Shelby was so excited about her new fish that she wanted to sleep in her own bedroom so that he wouldn't be lonesome. The newly acquired but already beloved goldfish wasn't swimming around a whole lot when I tucked Shelby in, so I included him in our prayers.
Gray was waiting for me when I returned to the living room, and I sighed and smiled at the sight of him. He was sitting on the floor with his legs stretched out in front of him and his back against my couch. He had taken off his jacket and was wearing a dark T-shirt, which revealed his muscled arms and the curves of his chest. I blinked, remembering our looming conversation and looking at him with a curious expression.
"Okay, so what happened?" I asked.
"You mean with the network?" he asked.
"Yes," I said as I walked toward him.
I had plans to sit beside him on the floor, but he lifted himself to sit on the couch, so I joined him there instead. Gray sat on one end of the couch, and I took the spot next to him. I was nervous, so I didn't sit close enough to touch him, and when he saw the distance between us he smiled at me and patted my knee.
"It's not that you didn't get the part," he said reassuringly. "They still want both of us to do the show. We're their first choices for the characters; they just can't make it happen with all the changes. It's too much." He shrugged. "Bill and Kevin really tried to work it out, but I understand. It's a lot—especially when they can hire other people to play the roles."
"So, you told them we're not gonna do it?" I asked, glancing at him.
A smile touched his lips. "No," he said. "I told them I'd talk to you about it. It's our choice, although I assumed we'd say 'no'. We can play the roles they've already planned, or we can just forget about it and let them hire someone else."
I stared into his gorgeous dark eyes for a few long seconds, trying to figure out how I felt.
"What are you gonna do?" I asked.
"I don't want to do it," he said.
My heart sank. I feared that I had ruined an opportunity or caused some type of rift between Gray and his brother. I knew how badly Kevin wanted to work with him. I felt oddly rejected even though I knew I had no reason to.
"You can," I said. "You should. I don't want you to back out of it because of me."
He breathed a little laugh. "Well, I guess I'm more selfish than you, because I certainly want you to back out because of me. I know you were excited about it, and you can still take the job if you want. I'm just not down with you kissing my brother, so we'd have to figure out something with using me as his stunt double or something."
I shook my head. "I really don't care about it. I just assumed I wasn't going to do it when you first told me the rewrites were off," I said. I sighed. "But I don't want to mess this up for you. I know your brother really wanted you to be on the show."
Gray shifted in his seat, kicking his leg onto the couch between us. He smiled at me before he pulled me into his arms "Oh, so you want me to play the roll as planned and go ahead and kiss that fitness instructor?" he asked, trying to get a rise out of me.
I climbed onto his lap, adjusting so that I was sitting comfortably on his legs. I curled up next to him, resting the side of my face in the crook of his neck and feeling the oddest mixture of the emotions. Part of me still felt disappointed by the news, but like magic, my new location in Gray's arms began to make those feelings melt away.
All my doubt and fear and embarrassment slowly shifted to feelings of love and relief and happiness. I don't know how explain it other than to say that as I sat there in Gray's arms, I literally felt supernatural, unconditional love emanating off of him. He somehow gave me impossibly tangible reassurance during that embrace, and that I was all he needed.
Gray rested his hand on the side of my face, gently rubbing my hairline with his thumb. I could feel his heart beating. I had never felt so safe and secure in my whole life.
"I knew you were excited about it," he said. "And I hated that they couldn't work it out, but honestly, the news was a bit of a relief to me. I was going to do it for Kevin, but I'm not an actor. I can think of about twenty other things I'd like to try for a job before acting."
I knew this statement was the truth. Gray had already shared with me some of his dreams, goals, and business ideas for the future, and none of them had to do with acting or show business.
"Are any of these other things in Memphis?" I asked, picking my head up so that I could look at him. He pulled back so that he could focus on me. He was wearing a stunning half grin.
"They're anywhere I want them to be," he said.
I reached up and touched his face because I just couldn't stop myself from doing it. I let my fingertips fall on his eyebrow and traced the edge of his lips with my thumb. Every part of me that touched a part of him felt alive with anticipation. "Your brother's smart," I said. "All of America would fall in love with you if you went on TV."
"I'm only trying to get one American to fall in love with me," Gray said.
I knew just what American he was talking about, and my heart wanted to leap out of my chest—it literally felt pulled toward him.
"Is she me?" I asked.
