“Where there is hope, there is faith. Where there is faith, miracles happen. Holly has shown me that life is a series of thousands of tiny miracles. Yet it’s up to us to notice them.” ~ Michael Barnes

Millions, no billions and trillions of glistening stars scatter across the endless night sky, lighting up the evening as we walk along the lit-up streets of the city. My arm is wrapped around the most beautiful little thing in the whole world. My world, anyway.

I'm still having a hard time grasping that Holly was an innocent, saving herself for her special someone. Me. She gifted me with her most precious possession. I’m humbled as another chunk of the solid walls I’d built around my heart crumbles. I’m the only man to have possessed her body. Piece by piece, second by second, the little pixie wormed her way into the blackness, carrying her bright light. Replacing the darkness with goodness and… love? Crazy talk from an unpredictable, willful heart. But I’m riding this train and am not looking for the end to come.

The one and only constant right now is Holly. I keep asking myself, is she a rebound or more? Will she stay once Christmas is over? Do I want her to? Yes.

The past few weeks spent with Holly have opened my eyes to what life is all about, to what I shoved aside, focusing on the uncontrollable, choosing to forget. Tonight marks the last memory she wishes to enjoy with me. Midnight mass at the Cathedral of Saint Thomas More.

Overnight, Holly transformed my perspective. Guiding me back into the land of the living. Life doesn’t have to end for me. Not at all. It’s just the beginning, again. How I move forward from here is semantics. One step in front of the other.

As we walk up the steps leading to the ornate church doors, hand in hand, I notice the large stained-glass windows glowing red and green, festive in respect for the holiday. It’s Christmas Eve, and the world appears a little more tolerable.

My heart launches into a rhythmic beat, pounding loudly within my ears as we approach. It’s been years since I’ve set foot inside a church. I tug at my overcoat, as anxiety hovers in my stomach. Holly squeezes my hand, grounding me to the winter’s night.

Briefly, I glimpse down. Her face is lit up with a sparkle in her golden eyes and aids to caress the worry inside. I lean in to kiss her glossy red lips.

“Thank you, pixie.”

“You’re welcome.” She grins from ear to ear, and the quivering subsides. The calmness ensues, and I’m grateful for Holly.

We enter the cathedral, making our way to a pew in the middle aisle. As I take in the scene, the majestic pipe organ plays in the background as families, singles, and soldiers, people of all walks of life alike enter the church and find their seats. The festive celebration wrapping everyone up in its warm embrace.

Once we’re seated, Holly reveals the true reason why she brought me here.

Lightly, she places her delicate hand on my thigh, forming a link, and shares her explanation, “I was christened in this church. I’ve been coming here since… well, since I was in the womb,” she modestly whispers, a curve forming on her luscious mouth.

And there it is. The carefree spirit that calls to my soul, which continues to unfurl freely from her, adding to my thirsty life force, secretly begging for more. More of Holly.

“To me, it’s the most natural way to begin the most magical day of the year. Being here, in church, surrounded by fellow believers. It’s perfect.”

The prelude melody ends, announcing the beginning of the service, and the entire church starts to hum with excitement as the celebration we’ve gathered to participate in proceeds.

Sometime later, in the middle of the service, the back of my neck prickles, causing the hair to stand on end. The sensation of being watched floods my senses, and my eyes promptly sweep around the crowded church. Out of my peripheral view, I get a glimpse of someone staring. My head instinctively turns in the direction.

The woman I met briefly in the park in Lakeview peers toward me affectionately. Her expression is full of approval as she lowers her head briefly. Holly’s soft touch on my leg pulls my concentration away for a split second. When I turn my attention back toward the older woman, she’s disappeared, vanished into thin air once again. Just like before.

As the sermon comes to an end, parishioners form lines leading to the front stage to receive the sacraments, and we stand to leave.

“Huh. I didn’t realize she went to church here. I’ve never seen her here before. Small world.” Holly shakes her head, clearly talking to herself and no one in particular.

“What are you talking about? Or better yet, who are you talking about, pixie?”

