♪ Two ♪
Jerith and Nicolette spent their week in Hawaii with happy abandon. Jerith took her to all the sites on the big island, as well as the important ones on the other islands. They visited Pearl Harbor, which impressed Nicolette a great deal. She’d been very interested in the Second World War in school, and had always wanted to visit what most people considered the reason America had gotten involved in the war. Jerith had watched her as she read every plaque and looked carefully at every artifact and photograph.
“You really like this stuff, huh?”
Nicolette glanced up from the photograph she was looking at. “Oh, yeah,” she said, her eyes bright. “I’m always interested in history. I minored in it, you know.”
“No, I didn’t know,” Jerith said chidingly. “I haven’t known you that long, yet.”
“Yet, huh?” Nicolette said, grinning.
Jerith grinned back. “Yeah…”
Later that evening, they had a quiet dinner in the hotel restaurant. Nicolette was tired from all the running around they’d been doing. Jerith watched her from across the table, thinking she looked incredibly beautiful. She was wearing a peach-colored silk dress; it looked amazing against the tan she’d gotten while on the island. She wore her usual light makeup, with a coral-colored lipstick. Her hair was pulled back from her face with coral combs he’d insisted on buying her that day in Honolulu.
“Have I told you how beautiful you are yet?” he asked, smiling at her.
“A number of times,” Nicolette said, smiling almost shyly at his compliment.
“Just checking.”
Later, when he got back to the room, Jerith called to see if anyone in the band had heard from either Billy or Alan Rothe. The drummer, Tommy Scalion, said he’d heard from Alan, and that Alan was all-time pissed off that Billy was in rehab. It wasn’t the fact that she’d started hurting herself that bothered Alan; it was the fact that she was out of touch with him, and that Skyler Kristiani was apparently keeping it that way. Jerith was pleased that Skyler wasn’t allowing Rothe to talk to Billy. He told Tommy to make sure Rothe didn’t get the number to his hotel unless it was an emergency. Tommy told him he’d die before he told Rothe. Jerith thanked the other man and hung up a few minutes later.
Nicolette was watching him from the bed. She’d kicked off her heels and was sitting with her tanned legs tucked under her. “You don’t want your manager to talk to Billy? Isn’t he supposed to be on your side?”
Jerith nodded with a grimace. “The key words there are ‘supposed to be.’ Alan’s a little tightly wound, and he doesn’t like to be out of control of any situation. Frankly, he’s a bit of a pain most of the time.”
“Then why is he your manager?” Nicolette asked as Jerith sat on the end of the bed. She moved to sit behind him, putting her hands on his shoulders. She felt the tenseness in his muscles and automatically started to massage them.
Jerith closed his eyes as he felt her hands move to smooth his knotted muscles. “He’s our manager because he’s good at what he does. But he has no concept of good and bad sometimes.”
“What does that mean?” Nicolette asked as she concentrated on his back, surprised at how tense he was.
Jerith sighed. “It means that he thinks Billy’s ‘problem’ is great for publicity. Like her arrest—he’d think that was great for the band.”
“Why?” Nicolette sounded shocked.
“The band has kind of a cult following, and he’d think that if the kids knew Billy had faults too, it would make us more popular.” He shrugged. “Who knows. He’d find a way to use it though, but I don’t want her weaknesses exploited like that.”
Nicolette put her arms around his waist and pressed her lips to the back of his neck. “Have I told you what a great guy you are?” she said, in the same tone he’d used at dinner earlier.
“Yeah,” he said, grinning as he slid his hands along her arms. “But you can tell me again, if you want to.”
She spread her hands over his chest, resting her cheek against his back. “You are a really great guy, Jerith Kid Michaels,” she said sincerely.
“I’m kind of fond of you too, Ms. Harris.” Jerith covered her hands with his own. They sat that way for a long time, feeling close and not willing to break the connection.
Finally Jerith turned around to face her. He reached up and removed the combs holding her hair. She reached up automatically to smooth her hair back; his finger under her chin stopped her. “Don’t,” he said softly, staring down into her eyes. “I like it looking a little tousled. Makes you more real.”
“Compared to plastic and paint?” she said, staring back into his eyes, one eyebrow raised sardonically.
“Hardly.” Jerith smiled at her use of his term. “Just not so controlled and orderly.”
“You don’t like controlled and orderly?” she asked softly, feeling deeply affected by his closeness and surprised that he still aroused her this way.
“There’s a time and a place for controlled and orderly.” He pushed her back on the bed and propped himself up with one elbow, his face inches from hers. “And on vacation with me isn’t it.”
“I see, Mr. Michaels. And how would you prefer me to be?”
“Wild and crazy would probably push you over the edge. How ’bout just wild?” he said suggestively, his grin wide.
“Tramp,” she said, smiling. She moved to kiss him before he could reply.
He was surprised when she moved to push him backward on the bed. From there she straddled his waist, hiking the skirt of her dress up. She kissed him all the while. She surprised him further by reaching up and pulling her dress off. Under it she wore a peach-colored lace-and-satin camisole-style slip. Jerith ran his hands over it appreciatively, resting them on her small waist. Nicolette reached down, unbuttoning his shirt and running her manicured nails over his chest. Then she leaned down and pressed her lips to his shoulder, then moved to kiss an inch lower, then another inch. Jerith was caressing her back, but she continued her slow, sensual travels undaunted.
Eventually she reached the top of his slacks, and she looked up at him from where she lay half over him. Jerith was watching her, and when she looked up he blew his breath out in a frustrated sigh, shaking his head and closing his eyes. “I have the biggest mouth,” he said, making Nicolette laugh lightly as she undid his pants. A few minutes later, Jerith wouldn’t have cared if Pearl Harbor happened all over again. He learned one important thing about Nicolette Harris that evening—not to challenge her unless he wanted to lose.
She made love to him that evening, surprising him with her provocative side. Although her wild side surprised him, he found that like her job, he liked it as part of her. Later that night they lay on the bed together. She was half sitting up against the headboard, with his head resting on her stomach. She stroked his hair, her nails lightly grazing his scalp.
“I love this,” he said softly.
“What?” she asked, her voice just as quiet.
“Being here with you. Laying here like this… the feel of your hands in my hair… everything.” He sounded very melancholy. They only had one more day of their vacation left.
“That’s a lot,” she said, grinning in the semi-darkness.
He shrugged. “There’s a lot I love about being with you—what can I say?”
“So what happens when the vacation’s over?” she said quietly. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know.
