It Was Gone

Franka

 

I was abed with my breakfast tray the next morning when there came a rap on the door.

I turned my head that way only to see said door open and Noc stroll through.

I narrowed my eyes at him.

Truly.

The nerve.

I wasn’t even out of bed yet!

“I’m having my breakfast,” I snapped.

“Good morning to you too,” he replied, not hiding his amusement in the face of my frustration and sauntering across the room but not coming to my bedside.

No.

He walked across the foot of the bed to the other, vacant side, and I watched in stunned silence as he put his arse to it, twisted, put his whole body to it, stretched out and settled on his side but with his body up on his forearm, facing me.

Noc in those bloody trousers and a blue shirt that did nice things to his eyes, stretched out in bed beside me.

He was impossible.

Once settled, he then reached out and selected a cantaloupe ball from my crystal bowl of fruit and popped it into his mouth.

“That’s my melon,” I kept snapping.

“Chill, baby,” he murmured, grinning at me.

“Chill?” I asked, knowing this was his-world slang, just not able to fathom what it meant.

“Relax,” he explained.

Oh.

Hmm.

That was actually quite clever, considering my ire was heated.

I didn’t relay this sentiment to him.

I declared, “I’ll relax when you get out of my bed, leave my room and allow me to eat my breakfast in peace.”

“I’ll do that when you tell me how you’re doin’ this morning and what’s up for your day,” he returned.

I turned slightly his way and queried, “Has it occurred to you how irritating it is that you consistently ignore my wishes?”

“Has it occurred to you that I know your act is bullshit so I’m gonna keep ignoring the bullshit and get on with things?” he retorted, but he wasn’t quite finished. “You like me. You like spending time with me. Stop pretending that you don’t.”

He was correct, of course. He was excellent company. Engaged. Amusing. Affectionate. Attentive. Thoughtful. Caring. And very much not hard to look at.

I was not about to share those sentiments with him either.

I turned back to my tray, picked up a triangle of buttered toast and my knife and started slathering marmalade on it as I mumbled (me! mumbling!), “It’ll be good when I’m away on a ship.”

“What?” Noc asked.

“Nothing,” I kept mumbling and continued spreading as I raised my voice and answered his question. “I’m quite all right this morning, Noc. As concerns my back, better than yesterday. And I would imagine, just in case on the morrow you find yourself curious about the same, it will be even better as healing tends to go that way.”

“Glad to hear it, sweetheart,” he said softly. “But I meant that gig with your folks yesterday and your brother probably showin’ today.”

I turned my head his way, lifting my toast and inquiring, “The gig with my parents, if I’m to understand you, is done. Behind me. And my brother and I might not have a close, loving relationship, but we’ve been through a good deal together so I’m looking forward to his visit.”

I then put the toast between my lips, sunk my teeth into it and munched.

“Big stuff like what happened yesterday can mess with your head, Frannie. Feels like a relief at the time, then the demons everyone fights in their heads start playing with you,” he noted.

The demons everyone fights?

He had demons?

This I found surprising. And intriguing. He seemed confident in all matters. The way he held and used his body. The way he spoke. The way he communicated with others.

I suddenly felt hungry for something I’d given up on doing.

This being gathering all the information I could on a certain subject and not caring how I had to obtain that information.

This time the subject was Noc.

Fortunately, after Kristian left, Josette and I would be away so I couldn’t indulge in this pastime.

“There are no demons playing with my mind,” I assured him. “I had some unease prior to yesterday’s visit but it couldn’t have gone better if I’d planned every second prior to entering that jail.”

“Good to hear that too,” he muttered, reaching out and snatching more of my cantaloupe.

I sighed.

I then shared, “As you’ve spoken it repeatedly, you know my name is pronounced Frahn-kah.”

His brows drew together, he swallowed my melon and he said, “Well…yeah.”

“So should I wish to have one, which I don’t, the nickname Frannie is not only abhorrent, it doesn’t make sense. It should be Frahnnie and that’s just ridiculous. Or more ridiculous than Frannie.”

“Could call you Koko,” he remarked, and I felt my lip curl. I then felt the bed slightly shake with his chuckle as he said, “Okay, that’s out.”

“How about calling me Franka?” I suggested.

“Can’t call you Kaka because that’s just wrong,” he went on his own bent, as was his wont, completely ignoring my suggestion because it went against what he wished to do.

But my curiosity got the better of me.

“Not that I desire you to call me Kaka either, but why is that just wrong?”

“In my world that’s shit. As in it means shit, crap, excrement.”

