “I know it’s asking a lot, and I know the risk is huge, but I have to try. Whatever it takes, I have to do it. Bella means the world to me.”

The governor shook his head. “I’m sorry. I can’t justify putting the public at large in danger all to rescue one person. Snake getting out of jail, even temporarily, would be a danger to the community. There’s a fair chance he’d find a way to slip off, according to everyone I talked to, and then he’ll be free to kill even more.”

James stared at his hands, seeming to have no further argument.

I stood from my chair. “Guess it’s time for Plan B, then. Come on, James. Drive me to the nearest news outlet.” I flashed a grin at the governor, though it held no humor. “Tell your cop friends they’ll probably be coming for me soon. I’m not a threat, so I’d like if they went easy on me.”

If Starnes wondered why, he didn’t ask as James and I left the office.

Once we made it to the car, I slumped into the front passenger seat. “Maybe I should talk to Bella’s family before I go public. They deserve to hear it straight from me.”

“To the hospital, then.” James pulled out into traffic, flashing me a worried glance. “Are you sure we should do this? Maybe there’s another way that doesn’t get you thrown in jail.”

“No, I belong in jail.” Letting out a small laugh, I then shrugged my shoulders. “Maybe I’ll finally get to work on my paintings again. There won’t be much to do in prison. I think they have classes and stuff, don’t they? I always wanted to be an artist.”

“You’d make a damn fine one, son.”

Somehow, happiness filled me at hearing him call me son. I glanced at his profile as he drove toward the hospital. “James, why do you still care about me? If you know what I did to Bella...”

A small grin ghosted across James’s features. “I’ve known you since you were twelve. I know what kind of person you are. Every time your father yelled at you for painting or playing the piano instead of studying government books or watching debates on television, I could see that it crushed you. When you took off to join that gang, I can’t say it surprised me. George suffocated you and snuffed out all the joy you might have been able to take in life.”

“But I can’t blame him.” It had taken me all these years to realize that my choices were my own. My father might have been a hard ass and unsupportive of the dreams I had, but I was still in charge of my own destiny. “When I cut Bella that night, I’d never felt worse. I thought fighting with my father was the worst, but I learned differently.”

“Is that why you decided to go back home and do what George wanted you to do instead of fighting any longer about being an artist?”

“Yeah. I think part of it was fear. For the first time in my life, I had realized I could be an even bigger monster than he was. All he wanted was for me to continue in his footsteps. I was capable of cutting innocent people without question. That’s when I realized I had to change.”

“Hmmm...” James gave me a sidelong glance. “I’d worried about you, up until you met Bella again.”

“Why?”

“You always acted so haughty. Because I saw how upset you were that night, how badly you begged to call the ambulance, I had figured you’d be sorry for what you did and make something better of yourself. Instead, you started turning into a mini version of your father, complete with the pompous, arrogant attitude.”

I released a bitter chuckle. “That was all an act. I pretended like whatever I did wouldn’t matter, that way I could live with myself for cutting that girl.”

“And then you married her by pure chance. Life’s funny.”

It was odd, but there was still a lot weighing on my mind regarding Bella. My parents’ relationship was hardly what I’d call equal and loving. Mom did whatever Dad said, no questions asked. At times, I’d found myself frustrated with Bella for questioning me, but I really didn’t want any version of a woman like my mother. It was good that Bella challenged me and made me think about something other than myself. She was good for me, even if she’d never forgive me.

“James, have you ever been in love?”

He chuckled. “Of course. I have a long-term girlfriend. I don’t see her much since I’m always at your place, but we have a comfortable relationship.”

“A lot of trust?”

“Oh, yes. I trust her completely. When we’re together, the world stops, everything is perfect.”

“So, if there’s a way to get Bella to forgive me, my going to prison doesn’t necessarily mean she won’t wait for me, right?”

“You really love her, don’t you?”

All I could do was nod, clenching my fists in frustration at all the mistakes I’d made. The biggest one was in not telling her the truth. If anything happened to her, if they hurt her, I wouldn’t care about anything again. Once I served my time for the crimes I committed against her, I’d get out and kill them all. It wouldn’t even matter if I went back to prison for the rest of my life. My life had no meaning without Bella in it.

Shocked at the direction of my thoughts, I slowly unclenched my hands, forcing myself to breathe in deeply and calm down. “They’d better not hurt her. I realized all those years ago that I could be a pretty shitty person. If they kill her, I have no doubt that I could become a murderer while getting revenge.”

James took one hand off the wheel, reaching across to squeeze my shoulder. “I know you feel like that, but I have faith you aren’t that type of person. Trying to kill Bella eight years ago almost destroyed the sweet artist inside you that I love so much. Bella wouldn’t want you to take revenge on that gang and end up killing the artist entirely.”