Jerith was quiet for a while. He didn’t even want to think about leaving her to go back to LA. “Well, I gave Billy a month to straighten herself out. So when we get back, I’ll still be around for two weeks or so…”
“And then we go back to reality,” she said, sighing. She felt angry all of a sudden.
“Are you mad?”
She was quiet for a long moment, then sighed again. “Yes, I am.”
“At me?” He didn’t understand.
“No, not really at you,” she said tentatively. Then she nodded. “Yes, actually, I am mad at you.”
Jerith sat up and looked down at her, his face showing his confusion. “Why?”
Nicolette closed her eyes, mad at herself now for ruining this time for them, but knowing she had to try and explain now. “I guess because now you’ve shown me so much, and I’ve enjoyed it, and now it’s going to end. It’s like being given a governor’s reprieve from a death sentence but finding out you’re still spending the rest of your life in jail.”
“Is that all?” Jerith said, sounding relieved. Nicolette gave him a sharp look, to which he held up his hands. “Babe, wait! I didn’t mean it the way it sounded,” he said, almost laughing. “I meant that nothing is ending. I told you before, I want to be with you. Remember the ‘LA’s not another planet’ conversation?”
“Yes, but nothing’s changed. I still have to go back to work, and you have an album to work on. We won’t see each other, there’ll be groupies—it sucks,” she said, surprising him with her vehemence.
“We’ll see each other, Nick. I promise. And you know how I feel about groupies,” he said, stroking her cheek.
“Yeah, right.”
“Hey! Have I lied to you yet?”
“Not that I know of,” she said stubbornly, not willing to give in just yet.
“Come on now.” He leaned down to kiss her.
“No,” she said mulishly, but Jerith could see the beginnings of a smile on her lips.
He kissed her again. This time his lips lingered on hers, his hands trailing up to hold the sides of her face gently. He continued to kiss her until he felt her smile. “I don’t want anyone but you, Nick,” he whispered against her lips. “And I’ll move mountains to see you. I promise.”
She nodded then, and moved to rest her head against his shoulder, nuzzling his neck with her lips. Jerith lay back against the headboard, drawing her with him. She lay with her head against his shoulder, her hand resting on his chest. His arm was around her shoulders, his free hand reaching up to stroke her hair and cheek. They lay like that for hours. Occasionally he would move to kiss her gently on the forehead. Nicolette couldn’t remember feeling so relaxed with a man, and Jerith couldn’t think of anything but being with her. He knew that despite his confident words, things were going to be a lot harder once he went back to LA.
****
Billy Montague was sure she was going to go crazy if she stayed at the center much longer. They were making her nuts with their constant questions. They wanted her to talk about herself, her childhood, her relationship with her mother, what had happened to her with her mother’s numerous boyfriends. Worst of all, they wanted her to talk about Skyler. They wanted her to tell them how she felt about him, how she’d felt when they’d been together ten years before, how she’d felt when he’d left, and how she felt now. Billy didn’t want to talk to them about it. She didn’t want to think about most of it, but they kept badgering her. She’d said a lot while she was going through withdrawals the first couple of days, and they’d obviously recorded it in some way or another, because they kept bringing things up that she had said.
“Do you really hate Skyler Kristiani?” the doctor was asking her for the millionth time. Billy looked back at the man, her blue eyes taking in the wrinkled collar of his shirt under his light sweater. Dr. Ben Houser was a mousy-looking guy, with brown hair, brown eyes, and glasses. There was absolutely nothing noteworthy about the man except the wrinkled collar.
“You married, Doc?” she asked.
“Why do you ask?” the doctor said, taken aback.
“’Cause if you are, your wife is a lousy housekeeper.” She shook her head ruefully.
“I see, and why would that be?”
Billy reached out and flipped up his collar, causing him to jump. “She can’t iron for shit.” Then she leaned back on the couch she was sitting on, giving the doctor a seductive look. “She good in bed, at least?”
“I… Ms. Montague, I don’t think…”
Billy was laughing now. She could see that she was getting to him, and she enjoyed the game. “Oh, Doc, lighten up. I won’t jump you right here in front of God and everybody,” she said, grinning her infamous grin.
The doctor was so shocked by what she was saying, he didn’t even move when she got up and walked away. All the way down the hall to her room, Billy congratulated herself. Sucker, she thought. As far as she was concerned, if the guy let her get to him so easily, he deserved to suffer. Sitting in her room, Billy evaluated her situation. She did feel better now that all the cocaine was out of her system. She knew there was a lot of emotional stuff going on inside her, but she didn’t think she needed to talk to anyone about it. Billy Montague had always been her own person; she didn’t need anyone, never had, never would. She thought about the phone call she’d made to Skyler the night before. She felt like an idiot. She’d had a moment of weakness and had wanted to hear his voice, but the minute she had, she’d heard all the voices of the people at the center, telling her she was too reliant on him, that she was using him as a crutch and that if she didn’t break free of him, she’d never really be over her addiction. That’s when she’d choked up and hung up on him.
Billy lay back on her bed, allowing herself to think about Skyler. It bothered her no end that she missed him like crazy. She missed his voice, his eyes, his lips, his hands, everything about him. She wanted nothing more at that moment than to feel his arms around her and to smell his cologne as he held her. Billy knew she was being stupid, and she knew she needed to talk to Skyler. He needed to know everything. He needed to know how she felt, and what she wanted. It made her feel all the more desperate to get out of the hospital. She had to talk to him, but she wanted it to be face to face. She needed some answers to her questions. The walls of the room seemed very confining suddenly, and she knew her body was craving cocaine. She hopped off the bed and walked down the hall and out the back door to the center.
The rehabilitation facility was located in the foothills, and had a beautiful view of snow-covered mountains from the grounds. The center was surrounded by woods, and Billy had found herself walking in them quite often in the last two days—every time her body craved the drug that had landed her there, which was still pretty often. She walked until her legs wouldn’t carry her anymore, then sat down on a rock. Billy’s heart was beating so hard in her ears, she didn’t hear the person come up behind her. She all but jumped out of her skin when two hands came around her waist. They tightened and turned her around.
“Alan! Jesus Christ!” she said, moving from his grasp and standing up. “What are you doing here?”
“That asshole of a boyfriend of yours wouldn’t let me talk to you, so I found out where the place was and waited for a chance to see you,” Alan said, his tone matter-of-fact. His eyes traveled over her body appreciatively. “You look pretty good to me—what’s this addict crap?”
“I am an addict, Alan,” Billy said, moving to sit on the rock again.
