Twenty-Six
Tanner
“Ava, Noah, come on guys, time to get out of the pool. We need to go home.”
Home? Tanner shook his head to the side, certain the chlorine water filling his ears had affected his hearing.
“But Izzy, we haven’t even eaten yet,” Mike protested from the grill.
Belle wrapped each grumbling child in their towels and was herding them through the sliding door by the time Tanner climbed out of the pool. And completely ignoring the protestations of everyone around her. His hand wrapped around her bicep. “Hey, give me a minute to dry off and then you can tell me what the hell is going on.”
Her red-rimmed eyes looked vacant and haunted. Just as she opened her mouth to answer, Ava spoke up. “Yeah, Mommy, we need to wait for Daddy.”
She pinned the brightest and fakest smile on her face Tanner had ever seen and turned to the kids. “Daddy isn’t coming with us this time, sweetie. He’s going to have a sleepover with Grandma and Grandpa. Just like you guys get to do sometimes.”
His stomach dropped to his feet. What in the actual hell just happened? Ten minutes ago, she was fine. More than fine. She was his Belle. His greedy little vixen who loved to negotiate with him and tease him and…
“Belle, come on.” He failed to keep the panic from his tone and he cursed himself for it. “You need to talk to me. To tell me what’s wrong. Whatever it is, I can fix it. We can fix it. I promise. Just…talk to me, sweetheart.”
Wyatt and Connor came racing through the door at that moment, and Belle nodded in their direction, pulling her arm from his slackened grasp. “Ask your brother.”
She hustled the kids past his astonished mother and straight out the front door before Tanner could even begin to process what was happening.
Tingling heat spread through his entire body, and he stalked over to Wyatt and Connor. Ask your brother. That had to mean Wyatt. He was the only one that was a big enough asshole to ruin everything Tanner had rebuilt with Belle.
He grabbed the front of Wyatt’s blue and white striped t-shirt and practically slammed him against the brick wall of the house. “What the hell did you do?”
Wyatt’s face turned red with the pressure against his windpipe, and his words came out in gargles. A hand closed around Tanner’s forearm. “It wasn’t his fault.” Connor’s voice was calm and clear as always. “Tanner, listen to me. It wasn’t his fault. Let go.”
The words finally registered in Tanner’s brain as did his brother gasping for air. He released his hold and Wyatt fell to his knees, coughing.
Tanner pierced his hair with his fingers and breathed heavily. “Then whose fault was it? What the hell happened? And why is my wife driving away without me?”
Wyatt fished in his pocket, still breathing unevenly, and tapped the screen of his phone a few times before turning it over to Tanner. “She saw these.”
Tanner swiped to the left several times, scrolling through the pictures. No, no, no, and hell no. She couldn’t have. Dammit, he didn’t even remember half of the things displayed on the screen in front of him. And he sure as hell didn’t remember someone, anyone, other than Belle running her fingers through his hair.
That was theirs. That was sacred.
Every single thing he’d done, change he had made, and realization he’d come to amounted to little more than the smoke from a burning ember whipped away by the wind. He’d violated her trust far worse than he’d thought.
And it was real to her now more than it had been before. It wasn’t some faceless woman; it wasn’t something she could downplay in her own mind to make it feel better. She had seen practically every event as it unfolded, and it had broken her much more than just the vague concept had.
She left.
He dropped into the wrought iron patio chair, ignoring the water still dripping from his hair and trunks.
She left.
Belle had taken the kids and made sure he knew he wasn’t welcome to follow.
She left.
And there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it. For the first time in his life, there was something Tanner Carlisle couldn’t fix.
He propped his elbows on his knees and buried his face in his hands. When he finally lifted his head, he was met with tears falling down his mother’s cheeks, an angry scowl from his father, and blatant panic written across Connor’s face.
“Are you just going to sit here like some pathetic asshole, or are you going to go get your wife back?” Dean called out from the other side of the pool with a smirk tugging at his lips. “’Cause I gotta tell you, brother, the part of the Carlisle family asshole has already been filled by Wyatt and he does a fine job of it, so you need to man the hell up.”
From his place on the concrete floor of the patio, Wyatt held his throat with one hand and flipped his little brother off with the other.
Tanner’s mouth fell open. It must have just dipped below zero in the depths of hell because his baby brother was actually making sense.
He stood up abruptly, knocking over the chair as he did. “I’m going to need to borrow a car.” He looked down at his bare chest and sopping trunks. “And clothes.”
***
He knew better.
He knew he shouldn’t have left.
And now he was sitting in the hospital room, holding Belle’s hand, willing her to open her eyes. They said she was fine. They said after three units of blood, the surgery had ended beautifully. They said her vitals looked perfect. But the enchanting light brown eyes he loved remained closed and he felt like his lungs were as well.
His phone dinged an alert. Every thirty minutes, Tracy Carlisle updated him on the twins and asked how Belle was. And every thirty minutes, he had nothing to report. His head hung between his shoulders.