“Oh. My apologies, Michael. I met the sweetest grandmother lady the other day on my way to see you. She was impeccably dressed from head to toe. Even with her salt and pepper hair she was gorgeous. You could tell she comes from good breeding. I didn’t catch her name, though.” She appears perplexed, then shakes it off. “My heel got caught in the sidewalk. Stop.” Holly holds her hand up in front of my face. “Don’t say it. I already know what you’re thinking, mister. Mega klutz here.” Holly’s throaty laughter fills the area.

“You said it this time, pixie. Not me.” I join along with her, but I’m left with the impression of déjà vu.

“Well… anyway. She helped me up off the ground and told me to be more careful. The kindness in her voice reminded me of my mother.” The sadness in her tone tugs at my heart. “She also said to ‘spread the cheer, ladybug,’ which I found very appropriate, since I was on my way to return your jacket.”

“She sounds like a smart lady.” My heart thumps faster. A drum line of percussions banging. Is it possible it’s the same woman? A guardian angel sent to guide me on the right path? A path that’s leading me to Holly?

“I didn’t see her. Can you point her out for me? I’d really like to meet her. We have a lot in common, you know, helping out my little pixie klutz.” Holly attempts to swat at me, and I step aside just in time.

“Har har, you. Very funny, Michael.” She looks to the front of the church in search of the woman in question. “I don’t see her. Maybe we missed her. I’m sure she’ll be around next time. You’ll just have to come with me again,” Holly sweetly offers, and we continue through the doors, exiting the Cathedral of Saint Thomas More.

My mind whirls from the revelation of the journey I’ve been on the last few weeks. Struggling to move forward and letting go of the past in order to find the light I’ve been missing my whole life.

I realize in this moment that even with Ella, I could never completely be myself. Sure, we shared companionship and I was in love with her. But analyzing our relationship now, I’ve come to the conclusion that I was in love with the idea of being in love. The feelings building inside of me for Holly, my little pixie, stretch beyond companionship and loyalty. It feels bigger, like so much… more.

Much like an unexpected lightning storm that comes out of nowhere, I’m flooded with a new purpose. Life is full of surprises. Around every corner is a setback to pull us under into a dark place, or something or someone to lift us up higher than we’ve ever soared. I’ve learned it’s all about how we embrace those moments that define who we are. Sitting on the fence or wallowing in the muck, feeling sorry for yourself, is not where I want to be anymore.

Fate brought Holly into my life again. I’m ready to cherish the gift and move forward. I will no longer take for granted the simple signs. I will gladly venture head on into everything life offers.

Reaching out, I catch Holly off guard, sweeping her off her feet, hugging her tightly and swinging her around and around. Her neck is bent back, her face to the stars up above. Unreserved and uncaring where we are, she’s blissfully happy with my antics.

Laughing, she responds in a choppy, silky voice from my spontaneous tussling and jostling, “Michael. What’s gotten into you? Not that I mind at all. But, crazy much?”

“That’s just it, pixie. For the first time in a very long time, I feel great. No, more than great. I feel amazing. Like I’m on top of the world. Happy Birthday, Holly.”

Holly’s expression brightens as recognition and understanding hit her. I settle her back onto her feet and gently kiss her soft, inviting lips. Paradise.

When she comes up for air, I steadily and deeply gaze into her bewitching golden eyes.

“Thank you, Holly. You’ve given me a reason for the season once more. As cliché as it may seem. A reason for being a part of this remarkable world we live in. I’m grateful we tumbled, legs, arms, and bodies, into each other.” Suppressing the laughter threatening to spill out from the look of complete denial on her part, I pull her closer into my arms and kiss the top of her head. Holding her delicately but securely. She fits perfectly against me.

“Michael,” she utters my name reverently from her luscious mouth.

She’s with me. Right here. Right now. Seizing the moment, making it ours, I’m catapulted into my next question by the need to keep her close to me now and in the future.

“What are your plans for New Year’s, Holly?”

“I haven’t thought about it yet. Why? What do you have in mind?”

“How does New Year’s in the Big Apple sound?”