The lip curl that earned was more pronounced.

Noc exploded with laughter.

I sighed yet again and nibbled more toast.

“So it’s Frannie,” he said when he was done laughing.

“I suppose,” I murmured, finishing my toast and going after my fork to spear some scrambled eggs.

“So you’re good with the visit to your folks and you’re lookin’ forward to your brother showin’. What else is up for your day?” Noc asked.

I chewed and swallowed eggs (it must be said, the queen’s cook was superb, even the eggs were delicious), still curious.

“May I ask why you wish to know?”

“Why wouldn’t I wish to know?” he answered my question with a question.

Yet it was still an answer.

He was interested in me. Even the mundane goings-on of my day. He came in first thing in the morning for no reason whatsoever, except, it seemed, to be in my company.

I felt my throat start closing, cleared it daintily and turned my attention back to my tray.

But I did this speaking.

“Josette and I are going to be making the final selection of a new lady’s maid. After that and also after my brother arrives, we’ll be sledding into town to order some clothing for her. It’s time we start preparing for our journey and the seamstresses who’ll be making her new attire will need to get to work on it as soon as possible. I don’t suspect Kristian will wish to stay long. He tends to prefer to be at home.”

“What journey?” Noc queried and I looked to him.

“Pardon?”

“You said you’re preparing for a journey. What journey?”

I took hold of a rasher of bacon, raised it and answered, “Once Kristian leaves, Josette, the new maid we select and I will be on our way to Sudvic to see about purchasing passage across the Green Sea.”

“Come again?”

My bacon held aloft, I turned my attention back to Noc.

“We’re sailing across the Green Sea,” I repeated. “Not many people journey there so I imagine we’ll be in Sudvic some time, waiting for a galleon that makes that journey to return, or to prepare to make the journey, as I can imagine that takes some doing as I hear it’s many weeks. In truth there may be no galleons who sail the Green Sea that harbor in Sudvic. We may need to find another port city, perhaps even travel to Hawkvale, passage across the green waters is so unusual. But we’ll find our way over,” I finished decidedly.

I crunched bacon, chewed, swallowed and started mumbling again, this time mostly to myself.

“I hope we can make the island nation of Mar-el, for Josette’s sake. But then I dearly wish to see Airen.”

I finished my bacon, had eaten more egg and was slathering marmalade on another corner of toast when I realized Noc hadn’t said anything for some time.

I looked his way to see he had his gaze fixed to my tray but his eyes were distant.

“Have you had breakfast?” I asked.

He said nothing.

“Noc,” I called, his head twitched and his ice-blue eyes came to me.

“Sorry,” he muttered. “What?”

“Have you had breakfast?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you still hungry?”

“Not really.”

“Then will you explain why you’re staring at my tray like you wish to nick my bacon?”

His mouth spread in a grin that for the first time I didn’t believe was real.

“No one can have enough bacon,” he quipped.

This was quite true, bacon was delicious.

However I had the uncomfortable feeling he was lying and I didn’t like this. I’d lied and been lied to by many people, starting from so far back I didn’t even remember when it actually began.

But Noc, I knew instinctively, had never lied to me.

And thinking that he was now, about bacon of all things, troubled me far more than I’d care to admit.

“You can have my bacon,” I said quietly.

“Baby, I don’t want your bacon. Honest,” he replied in my tone.

I studied him closely before asking, “Is all well?”

“I just got something on my mind.”

I shouldn’t extend the invitation.

Nevertheless, I extended the invitation.

“Would you like to share it with me?”

His gaze on my face warmed and his words made my chest do the same when he replied, “Yeah.”

I put my cutlery down, the wedge of toast, and twisted to him to give him my full attention.

Even so, he carried on by saying, “Just not now. Seems you have a full day. But can I ask that we end it together?”

“End it together?”

“Yeah,” he gave me a genuine grin that time. “You and me in a room somewhere with a bottle of whiskey.”

I wanted that very much, this something I would never share.

Though I did agree to this assignation.

“We can do this, Noc.”

“Great, Frannie. Gotta go,” he declared and immediately made a move to go, however, quick as a flash, his hand darted out and he pinched my last rasher of bacon.

“Noc!” I snapped.

But he was out of bed, smiling at me cheekily as he munched my bacon and sauntered around my bed toward the door.

He arrived at it, eyes to me, swallowed a bite of my bacon and said, “Later, babe.”

I rolled my eyes.

He kept smiling at me a moment before he closed the door behind him.

