“What can I get you, fella?”

Meik plopped onto the stool, resting his laptop case on the bar followed by his elbows. Dropping his head into his hands, he groaned and closed his eyes. “A soda. Anything with caffeine. Don’t care. Please.”

Heavy footsteps squeaked across the roughly hewn floor, and Meik heard the glass being filled. It clattered onto the bar next to him, and he finally lifted his head. “Thanks.” He pulled out cash from his wallet, sliding it across to the bartender before taking a sip of his drink. He wished he could down a glass of whiskey, let the warmth take him away, but he couldn’t. Not yet. Not when he wasn’t finished.

Sighing, he unbuckled his bag and pulled out the manila folder Lillie had prepared on Sebastian a couple of months ago. After detoxing all the liquor from his body, he’d ventured to his office—late, after everyone had gone home—and found the folder where he’d locked it in the drawer. He didn’t know why he’d kept it, but perhaps it had something to do with having a hard time getting rid of Sebastian in general.

He flipped it open, scanning the list he’d made in the front. Clubs. Cafés. Places Sebastian performed in front of. Places he “solicited” at. He’d spent the past week checking them all. Making his way from place to place in the thawing city. He’d asked about the dark-haired musician. Even paid if he thought it would help. Yet, he’d turned up empty-handed. The city seemed to have swallowed Sebastian up, and Meik had no idea where it would spit him out. He might not even be there anymore. He could have wised up, run away. Somewhere nicer. Somewhere warmer. Somewhere far away from Meik and how he’d treated him.

Meik sighed again, dropping his hands. His head thumped against the bar, eyes screwed closed. It felt like losing Gabe all over again. But this time, he wouldn’t let it happen. Sebastian wasn’t Gabe. He wasn’t gone. He could still make things right. Tell him that he did love him. But hope wavered, and Meik didn’t know how long he could keep going. The desire to sink back into the bottle grew stronger the longer he carried on his fruitless search. Meik wasn’t sure he could fight it off much longer. He needed to apologize. The only thought clear in his head was the idea that he needed to say he was sorry. He had treated Sebastian like he was nothing more than a whore, but the truth was, he’d become much more. If Sebastian spat on him, hit him, stomped on him, it wouldn’t be any more than he deserved. But he was still going to get the words out.

“You trying to take a nap or something, buddy?” the bartender asked with a chuckle. “‘Cause I don’t think this is a good place to do that. We’re about to have some music.”

“I’m not taking a nap,” Meik grumbled into the folder. “I’m wallowing in my misery. Isn’t that what you do in a bar?”

“Well, most people who come to wallow in a bar drink something stronger than soda,” he pointed out, leaning against the counter, towel draped across his broad shoulder. “So ya know, nap’s as good a guess as anything.”

“Can’t drink. It’s a distraction,” Meik replied, pushing his head up. “Even if whiskey sounds fucking amazing right now.”

“Are ya in AA or something? ‘Cause that’s even worse than trying to take a nap at a bar.”

“Not AA. Just on a mission.”

“From God?”

Meik snorted at that and shook his head, downing his soda like it was something much tastier. “No such thing. Looking for someone.”

“Someone special?”

“You have no idea.” Meik curled back up over the folder, the scent of paper and ink filling his nostrils.

The door dinged open, boots scuffed over the floor. A shadow lifted off of Meik as the bartender slipped away. Meik didn’t have the energy to look up and see what was going on. Constant movements, scraping of chairs against the floor of the mostly empty bar. He supposed it was the musical performance though it wouldn’t be much of one. No one to watch. A drunk at a table in the corner. Two men at the bar. And Meik wallowing in his self-pity. What a pathetic concert.

Eyes closed, he heaved a sigh. His whole body tight, and his jaw ached from clenching almost constantly these past few weeks. He was never going to find Sebastian. It was wearing him down.

Lilting guitar notes fluttered through the air. It was almost familiar. Quiet and low. Tugging at the edge of his thoughts, lifting him from his chair. He pushed off the bar, sitting up straight. Before he could turn around, that husky, seductive voice flowed over him. Warm, enticing, and familiar. His heart clenched. Meik spun around on the stool, fast enough he nearly fell off.

Sebastian rested on a chair, guitar in his lap, and hair falling into his eyes. He looked thinner, paler than the last time Meik had seen him. Jeans dirty, his leather jacket crumpled up next to his feet. Meik’s pulse pounded in his ears, covering up the sound of Sebastian’s voice. He swallowed, hard. Heart slamming against his sternum, grinding him to dust from the inside out. Luck. Fate. Meik didn’t believe in any of that shit. Not since Gabe. But maybe he needed to start again.

Even now, after searching for so long, he was tempted to run out the front door before Sebastian saw him. His eyes were down, focused on his long fingers dancing across the strings, and Meik had watched him play often enough to know that he wouldn’t look up until he was finished. He played like he was shy. Like he didn’t want to see people looking at him. Bashful and cute.

God, Meik wanted to kiss him.

Take him into his arms and whisk him back to his apartment. Spend the rest of the week in bed together. Make up for all that lost time. Make up for what an asshole he had been.

Meik slid from the stool, feet hitting the floor. Dazed, he walked towards the area they’d cleared for Sebastian. Reaching the edge, Meik’s shadow fell across him. Green eyes drifted up. Recognition flashed in them, orbs widening. The lyrics faltered on his tongue, and his fingers stilled. Meik had joked about taking people’s breath away, but he was pretty sure Sebastian’s got caught in his throat.

Nodding his head, Meik smiled. “Keep going,” he mouthed.

Like he’d not missed a beat, Sebastian started playing again. This time his gaze stayed on Meik. He sang, a lullaby to soothe Meik’s tortured mind. He’d forgotten how much he loved Sebastian’s voice. How much it calmed his thoughts. From a raging storm into a pleasant breeze.

Sebastian switched from song to song. Eyes sliding closed when the lyrics got more emotional. Like he couldn’t look at Meik. Fingers thrummed across the strings, the sound reverberating through the bar, reaching every corner. Four songs and then his time was up. Sebastian leaned his guitar against the wall and got up from the stool. Like a sleepwalker, he moved towards Meik and stepped right in front of him. “What’re you doin’ here?” Sebastian asked, gazing up.

Meik shook his head and tentatively cupped his cheeks to hold his face between his hands. “I was looking for you,” Meik replied on a whisper, their lips almost touching.

“I don’t un—”

“Sh. Sebastian, I need to say this,” Meik cut in, cradling his head so he couldn’t move away. Sebastian’s eyes were wide as he stared at him. This moment, when he could put his eyes on him again, had been stuck in his head for weeks, like a song on replay. Meik knew the words. They felt like molasses, sticking to his throat. Sebastian had said he’d never felt love. But what they had together felt like it, he had assumed. Meik inhaled, his grip softening. “Sebastian, I know what love is and this—this—is what it feels like.”

The End