Through the next ten minutes, a rough plan emerged. I have to admit, whatever her other flaws (like the lack of any conscience), Sloane had a cunning and analytical mind.

Considering she was a drug-dealing outlaw biker, I’m not saying that’s a good thing.

“I’m thinking we go get the meth guy,” Jack said, returning to the original plan that Sid had pooh-poohed.

“You mean kill him?”

“No!” Jack said, offended. “Just get him to talk.”

“Why would you do that?”

“He can testify against Lou.”

“Riiiight. He ain’t gonna testify against Lou, honey, just like Zed and Pigpen ain’t gonna tell anybody how I get my kicks every once in a while, cuz they all know they’d get a bullet in the back of the head. ‘Sides, it ain’t gonna do you no good if the cook spills his guts to a buncha bikers. Why don’t you just tell the DEA and get them to go bust him?”

“…they already know about him,” Jack said sheepishly.

“And they ain’t picked him up yet?”

“…no…”

“Jesus Christ, Jack, then what good is going after the cook? Unless…”

Sloane went silent and got a far-off look in her eyes.

“Unless what?” Jack prodded.

“Unless you blow up the meth lab. That’ll cripple Lou’s operation. He’s gonna need a lot of money to rebuild another lab, so he’ll probably want to sell off whatever he’s got to raise the cash.”

“How much does he really need?” Jack asked dubiously. “Can’t he just get an RV and cook somewhere?”

“Not if he’s doin’ any sort of volume. The fact he’s got a permanent set-up big enough to fit in a barn tells me he could be doin’ anywhere from two to ten kilos of crystal a day, if he’s got enough supplies. And if the Santa Muertes are his buyers, he’s probably doin’ closer to ten. They wouldn’t mess around with any penny ante shit. They wanna buy and distribute in bulk, not deal with a buncha little fuckers.”

“Okay, so we destroy the meth lab, then,” Jack agreed.

She shook her head. “You can’t do that first.”

“Why not?!”

“After two weeks of doin’ nothin’ but holdin’ your dick in your hand – and a very nice dick it is,” she said, with another flirtatious look at his crotch (which pissed me off again), “you’re gonna suddenly waltz in and blow shit up? It’s desperate, and it ain’t the sorta thing you do. You always liked pussyfootin’ around and bein’ all legal ‘n shit. Blowin’ up a meth lab makes it look like you want Lou to come after you, like you’re settin’ a trap. No, we need to make him mad enough to hit you first. Then blowin’ up the meth lab looks like revenge… which means he has to do a major drug deal to get enough money to build a new one. And if he knows you’re still out there gunnin’ for him, he’ll need Peters to provide protection. And then maybe, just maybe, we can get Lou, the Santa Muertes, and the cops all in one big shebang.”

“How do we make him mad?” Jack asked.

“Oh, trust me, I can handle that part,” she said smugly.

“How?”

“You just let me worry about that. You worry about stayin’ alive.”

“Can you get me something to blow up the meth lab?”

“Already ahead of you, hon. You’ll get it in the next 24 hours.”

“Alright.” Jack paused, then gave his ex-wife a grim smile. “Thanks, Sloane. I owe you.”

“And don’t you forget it. Come on, bring it on in,” she said, and held out her arms wide. “Hug it out, bitch.”

Jack sighed and hugged her. She took the opportunity to smush her fake tits against him and grab his ass.

I felt like I was about to go nuclear.

“Okay, okay, that’s enough,” Jack said, breaking out of her embrace.

“God damn I miss you sometimes,” she sighed. “You are one fine hunk of man-meat.”

“Yeah, well, just remember the other things about me you didn’t like.”

“Oh, I remember, alright. Stupid, stubborn, stuck-up, wantin’ to be poor all the rest of your life just so you could say you were legit – ”

“Yeah, okay, that’s enough,” Jack said.

“ – stick up your ass, short-sighted, lost your balls somewhere along the way – ”

“I got it,” Jack snapped.

She sighed again theatrically. “But what I wouldn’t give for another crack at that cock. Hint, hint.”

“No thanks.”

“Fine. Whatever,” she pouted playfully, then gave him a wink. “If you change your mind, you know where to find me.”

“Yeah,” he said, with no interest in his voice whatsoever. “Let me know when Lou goes on the warpath.”

“I will. Expect somethin’ in the next 24 hours.”

“Okay.”

“Jack?”

“What.”

For the first time since we’d walked in the door, Sloane looked one hundred percent sincere – and a little scared. “Be careful.”

He was silent for a few seconds, then nodded. “I will.”

Then, at the turn of a dime, she was back to the same old Sloane. “Speakin’ of which, don’t forget your guns,” she said in an Ellie May Clampet voice. “And don’t blow your dick off. I wanna use it again one day.”

“Don’t hold your breath,” Jack said as he picked up his pistol headed for the door. I did the same and followed behind him.

“A word to the wise, Miss Fiona,” she called after me.

I looked back at her, anticipating something that would make me want to draw my gun on her – and trying to preemptively calm myself down.

“What?”

“Whatever he might have done to you… he’s a good man. Trust me when I say that.”

I stood there, taken off guard and stunned into silence. I couldn’t find it inside me to say anything.

“Stupid, and stubborn, and stuck-up, sure – ” she continued.

“Love you, too, Sloane,” Jack said sarcastically as he opened the door.

She laughed and blew him a kiss.

As I walked out into the night air, the last thing I heard before I closed the door was, “Don’t let a dick that good go to waste, honey! Keep it in good workin’ order for me!”