John could not explain the sudden change that had come over him, but he was glad of it. He felt the change in his thoughts the minute he had decided to seek out Miss Smith and ask her forgiveness. He decided then that yes, he would try and improve his attitude to the appearance of both Miss Smith and little Elouise in his home. It was as though his days suddenly grew brighter, as though the sun became more plentiful. In making an effort to step out from the shadows, he had somehow managed to return to the light.

It was an ongoing battle, however, to remain so. The shadows of the past threatened to cling to him all the more as he struggled to continue on as he had been, trying to forge a new path for his life. The presence of Elouise – and even that of Miss Smith had proven to be a blessing to him rather than the burden he had anticipated.

He smiled to himself as he pulled on his riding boots, recalling just how much effort it had taken to encourage Miss Smith into coming out riding with him. He had not meant to ask her such a thing but all of a sudden, he had found himself blurting out those words with no easy way to take them back. How her eyes had flared as she’d looked up at him, clearly astonished that he, a Duke, would ask a lowly orphanage girl to go riding with him.

A stab of shame thrust its way into his heart. He had spoken harshly to her before, when he had railed at her and Elouise for playing indoors and the regret of what he had said still lingered. He had brought her background and her status in life into question, as though somehow, he considered himself to be better in every way, simply because he was one of the aristocracy. John had to admit that, yes, he still often considered himself to be of higher intellect than his tenants, with better judgment and considerations, but was that because they had simply never had the opportunities he had? It did not behoove him to think so highly of himself, he realized, for Miss Smith had shown him all too well that there were many things that he lacked. Intelligence meant very little compared to a gentle and warm heart. Kindness and generosity were what made a man, not the consideration that one was better than everyone else.

Heat crept into his face as he rose, brushing down his already immaculate coat. Yes, he had already apologized to Miss Smith, but still, the need to prove to her that he no longer thought in such a way pushed at him. Perhaps that was why he had wanted to go out riding with her, to prove that he could be generous towards her as well as to Elouise.

Or perhaps you simply enjoy her company.

The thought had him pausing, mid-stride, before he continued down the hallway towards the front door. Yes, he had to admit that Miss Smith intrigued him, but that was simply because she had beaten him at chess and even now, some days later, the surprise of that moment had not yet worn off. He wanted to find out all he could about her to satisfy his curiosity, that was all. That had to be all.

“Ah, Miss Smith!”

John noticed, and subsequently ignored, the way his heart leaped in his chest as he came across Miss Smith waiting for him at the stables. She smiled a little tremulously at him, clearly rather anxious about the whole thing. John smiled back appreciatively, taking her in. She was quite beautiful, he had to admit, with her dark tresses and stunningly blue eyes. Her slender figure was shown off wonderfully in the emerald green habit, although she was currently worrying her lip with her teeth as she stood patiently waiting for him.

“You need not be nervous, Miss Smith,” he said quietly, inclining his head as he approached her. “I have the gentlest mare selected for you. She is quiet and docile and will make a marvelous ride, I am sure of it.”

Another smile tugged at her lips, but none of the anxiety left her eyes. “Thank you, your grace.”

“’Royston’ will do, if you please,” he replied, growing a little weary of the formality between them.

She blushed. “No, indeed, your grace. I could not.”

“I think you must,” he stated, with another warm smile. “Truly, Miss Smith, I do not wish for any such formality between us, not when we are quickly becoming good friends.”

Her blush darkened her cheeks all the more and John felt his own heart grow warm as she looked up at him, her lips caught in a slightly unsure smile.

“Very well,” she murmured. “Then I must hope, Royston, that you recall just how uncertain I am of riding and have not planned a particularly long ride this morning.”

He chuckled. “Ah, but I have a little more faith in you than you do yourself, it seems! I thought to show you my estate, Miss Smith. It is wider and longer than what one can see, even from the highest window in the manor house, and has many wonderful features that I am sure you will appreciate. Besides which,” he continued, seeing her continuing uncertainty, “we will be able to ride at whatever pace you are comfortable with, and need not fear coming across any other riders or neighbors as we go.”

They were at the stables now and Miss Smith, looking a little less concerned, nodded.

“Thank you, your grace – I mean, Royston.”

Chuckling, he ushered her inside and, within a few minutes, Miss Smith was getting acquainted with her mount, a beautiful white and grey mare named Molly.

––––––––

“You see, Miss Smith? You are doing wonderfully well!”

The look of concentration on Miss Smith’s face made him laugh, although he tried his very best to keep it hidden from her.

