BILLIONAIRE’S NANNY
By Alexa Davis
This book is a work of fiction. The names, characters, places and incidents are products of the writer's imagination or have been used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, actual events, locales or organizations is entirely coincidental.
Copyright © 2018 Alexa Davis
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Chapter One
Mark
Sunday
I glanced down at the deep black of my suit, growing increasingly annoyed by the little wrinkle that sat just above the pocket. I tugged at it again, trying to straighten it out, but just like it had been all day long, it remained there, irritating me like a bug in my brain. One that buzzed so loudly I wanted to scream with frustration.
What the hell is wrong with me? I thought angrily. This is my mom’s funeral; what am I worrying about?
In the grand scheme of things, thinking about any imperfection in my appearance on the day I buried my mother was dumb, but I couldn’t switch it off. I guess it was my mind’s way of dealing with all of this. I didn’t know what I was going to do without her in my life. Maybe if I’d been given more time to prepare it would’ve been easier, but by the time she found out that she had cancer, it had already taken up too much of it. That was just over a month ago, and now she was already gone. If only she hadn’t been so stubborn and she’d gotten herself checked out the moment that she felt sick, but she wouldn’t. And now I was left behind with no one. Well, not no one, but no more parents. I didn’t even remember my father, he died when I was so damn young.
Nope, just me and the God damn wrinkle in my suit that I was about to scream at.
I stared up towards the sky as they lowered the coffin into the ground, cursing absolutely everyone around me. Right now, I hated the world, and to be honest, it probably wasn’t for the right reasons. Yes, I was sad to lose my mom, just like everyone was, but we were never close enough for me to be absolutely heartbroken. She was strict, cold, distant from me always… I suppose I got a lot from her. I wasn’t sure that I ever felt things too deeply anyway, I sure as fuck wasn’t the sort of man to wear my heart on my sleeve, so we barely communicated. If things hadn’t happened the way they had five years ago, then I doubt we’d have had much to do with each other at all. I would probably be at this funeral without any emotions whatsoever, like a statue.
Urgh, this was the sort of thing that made my business partner, Holden, call me callous. He always said that I had a bit of coal where my heart was supposed to be, and I suppose he was right. He was much more touchy-feely than me, much more likely to be open and honest about how he felt. He was an idiot.
“Daddy.” As I heard that soft little voice calling out to me, my heart did thaw a tiny bit. I glanced down to see her dark hair and eyes, which matched mine completely, staring up expectantly at me. She was looking to me for answers, which I wasn’t sure I could give. “What’s happening? Why is that box going into the ground?”
I sighed loudly, hating myself for thinking such selfish thoughts when I had someone here who needed me. This little girl had lost far more than me today, and all I was doing was thinking about a stupid wrinkle. I needed to get my act together and start working out what was really important to me before I lost it all.
I crouched down to my knees and looked her in the eyes. She had the pure innocence of any seven-year-old girl, except that she’d had to face so much more. “Justine, sweetie, they have to put your grandma into the ground because she needs to go to Heaven. We talked about this, didn’t we? How her spirit needs to go up there?”
I wasn’t the most religious type, but my mom always was. She’d always gone to church and I knew that she’d taken Justine too. There wasn’t much I could say about that since she spent a lot more time with my daughter than me. I wasn’t around much because the business demanded so much of my time.
“So, is she going to see Mommy?” Justine asked while swinging her hips from side to side. I could see her knotting her eyebrows together as she tried to work it out. “Mommy is in Heaven too, isn’t she?”
God, another gut-wrenching talk. Again, this was something that I personally preferred to switch my emotions off about. I didn’t like to think about Michelle at all anymore; I preferred to think of it as a distant memory, and usually I could, but Justine needed to speak to me, and I had to try at least.
Michelle was killed in a drink driving accident when Justine was only two years old. She had been out on a rare night out with some friends, enjoying herself while our child was with a sitter, and much as I still don’t fully know the details of what happened on that night, it seems a drunk driver mounted the curb as she walked home and killed her instantly, destroying mine and Justine’s world and changing absolutely everything.
The funny thing was, I didn’t realize how distant we’d grown from one another until she died. I didn’t notice how little time we spent together, how much we’d started to take one another for granted, how potentially close we were to having relationship problems, until she was gone. It was mostly my fault because I worked so much, and sadly there wasn’t anything that I could do to make it right. She was gone now; she’d been gone for years.
