“I don’t think we have to get married,” Kelly said as Jake climbed into bed.
He leaned back against the pillows and thought about her words. Her tone wasn’t exactly excited, but it did give off the impression she was happy about that fact. The exact opposite could be said for Jake’s feelings about her words. They hadn’t talked about it since the game, even though Fiona somehow knew and about squeezed his leg off when she’d run up to him after the game.
Kelly was on her side of the bed, rolled on her right side so she faced him. Her gray eyes didn’t show the happiness her voice had. They were a little clouded, like her mind was thinking about a million different things.
“Why wouldn’t we get married?” Jake spoke slowly, as he tried to guess what could have happened during the game.
With Nina and Hannah there, specifically high-powered, knows-all-the-right-people Nina, he was worried they’d come up with another solution. As far as Jake was concerned, even if they had come up with a solution for the guardianship issue, it was just delaying the inevitable.
He wanted to marry Kelly, a fact that had gotten clearer as the day had gone by. Sure, they were sort of the exact opposite of each other, but that didn’t mean the marriage would be doomed from the start. They had plenty in common – they were both dedicated to family; even though it was on different scales, food and exercise were big parts of their lives; they both loved Fiona and Simon; and the more action and violence in a movie the better. There were tons of other things that Jake could think of for hours, but he stopped himself.
“Fiona says Brian wasn’t her dad. I don’t know if it’s true, but if it is, that’s got to hurt their case. They aren’t even related to one of the kids.”
“What?”
Jake sat up straight and turned to face Kelly. He had only seen Kirsten and Brian for a brief time at Nina and Brady’s wedding, and in the photos of them around the house, but he didn’t look particularly close at them. All he remembered thinking when he met Fiona was that she looked like Kelly, which meant she looked like Kirsten.
“I don’t know anything anymore,” Kelly said as she shrugged. “Apparently, Brian’s affair was with Mia, and he blamed it on the fact Fiona wasn’t his daughter. I have no idea what it means, but if we can prove that’s true, I don’t think we have to get married.”
Neither of them said a word as Jake tried to let the turn of events sink in. There was a chance it wasn’t true. It was the word of a six-year-old girl. Maybe she misheard something.
“Why’d Fiona bring it up? That just seems like such a weird thing for her to talk about at a hockey game.”
He assumed that was where it happened. Technically, it could have happened any time after he’d left to get ready for the game. It just felt like it was a more recent event, because Kelly still seemed to be processing it too. She relayed the facts, but her eyes said her mind was still going over them.
“I was telling Nina and Hannah about our meeting earlier in texts, and Nina let the whole marriage thing slip out. Fiona got all excited and started talking about how she’d have a new daddy.” Kelly paused for a second and scrunched her forehead. “Evidently, she’s already decided I’m not her aunt anymore and I’ve taken over Kirsten’s position. I told her that wasn’t the case, but she said that since Brian wasn’t her dad, she could basically pick anyone she wants for a mom and dad.”
“But Kirsten was her biological mom?”
Jake had trouble keeping up. Things had always seemed to be dramatic in Kelly’s life, but cheating spouses and paternity questions were right out of a soap opera.
“I assume so, but at this point, who knows? Maybe she was adopted.”
Kelly reached over and placed her hand on his arm. Her fingers were so cold that he grabbed her hand and started rubbing it between his hands. The silky nightgown she wore wasn’t doing anything to warm her up, and she hadn’t slipped under the covers yet.
Usually, when he was brushing his teeth for the night and getting dressed for bed, she changed into one of her provocative little nightgowns and hid under the covers. He only knew what she was wearing from the feel of it as he pulled her into him and kissed her goodnight. In the morning, he could see whatever she was wearing when she snuck out of bed, but it was the first time she’d shown him before dawn was approaching.
“Nina said she’d make some calls and see if we can get in somewhere tomorrow to run tests. I’ve been thinking about it, and if we test me and both kids, we should be able to verify whether I’m related to them and how closely they’re related. If Fee has a different dad, that should show up when comparing her to Simon.”
The logic made sense. It was a little surprising Nina offered to be involved, but if you wanted something fast-tracked, she was the person to see.
“And if it turns out Fiona and Simon are only half-siblings, you don’t want to get married anymore?”
As crazy as all the news was, it was time to circle back around to the comment that got the conversation started. Jake watched Kelly intently as she moved her bottom jaw around before saying anything. The fact that she was contemplating something seemed like a good sign.
“I said we don’t have to get married, not that I don’t want to. There is a difference between those two things.”
“Yes,” Jake said, nodding his head slowly. “There is a difference, but I wasn’t sure if you thought that was the case.”
He took the hand he was holding and lifted it, so Kelly was forced to sit up. He wanted her to look him in the eye, so she could see clearly that what he was about to say was the truth.
“I’ll just put it out there now that I want to get married no matter what happens with the guardianship thing. I know it’s kind of soon and all, but I think deep down that when you know you love someone and there’s not a chance of that changing, taking a step towards spending the rest of your lives together shouldn’t be restricted by how long you’ve known a person.”
“You love me?” she whispered.
Jake smiled and nodded. He liked that he was able to put the amazed expression on her face.
“You cannot begin to imagine how much I love you.”
As he thought about ways to describe it, Kelly had her own thoughts about the statement. She took her hand back, and her face turned a little dark.
“But we haven’t had sex yet.”
Furrowing his brow, Jake tried to figure out what that had to do with anything. With the way she huddled under the blanket most nights, he didn’t think she was ready for that step. Of course, he’d offered to marry her, which was about ten steps beyond having sex. Obviously, their relationship was a little atypical.