 

* * * * *

Noc

 

“Hey,” Noc greeted Finnie as he walked into the room one of the servants had told him she was in.

She was alone and looked like she was writing letters, but she stopped doing this the minute she lifted her head and saw him approach.

She set everything aside on the cushion of the couch where she was sitting and replied, “Hey.”

“Don’t want to interrupt you—” he began.

She cut him off. “Interrupt me. Please. People bring gifts to the Bitter Gales for Frey and me and I’m writing thank you notes. I tried to share with the queen that doing this was killing too many trees. She thought I was losing my mind, told me so and also told me to stop procrastinating. A princess writes thank you notes. And trees are a hell of a lot more plentiful here than in my old world. So I really don’t have any excuse not to do it,” her eyes lit, “except to talk to you.”

While she spoke, he moved to a couch, sat and grinned at her when she was done.

“Pleased to be of service.”

She tipped her head to the side.

Not dim by a long shot, she read him and asked, “Do you have something you wanted to talk to me about?”

He did.

A couple of somethings.

“Do you know how to get in touch with Valentine?”

“Not in any definitive way, no.”

Fuck.

Finnie went on, “But she’s back.”

That was news.

“Back?” Noc requested confirmation.

“Unh-hunh.” Finnie nodded. “She’s back. She checked in with Frey a couple of days ago.”

“I haven’t seen her,” Noc shared.

“I haven’t either, actually. Apparently, she’s rented some manor house close by. Don’t know why. When she’s here, she likes to be in the thick of things. But she did and Frey knows where she is, so he can send a message to her.”

“I’d like to get a message to her,” Noc told her.

Finnie nodded. “Sure. I’ll find Frey and—”

She’d started to push up from her seat but he lifted a hand and stalled her.

“No, babe. I’ll talk to Frey. There’s something else I wanna ask you.”

“Shoot,” she invited, settling back into her seat.

“The Green Sea, that’s the big ocean to the west, right?” Noc asked.

She nodded. “Yep. Big body of water. Green, like its name,” she said on a smile. “But a green you wouldn’t believe, Noc. It’s beautiful. I’m really looking forward to you seeing it. I traveled widely in my old world and even the emerald waters in some of the Caribbean don’t hold a candle to the vast beauty of the Green Sea.”

“And you’ve traveled widely here too, yeah?” Noc asked.

She nodded again. “I have.”

“Over the Green Sea?”

She looked confused. “Over it?”

“Over it. To a place called Mar-el, or Airen, or something like that.”

She shook her head. “Oh no. We’ve traveled up and down the coast of the Northlands, over the Winter Sea, the Marhac Sea too, but never across the Green.”

“Has Frey traveled across?”

More nodding from Finnie.

“Yes. Twice. As a diplomat for my dad when he was alive and because there were some Lunwynian treasures that should never have left Lunwyn soil that had made their way over there.” Her eyes lit, telling him there was more to the story of what she said next. “Frey has a habit of collecting those.”

“So it’s a doable journey, not unsafe,” Noc pushed.

She again looked confused. “Do you want to voyage across the Green Sea?”

“No, Franka does.”

Her lips parting in a knowing way, she sat back, murmuring, “Ah.”

“Is it safe?”

Finnie held his gaze. “The journey is long. Very long. I never asked Frey just how long but I think it takes months. Easy to run out of supplies, especially if you don’t know where you’re going or get cast adrift by a storm. And Frey told me there are lots of islands that are inhabited, not all of them with friendly people, and some of those unfriendly people have boats. There are reefs that are difficult to negotiate if you don’t know they’re there to avoid them. And there are pirates in this world with the addition of raiders. Raiders tend to wreak havoc by land, anchoring close to shore and raiding from there. Pirates are about ship to ship takeovers. Raiders usually simply steal and don’t create a lot of collateral damage. Pirates take booty and women and the rest feel the length of a saber or go down with the ship they usually set fire to, if they don’t decide to steal that as well.”

“Jesus,” Noc whispered.

“Yup,” Finnie agreed. “I’ve seen a couple of pirate ships. They’ve tried to come up on Frey’s galleon. But they see his flag and back off.” She smiled proudly. “Not many people fuck with Frey. You do, suddenly a dragon’s overhead and you’re toast. Literally.”

Noc felt his eyes crinkle. “Yeah, I suppose that would put most people off, even pirates.”