“You’ve let that jerk Kristiani tell you that.” He sat down next to her. “You do some coke—who doesn’t?”
“Look, Alan, I really don’t need your kind of cheering up right now, so why don’t you just go and harass Kid for a while.”
“Well, I’d like to,” Alan said, his tone as companionable as ever, “but he’s gone off on a vacation with some broad. All Tommy’ll tell me is that he went to Hawaii.” He looked pointedly at Billy to gauge her reaction, then continued. “Nice of him to take a vacation while you rot in this place,” he said disparagingly.
Billy didn’t reply, knowing that Alan was baiting her, but she was angry all the same. Jerith had gone to Hawaii and was apparently unreachable—he wasn’t even around if she needed him. It dragged at her, and started eroding her feeling of accomplishment. Suddenly the need for cocaine was screaming at her again, but she tamped down on the urge. In an effort to ignore her body’s craving she turned to Rothe. “So, why’d you want to see me?” she asked lightly.
“I wanted to make sure my star was alright. You know I worry about you.”
“You worry about your commission,” Billy retorted playfully.
“That’s not true, Billy, and you know it. You’re my girl, and I have to keep an eye on you, or you’ll do something crazy.”
“Yeah.” Billy made a sour face. “Well, where the hell were you four nights ago?”
“Why? What happened?” He looked concerned. Billy knew better, but somehow it didn’t matter right now.
“Never mind,” she said, looking up at him with her big blue eyes. “How was your vacation?”
“It was good, real good. But tell me about this Kristiani guy—who the hell is he?” Alan asked, wanting to know what he was up against.
Billy made a face. “He’s an old ghost from my past.” She shrugged. “No big deal.”
“But he stuck you in here.”
“Yeah,” Billy said, narrowing her eyes. “He’s a fucking narc. What do you expect?”
“So he really is a cop…” Alan said, mostly to himself.
“Oh yes, he is.” Billy nodded. “Did he threaten you?”
“No,” Alan said, his tone changing. “In fact, I had to remind him about you. He seemed really distracted when I called…” He trailed off, as if there was more he wanted to say but he’d thought better of it.
“Was there a woman there?” Billy asked, suddenly looking intense.
Alan was slow in answering. He shrugged. “I heard another voice in the background, telling him to hurry up,” he said, again allowing her to draw her own conclusions. He could see her mind clicking away. He was actually surprised when she turned her blue eyes up to his and he saw a seductive look there. He’d been interested in sleeping with her for the entire time he’d been Billy and the Kid’s manager, but he’d never crossed the line before. He’d waited for a signal from Billy. He was pretty sure he was seeing that signal now.
“So you came all the way here to make sure I was okay?” she said wistfully.
“Yes, I did.”
“Well,” she said, putting her arms around his neck and moving her body close to his. “Maybe you should check me out thoroughly then, to make sure I’m okay.”
Alan couldn’t think of anything to say. In fact, he couldn’t think at all, so intense was his reaction to her. He leaned down to kiss her and found her waiting for him. They had sex in the woods, and he left feeling very high. Billy went back to her room and took an extremely long, hot shower, feeling very disgusted with herself. When she got back to her room, she really wanted to call Skyler. She ended up yanking the phone cord out of the wall to keep herself from giving in. She was sure he was with Theresa again, and she hated him for it.
****
Skyler was in his office working at the computer when he heard the door open. He assumed it was one of the pilots, so he didn’t turn around right away.
“There’s something I never thought I’d see,” Theresa said from behind him.
Skyler turned around then, a pencil between his teeth. He looked at her with surprise in his light green eyes. He reached up and pulled the pencil from his mouth. “Terry, what’re you doin’ here?”
She smiled. “I came to take you to lunch.”
“Lunch, huh?”
Theresa leaned against the door jamb. “Lunch.”
Skyler looked at his watch, surprised that it was late enough for lunch already, then back at his ex-wife. “And what is it you thought you’d never see?” he said, belatedly remembering her first comment.
“You working on a computer,” she said, grinning at him.
He shrugged. “Gotta get into the twenty-first century sometime.”
“I guess. So can you break away?”
“Yeah, hold on a minute.” He turned back to the computer. Theresa watched him from the doorway. She was still amazed at the changes in him. She told him about her feelings when they were in his car twenty minutes later.
“You’ve changed a lot, Skyler.”
“Have I?” he said, surprised by her statement.
“Oh God, yes.” She grinned over at him. “You’re so much more relaxed now, not so wound up all the time.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” he said, but there wasn’t any anger in his voice.
“I mean, you used to be so set in your ways and your schedules. If anything came along to throw your plans off, you weren’t happy for hours on end. God, I remember when plans would get changed and I’d dread telling you because I knew it would send you into a fit. You hated to have anything alter or be unpredictable. I was sure you’d blow a gasket with the kids. That’s why I always took care of them—I knew you’d go nuts.”
Skyler glanced over at her, looking chagrined. “I was that bad, huh?”
“I can’t even begin to tell you. But you’ve changed now. I mean, like today, I showed up unannounced and changed your schedule, and you didn’t even bat an eyelash. Or last week when you ended up spending the whole day working on my car, or when your friend called you on your way to work, it didn’t even seem to faze you that things weren’t going as planned.” She sounded amazed.
Skyler didn’t say anything for a long moment, then nodded. “I think it was the heart attack that changed that. I guess I just decided life was too short to try and control everything.”
“Well, I like it,” Theresa said, smiling over at him. “How are you, anyway?”
He shrugged. “I’m okay.” He knew she was referring to the Billy situation. “She’s only called me once since she was there, last night. She didn’t even talk to me—she ended up hanging up, telling me she’d call back because she’d awakened me. It was weird.”
“Well, that wasn’t the only weird call she made, Skyler.”
Skyler glanced over at her. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, she called me last night too.”
“Why?” he said, suddenly looking worried. He didn’t want Billy badgering Theresa.
“I’m not really sure. She asked me about you. She wanted to know if I had threatened you into leaving her back in the old days. Is that what you told her?” she asked, sounding upset at the thought.
Skyler sighed. “No. I told her I couldn’t cheat on you anymore, and that I needed to try and make our marriage work. I’m sorry, Terry. I didn’t want you involved in this.”
“It’s okay, Skyler. I am involved, whether I like it or not. I just didn’t want to think that you had lied to both of us, you know.”
“I didn’t lie to you,” Skyler said, his voice even but not angry. “You knew I was seeing other women—I never hid it. It may have been an asshole way of handling things, but at least it was honest.”