“Last I checked, you don’t have to have sex to be in love. Do you follow some crazy way of life that says otherwise?”
“No,” she said, shaking her head. “I just think that before we decide to get married, we should really make sure we’re compatible. I assume you want to have kids, right?”
The question took Jake aback. Since they’d been together, he’d read a little about sex with someone with an eating disorder, and there seemed to be a lot to consider. He’d been still trying to figure out how to approach just the act. The possibility of having kids was a whole other predicament.
“I think we’ll have to figure out the kid thing together. It’s not something that needs to be done today. I know there can be issues with your body shutting things off, so we can see how things go.”
Jake had always thought he’d be a father someday, but he knew not getting enough calories switched things off in Kelly. She hadn’t specifically told him that. Everything he read about anorexia and sex brought it up, though.
It wasn’t just the difficulties getting pregnant to worry about. Once Kelly did, Jake didn’t know how she’d act to her changing body. There were a lot of things to work out, when, and if, they ever got to that point.
“After spending so much time with Fee and Simon, I want to try to have kids, and I know I can, so we need to be on the same page. I know I don’t deserve to have kids of my own, but I want them. Do you want to have kids?”
The question was more direct the second time. Giving her position on the matter made it easier to answer without adding pressure on Kelly.
“Of course, you deserve to have kids of your own. I want you to be happy, and if having kids makes you happy, I’m all for it.”
It was a sideways way to answer, but Jake didn’t want to appear too eager. Kelly wasn’t talking about immediately starting on the path to becoming parents, at least Jake didn’t think she was. They were both only twenty-five, so they had plenty of time to figure things out.
“Well, then we need to figure out if we fit together. I know you just got done playing, so you’re probably tired, but are you up for getting naked and seeing what happens?”
Jake had been very careful about keeping any arousal from making things uncomfortable. He’d become an expert at picturing unappealing thoughts to calm himself down. But, hearing Kelly ask if they could have sex caused more than just a little twitch in his boxers.
He gave a short laugh and ran his right hand through his hair. He wanted to say yes. Oh God, he wanted to say yes.
“I know we’re talking about getting married and having kids and stuff, but I haven’t officially moved in, and my overnight bag doesn’t have condoms.”
It was a stupid thing not to pack when you were sleeping in a bed with someone you had dreams about having sex with. Jake just hadn’t felt they were at that point.
Kelly and he hadn’t even gone on an official date. They’d taken the kids out a few times, but they stayed in and watched TV or played with the kids more than anything else.
“So? I know it probably comes as a surprise, but I do have a clean bill of health. When I was looking for a way to not be the kids’ guardian, I went and had all sorts of tests done to see if maybe a medical issue would rule me out. Thankfully, I was dumb enough not to go to the doctor high, and apparently, other than the fact my restrictive diet puts me underweight, I’m completely healthy.”
Jake smiled. He hadn’t really been worried about STDs, although he realized maybe he should’ve been.
“I’m glad to hear that. I was a little more concerned about the possibility of making babies. We’ve both agreed we want to have them, but I wasn’t sure you were up for trying to make one tonight.”
Rather than answer, Kelly leaned towards him and kissed the right side of his mouth. Her big gray eyes stared into his during the entire move. The kiss was completely innocent in nature, but all the talk about having sex and kids had Jake craving more than an innocent kiss.
“Are you sure you want to do this? You’re going to have to tell me the rules. Lights on or off? What about clothes?”
He was curious to see what she looked like under the nighty. At the same time, he was worried whatever reaction he had would be taken the wrong way. He could already see her long legs and was sure he could almost wrap a single hand around one of her thighs, or at the very least her calf.
“Lights are okay, but I’m not ready for you to see me.” She laughed and rolled her eyes. “I know how stupid that sounds, since I’m sitting here trying to convince you to have sex with me.”
“That’s not stupid at all. What about me? Should I take my clothes off, or work around them?”
“Clothes off,” she said after a slight hesitation. “I don’t think it will be a problem.”
There was only an inch or two between their faces. Jake could smell the peppermint toothpaste Kelly had used to brush her teeth with every breath.
The closeness made it so he didn’t see Kelly’s hand move to reach for his crotch. He hissed as her fingers curled around his stiffening dick.
Jake watched Kelly’s eyes widen as she looked away from him to glance down. She’d felt a little bit of it against her back when they woke up in the mornings, but even that he tried to control.
“We can take it slow. Maybe we just stick to touching tonight?”
He was going to need a cold shower if that was the case, but Jake had to offer. He wasn’t sure what Kelly was used to, and he was pretty sure she hadn’t had sex since she’d been in the New York area, so his nine inches was probably a little overwhelming.
Kelly shook her head and looked back up. The cloudiness he’d seen when they first started talking about the craziness that was their life had disappeared. Hunger replaced it.
“We’re talking about getting married.”
She stopped speaking as her hand moved up to his waistband and pulled it down to free his penis from the confines of his boxers. For a brief second, the air felt cool against his bare skin, but Kelly’s hand quickly went back to work stroking the length of him.
“So?” he said, his voice a little hoarse.
She’d been saying something, and he figured it was somehow important. He was quickly losing interest in talking, so if she had something that needed to be said, she had to do it fast.
“Almost every night,” she said, moving forward by wrapping her free arm around his neck and spreading her legs apart to get in a better position. “This is what I dream about.”
Kelly lowered herself onto him, taking him deep inside of her with one quick movement. Almost half of him was still outside of her, but that didn’t matter as he closed his eyes and let the feel of her enveloping him register.
“Fuck me.” He thought that was said out loud, but it could’ve just been in his head.