Finnie settled in, crossing her legs under her long, sweater gown and continued, “In fact, I don’t think there are any passenger ships I know of that make that voyage. Merchants, definitely. There’s a bunch of stuff from that side of the world that’s highly valued here and costs a whack, so it’s worth the risk of the journey. They have a kind of wool that’s amazing. I have dresses and throws made of it and I’ve never felt anything like it. Firenzian rubies are spectacular. Frey got me a necklace and earrings made of them and they’re extraordinary. Exotic spices. Tons of stuff.”

“And you dig travel so if it was safe to take you…” he didn’t finish because she was nodding.

“Yeah, if it was safe, we’d go. I haven’t even asked because I read between the lines when he told me all he told me. No reason to get into a discussion about it. Frey spoils me a lot. But when it’s time to put his foot down, he doesn’t have a problem with doing just that. Since that sometimes pisses me off, I’ve learned to read when it’s important to him and I shouldn’t push it, so I won’t push it.”

Noc shot her a grin. “Good plan.”

Finnie’s lips twitched at his reply but then her face got serious. “She shouldn’t go.”

Noc’s grin died.

This was what he thought not only from all Finnie just shared but from the minute Franka mentioned she was doing it.

What he didn’t think about was why it perturbed him so much she seemed to be totally okay with taking off after her brother left like she was leaving nothing behind.

The “leaving something behind” part and precisely what bothered him about that was the part he wasn’t thinking about.

“I’m gettin’ that impression,” he said.

“What I’d want to know is why she’d want to go,” Finnie remarked.

“Because she’s lost the man she loves, her parents are dead to her and never were much to write home about anyway, she wants to put it all behind her and that’s a surefire way to do just that. She won’t run into anything familiar on an entirely different continent.”

“Surefire, true. Dramatic, definitely. A little bit crazy, also definitely,” Finnie returned. “And that’s being nice because in truth it’s a whole lot of crazy.”

Fuck.

“You can’t let her go, Noc,” Finnie stated.

“Not sure once she’s fighting fit I’m gonna have a lot of say about that, Finnie.”

Her mouth got soft as it tilted up, and looking at her normally, all that white-blonde hair, her fantastic figure, her pretty blue eyes, Noc got why Frey went all out to keep her at his side.

Shit, when she looked like that, he got why Frey would kill and die for her.

“Think she’s got a soft spot for you, honey,” she said quietly. “Hard to miss the way you two were at the jail yesterday.”

The way they were at the jail yesterday.

No, it was more the way Franka was at the jail yesterday. All of it.

Fuck, he’d been so damned proud of her, it was scary how much emotion he felt for a woman he really barely knew.

But when she’d turned to him, vulnerable, and latched on to him like she needed his strength, looked to him to allay her fears, that caused even more emotion, he was so fucking happy he could be there for her. And more, that she had the strength to show her weakness, she showed it to him and she let him be there for her.

“She’s definitely finding it easier to let the mask slip on occasion,” he replied. “But she’s stubborn and I get why she wants to go. Why she wants to put her past where it belongs and get somewhere nothing reminds her of it.”

“I see why she wants that but it’s still not the right choice.”

“There’s a world nothing like hers she can go to where no pirates will take her as booty,” Noc pointed out.

Finnie’s eyes got bigger as she sat forward.

“Holy cow, there is,” she whispered.

“Not sure I can talk Franka into coming with all of us when I go with you guys while you take Tor and Cora back home. Not sure I can even talk her into coming back with me. What I am sure of is that I can’t take her back unless Valentine does it for me.”

“She’ll do it. She seems like a cold fish but she’s all heart.”

That was what Noc was counting on.

“So, bringing us back, I gotta talk to Frey and get Valentine a message.”

Finnie was out of her seat before he even finished talking.

“Let’s go find him,” she said.

Nope.

That look on her face where she didn’t hide her excitement was probably what did it for Frey. That look you’d want to see every day. That look was another look you’d kill and die for.

Noc enjoyed taking in that look the only way he could as he pushed out of the couch.

Then they took off together to find Finnie’s husband.

 

* * * * *

Franka

 

Late morning I sat with Josette in a small sitting room the queen’s secretary set aside for Josette and myself to do our final interviews of prospective maids.

It was a lovely room, the best part of it being it was one of the growing number that had already had its glass replaced, so it was bright, sunny and cheerful.

I’d read all the curriculum vitae and references of the candidates. There were several references written by people I knew or knew of (only one I knew to trust every word as the girl had been employed by Norfolk Ravenscroft, an honest, intelligent man and cousin to the queen). We’d spoken to all the candidates. I’d asked a few questions but Josette had asked many more, her follow-up questions.