Theresa didn’t say anything for a long time. She was thinking about what he had said. He was right—he hadn’t lied to her. If she had ever been brave enough to ask him where he was going, he had always said, “Where do you think?” with a look that said everything. She’d finally stopped asking—it had hurt too much—but she hadn’t been willing to lose him either.
“Billy was different though, wasn’t she?” she said finally.
Skyler looked over at his ex-wife, surprised by her question. “Why do you say that?”
“I could tell she was different by the way you acted. That’s why I finally confronted you about your screwing around. I was terrified.” Skyler didn’t reply; he only looked at her, waiting for her to explain. “I was afraid that you’d actually leave me for her. You were so much more distant when you were with her, and much angrier too. I remember the fights we had when you were seeing her. The littlest thing would set you off, and you’d end up storming out of the house and tearing off in this car,” she said, gesturing. “I was afraid that you’d either leave me or manage to kill yourself in this thing.”
“God, Terry,” Skyler said, feeling the weight of what she’d just said press in on him. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say… I didn’t realize I was putting you through all of that.”
“I think Billy had you wound so tight, you didn’t remember your own name half the time.”
Skyler visibly flinched from her words. It bothered him that she was confirming what he had felt since hooking up with Billy again. Billy was the kind of person who could swallow a person whole with her intensity. “Is that what you think is happening now?”
Theresa looked at him for a long moment. “Maybe. I don’t know. Here she is, a big star, all hot and flashy, and now she has a problem and she wants to blame you for that problem. She’s saying that it’s because of you that she started doing cocaine in the first place, to get over you. How’s that supposed to make you feel, Skyler? She’s trying to draw you in, and it’s working.”
Skyler didn’t say anything. He pulled into the parking lot of a Chinese restaurant and shut off the engine. Then he turned to her, his eyes searching hers.
Theresa reached out, taking his hand. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I know this isn’t really any of my business anymore. But I still care a lot for you, and I don’t want to see you caught up in something that will hurt you. Billy Montague is like a freight train barreling through a crowded town, heading straight for a brick wall, and I don’t want her to take you out with her.” There were tears in her eyes now as she looked at him. Skyler couldn’t contain the impulse to lean over and kiss her softly on the lips. He put his arms around her then, hugging her.
“Thank you,” he whispered into her hair. “I’m glad you at least care.”
A few minutes later, they went inside the restaurant and had lunch. They talked about other things. He told her about Michael’s ride-along time with him, and she told him about Chelsea’s new boyfriend. They enjoyed lunch, and when he took her back to pick up her car, he gave her a long hug, thanking her for getting him out of the office for a while. Theresa left feeling better about her relationship with him, and Skyler went back to work with a lot to think about.
It was Wednesday the following week when Billy was allowed to have outside visitors. Skyler wasn’t sure he was welcome until the night before. He was called not by Billy but by her doctor.
“Mr. Kristiani,” the doctor said, sounding very direct. “Ms. Montague has a number of issues to deal with where you are concerned. I think it best that she deals with them here.”
“Versus where?” Skyler said, obviously flustering the doctor.
“I… well… she… Mr. Kristiani, is it possible for you to come down?”
“I’ll be there,” Skyler said, grinning and shaking his head. The man really needed to learn to loosen up.
He drove to the center dressed in black chinos, a black-and-green-striped shirt, and black boots. He’d felt a little on the dark side that morning, but he figured the green lightened things up a little. He’d lain awake half the night wondering what Billy had told this doctor, wondering what he was walking into.
Skyler went in through the front door, oblivious to all the stares from the nurses, heedless of one young nurse’s tongue-tied inability to answer when he asked where he could find Dr. Houser.
“He’s down the hall to your left, handsome,” answered an older nurse, who didn’t get tongue-tied anymore.
Skyler gave her a brilliant smile. “Thanks, doll,” he said, and gave her a cavalier wink. Then he turned and walked down the hall.
Skyler didn’t know it, but it made the senior nurse’s day, especially when the younger nurses around her seemed so impressed. Skyler never did realize his effect on women.
Upon entering Dr. Houser’s office, he was met with a bland stare.
“I’m Skyler Kristiani,” he said, striding forward, his hand outstretched. The man, who was eight years his junior, took it limply, having to stare up at Skyler even as he stood.
“I’m glad you could make it, Mr. Kristiani. I wanted to talk to you before Ms. Montague joins us. She is very difficult, as you might imagine. She doesn’t think much of our methods.” The doctor gestured to an area that contained a couch and two chairs. Skyler opted for a chair, thinking the couch held way too much symbolism for him here.
“I tried to explain that to the admissions officer when I called,” Skyler said evenly. “Billy isn’t your average hyped-up user—she’s very intelligent, and a lot of psychobabble makes her pretty tense.”
“Yes, well,” the doctor said, looking a little nervous, “we try to get to the root of the problem here. If psychobabble becomes part of the explanation, then that’s what we tell the patient. In Ms. Montague’s case,” he said, pausing to pick up a folder that sat next to him on his desk, “she has a definite problem with commitment.”
Skyler shook his head, grinning. “Now, see, that’s what all three of my ex-wives would tell you about me, and I’m normal.”
The doctor stared back at him blankly. “Normal?”
“Never mind,” Skyler said, waving away the statement. “Go on, Doctor.”
“Yes, well… Ms. Montague has fixated on you as the hub of everything in her life, whether it be going right or going wrong. You are the center of everything for her, and that is, I’m sure you know, not healthy.”
Skyler stared back at the man, sure he was wrong. How could he be the center of everything for her? They’d only been back together for just under three weeks, and most of that time she’d spent at the center. “Doc, I hate to contradict you, but you gotta be kidding. I haven’t seen Billy in ten years. We just met up again about two and a half weeks ago.”
“I’ll let you see for yourself. But I think you should know that she has been progressing well in all areas of her rehabilitation. She readily admitted she was an addict. Sometimes that takes longer to get out of a person than the actual recovery time.”
Skyler nodded. He knew too that Billy was an excellent actress, and could bullshit this whole place if she set her mind to it.
After a few more minutes, the doctor buzzed his assistant and asked her to get “Ms. Montague.” Billy walked in a few minutes later. Skyler had stood automatically, and she all but threw herself into his arms, hugging him tightly.
“Skyler, Skyler, Skyler,” she whispered in his ear, over and over.
“I’m here, Billy. I’m here,” he said, surprised at her display of weakness. She usually at least tried to put on a good show for him.
“Get me out of here, please, Sky,” she whispered, still clinging to him, her arms wound tightly around his neck.