“I can see that you are laughing at me, Royston, and I beg that you would not,” Miss Smith muttered, through tight lips. “It is taking me all my strength to remain seated in this strange position.”

He chuckled again. “I know that side saddle is not what you are used to, Miss Smith, but it will become just as natural to you in time as sitting astride.”

“Astride is what I remember,” Miss Smith replied, her mare finally catching up to his stallion. “This is an entirely new situation for me.”

Again the urge to laugh seized him but, forcing himself to remain quite nonchalant, he managed to wipe any trace of mirth from his face.

“You are doing very well, Miss Smith,” he said, wanting to encourage her. “Now, if you will give me your attention for a moment, you will be able to see the large lake that shimmers in the sunlight. There, to your left.”

Her sharp intake of breath told him that she had spotted it and a feeling of appreciation for her began to wrap itself around his heart all over again.

“My goodness,” she breathed, her eyes wide as she looked at it. “You have a beautiful estate, I must say. Can we reach the lake easily?”

He looked at her. “Do you wish to go there?”

“I do.” Her eyes lifted to his for a moment. “If that is not too much out of your way, of course. I don’t mean to command this trip, Royston.”

His lips quirked as he looked back at her, seeing her concern and smiling broadly so that it was chased away. “You are doing no such thing, my dear,” he murmured, quietly. “Just so long as you are not growing chilled, for I am aware that this morning is not particularly warm, although I am glad that the sun has come out.”

“I am not cold in the least,” she declared, sounding thrilled that he was to take her to the lake itself. “Thank you, Royston.”

“Not at all, Miss Smith,” he murmured, before leading the way.

Some time later and John made to help Miss Smith to mount her horse again, only for her to shake her head.

“I can do it myself, I am sure,” she said, her eyes turning away from his as a spark of color caught her cheeks. “Really, there is no need.”

Something caught him, something sent a thrill of excitement through his veins and, before she could protest any further, he had caught her about the waist. She gasped, his hands tight around her and he lingered there for just a moment too long, looking down into her face and wondering why he felt such a deep, inexplicable longing – although quite what for, he could not say. Then, clearing his throat, he lifted her up into the saddle, keeping his eyes lifted whilst she hastily rearranged her skirts.

“Thank you, Royston,” Miss Smith said, rather breathlessly. “Although I did say that I was certain I could do so myself.”

He laughed, turning his back on her so that he might mount his own horse. “Indeed, Miss Smith, but that is only when you have ridden astride. To ride side saddle requires an entirely different way of mounting.” The blood in his veins was burning hot, the desire to have her in his arms again growing stronger and stronger with every moment that passed. It was quite a ridiculous notion, for they barely knew one another, but even as he tried to give himself a stern talking to, the desire grew all the more.

“Might I ask,” Miss Smith said, as he turned his horse’s nose back towards the manor house. “Might I ask if you often come here?”

Shaking his head, John chose to keep the truth from her for the moment, not wishing to disclose that he had not come near the lake for almost two years. In fact, he had barely left the manor house since his wife and child had died. “No,” he said, slowly, his tone now a little lackluster. “I have not come to the lake particularly often.”

Her face clouded. “Oh. I apologize if I ought not to have asked, Royston.”

He shrugged, trying to push the sharp stab of pain to one side. “There is nothing for you to apologize for, Miss Smith. The truth is that I have not enjoyed such pleasures since the death of my wife and child. It is only due to your company – and the company of Elouise – that I have finally seen a spark of light. The truth is, Miss Smith, it is exactly as you said. I needed to change how I viewed the girl and, in doing so, I have found the small beginnings of what might lead to true, genuine happiness and contentment, although I will never forget my wife nor the child that was to be mine.”

He did not look at her but turned his face away, as though not seeing her would help contain the anger and upset that pierced him.

“I was angry for a long time,” he murmured, half to himself. “On occasion, I still am. I question why something so wonderful, something that could have been so beautiful, was taken from me without warning before I even had a chance to greet him – or her. I have not let myself believe that I could have such a thing again, believing that I ought not to replace them both.”

“I do not think that, in marrying again and begetting an heir, that you would be doing so.” Miss Smith’s voice was quiet and thoughtful, her words clearly spoken but with a gentle tenderness that bound the wounds in his heart. “They will live on in your memory, Royston. To have happiness in this life with another, to fill your house with children, will not be to turn your back on the past. It will simply be choosing to step away from your grief. There is nothing wrong with seeking happiness, your grace.”