And now I was being mostly silent.

She didn’t seem to notice, she was chattering up a storm in a way that was thinking out loud.

“The second one, Deona, I think she’s keen for the job just because she wants to catch the eye of a Firenz savage,” she stated. “Man crazy could cause problems.”

“Mm…” I murmured rather than saying it like it was.

She was absolutely right.

She continued babbling.

“The first one had a problem meeting your eyes. Not sure what that was about. Timidity is one thing but we spoke with her for over half an hour and not once did she get herself together to look you straight in the face. I think that would annoy you over time if she eventually didn’t snap out of it, and I’m worried she won’t.”

“Mm…” I murmured again, because again she’d hit it on the nose.

“Not to mention, if she doesn’t have the courage to meet your eyes, how is she going to have the courage to board a galleon and venture across the Green Sea?”

“Good question,” I said softly.

She either didn’t hear me or was deep into her bent for she chattered on.

“But the last, I like her. She even brought stitching samples with her and she’s talented with a needle. Almost more than me,” Josette went on.

This last was untrue, Josette’s talent with a needle, in my experience, was unsurpassed, but I said nothing.

“I think that was smart, doing that,” Josette continued. “I should have thought to bring my own samples when I interviewed with you. She also has no ties here that would make her homesick and melancholy, which I think we would both find trying.”

She was again very correct.

“And her eyes lit up at the idea of crossing the Green Sea,” Josette prattled on. “It seemed genuine. Not many would have that reaction. Both one and two said they’d be fine with it, but I didn’t quite believe them. Candidate three, well, I get the sense she’s like Princess Sjofn…and you, of course. A female but with a hint of a raider’s spirit.”

I spoke not and waited.

“I think three,” Josette declared.

She’d chosen well. Petite and slender though number three was (a girl by the name of Irene), she carried herself well, had ready answers, stated she relished being busy and she was younger and less experienced than Josette so there wouldn’t be a future where I had one maid attempting to perform a coup to take the status of my other.

“What do you think?” Josette queried.

“Three,” I stated.

“You liked her?” she asked uncertainly.

“I don’t know her. I liked her for the job. And you two seemed to converse well.”

“I like her,” Josette shared.

“Then it’s three.”

“But you have to like her,” she returned.

I drew in breath to calm my sudden impatience and held her eyes.

“Okay, it’s three,” she said, reading my look, her lips quirking.

I dipped my chin in an affirmative. “Send your missive. We’ll need to prepare her for our adventure as well. She might as well start planning now.”

Josette jumped from her chair and started to rush from the room, doing this talking.

“I’ll be back to go shopping.”

I was certain she would.

“Until then,” I said to her back.

The door closed.

I smiled.

That task complete, onward to the next.

Whatever that turned out to be.

 

* * * * *

 

One of the palace servants came to me to share that Kristian had arrived.

I didn’t pay any heed to what it might communicate that I abruptly rose from my seat and left Cora and Circe alone in the sitting room as I dashed out the door.

The hallways seemed interminable.

But finally I made the front hall and there he was, allowing his cloak to be taken by a footman while his wife’s cloak was taken by her own maid.

She saw me first.

Brikitta Drakkar.

A mouse of a woman with nondescript hair and features and a too-thin frame, my brother was far more attractive than she.

That said, except in her presence, I’d never seen Kristian smile as much.

Or laugh.

I saw the frozen look on her face I knew was her attempt to hide the fear she had of me.

It was safe to say I had been far from kind to her.

I had not at first because I didn’t wish her with my brother. Not because she looked a mouse of a woman. Because she behaved as one. I wanted him to have a strong mate by his side who could help him endure the threat he lived under and get beyond the suffering of his past. But also to bolster his tendency toward leading with his heart, not thinking with his head, something in our world, and especially in our House, that was considered a weakness and thus preyed upon.

Though it was more.

She made my brother smile and laugh. She had kind eyes. She spoke softly and didn’t hide her affection not only for my brother, but her family, with whom she was close. She was even demonstrative with her servants.

My parents could break Kristian.

If I had ever fallen and they’d turn to Kristian and his own, they would have destroyed her.

I’d wanted to scare her away. When I’d failed at that, I’d wanted her to develop a thick skin.

But now I’d done nothing but make her fear and likely detest me.

In the few days I was sure they’d remain at the palace, I could do nothing lasting about that, of this I was relatively certain.

But that did not mean I shouldn’t try.

