I basically went off the deep end for a few days.

I spent most of the time in a booze-fueled haze. Just like I knew it would, the pain came roaring up out of me.

Pain at not having her there, and rage at what she did to me.

To be honest, there was a lot more of the first part than the second. I spent a lot of time thinking about her body… her breasts… that look of shock she always gave me when I first slid inside her… the way she sounded when she came.

The way she tasted when I kissed her. The way her waist felt in my hands when I held her.

The smell of her hair… the gleam in her eyes when she smiled…

Fuck.

I couldn’t get her out of my head.

Wasn’t even sure if I wanted to.

I couldn’t decide if I hated her or still loved her. It changed from minute to minute. I remembered what Kade had said: If somebody gunned you down in a back alley, I know I’d fuck over every last person in the world to find out who did it so I could kill them.

How could I begrudge her that?

Only problem was, I’d paid the price. It was me she’d fucked over.

That made it a hell of a lot harder to stomach.

So I’d go back into my cycle of hating her and lusting after her. I’d imagine myself fucking her, kissing her, holding her… wanting her.

And then I’d usually go pour myself another drink.

There was other pain, too. My hatred of Lou, for one. My wounded pride. The knowledge that I was no longer in charge of the Midnight Riders.

But none of it really compared to wanting to have her there with me, and knowing she was gone forever.

It was a tough fucking couple of days. I was barely functional. Most of it was just me going back and forth to the liquor cabinet. Kade would drop by every once in a while just to make sure I wasn’t dead, then leave me to my squalor.

But round about the third day, when I woke up drunk at dawn, I figured it might be a good idea to get back out in the world and make sure I didn’t destroy my life before Lou got a chance to.

After I sweated out most of the alcohol, followed by a cold shower and a pot of black coffee, I went into the body shop around 2 o’clock.

Only half the bays had anything in them – which was not how it normally was. We were usually packed with routine maintenance jobs. The really elaborate paint and body work was backed up for weeks.

My guys were working, but they seemed listless. Distracted. And that was the few who were there – half of the mechanics scheduled weren’t even in the shop.

I noticed the absent ones were all members of the Midnight Riders.

When I walked onto the lot, Jimmy gave me a somber nod – but Antonio and Sam looked away, as though embarrassed.

They knew.

Kade was in the office, shuffling through some papers and writing down some notes. He looked up when I walked in.

“It’s alive,” he said in a deadpan voice.

“For now,” I said. “I don’t really have to ask, but where are Charlie, Leon, and Bug?”

“Under new employment with Lou Shaw Enterprises.”

I grimaced. “Figures. This is going to be a bitch until we hire some new guys.”

“I wouldn’t worry about that just yet.”

“Why? Are we not getting any new work?”

“No. In fact, we’re losing work we already had.”

I stared at him. “What?!”

Kade pointed out the window of the office.

A grey-haired guy was walking onto the lot. His name was Tom Crossman, and he was a longtime customer. He was something of a muscle car nut – at least, as much as he could afford on a bank manager’s salary. We’d done restorations for him on a ‘72 Dodge Challenger and a ’74 Camaro over the years, and we were about to start on a rusted-out ‘69 Barracuda he’d picked up at an auction.

Tom walked nervously over to the office and stuck his head in the door. “Jack,” he said in a friendly voice, though it definitely had an edge to it. “Kade.”

“Good to see you, Tom,” I said. “Come on in.”

Kade nodded his head in greeting as Tom walked inside.

“I’m still waiting on the parts for the Barracuda,” I said.

Tom shifted uneasily from foot to foot. “Yeah, about that…”

Shit.

“What’s up?” I asked, though I knew exactly what was up.

Tom wouldn’t meet my eyes. “Um, well, money’s tight with my daughter in college, and my wife is throwing a fit… so I think I should probably put off the rebuild for a while.”

“You paid me $10,000 up front for parts,” I reminded him. “We haven’t even touched that yet.”

“Um, well, I could use that back, too, if you don’t mind.”

I could understand him wanting his money back, but the bullshit story was making me angry.

“Tom – tell me the truth. This isn’t about money.”

He wouldn’t look at me. Just kept his eyes on the floor. “Well, you know, things are tough right now…”

“Not for bank managers.”

“Look, I don’t want any trouble,” he said, almost pleading.

“You’re not going to get any trouble from me. But I’m guessing it’s trouble from somebody else you’re worried about.”

He finally glanced up at me, and his eyes were ashamed. “I’m sorry… but I just can’t afford to put myself in a position where…”

His voice trailed off, but I didn’t need him to finish the sentence. Lou did business with Tom’s bank – the commercial loans on the Seven Veils and the motel, if I remembered correctly.

“I understand,” I said, and it was true. I didn’t hate the guy. If I were in his position, I’d probably be worried about potential blowback. After all, he had a family to look out for, and he wasn’t used to dealing with warring biker factions. “I would appreciate it if you could give me a couple of weeks to remedy the situation… but if you can’t, then I understand.”

He looked sad. “I’ve always liked you, Jack. You know that. I trust you. But…”

“But there’s a new sheriff in town.”

He paused, then nodded morosely. “Something like that.”

I walked around to the other side of the desk and pulled my checkbook out of the drawer. “What about the car? Do you want my guys to tow it back to your place?”

“That’d be great… just take it out of the ten grand…”

We all stood in silence as I wrote a check for $9900 and held it out to him. He glanced at Kade like he was ashamed to take it, but he did anyway.

“I need to know something, Tom,” I said. “Should I expect a whole flood of people looking to pull their business out of the shop?”

“…probably.”

“Did Lou call you?”

“No, it was somebody else. Didn’t give me his name, just…”

He trailed off again.

“He made it clear it wouldn’t be looked on kindly if you kept doing business with me,” I suggested.

“…yeah,” he said, shamefaced.

I held out my hand. “I just want you to know, you’re welcome back here anytime. After I get this all straightened out.”

He looked at me in surprise, then shook my hand. “I’m sorry, Jack.”

“Don’t be. See you soon.”

He gave me a sad little smile, like We both know that’s not going to happen.

“See you around, guys,” Tom said, then ducked out of the office as fast as he could.

I turned towards Kade. “How many others have pulled out?”

“Two so far. And there’s a couple of phone calls I haven’t returned that probably want to do the same.”

“Goddammit…”

“Well, it’s not like you didn’t predict it.”

“I thought we’d be losing future business, not shit we already had booked.”

“Could be worse.”

I glared at my former Sergeant-at-Arms. “Yeah – at least I still have my anal virginity intact, right?”

He shrugged mildly. “I don’t know. I can’t vouch for what you were up to the last three days.”

I laughed, then gestured towards the door. “Tell Leon to tow Tom’s car to his house, and prep the rest of our back orders to get pulled out of the shop.”

Kade stood up and walked towards the door. “What are you going to do?”

I sat down behind my desk, like a captain taking the bridge of a sinking ship.

“I’m going to figure out how to keep us afloat for as long as I can.” I smiled grimly. “Might even have to pimp your ass out on Main Street.”

“Make sure you get a good price,” Kade said as he walked out the door.