Warm water loosened Meik’s muscles as he rested his forehead against the tile of the shower. His eyes were closed, days worth of sweat and sickness running down his back. For the first time in weeks, his mind was clear. Painfully so. To the point that he missed the hangovers.

He’d been thinking—in between vomiting and blacking out—and he knew what he had to do. There was only one thing that he could do. Sebastian had managed to work his way into his heart, and he wasn’t going anywhere. He might as well face that fact. Meik had tried everything to drain him from it. Tried booze. Tried casual sex with strangers—although he’d chickened out everytime it got anywhere near actual intercourse. Tried to forget. The same way he’d done with Gabe. It hadn’t worked. Sebastian was always there, like a...pleasant migraine. He was all Meik could think about.

It was time to make things right. Time to get his shit together.

Gabe wore a suit. The promise ring was on his finger. He looked better than he had in months. Color back on his cheeks, his hair brushed out and shining. Meik had never seen him in a suit before. He looked handsome. Gorgeous. But, well, he always looked gorgeous.

Meik didn’t have a suit; the ones he had were all probably thrown out of his parent’s house by now. But he had dressed up. Slacks and a button down. Even a tie, a dark grey color that complimented his eyes. At least Gabe’s mother thought so. He didn’t wear his dress shoes that often because they squeaked against the tile.

They were surrounded by friends and family. Gabe’s mother cried into a box of tissue, Gabe’s father’s arm around her waist. People kept coming up, squeezing Meik’s shoulder. Murmuring things. Reassuring him. Comforting him. He didn’t listen. It was noise at this point. The words, the faces—they all blended together.

“Why did you lie to me? You said you’d never lie to me!” Meik rammed his foot against the nightstand, making the bottles of pills jump.

“M-Meik. Listen—” Voice trembling, Gabe looked like a walking skeleton. Gaunt and yellowed.

“One more month? That’s what the doctor said. One more month! Your mom told me. You fucking lied!” Meik’s knuckles connected with the wood this time.

“I didn’t...I didn’t want to tell you.” He sniffled, eyes full of big, round tears.

Meik’s heart shattered at the sight. Quickly, he climbed into the bed with Gabe. He’d dropped several pounds over the past week. Back to skin-and-bones. He could barely get out of bed anymore. Meik spent all his time sitting by it. Making him eat. Making him drink. Willing him to get better. Comforting him. Being strong for him.

Tears rolled down Gabe’s cheeks as Meik buried his face into his hair, into the crook of his shoulder, like he had done so many times. “I’m not ready,” Meik whispered, shivering with the overwhelming emotion. “I can’t…I need you, Gabe. We’re going to be together forever. You...you promised.”

Meik rode to the cemetery alone. One hand on Gabe’s hoodie, resting in the passenger’s seat. Speakers blaring out the noise Gabe liked to think served as music. His trunk was filled. Full of clothes. And books. The few things that Meik needed to survive. Everything else was left in his apartment. The sheets on his bed still smelled of Gabe. He was never going back there. And he’d never come back to this hellhole of a town. He was done. He’d made the decision the prior evening. Sitting in his living room, staring at the tree he never bothered to take down; it was the only logical conclusion. With everything. His parents. Gabe’s parents. Gabe’s memory. He couldn’t be there. Couldn’t be Meik anymore. Not like he had been.

The ground was too soft, and his chair dug into the dirt when he sat on it. Gabe’s coffin, covered with yellow and white calla lilies, reflected in the sunlight. It made Meik’s eyes burn, but his gaze never wavered. He couldn’t look away. He didn’t care if it hurt. He had to see it or else he’d believe he was stuck in a nightmare on a loop. This was it. The last time he would see Gabe. And then he would be gone. Buried under dirt and grass. A tombstone reducing him to a set of dates and a few words. People would glance at it without knowing what an amazing person they’d walked past. How much shittier the world was because of the loss.

Meik stayed until they lowered the casket into the ground. There were no tears to shed. Not anymore. He left before the dirt rained down. He knew Gabe’s parents watched when he turned away. Staring with desperate eyes the second he took off. First slow, so he wouldn’t disrupt the ceremony, then faster. Until he was running. Hoping it would carry him far, far away. Eyes fixed ahead on his car. He never looked back although he still felt everyone’s eyes on him. But he couldn’t talk to them. Couldn’t be around them. Not when they reminded him of what he would never have. What he’d lost. To a fucking illness that Gabe had fought so hard. Hands slamming on top of his car, Meik panted for air. Because Gabe had been his oxygen.

And now it was all over. He was over.