Well thought, mon ange, Antoine said in my head, and I very nearly tripped over my own slippers, his voice was such a surprise as I hadn’t heard it in days.

I’d thought he was gone.

I’d even so far as hoped he was gone, a hope that caused me guilt as well as angst.

“Brikitta,” I greeted, not quite warmly because I did not yet have the skills to pull that off.

“Franka,” she replied stiltedly.

“And where is Timofei?” I asked, glancing around as my brother rounded his wife to come toward me.

It was Kristian who answered me.

“Your nephew fell asleep in the sleigh right before we arrived. He’s having a difficult time sleeping so we didn’t want to rouse him. He’s under furs outside with his nanny.”

I looked up at my brother, into kind blue eyes that had never been anything but, even when they rested on me.

“Brother,” I whispered.

“Sister,” he whispered back.

Bloody hell.

I was going to weep.

Right in the grand hall of the Winter Palace, for the first time since I was a wee child, I was going to weep.

My brother there, tall, handsome, healthy and safe.

Me with him, perhaps not healthy, but also safe.

Our ordeal over.

The relief of it all surged over me and I didn’t know if I could withstand it.

I needed to escape.

Immediately.

Before I could do so, Kristian tore his glove from his hand and lifted it.

Cupping my cheek, he moved close to me, dipping his face to mine.

“Franka,” he said softly.

“I’m glad you’re well,” I forced out in a voice that was not my own. It was hoarse and unpolished.

He continued to speak in his quiet voice as if he only wished me to hear.

“It was bad.”

“It was,” I affirmed, wanting to touch him, to pull him to me, to wrap my arms around him and have him wrap his around me like we did when we were youngsters, before my mother and father put a stop to it.

Now his voice was gruff. “Sister.”

“I endured,” I shared the obvious.

His eyes started to get bright with tears when he replied, “You always did.”

I delicately cleared my throat and stepped back far enough away from him so his hand dropped.

“You need to settle your family. Rest. Have some luncheon. We’ll talk more when you’re revived from your journey.”

I included Brikitta in this invitation and noted she was staring at me like she’d never seen me, or indeed anything like me before.

“Yes, Franka. Of course,” Kristian said.

“Ah, they’ve arrived. Excellent.” We heard from behind us and we all turned to the voice to see Queen Aurora moving our way.

Brikitta and I dropped into curtsies. Kristian bowed.

“Rise, rise,” Aurora murmured. “Delighted you made it safely, Kristian, Brikitta,” she stated, sweeping them with her glance. “Your room awaits, one of the rooms with a nursery attached. Thus Timofei’s cot also awaits.”

“Our gratitude, your grace,” Kristian replied.

“Not at all,” she stated, turning and motioning to a hovering footman. “See them to their rooms and please see that their trunks are brought up and send a maid to them.”

“Yes, your grace,” the footman replied, doing a slight bow then extending a hand out to Kristian and Brikkita.

“We’ll sit together later, yes?” Kristian asked as he put his hand to his wife’s elbow.

“Of course,” I replied. “Pleased you’re all here safe.”

Brikitta nodded and her eyes skittered away. Kristian gave me a smile and then turned to Brikitta’s maid, “Please would you see how Nanny’s faring with Tim?”

“Yes, Lord Kristian.”

She promptly made her way to the front doors.

Kristian and Brikitta followed the footman.

Aurora made her way to me.

“You’re well, Franka?” she asked.

“Very well, my queen,” I answered.

“Lovely,” she said and began moving away, declaring, “Much looking forward to your lively discourse at dinner.”

I stood still and stared after her.

Then I felt the mirth bubble up my throat and only just managed to swallow it down.

I barely said anything at dinner. During the first dinner I’d been commanded to attend once I was well enough to do so, this was because I had no intention to. Last night it was because the conversation was so fast and furious between the men and women, I couldn’t get a word in.

I had a feeling that was my queen’s subtle way of telling me to fit my words in.

She really shouldn’t press for that. There was much surprising me recently and most of it had to do with my own behavior.

Therefore even I didn’t know what would happen.

 

* * * * *

 

It was surprisingly not me who caused a stir at dinner that evening.

It was my always mild-mannered brother.

This happened promptly after I informed him, once he and his family left the Winter Palace, I was journeying with Josette and our new acquisition across the Green Sea.

He was my dinner partner, sitting to my right, and I thought we had a cocoon of privacy thus it was safe to share this information without others inputting their opinions.

Until he shouted, “Have you gone mad?”