“Okay, babe, okay. But you gotta let me breathe,” he said, his voice holding humor as he reached up to disengage her arms from his neck. Still holding one of her hands, he walked her over to the couch and sat, pulling her down next to him. They both looked at the doctor, who had watched the whole scene with interest.
“How do you feel today, Ms. Montague?” the doctor asked, sounding like he was talking to a child. No wonder she hates it here, Skyler thought.
“I feel,” Billy said, doing a perfect impression of a schoolgirl, “like getting the hell out of this place.” She’d smiled winningly as she said it, but her tone could have cut glass.
“Now,” Dr. Houser said appeasingly, “we’ll discuss your release after we finish this session.”
Skyler felt Billy tense beside him, and a moment later, he felt her relax as she blew her breath out quietly. He knew she’d just resolved to tell the doctor anything he wanted to get out of the center.
The doctor proceeded to ask questions, and Billy answered them.
“Ms. Montague, when did you start taking drugs?”
“Ten years ago.”
“And why did you start taking drugs?”
“Because I am a weak-willed individual,” she recited.
Skyler looked down at her and saw her lips twitch, and he knew she was playing a part.
“Ms. Montague, that’s not what you said in your sessions. You told me that you missed Mr. Kristiani here, and that you wanted a way out. Is that true or not?”
Billy tensed, and Skyler sensed that he’d said something she didn’t want Skyler to hear.
“Ms. Montague, I asked you if that was true,” the doctor said evenly.
When Billy didn’t answer, he stood and walked around his desk, sitting in the chair right across from Billy and looking her straight in the eye. “Ms. Montague, is it true that you started taking drugs because you missed Mr. Kristiani?”
Billy shook her head, and Skyler could feel her starting to tremble.
The doctor leaned forward, pinning Billy with a sharp look. “Answer the question, Ms. Montague.”
“Hey,” Skyler said, his tone even but his look threatening. “Back off. Give her a little room to breathe, okay?”
Billy’s head snapped around at the sound of his voice, as if she’d actually forgotten he was there. “Skyler?” she said, her voice choked.
“It’s okay, Billy. Answer the question for him. I already know about the drugs when I left—just answer it for him.”
Her blue eyes searched his face. He wasn’t sure what she was looking for, but he thought she looked worried. Then she looked back at the doctor, her composure regained. “Yes, it’s true,” she said tonelessly. “I started doing drugs to forget Skyler.”
“Why did you continue doing drugs?” the doctor asked mildly.
“Because I’m an addict.”
“Have you ever tried to kill yourself?”
Billy was silent for a long moment. Then she nodded.
“How many times?”
Again Billy was silent. Then she surprised Skyler by saying, “Three times.”
“When were these times?” the doctor asked, looking pointedly at Skyler.
Billy stared at a blank spot on the wall just above Dr. Houser’s head as she answered the question. “The first time was the week after Skyler left me. I was really low, coming down for the first time from cocaine, and I was depressed. The second time was three years later, when I found out that Skyler had moved up here and had gotten a divorce anyway—one of his cop buddies told me when I ran into him. In fact, he was the one that found me and got me to the hospital just in time. Lucky me…”
“And the third time, Billy?” the doctor said. “When was the third time?”
Again Billy was quiet for a long time. Skyler squeezed her hand, trying to hide his shock at this information. He wanted to tell the doctor to just let it go, because he didn’t want to hear it anymore. Right about the time he opened his mouth, Billy began to speak again. “The third time was a year ago, when we were in Sacramento for a concert. I wanted to find him, but Kid told me not to be stupid. So instead I locked myself in our hotel bathroom and tried to take a lot of sleeping pills. Kid found me and dragged me to the hospital, just in time…” She trailed off, looking so dejected Skyler wanted to leave the room. He couldn’t believe he’d had this effect on her life. Why? It was all he could think.
“All of this because a man left you?” the doctor said, sounding cynical.
“Skyler’s more than that,” Billy said defensively, sitting up straighter on the couch.
“No, I’m not,” Skyler said softly.
Billy turned to look at him, her eyes glistening with tears. “You are, Skyler. You really are. Please take me out of here. I don’t want to answer any more of these questions. I just want to go back to your house and get away from all this. Please, Sky, please…”
Skyler looked down at her, wondering where this terrified child had come from. This wasn’t the Billy he knew, and he knew that her addiction and problems went far deeper than she was allowing this doctor to uncover. He wondered if he’d just chosen badly—maybe she needed more help than these people could give her. She was a different sort of person, after all. She was able to act her way out of just about anything, and he wondered if this was all a show for them, to make them think she could be so easily cured and then they’d let her out. But the look she was giving him now went straight to his heart, and it made him long to pick her up and carry her out of there.
“Billy,” he said, feeling weak, and knowing he shouldn’t.
“Mr. Kristiani, I have to advise against removing her at this time,” Dr. Houser said, sensing Skyler’s failing defenses and happy that someone like Billy Montague wasn’t testing him the way she was Skyler Kristiani.
Skyler glanced at the doctor, but Billy touched his cheek and brought his face back to look down at her. “Skyler, please, take me home,” she said softly.
“Billy,” Skyler said, after taking a long moment to regain his composure. “Babe, you have to get better, and you won’t if you’re with me.”
“Yes, I will!” she said, her voice rising slightly. “Skyler, I didn’t take anything the whole time we were together two weeks ago… and I only thought about it a couple of times. Please, you can get me over this. I don’t need all this psycho shit—I need to be out and free…”
Skyler looked at her for a long moment, thinking about what she’d said. She had been off the drugs for at least the three days they’d been together, and she hadn’t been high when he’d met up with her at the police department. She’d only tripped up when she was alone in the hotel room, but she hadn’t fully gotten over the cocaine then. Now she’d dried out for over a week and a half. Maybe if she had someone around to keep her straight for the next two weeks, he could turn her over to Jerith, and then she’d be okay. He knew she took Jerith’s threat seriously, and he knew that being Billy of Billy and the Kid was important to her. Maybe she could do it without all this therapy stuff. He’d seen other people do it.
He gave her a stern look. “Okay, Billy, you win. But I swear to God, if you cross me on this, I will personally put you away. You got it?”
Billy held up her right hand. “I swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God,” she said, grinning at him.
Skyler looked over at the doctor, who was shaking his head ruefully. “I’m sorry, Mr. Kristiani,” he said sympathetically as he stood and extended his hand to Skyler. “I do believe that I wouldn’t have been able to withstand that assault either, though. Please stay in touch. If you have any questions, or need any assistance, please call me.”
