“Walking in a Winter Wonderland with the beautiful klutz provides a new admiration of my surroundings. My eyes are open wide at the crisp zeal for life radiating from her. I’m intrigued and want to learn more.” ~ Michael Barnes

As we walk side by side to the metro station, I can’t help but feel a closeness to Holly. The way she looks at life is refreshing and has been missing from my life, post-Ella. For so long I’ve been focused on the loss of her in my life instead of on the here and now. When she stumbles on the sidewalk, I shift my jacket and briefcase, allowing her to grip my arm to keep from falling, yet again. Perhaps, she needs better shoes, I muse.

“Oh, my gosh! Would you look at that building.” She points at the Catholic church we’re passing by, wonder and awe laced in her seductive voice. “It’s breathtaking. Isn’t it?”

I don’t respond because at the moment, I’m infatuated with her expression, unable to turn to where she’s pointing. Her impish-cut hairstyle blows slightly in the breeze, and her rosy cheeks prompted by the cold air bunch under her flaxen eyes sparkling in the dusk-filled skyline.

She stops us in front of the church, shakes my arm, and points again at the poinsettias, twinkling lights, and the live nativity scene.

“This is perfect. Don’t you agree, Michael?” Her happiness at the sight bubbles to the surface. She’s contagious. She briefly pauses expecting a response.

Not wanting to diminish her good-heartedness, I glance around to view what she’s speaking so fondly about. There was a time when the vision in front of me filled me with a sense of peace and joy, when I would be excited by this time of year, but that ended when Ella chose Grayson. Christmastime brings only broken promises from someone I gave my heart, body, and soul to. Someone I believed with all my being would share a lifetime of holidays with me. I’ve blocked out all emotions that come with any holiday. Smothered and locked them in the recesses of my mind. It’s better this way.

“Yeah, it’s nice,” I quickly respond, then tug on Holly’s slender forearm to continue our stroll down the festively lit street. I don’t have time for this shit.

“Nice. That’s all you can say? Nice?” She openly gawks at me as if I’ve grown two heads and spouted wings, ready to fly into oblivion. “Michael Barnes, what in the world happened to you? This is not normal behavior. At all,” she exclaims.

I dismiss her and her nagging comment. Fuck me. My damn consciousness buried deep starts to rear its ugly face. I pick up my pace, walking in silence before she wants to know more and changes her damn tactics. It doesn’t last long.

“Fine. Don’t tell me. I just took this for two old friends catching up. Guess I figured wrong.” Holly attempts to detach herself from my arm, slowing down her stride and lowering her petite hand, but I put my gloved hand on her forearm, stopping her from leaving me. I didn’t intentionally set out to be a grumpy bastard towards her. I just didn’t want her prying into things better left alone.

“Let’s leave that for another day. Okay, pixie? Tell me what you’ve been up to. I want to hear about the career you chose. I hope it involves a helmet and lots of body armor.”

She playfully swats at my arm, laughter bubbling over from the double meaning to my joke, and I’m stuck in the moment with Holly when I hear her sexy giggle. What the fuck is happening to my resolve?

“If you’re serious?” Her eyebrows shoot up as she looks at me questioningly and waits for a response. She is leery about my abrupt change of heart, and I suddenly want to laugh. She’s refreshing.

“Of course. Tell me everything.” I beckon her in the direction we need to head with a wave of my hand as we weave in and out of pedestrians; it almost feels essential to me to learn more about her and what makes her tick.

“I’m a kindergarten teacher.”

Chuckling, I manage to get out, “Now, that’s absolutely perfect. I’m sure you fit right in.” She attempts to swat my arm for the second time. “Easy with the right hook, slugger. That’s gonna leave a mark.”

“Yeah, you go ahead and laugh all you want. But I’m really good at my job, butthead. I’ve been recognized as teacher of the year on the national level. So there,” she haughtily replies, sticking out her tongue at the end. I quickly look down, holding in the laughter. She’s adorable when she gets riled up.

“Nice.”

“Just nice again, Michael. Really?”

“Okay, okay. I’m impressed. Seriously. I knew there was something amazing about you. Like the ugly duckling turning into a swan. Except for the fact that you never outgrew the mega klutz era of your childhood years,” I say, playing with her.

“Touché.” She laughs melodiously again, music to my cobwebbed ears. “Your turn. What have you been up to since you left?”