“Kristian,” I murmured, shocked at his reaction, including the sheer volume of it, and acutely aware of all eyes coming to us, particularly Noc’s, who was sitting directly across the table from me, his dinner partner Brikitta.

“The very idea is daft, Franka,” my brother bit out (still loudly). “I’ll not allow it.”

My surprise faded and I felt my jaw tighten.

He’d not allow it?

Kristian would not allow me to do something I wished to do?

It was not I who had gone mad. It was him.

No. That was inaccurate.

The entire world had gone mad all around me, taking me with it.

My parents were imprisoned, never to breathe free again.

I was being kind to my maid, asking her to call me my given name and calling upon her to make decisions on matters of great import, like who was going to attend my person and my clothing and my bedchamber.

I was allowing Noc to interfere in my life at any given moment, these moments chosen by him.

My cousin Frey liked me. His wife also liked me. Further, their friends liked me.

Those friends, the female and male ones, had accompanied me on a trying engagement simply in order to be near should I become upset.

My dead lover’s voice sounded in my head.

The queen of the entire bloody country had spoken to me like she was my nanny and later teased me like I was a fond friend of her daughter’s she’d known since they were in the schoolroom.

And worst of all, it seemed I had no control, not a whit, over any of it.

“What’s this?” Aurora queried.

I opened my mouth to intervene in hopes I could get my brother to remain silent, but he spoke before I could make a sound.

“My sister wishes to journey across the Green Sea,” he declared. “She intends to leave right after Brikitta and I depart for home, your grace.”

Queen Aurora assumed a severe expression. “Franka, is this true?”

I clenched my teeth, managed not to grind them and turned my torso to face the head of the table.

“Yes, my queen.”

“She won’t be doing it,” Kristian railed on, looking from Aurora to me. “If you don’t wish to return to your apartments after you’ve lost Antoine, which his understandable, Sister, then you’ll travel back with Brikitta and me. You can stay with us until you’ve made a sane decision about where you wish to go next. Hell, you can stay with us for good, as far as I care. The house is big enough and I know you like it, no matter what you’ve said.”

Brikitta made a noise during my brother’s latest that I deciphered as fear and panic, and I found myself intervening not only on my behalf but on hers as well.

“Brother, you know that’s not a good idea. I’m much better living on my own,” I replied swiftly, wishing I didn’t have to and further wishing that such private matters weren’t being shared in public.

But again having no choice.

“You’ll turn over a new leaf,” he sniffed, looking to his consommé and dipping his spoon into it, stating, “And that’s a matter sorted.”

“It is not,” I retorted, doing my all to keep the snap out of my voice and not exactly succeeding. “I’m quite keen on my plan and have no intention to alter it.”

Kristian rudely dropped his spoon in his consommé and turned back to me. “I believe you’ll change your mind when the pirates board your vessel.”

“No pirates will board the vessel,” I scoffed.

“Tell that to the many sailors who never returned, who likely felt the same before the pirates boarded their vessels,” Kristian retorted.

“Merchants make that journey often,” I replied.

“Merchants try to make that journey often,” Kristian responded and didn’t allow me time to counter. He looked to Frey. “What say you, Drakkar? How many go and how many come back?”

Frey was looking amused, which I was certain made me look annoyed since I felt that but didn’t feel like hiding it, as he answered, “I’d like to say the stakes are fifty-fifty. But I’d wager it’s more like thirty-seventy.”

I blew out an exasperated breath before I asked my cousin, “Have you been across those waters?”

“Yes,” he answered.

“How many times?” I inquired.

“Twice,” he stated.

I sat back in my chair smugly. “Then I’d say the stakes are far better than thirty-seventy, surely.”

“I’m a good seaman,” Frey retorted. “I’m handy with a variety of blades. Not to mention bows. My men are arguably better than me…at both. My ship is fast. And I have less scruples than a pirate when it comes to saving my men and my necks.” His lips formed a slow, superior grin. “Oh, and there’s the small fact I command dragons.”

I huffed and took up my spoon, requesting, “Can we please move on from this topic? I’m sure we all agree it’s no one’s business but my own.”

“My sister taking, at best, a fifty percent chance with her life to cross an expanse of water only to perhaps best that challenge, if she’s fortunate, to arrive in lands most of us know nothing about?” Kristian asked, his tone dripping in disbelief. “I think it’s anyone’s duty to talk her out of such foolhardiness.”

I didn’t even attempt to keep the snap out of my, “It’s not foolhardy.”

“It is,” Kristian returned heatedly. “Sheer folly. And reckless. And, frankly, absurd.”