“I will. Thank you, Doctor.”
A half hour later, Skyler escorted Billy out of the center and to his car. Skyler was quiet on the ride home. Twenty minutes in, it was driving Billy crazy.
“Are you just going to give me the silent treatment for the rest of my life now?” she said, exasperated.
Skyler gave her a measured glance. “I’m not giving you the silent treatment.”
“So what are you doing then?”
“Honestly?” he said, his tone less than humorous. “I’m trying to convince myself I didn’t just do the dumbest thing I’ve done so far in my life.”
“You didn’t, Skyler. I promise.”
“Save it, Billy,” Skyler said, more sharply than he had meant to, but then he continued. “Don’t you think I know you were playing me?”
“I was not,” Billy said incredulously, her blue eyes wide.
Skyler looked over at her, and to her surprise, started to laugh. But once again, there was no humor in the sound. “I don’t think you even know when you’re lying anymore.”
“If you think so much of me,” Billy said, her tone growing sharper, “why am I here and not back there?” She gestured behind them in the general direction of the center.
Skyler shrugged. “I knew we were wasting those people’s time and my money,” he said simply.
Billy was taken aback. She hadn’t even imagined that he’d paid for her time at the center. She’d assumed he’d made some sort of arrangement with Alan or Jerith. “Wait a minute,” she said, putting her hand on his arm, her eyes searching his profile as he drove. “You paid for that?”
Skyler just nodded, not looking at her.
“Why?”
Skyler didn’t answer for a few seconds, then replied while keeping his eyes on the road. “Why’d you try to kill yourself three times? Over me?” He shook his head to indicate he didn’t believe it. “That’s what you want the doctor to think, and that’s what you’d like me to think, but I don’t buy it.”
She stared at him for a long minute, not sure how to reply. She thought she had made some sort of discovery in the center when she analyzed the times she’d tried to kill herself. She’d been elated to learn that her instability as a whole person related to one thing, one person. And now Skyler discounted it as a mere whim on her part. She couldn’t believe it. The doctor had agreed with her that Skyler seemed to be the hub of her existence—why didn’t Skyler? Maybe she needed to explain it to him better. Yes! Her mind grabbed that thought. Yes, if I explain how his leaving made me feel, he’ll understand how much I need him.
Billy said nothing for the rest of the drive. She simply sat staring at Skyler, trying to decide what she’d tell him to make him understand.
When they got back to the house, he opened the door for her and led her inside. It felt good to her, being in his house again. It smelled like him; it even felt like him. She glanced over at him, and saw that he was watching her from the doorway. “What?”
“Nothing,” he said.
Billy moved to sit on the couch, picking up one of the overstuffed pillows and hugging it to her. Then she patted the couch and looked up at him. “Come here,” she said, and then laughed at his hesitation. “I want to talk to you.”
Skyler narrowed his eyes slightly, as if sensing what he was in for, but then dropped his keys on the entryway table and walked over and lowered himself down on the couch. He sat with his left arm thrown casually over the back, one leg up, his other foot planted on the ground as if he didn’t want to get too comfortable just yet. “Okay, talk.”
Billy wasn’t sure how to start, but she forged ahead anyway. “Look, Skyler, when you and I met, I was real independent and I didn’t think I’d ever give a real shit about any guy. But then I set my sights on you, and you didn’t even care about me at all. When I finally got you, I was sure you’d leave Theresa for me. You had to, because I was in love with you, and that had to mean that you were in love with me too. That’s the way little girls are taught it, you know. When you meet Prince Charming, he’ll always love you too. He never leaves you for his wife. But you did, and it hurt a lot. I couldn’t believe that you actually gave me up for some woman that obviously wasn’t making you happy, otherwise you wouldn’t have been cheating on her in the first place. I wasn’t kidding when I told you that you annihilated me. You did—you might as well have steamrolled me, for as much damage as you caused. I don’t know how, or when, but somewhere along that time that we were together, I fell in love with you. Deeply in love with you.” She paused, looking at him. His face hadn’t changed at all. And she didn’t understand it. “Are you hearing what I’m telling you?” Skyler simply nodded. “Doesn’t any of this matter to you? It has to, otherwise why would you be trying so hard to help me?”
Billy stopped talking and looked at him, her anger evident on her face.
Skyler was silent for a long time, then said, “Is it my turn to talk now?”
“Don’t be an asshole, Skyler,” she said hotly.
“Okay,” he said, holding up his hand. “Let me get this straight. You knew I was married. I told you I was married. I even had the wedding band on to back it up. I told you I wouldn’t leave my wife, that my two kids were too damned important to do that. And while the sex was incredible and we had a really great time together, I never once told you that I loved you. And somehow out of all that, you managed to become obsessed with the idea of loving me?” He shook his head again. “I think you are remembering things a bit differently than they happened, my dear.” When Billy started to shake her head, he held up his hand again. “Did I ever tell you that I would leave Theresa?”
“No, but—”
He made a halting gesture. “No. That was the answer, Billy. Now, did I ever tell you that I loved you?”
Billy hesitated this time, seeing what he was doing. “No, but you were—”
This time the cutting gesture was violent. “No! That was the answer. I never said that I loved you. I did tell you repeatedly that I would not leave Theresa, and that I was no good for you and that you should find someone else. Right?”
Billy nodded solemnly. “Then why did you stay for so long?” she asked quietly, her head lowered dejectedly.
Skyler hesitated. He stood up and walked over to where she sat at the other end of the couch. He knelt in front of her and lifted her face to his. “Because I did care about you. I didn’t want to, but I did. I really didn’t want to hurt you, but I knew eventually I would. I was hoping you’d break it off before I did.” His light green eyes searched hers. “Billy, I didn’t say all of this to hurt you. I just don’t want you deciding that I’m the cause for your addiction and problems, so you can take the easy way out. I think your problems go a lot deeper than me. I think I’m just an easy answer. And when that doesn’t work, what then? You actually succeed at killing yourself, and the show’s over?” His voice was soft, and Billy couldn’t help but be drawn to it.
Skyler was surprised when tears actually came to her eyes and spilled down her cheeks. He pulled her into his embrace, feeling like a jerk for being as cold as he had, but knowing he was right. He just hoped they could figure her problems out before she decided to do something rash again.
“But what about the cocaine?” she said. Her voice was muffled against his shirt, but she didn’t move from his embrace.
“You’re addicted to the cocaine, Billy,” Skyler said. “I’m just an excuse to keep using. Every time your body thinks you’re really going to kick the habit, it thinks up a reason why you need just one more snort, one more hit, to get you by, and back you go again.”