“Not much to tell. Finished medical school, went into the Army as an officer, and then volunteered to go overseas.” I give her the short version. I’m not ready to reveal what happened with Ella, and Holly seems appeased with it.

“You’ve done pretty well, Dr. Barnes. So, what brought you back home? I mean, the adventures you must have experienced living on the edge. I can’t even imagine.”

“Nah, it’s really not like the movies, pixie. It’s real and sometimes scary. Overall, I’m glad I went, but I’m also glad for a new chapter in my book. Ya know? A change of scenery, old friends.” I wink, even if happiness doesn’t reach my eyes.

“I get it. Sometimes it’s just what the doctor ordered.” Holly laughs at herself, and it fills the crowded streets as the metro station appears in our vantage point.

On the train ride across the river, we chat more about our families and mundane day-to-day things. It’s easy and comfortable, like an old blanket that you’ve had forever. Rough around the edges, but one of the most precious treasures in life.

I have to admit I’m shocked how perplexed I am as to why Holly has resurfaced into my life just at the right moment. It reminds me of the words spoken not too long ago in Lakeview.

Let it go and move forward.

Am I ready for that? Do I even want to try again? Who the fuck knows?

There’s a young couple sitting in the seats a few rows up. The laughter and sexual tension flowing from them captures us both. A moment of silence reigns around Holly and me. I’m struck with the thought of what it would be like to experience passion and desire once more. With Holly.

As we walk up to Holly’s front door, my heart quickens as I think of the coincidences leading us here. Holly lives in a townhouse in the same complex where I’ve temporarily rented an apartment. Of all the shopping malls in all the world, she just happened upon the same store as me.

Dumb luck or divine intervention? I still don’t quite buy it, but I have to admit the same mall, same housing complex, it is pretty ironic.

“Thanks for seeing me home safely. It wasn’t necessary. I travel these roads every day without any help.” She develops a rosy tinge and her breath hitches as I slowly drink her in.

“It was my pleasure, Holly. Maybe I’ll see you around sometime.” I move to back away from her stoop.

“Michael,” is the only warning I receive, causing me to turn around toward Holly’s call.

She moves quickly, wrapping her small, slender hands around my neck, tugging me toward her. Angling her face, she connects her soft lips with mine, seeking more. Tiny little kisses designed to drive a man crazy, out of his mind. Something stirs inside of me. A yearning for more. Fine lines blur between friendship and lovers, but the risk outweighs the disadvantages and negatives. What harm could come from a simple, innocent kiss? To appease the unknown sensual tension floating around between us.

My hands rest on the curve of her tiny waist, slowly drawing her into me.

Softness blends with firmness.

Awareness and longing mix with apprehension and unease. Am I ready to take the next step and let my past with Ella go, if only for a few minutes? Allow Holly to help make me forget. Take the situation for what it is, and take what she is willing to give?

A soft, sensual moan escapes her. Instinct and desire flare, and before I can further examine the ramifications of what’s happening and how it will change her and me, her warm, velvety tongue peeks out and touches the seam of mine, seeking and searching entrance.

I can’t think straight as tiny fingers caress the length of my shoulders up to the angles of my neck. Her body stretches the length of mine, seducing me into a restless, burning need initiated by a simple kiss.

A compulsion to further our innocent kiss takes over, and I frame her face with my palms and relinquish the doubts as I succumb to her invitation.

As soon as I delve forth, my dominant nature rises, taking control, nipping and sipping. Peppermint and cinnamon. A heavenly combination. Soft as raw silk, the cavern of her mouth calls to me, teasing, testing, answering me stroke after stroke. Devouring each other, our tongues duel relentlessly.

Time stands at bay. There’s only the here and now.

Holly.

Her entire body shudders. I’m breathless as my tongue laps at her bottom lip. Awareness strikes that taking this further isn’t something we should do. Slow and easy, I ease her back onto the flat of her soles. My forehead resting against hers.

“Sweet dreams, little Holly.”

I tenderly place a simple, innocent kiss on her cheek and walk away.

Thoughts circle through my mind as I make it to my front door. Analyzing the kiss we shared. It was different, all consuming. There was no thought of anyone but Holly and the journey she was taking me on.

A small piece of the iceberg chips away, crashing into the churning waters of my soul.