It was me who rudely dropped my spoon in my consommé as my voice rose when I demanded, “How dare you!”

“I dare very easily when I’ve finally gotten my sister back only for her to decide to do something rash and idiotic that might make me lose her again,” he replied.

I snapped my mouth shut as my throat completely closed at his words in a way it was a miracle I didn’t immediately start gasping for air.

“You’re going to come home with us,” Kristian decided. “You’re going to get to know my wife and my son and the child my wife now carries once he or she comes,” he went on and my gaze flew to Brikitta who was now blushing.

But my brother had not finished.

“And if you don’t, you’ll be somewhere near, the furthest away Fleuridia, so you can visit us or we can visit you. I’ll hear no more talk about your ridiculous impulses. In fact, I’m determined you return with us. It’s clear with all you’ve endured recently your mind isn’t right and you need time to get it right again.”

I had many cutting retorts on the tip of my tongue.

But the new Franka turned her gaze to her sister-in-law and inquired, “You’re with child?”

“I…” more blushing from Brikitta, “yes.”

“I’m pleased for you, sister. Very.”

Her eyes grew large.

“As for you,” I looked back to my brother, “we’ll finish this discussion later.”

“We won’t, for the discussion is already finished,” he decreed.

“It is not.”

“It is.”

“It is not.”

“It is so.”

“Not!” I cried.

“So!” he shot back.

I heard laughter erupt all around us but through it I also heard Queen Aurora’s shuddering with amusement (shuddering!) command of, “Franka, no more talk of this nonsense. Kristian is right. Your plans are far too risky and you’ve decided them at a time when you’re vulnerable to making poor decisions. I forbid you to cross the Green Sea. At least for a year. Should you continue to wish to do so, perhaps it can be discussed again after that time.”

I stared at my sovereign, speechless.

The Queen of Lunwyn was not speechless.

She carried on.

“Your choices are to return to your brother’s home with your family or journey with me to Rimée Keep. With Frey, my Finnie and my wee Viktor off to Bellebryn, I’ll be quite alone and you’ll be lovely company.”

I would be lovely company?

Me?

I remained speechless.

Aurora did not.

“You have until Kristian and Brikitta depart five days hence to make your decision. Now,” she looked around the table, “that’s done. Allow us to toast Kristian and Brikitta’s lovely news and move on from sibling squabbles.”

She picked up her wineglass and all followed, including me. When a queen toasted, you didn’t demur.

But I was fuming because, apparently, the unexpected end to my parents’ years of torment caused me to be uncertain of my feelings and my future and my entire bloody nature and grow soft. However it caused my brother to grow a backbone. Not to mention an open willingness to engage in inappropriateness by drawing me into what could be described as none other than what the queen had deemed it.

A sibling bloody squabble.

At the royal bloody dinner table.

I sipped my wine, ignoring the smiles all around that I was sure had something to do with the fact my brother’s family was growing, but more to do with mirth at my brother and my antics.

Thus I did this frowning.

However, I noted the only one not seeming to have enjoyed our display was Noc. He was not smiling. He was regarding me intently.

When I caught his eyes, he mouthed, “All right?”

“Fine,” I mouthed back.

He continued studying me before he nodded.

“I do hope,” Aurora called out as everyone resumed eating, and I looked to her to see her attention set on Brikitta, “that your wee Timofei was able to get a good nap in this afternoon. Prior to Franka taking her maid shopping, she was quite thorough in addressing the servants to request that they practice quiet around your rooms as your wee one has been having trouble sleeping recently.”

By the goddess Adele, were my cheeks flaming?

Brikitta’s eyes darted to me and they were again large.

Yes, my cheeks were flaming.

Blast!

“A phase, I’m sure,” Aurora went on. “He’ll stop fretting and return to good sleep soon, mark my words.”

“I say, Franka,” Kristian began after the queen finished, speaking in my ear. “It’s too strange, gazing upon this gentleman who’s the vision of Prince Noctorno. Uncanny. I’m glad the prince has a scar or I wouldn’t be able to tell them apart.”

I turned my head and blasted my brother with an icy glare, stating without words I, unlike he, was not over our very recent spat.

He grinned at my glare and asked in a teasing tone, “Did you enjoy shopping with your maid?”

My glare intensified.

My brother took it in and did not cower.

He started chuckling and returned to his consommé.

With no other choice open to me, I also turned to my place setting, thinking I was not losing my touch.

It was gone.

And I had no choice as to what to think of that.

Except, so be it.