She was gonna be mad as hell that he was here, but there was no way he’d be anywhere else. Even if she screamed, cried, or threw something at him, he wouldn’t leave her side ever again.
He knew he shouldn’t have left.
A finger twitched in his grasp and his head shot up. Her long lashes fluttered once. Twice. Belle’s eyes darted around the room before her brow drew together and the heel of her palm pressed against her forehead. “Ow.” She moaned and closed her eyes again.
“Hey there, beautiful,” he whispered softly and reached for the remote affixed to the hospital bed. After pressing the red button to summon the nurse, he hit the two buttons that threw the room into near darkness. “Is that better, sweetheart?”
She nodded slowly and then winced. “What happened? Where are the babies? Why aren’t you with them?” Tears collected in her eyes, and she shook her head slightly. “They aren’t…”
He reached up to smooth her hair from her face and brushed away the single tear tracking down her cheek. “They are fine, sweetheart. My mom is with them. They are breathing on their own and are shocking almost all of the NICU staff with how strong they are for such tiny babies.” He grinned and winked at her. “I told them that’s what happens when their mom is from New York.”
Belle relaxed back into the bed with a small smile. “Did Noah come out wearing a business suit so he can join you in the board room in the next three to five years?”
Some of the tension eased from Tanner’s shoulders. If she was making fun of his MBA, she must be doing okay.
The nurse bustled in the room, flicked on the dimmer light, and began fiddling with the IVs and fluid bags attached to Belle. Tanner stood and moved to the foot of the bed, leaving her plenty of room to take care of his wife.
“How are you feeling, Mrs. Carlisle?”
“I’m fi—”
“Her head hurts,” Tanner interrupted, determined not to let her downplay anything in an effort to get to the twins faster. “And don’t lie, Belle. I see it when you move your head, and it was even worse when the bright lights were on.”
She rolled her eyes with a huff. “Okay, fine, yes. I have a little headache.”
The nurse chuckled in response. “Let me get you something to help with that. And how about something to drink?”
Her tongue darted out to touch her lips, and she nodded. “My mouth is really dry.”
A heavy weight settled square on Tanner’s chest, making it hard to inhale. He needed to tell her. She needed to know. But she was going to be devastated. He closed his eyes and straightened his shoulders. She needed to hear this and hear it from him.
The nurse came in and out of the room a few more times bringing ice chips, a few cans of ginger ale, cups, and straws.
On the last trip, she arrived with a syringe that she injected into the IV tube connected to Belle’s hand. “Just a little something for that headache.” She winked before exiting the room and pulling the door halfway closed behind her.
He sat on the bed beside her again, pouring a small amount of the soda into a cup for her. “Here ya go, sweetheart.”
After a few small sips, she smiled. “Next time we will have a much less eventful birth, okay?”
An iron fist closed around his heart. “Sweetheart, what do you remember? Of the surgery, I mean.”
Her lips drew down at the corners, and she rolled her eyes up toward the ceiling like she was trying to pick out the memories. “I…I remember telling you to go with the twins. And…I think I remember seeing them for just a second. Oh!” Her hand flew to his. “Twenty fingers and twenty toes, right? I remember worrying about that.”
He laughed and hoped it sounded genuine to her. “Yes, I told you they are healthier than any thirty-two week preemie babies have a right to be. Twenty fingers, twenty toes, four eyes, four ears, two noses, two mouths. All present and accounted for.”
Belle sat up a little in the bed and put a hand against his cheek, her expression sober and her gaze locked on his. “Something happened. Something you’re not telling me.”
He nodded and covered her hand with his. “Yeah, there is. Belle, things didn’t go as planned.”
“Just tell me, baby.” Her voice was strong, but fear was written all over her face.
Tanner pulled her hand from his face and held both of hers firmly in his grasp. “A-after we left, me and the babies, you started bleeding. A lot.” He shook his head. “The doctor called it something I can’t remember or pronounce. But she said they had to give you blood transfusions a-and they had to put you under general anesthesia and…” His voice caught in his throat as the words the doctor spoke replayed through his mind. “They had to do a hysterectomy, Belle. It was the only way.”
The chestnut eyes Tanner loved so much grew wide before they filled with tears and she leaned against his shoulder, her arms wrapping tightly around his neck. He held her for a long time, running a hand down her silky chocolate brown hair.
Finally she pulled back and stared at him, her face filled with desolation. “You should marry someone else. Someone who isn’t broken. Someone who can give you more kids.”
He cupped the sides of her face. “Don’t you say that. Don’t you ever even think that, ever again. Belle, don’t you understand? You almost died. I almost lost you.” He choked on the last few words. “Nothing in this world would matter to me if you weren’t by my side. Do you hear me? Not a damn thing.”
Tanner held her close to his chest. “Sweetheart, I don’t know if I could remember how to breathe without you.”
For a long time they both clung to each other, grieving the loss of the future they had planned. Finally Belle pulled away and looked in his eyes with a small smile. “Nobody leaves?”
“Damn straight, sweetheart. Nobody leaves.”