That was when my mother stepped up. I was useless; the only thing that I could focus on was my work. Nothing else helped me, and that left Justine a little bit neglected. Her basic needs were met, but that was about it. Mom decided that she would take over the majority of the childcare, which at the time was a big relief. I didn’t really know how to take care of Justine in the best way, I hadn’t ever been there much, so I needed Mom.
It was a decision that I didn’t always love; sometimes my mother annoyed me with the control that she wanted over my daughter’s life, but what could I do about it? I sure as fuck couldn’t give up my business; it was the only thing that I was any good at. I couldn’t do anything else. I needed that. So, I had to accept things as they were.
Only now, my mother was gone. She’d been taken from me too, which left me with no one. I hadn’t had enough time to plan anyone to take over the childcare, which was the main concern, even if that did make me a massive dick. I had a business trip to Tokyo coming up, and I couldn’t get out of it. I had to work it out. Somehow, I was going to have to find someone to take over for me. I couldn’t do it.
“Yes, sweetie. Your grandma is in Heaven with your mommy and grandpa too.”
“I don’t remember Grandpa.” Justine cocked her head curiously to one side.
“No, I know. He died a long time before you were born, so you never got to meet him.”
“Will I meet him when I go to Heaven?”
I didn’t so much buy into all that stuff myself. I had the horrible belief that once you were dead, that was it. Your body decomposed into the ground and you with it. But I didn’t need to tell Justine that. Not when she clearly needed some comforting words. I couldn’t recall how I dealt with death when I was younger; I probably just switched off from it like I always did, but Justine wasn’t me. Maybe she looked like me, but she had more of her mother’s open heart and curious mind. Sometimes, she really reminded me of her, which was hard, especially during the times where I really wanted to forget, like today. She would have been much better at this.
“…earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust: in sure and certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life through our Lord Jesus Christ.”
As the minister said the final parting words, I waited for Justine to start crying. I might not have been close to my mother, but she was. She spent most of her time with her… but for some reason, the tears didn’t come. My daughter remained stoic and stony-faced. It troubled me, actually. It gave me a deep shiver up and down my spine as I thought about what it might mean.
Eventually, people started to walk away from the graveside, leaving only me and Justine there. I had no idea what was going on inside of Justine’s mind, but I was already planning on what I would do next. I absolutely had to get a nanny; there was no way I could avoid that. I needed to find someone who could take over my mom’s role in my daughter’s life, someone who I could trust to not fuck up the raising of her. I was also considering hiring a therapist as well, someone who could check that Justine was okay. I didn’t know where to even begin getting through to her, I barely knew her at all. It was a sorry state of affairs.
“Can we go now, Daddy?” Justine finally asked me. “I’m getting a bit cold.”
I huffed and pushed on my knees, forcing myself into a standing position. Now I had many more wrinkles in my suit. “Of course, we can, kiddo. Let’s get home, shall we? I’ll order us some take out.”
Bye, Mom, I thought sorrowfully in my mind. Sorry, it wasn’t always great between us, but I love you.
As I walked away, with my hand in Justine’s, I couldn’t stop thinking about all the things that I’d done wrong. Again, just like it did with Michelle, I got a terrible sense of hindsight much too late. Just like I hadn’t always been the best husband, I wasn’t the best son either. I’d made lots of silly mistakes. I was an idiot.
I strapped Justine into the SUV, and I slid into the driver’s seat myself. Before I pulled off, I glanced towards the grave once more. The sun was setting over it, and the orangey glow was beautiful, absolutely stunning. I had a funny feeling that it was my mom giving me a message of some kind, telling me to be better. Maybe I hadn’t been the best husband or son, but I could be a better father at the very least. I could make up for everything that I’d done wrong, by doing this one thing very right.
Then, I shook my head rapidly as I realized how crazy that sounded. I wasn’t the person who believed all that madness. I was level-headed, grounded, smart. I thought rationally. It was just the day getting to me, that was all. The day had a lot of weight to it; it left me lost and unsure of what to do next.
“Right, come on,” I said wearily. “Let’s get going, Justine. We’ll come and see Grandma another time.”
“Why?” she asked coldly while staring out the window with her head resting on her hands. “She’s gone now, isn’t she? There isn’t anything to see.”
Wow… that was a bit much. I really did need to get her some help. I didn’t want my daughter to grow up as cold and closed off as me. As I brought the car to life, I knew then for sure that something very serious was going to have to change.