She moved back just enough to look up at him, not enough to be out of the circle of his arms. “How do you know all this stuff?” She sounded a lot like Chelsea right then.
Skyler grinned. “I’m a narc, remember? I’ve seen a lot of addicts, and I’ve seen some give it up, and I’ve put others in body bags when they couldn’t kick the habit.” His tone was serious, and Billy nodded, looking appropriately affected by his words.
Billy slept for a few hours, with Skyler checking on her frequently to make sure there was no repeat of the last time he’d left her sleeping. When she awoke, she put on one of Skyler’s shirts and wandered down the hall to look for him.
She found him sitting on his back porch, staring off into space. She sat down next to him, feeling hesitant around him. Feeling like they were just starting out again.
Skyler glanced over at her, taking in the shirt.
“Why do you keep stealing my shirts?” he said mildly.
Billy looked back at him for a long moment, then shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess they make me feel closer to you.”
Skyler’s expression flickered, as if he couldn’t fathom the concept. Finally he shook his head.
“So, what are you thinking about out here?” she asked softly.
“You.”
She glanced over at him and saw a grin cross his face.
“Well, why don’t you sit there and keep thinking of me, and I’ll work on some dinner for us?” Billy said, standing.
“Can I think of anything but you?”
“No.” She leaned down impulsively and kissed him on the top of the head.
His laughter followed her into the house.
An hour later she had dinner prepared, and they ate. She’d managed a fairly decent salad and some garlic bread. Skyler was duly impressed. Afterward they relaxed, watching TV. Billy started out sitting on the couch with Skyler not too far away. Eventually, she was lying down with her head on a pillow in his lap. Billy had the remote and was flipping through channels when Skyler told her to back up.
He had her stop on MTV; a band he liked was playing. “Hey, maybe I’ll even see someone I know on here.”
Billy simply rolled her eyes and shook her head.
A little while later a Def Leppard video came on and he turned it up, utilizing the stereo hookup to its fullest capacity. The song was “Bringin’ on the Heartbreak.”
“This is you,” Skyler said as the song began.
Billy listened to the words. The lyrics talked about a woman always looking for something she couldn’t find, and because of that she was causing her own heartbreak.
As the song played on, Billy looked up at Skyler. “Is that what I’m doing?” she said. “Taking all the best of you?”
“Maybe,” he said quietly. “Maybe that’s all you want—the best—and you don’t want to see the rest of it.”
“Like I have you on some pedestal?” She was seeing a different angle now.
“Yeah, and what you think I am and what I am are two different things.”
“No, I know you’re incredible, Skyler. But maybe you were right about remembering things from the past in a better light than they were really in. You might be right about all of it.”
“Go figure.”
“Shut up.”
They continued to watch TV in companionable silence. Eventually Skyler could see that Billy was getting tired. “Come on,” he said, moving carefully out from under her head and then gently pulling her to her feet. “Bed time, little girl,” he said, sounding fatherly.
Billy nodded tiredly and let him lead her down the hallway. In his bedroom, he laid her carefully on the bed and then gave her a stern look. “You’ll be okay if I take a quick shower?”
Billy nodded. “I’ll be good,” she muttered sleepily.
Twenty minutes later, when Skyler climbed into bed next to her she was fast asleep. When she felt the weight of his body next to hers, however, she moved to curl up next to him. Skyler kissed her gently on the forehead and hugged her close.
The next morning, Skyler woke to the feeling of Billy’s fingers on his chest. She was stroking his skin and watching him sleep. She was still lying in the circle of his arms, and when he looked down at her she smiled up at him warmly.
“Good morning,” he said softly.
“Mmhmm,” she said, nodding. “I didn’t wake up in some cold, sterile hospital room. I woke up in your bed, laying in your arms. I’d say it’s a good morning.”
“What can I say to that?” he said, an amused smile on his lips. “So, what do you want to do today?”
“You mean now that I’m free?”
“Free? That’s a real nice way to put it.” Skyler grimaced. “I didn’t sentence you to jail—I wanted you to get help.”
Billy immediately looked chastened. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I know you were only trying to help me…” She trailed off, then glanced up at him, looking a bit impish. “You really want to know what I want to do today?”
“I don’t know—do I?”
Again she gave him a mischievous grin. “I want to go flying.”
Skyler looked surprised, and he started to shake his head. “Why do you want to do that?”
“I’ve never been flying with you. I want you to take me up in an airplane. I want to see you fly.” She pouted. “You did ask…”
Skyler nodded, knowing he wasn’t getting out of this one. “Okay, you win. I’ll take you flying. The next question is, what do you want to go up in? A plane or a helicopter?”
Billy hesitated. “Which one is less likely to make me sick?”
“A plane.”
“Then let’s go with that one,” she said, again sounding very young.
“Okay.” Skyler moved to get out of bed.
“Where are you going?” she asked, pulling him back down.
“You said you want to go flying—arrangements have to be made. I don’t own my own plane, you know.”
“Why don’t you have your own plane yet?” Billy tilted her head to the side. He’d talked about owning his own plane someday, ten years before.
“A decent airplane costs real money, Billy,” Skyler said, sounding fatherly. “I’m stretched pretty tight right now, financially.”
“Okay, make arrangements, and I’ll take a shower.”
“Okay…” Skyler said, still not sure what to make of her comments. Billy could be pretty obtuse when she wanted to be, and he figured now was one of those times.
He went to call one of his friends from the unit. The younger man was single and had the money to have his own plane. “Hey, Huff,” Skyler said when the pilot came on the line.
“Yeah, Skyler, what’s going on?”
“You still renting out your plane?”
“Yeah. You want to rent it?”
“Yep.”
“You got it. When?”
“Today?” Skyler said, sounding a little hesitant. “You still have it there at the hangar?”
“Sure do. Where’re you headed?”
“Don’t really know, just want to do some flyin’.”
“Okay. Well, I’ll get her fueled up, and I’ll see you when you get here.”
“Thanks, man,” Skyler said. They hung up, and Skyler went to get his shower out of the way.
Two hours later, they were in a Cessna 182 and preparing to take off. Billy watched as Skyler ran through his pre-flight checklist. He explained things to her as he went along. She was surprised when he opened the side window and shouted “Clear!” before starting the single propeller, even though there didn’t seem to be anyone around to hear his admonition.
“Why do you do that?” she asked.
Skyler looked over. “Before you start your engines and get the prop turning, you yell ‘Clear.’ That way, in case someone has walked up that you didn’t see, they’ll know you are getting ready to turn the prop.”