“You think? She wouldn’t want me to take revenge?”

“I’ve spent more time with her than you have over the last few months,” James said, making my guilt run even higher, though I knew it wasn’t his intention. “She’s a sweet, delicate person. Sometimes she’s feisty and I know she’s challenged you at every corner, but she really is fragile and loving and cares about others. She’d never want you to destroy yourself because of her.”

From that first month when I spent every day on the phone with her after work, getting to know her quite well and falling in love with the girl on the other end of the line, I knew James was right. She wasn’t the type who’d want me or her brothers taking out revenge and ruining ourselves in the process.

“Will she ever forgive me? I’m in love with her, but she has no reason to love me or forgive me for all this. Her entire life was destroyed that night when I cut her, and things have only continued to get worse since I came back into her life.”

James shrugged, pulling into the hospital parking lot. He surprised me by heading for a spot to leave the car instead of dropping me off at the door. “Maybe she will, maybe she won’t. If you love her, you’ll keep trying and prove to her that the two of you belong together.”

I couldn’t afford to let his words give me hope, not when everything was still so uncertain. Instead, I focused on his odd driving behavior. “Where are you going?”

“Parking,” he said in a voice that seemed to tease me for not figuring that part out on my own.

“Yes, but why?”

“There’s no way I’m letting my son face this alone. I’ll tell her family with you. I’m here for you, Damian.”

BELLA

Once my shock and anger had worn themselves out, I knew I had to start thinking again. While I completely believed that Damian would do whatever he could to try and come to my rescue, I was now certain Rider had no intention of letting me out of this building alive. If I was going to get out of this, I’d have to do it myself.

The men were still alert and watching me, probably hoping I’d have another meltdown over the video they showed me. Not wanting to give them the satisfaction of seeing my raw emotions, I curled back up in my corner. I managed to wiggle beneath the holey blanket, pretending to fall asleep.

I’d thought Rider was an asshole for giving me a blanket that was barely held together, but at least now I could watch them covertly through the holes in the part covering my face. I’d wait until they all started nodding off, then work on the ropes binding my wrists. I couldn’t do anything until I figured out a way to remove them.

In the meantime, all I could do was sit and think about Damian. It was hard to process what I’d learned, combining that with the caring man who said he loved me. While I wanted to hate him, to blame him for everything bad that happened in my life, I couldn’t stop remembering the end of the video.

Damian had been scared and regretful. He’d wanted to call the ambulance. Heck, maybe he was even the person that did it. Rider said they’d beaten him up, likely within an inch of his own life, and then thrown him out of their gang. I was honestly surprised they didn’t kill him, but maybe since the gang was so small, they weren’t as hardcore as some of the big ones you hear about.

Instead of returning to hurting others and causing trouble, Damian had then launched himself into the life of following in his father’s footsteps. Now, he wanted to work on women’s rights and help women defend themselves. If that didn’t sound like a man who regretted his past mistakes, then I didn’t know what that sounded like.

Still, could I just forgive him? My brothers hated me for leaving, I’d spent the last eight years in a perpetual state of fear, and my mother was now in the hospital, all because of the choices Damian made. How did I reconcile that with the man I had started to trust and fall for? Could I even do that?

In the beginning of our relationship, before Sally made me worry that Damian had a woman waiting in the wings in Albany, things had been so good between us. The sex was hot and fun, the long conversations on the phone had me truly falling for his caring personality, and even after the fiasco with my parents and the gifts, Damian never stopped insisting he had fallen in love with me. While I thought that love had more to do with his guilt now that I knew the truth, was there a small part of him that could really love me in a healthy way? Was there a part of me that could love him back?

Sighing, I knew this was all academic. If I didn’t get myself out of here, Damian’s true thoughts and motives would never matter. While I’d like to figure out my feelings toward him and toward what happened in the past, I had more important things to worry about.

The room around me had finally gone silent, the men no longer chatting and harassing each other. I carefully tilted my head around, noting that they’d all closed their eyes and seemed to be resting. I was sure none of them had slept the night before, likely too excited about taking me and working out a way to get the things they wanted.

I carefully moved my wrists behind my back, rubbing against the ropes and trying to shift them somehow to free myself. Once I was loose from the bindings, I had to snatch the large knife on Rider’s hip. While I’d told myself the last eight years that I wasn’t brave enough to do anything, especially go out at night, I had realized a new strength inside me now. I didn’t want to die—I wouldn’t die!

Whatever it took, I’d get out of these ropes and away from these men. If that meant I had to stab them all to do it, I now realized I wasn’t above that, nor was I too afraid to try. All that mattered was getting back to my family.

And maybe getting back to Damian. My heart still longed for him in a weird way, though I refused to think about that too much as I continued shifting the ropes back and forth.