“Then why do I feel as though there is?”

He had not intended to sound so desperate, had not intended to turn to her and ask her such pronounced questions, but having never truly spoken so openly to another living soul, he found that he could not. It was as if he expected Miss Smith to have the answers he required, so that he himself would not have to seek them out himself, going over and over them in his mind.

Miss Smith did not look particularly put out by being asked such a question and instead simply looked back at him with a small, understanding smile on her face.

“I think,” she said, carefully. “It is because you have been in a dark place for so long, my lord. You have had the darkness pervade every part of you, winding itself around your heart and mind. It will take time to remove its chains from you, but it is not a quest you should turn from. It is a victory you can succeed in, if you would but trust your own strength and know that those alongside you wish to do nothing more than aid you.”

“And that includes you,” he said, thickly, feeling his heart tighten with a sudden, sharp ache that was something between pain and relief.

Her smile was warm, her expression gentle. “Of course, that includes me, your grace. I will do whatever I can to aid you in this, should you need me.”

Clicking to his horse, John said nothing for a few minutes but allowed them to ride in silence, thinking through everything the lady had said. Everything she said spoke of understanding, as though she had been in the place where he stood now.

“You remember your parents, then?”

The question was forceful, springing from the thoughts swirling around his mind.

Miss Smith looked a little surprised but nodded. “Yes, of course. I was young enough to not truly understand what had occurred but old enough to have some good memories of the time I had with them. It is an ongoing grief, Royston, to lose both your parents in one awful moment.” Her lips quivered, and she turned her head to look away from him as if she did not want him to see her weakness.

“My father died only a few months after my mother,” he said, softly, “although they were both of many years and had lived a very good life. It was as if my father could not contemplate life here on this earth without her, even though their marriage was an arrangement between both families.”

There was nothing but the sound of horse’s hooves on the stony path for a moment or two as Miss Smith appeared to contemplate what he had said.

“You do not believe that there can be genuine affection in an arrangement, then?” she asked, her cheeks a little pink.

A rueful smile caught his lips. “There was not in my own, Miss Smith.”

Her blush deepened. “Oh. I see. I cannot imagine such a state of being, Royston, but then again, that is because such a thing does not occur in Smithfield Market.”

A little interested, he lifted one eyebrow. “One can marry whoever one pleases?”

“Of course.”

“And....” He stopped, realizing what he was about to ask and consider just how inappropriate it would be to do so. He could not ask her if she had any considerations to marry in the near future, feeling heat rising up his chest as he turned his eyes back to the path and away from Miss Smith.

“Perhaps in the future, when it comes time for you to consider your own path, you might find a lady who will bring you the same happiness your own parents had in their lives,” she murmured, quietly. “I do hope that for you, your grace.”

“You are very sweet to say so,” he replied, quietly. “Thank you, Miss Smith. I shall be sorry to say goodbye to you when it is time for you to return.”

The curve of her lips dropped and the light faded from her eyes. “Indeed, I shall be sorry too, although I must return to the rest of the girls who need me.”

His interest grew. “And how many have you at this present moment?”

“Twelve,” she said, heavily. “And that does not include Elouise.” Shaking her head, her lips caught in a wry smile. “I ought not to complain, but I do worry about them. Mary Sanders is often inclined to do nothing more than consider the practical workings of the orphanage and without my presence to temper that, I fear that she may have gone a little overboard. There is another in my place, Helen, but she is only new and may not quite understand how best to deal with Mary Sanders.”

John watched her closely, seeing her concerned expression and felt his affection and regard for the lady grow. “You truly do care for these girls, do you not, Miss Smith?”

She looked at him sharply. “Of course I do. How could I not? I have been in their situation. I know the pain and the grief and the terror that comes with being in such a dark place. I have a responsibility towards them even though it is, I confess, very difficult at times.”

“Difficult?”

Sighing, Miss Smith looked away. “I ought not to complain, Royston, for I have employment and food and a roof over my head and that is more than many can say. But yes, the work is hard, and the hours are long and I often find myself bone weary. To have come here and experienced what life is like for those who have plenty has been a respite for me and I am truly grateful for it.”

“Then perhaps you will have to come back at the same time next year,” he said, with a small murmur of satisfaction in his heart at the idea. “So that you do not fade away to nothing.”

She laughed then, the tension gone from her and he found himself joining in. Their conversation turned to brighter things and they made a very merry pair as they returned to the stables at Royston manor.