~ Mason ~
My heart is racing like a wild horse. Fuck! Olivia saw me as I was about to kill Haywood.
I pull Haywood’s wheelchair away from the pool and then lean down until our faces are inches apart.
“I have all the pictures of how you abused your wife and child. I have enough evidence to destroy you. If you ever tell anyone about what happened here tonight, I’ll take you down with me.”
“I don’t even fucking know who you are, you crazy fucking asshole,” Haywood spits at me, his face still ashen with shock.
I yank an envelope from my back pocket and throw it down on his lap. “I have duplicates of those.”
I start to race after Olivia when I’m confident that Haywood won’t go to the police. His image is all he has left.
Halfway across the sprawling lawn, I catch up to Olivia and quickly grab hold of her. She starts to struggle, but only for a moment, and then she stills. Her breaths are racing over her parted lips. Our eyes meet and where I expected to see fear, I only see hope.
I catch my breath and then drag her to the truck where I bundle her into the passenger side. Once we’re a safe distance from Haywood’s house, I pull over and then take deep breaths to calm myself.
“I’ll go to the police,” she whispers. My eyes dart to her face and I search every feature to see if she means it. She doesn’t look upset at all and it’s confusing the hell out of me. Maybe she’s in shock? I hate that she saw what I was about to do to Haywood. I wanted to keep her far away from that part of my life.
I shake my head and turn to face her. “What makes you think I won’t just kill you?” I’d never hurt this woman and I’d kill anyone who tries to, but I have to get her to drop the idea of going to the police. It’s an empty threat which I hope she doesn’t see through.
Her eyes search my face and then she whispers, “Don’t threaten me with death. You’ll be doing me a favor. It’s him or me. You’ve killed before so it should be easy for you to kill him.”
I know that she’s referring to John Brown but I thought she was dealing with her pain and anger. Has she just been hiding it all from me?
“It’s never easy,” I say. “It’s not the same. The men I kill thrive on hurting others. I kill monsters, Olivia.”
She leans forward, her features tight with all the emotions she must be feeling. “Then you either kill that monster that did this to me or you kill the monster he made.”
Feeling drained from all the tension my shoulders slump under the weight of the night.
“You’re not a monster, Olivia. If you keep looking behind you, how do you expect to see what’s right in front of you?”
She snorts and shakes her head. “What’s there to look at? What the hell is in front of me that’s worth looking at?”
For a moment I can only stare at her, willing her to see all the possibilities that this life still has to offer.
When she doesn’t say anything, I start the truck and as I pull away, I whisper, “Me.”
She takes a shaky breath and then a tear slips over her cheek, showing that she heard me. She reaches across and takes hold of my hand, squeezing it tightly. She’s clearly overwhelmed by everything that’s happened and I just want to get her safely back home so we can finish talking about tonight.
When we get back to the apartment, I follow her inside and then sit down next to her on the couch. We sit in silence for a while without the lights on.
Finally, Olivia breaks the deafening silence. “How can you decide who is a monster and who isn’t? You say your monsters hurt people, but so do mine.”
I reach for her hand and then hold it in both of mine.
“What I do is wrong, I know that, but those men hurt innocent women and children and they get away with it. Before you get upset, hear me out. John Brown was drunk and he hurt you, I get that. But that doesn’t mean the guy goes driving around, actively looking for people to hurt.”
She pulls her hand from mine and gets up. I watch her silhouette as she paces up and down in front of the window.
“You’re wrong,” she whispers as she comes to a standstill in front of the window, staring out into the night. “It’s the same thing. Just because my monster differs from your monster doesn’t make him any less of one.”
I finally understand what she’s trying to say and it makes me feel uneasy. I get up and go to stand behind her, wanting to comfort her so badly.
“You’re right,” I admit in a whisper. I take a moment to gather my thoughts and then say, “For the longest time I’ve been consumed with vengeance. Mackenzie was the sweetest little girl and when she was ripped from this world, it felt like I had failed her. I used to work in Social Services and the darkness of that world swallowed me whole.”
Olivia turns around and places a hand on my cheek. The slight touch feels like she’s reaching into my soul and shining such a bright light that it breaks though the darkness inside of me.
“I know what it feels like to be consumed by darkness, Mason. At first it was all I could think about, getting the revenge I deserved. But then you came along, and you showed me that there is still so much beauty in this world. My plans of revenge quickly took a backseat to what I was feeling for you.”
I shake my head, feeling confused. “But earlier you demanded that I kill him. What has changed since then?”
The moonlight shines on her face, giving light to the slight smile forming on her lips.
“I didn’t mean any of it. I just wanted to get through to you so you would see what you were doing is wrong. You can’t be the judge and executioner in this life. I said those things because I did feel them not so long ago. I was consumed by them, but then you forced your way into my life and changed all of that. You saved me from being swallowed up by my darkness and I just want to save you from being consumed by yours. I’m hoping that I mean so much to you that you’re willing to let go of it and to live in the light with me?”
I can’t speak and only stare at this beautiful woman in front of me. She’s the strongest soul I know.
I lean forward until our foreheads touch. “I never saved you, Olivia,” I whisper. “You’re the one that crossed over to the darkness to save me. You risked losing yourself to come and find me.”
I watch as a tear trails down her cheek and her breath is warm on my lips as she whispers, “It was worth losing myself so I could find you because I was only half a soul before you. You complete me, Mason.”
She presses a soft kiss to my lips and then her words break through the last of the darkness inside of me as she says, “If you keep looking behind you, how do you expect to see what’s right in front of you?”
There’s a lump in my throat as I try to remember her words from earlier. “What’s there to look at?”
Her arms slip around my neck and she stands on her toes as she whispers, “Me. Please see me because if you stop looking at me, I’m afraid I’ll cease to exist.”
I can hear the heartache in her voice and everything I am wants to rip it from her, but I know it’s something she needs to deal with in time. She needs to heal at her own pace, just like it took me years to get to this point where the darkness no longer consumed me.
“You’ll never cease to exist, Sweetheart. You’re my guardian angel, and without you, my demons will consume me.”
I kiss her sweetly, so thankful for this amazing woman who could’ve judged me and walked out of my life tonight but instead chose to stay.