His smile broadened, causing his cheek to shift and move under my hand. I brought my other hand up to his face. I wanted to hold him right there and stay in this moment forever.
"Is it me?" I asked again.
"Yes, it's you, Jane," he said, still smiling.
"Are you saying you're trying to get me to fall in love with you?" I asked.
His smile faded. "Desperately," he said seriously.
I stared straight into the depths of his dark eyes. "Well, you can stop trying," I said breathlessly. I didn't mean for it to come out that way, but his words made me feel vulnerable.
"Why, because you love me already?"
I continued to stare straight at him as I nodded.
"Say it then," he said.
"Say what? That I love you?"
He nodded and I put my face even closer to his. "I love you," I whispered slowly.
Gray closed his eyes and took a deep breath before opening them again.
"One more time," he said.
I leaned in letting my cheek gently brush against his so that I could whisper next to his ear. "I love you, Gray Kennedy. I wanted you from the very first time I saw you."
He held me tightly by the waist as I spoke, and I could tell from the way his chest rose and fell that he wanted me to continue.
"I didn't fully understand what a love song was until I met you, and now when I sing one, I… now they're about you. Now they make sense. The way I feel about you, it makes me see why people write love songs."
"The way I feel about you, Jane, makes me see why people rent apartments in cities where they don't live, and leave meetings early to drive eight hours on the interstate."
I pulled back just far enough to look at him. We were still so close that our noses were almost touching.
"Is that code for you love me back?" I asked.
"No. I don't need to use code to say that. I can just say it. I love you, Jane. I love you. I love everything about you." He reached up and put his hand right on my chest. "I love your heart. I love your smile, and your eyes, and your voice, and your hair, and your smell. I love your house, and your family, and your town. And I love that precious little girl who's sleeping in there. I want to take care both of you, Jane, and it has nothing to do with feeling obligated. You'd be doing me a favor to let me take care of you and Shelby. That's what I want."
There was nothing I could do to prevent a tear rolling down my cheek. I was overwhelmed with love for him because I could truly tell he meant what he said. He loved me.
A tear trailed all the way to my jaw, and Gray leaned down so that he could place a kiss on my cheek, right where the tear had fallen.
"Why are you crying?" he whispered after he gently kissed my tear away.
"Happiness," I whispered.
I pulled back a little so that we were a few inches away and I could focus on his face. He was the most gorgeous, perfect man I had ever seen.
"I don't know how many times in the last four years I thought God had abandoned me," I said with tears filling my eyes again. "I couldn't understand why things happened the way they did. I couldn't understand why God had allowed me to become a young widow and a single mother. I didn't get it. At times, I felt alone and abandoned even though I had help and family. I didn't understand that there was a bigger plan. I didn't know He was going to send you and that everything would be all right."
"I'm sad you had to go through all that," he said. "But I really do think it's amazing that God was able to lead me to a note that led me to you. I mean, think of all the things that had to line up for us to end up right here where we are."
Another tear streamed down my cheeks and Gray wiped at it with his thumb before deciding to lean down and kiss them away again. He put his mouth on my cheek to catch a tear, and I pulled back shaking my head.
"What?" he said.
"You missed," I whispered.
Gray smiled at me just before he leaned in and let his lips fully touch mine. They were soft, and they molded to mine, causing warmth to flood my body. There was a certain electrical current where our lips met—a flowing of energy and love that connected us.
I kissed him once, twice, and a third time before pulling back to stare at him.
He shook his head at me, wearing a serious expression.
"Why are you shaking your head?" I asked.
A little grin touched the corners of his mouth. "Because you're stopping."
I smiled at him. "I'm not stopping," I whispered before touching my lips to his again. "I just wanted to look at you—make sure you were still there."
"You can make sure I'm still here later," he said. "Right now I want you to kiss me."
It was exactly the perfect thing for him to say and my stomach clenched with a wave of desire. I put my lips on his again. Gray opened his mouth to me, and I accepted the invitation, holding him tighter and kissing him deeply. I was desperate for his kiss, and I knew by the way he returned it that he felt the same way.
We stayed like that for the next three hours—talking, laughing, kissing, and knowing beyond a shadow of the doubt that we were both in the right place.
Of all the places in the whole universe that we could have ended up, we had found the exact right one.
Gray and I didn't quite know where we were headed, but we knew everything would be all right if we went together.