“Prop?” Billy said, looking confused, but then she started to nod. “Propeller. I get it.” Skyler smiled at her. “You all strapped in?”
“Yep,” Billy said, looking down at the shoulder harness and lap belt he had helped her fasten. She’d been surprised by the care he took in explaining what she should do in case they had to make an emergency landing. He had even gone over the procedure for exiting the aircraft if they had to make a water landing. At first Billy had thought he was kidding, but as she listened, she understood that he meant it. She remembered that Skyler took his flying very seriously, and it impressed her that he could maintain that level of professionalism even in a personal situation.
They had decided to fly up toward South Lake Tahoe and then circle around in the Nevada area to see what they could. During the flight, Skyler told her about the instrument panel and what things did. He managed to explain things to her in a way she’d understand. He would use the appropriate term first and then give her a layman’s explanation. He told her about the air currents, highs and lows, and how that predicted weather changes, and so on. Billy came away from the experience feeling even more impressed with Skyler than she had been before. She realized he knew a lot of things, and that she could actually learn a lot from being around him.
That night, they went out to dinner, and Billy questioned him about his flying.
“So, how much does an airplane like the one we flew today cost?”
“About sixty grand,” Skyler said, taking a drink of his wine. “And that doesn’t include a good GPS system.”
“GPS,” Billy said, narrowing her eyes for a moment. Then she snapped her fingers. “Global Positioning System.” She looked very proud of herself for remembering.
Skyler nodded, smiling. “But what does it do?”
Billy looked blank for a moment, then pursed her lips in thought. After a few long moments she shook her head. “I forgot,” she said, sounding apologetic.
“It lets you know where you’re at in the world, by using satellites.”
“Up in space, I remember that part,” she said, smiling.
“Then you get half a point for your answer.”
They were sitting at a cozy table, with a candle burning between them. It was local steak house that had a lot of charm. Skyler had picked it because he didn’t think anyone would notice or care that she was Billy Montague.
“Okay, so what do you like to fly more, helicopters or airplanes?” she asked as their salad was brought to the table.
Skyler waited politely for the waitress to finish serving them before answering, smiling at the young lady and thanking her. “I guess I’d have to say helicopters.”
“They’re more fun?”
“Fun?” Skyler said, bemused. “Yeah, I guess you could say that.”
“That’s what you learned to fly in, wasn’t it?”
“Yes.”
“Where, again?”
“Lebanon and the Middle East, mostly.”
“And that was when?”
Skyler thought about it for a moment, then gave her a direct look. “Right about the time you were born,” he said, narrowing his eyes.
“Oops!” She laughed. “That’s right. You were eighteen, huh?”
“Nineteen,” Skyler replied, giving her a mockingly sour look.
“Okay, so you flew helicopters. You flew… um… what’s it called again?”
“Medevac and transport.”
“Yeah, that’s it,” Billy said, nodding.
“I know, I was there.” Skyler sat back to look at her. “But I don’t remember telling you all of that.”
“You didn’t,” Billy said blandly. “I talked to one of your cop buddies way back when.”
Skyler gave her a suspicious look. “I see. So you were spying on me, were you?”
“Shit, I had to. You wouldn’t tell me anything.”
Skyler looked chagrined then. “Yeah, I know.”
Billy shook her head. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring that up. I know you were trying to keep me at arm’s length then. But I wanted to know about you—I wanted to know you.”
“I know, and I was a real asshole.”
Billy reached across the table, touching his hand. “Skyler, don’t say that.” She lowered her voice so the people at the next table wouldn’t hear her cussing. “You weren’t an asshole. You were a married man, and I didn’t want to believe it would never be more.”
“Still,” Skyler said, feeling particularly low.
“Stop it. Aren’t you the one that reminded me you were honest with me from the beginning? And you were.”
“To the point of being brutal, right?” Skyler said, his tone not losing its self-effacing edge.
Billy nodded. “Sometimes. Shit, even then I didn’t listen, did I?”
“Okay,” Skyler said, smiling finally. “You win. We were both jerks, and we deserve all the terrible things that have ever happened to us.”
Billy rolled her eyes. “I don’t think I’d go that far.”
Later that night, Billy lay against Skyler in bed while they watched TV, her nails tracing a lazy pattern on the arm he had curled around her.
“I just realized something,” she said, glancing back at him.
“What?”
“We’ve been together now for at least thirty-six or so hours, and you haven’t even kissed me once,” she said, sounding amazed.
“Imagine that.”
Billy turned around to look at him. “You mean you realized that, or is it that you planned it that way?”
Skyler laughed, holding up his hands innocently, although the look in his eyes told a different story. “There are other things in the world besides sex, Billy.”
“Ha!” Billy said haughtily, grinning all the while. “That means a lot coming from a man!”
“Oh, excuse me, our lady of chastity,” Skyler said, pretending to bow.
Billy laughed, slapping him on the arm. “You are such a brat!”
Skyler nodded, waggling his eyebrows at her.
“So,” she said, looking at him seriously. “Were you avoiding me on purpose?”
Detecting no anger in her voice, he didn’t answer her at first, then finally nodded. “In a way I was. I just don’t want to complicate things further, you know?”
“What do you mean, complicate?”
“Well,” Skyler said cautiously, “I don’t want things to get to be too much for you again…”
Billy watched him for a long moment, searching his eyes. “You’re afraid I’ll try and hurt myself again, aren’t you?”
Skyler didn’t answer, but it was obvious from the look on his face that she was right.
“Sky…” she said softly, reaching out to touch his cheek gently. “I was coming down then. Things were all mixed up in my head.”
“Well, I don’t want to mix them up again.”
“Skyler, being with you is the only sane, normal thing I have. And I need you so much. You bring me back down—you make me right.”
“Yeah, real right,” Skyler said. “Tried to commit suicide three times? Didn’t count this new outlet, I guess, huh?”
“We talked about that, didn’t we?” Billy said, sounding petulant now.
“Yes, we did, but you can’t explain away what happened here a week and half ago, can you?” Skyler said calmly.
Billy shook her head dejectedly. “No.”
“What happened?” Skyler asked, reaching over and taking her hand. “Why did you do that?”
Billy was quiet for a long time, like she was looking inside herself for the reasons. “I was depressed, I guess from coming down and all. And I guess seeing Theresa the afternoon before, and knowing that you slept with her again… it just seemed to be one big déjà vu…” She trailed off, looking up at him. Her blue eyes stared straight into his. “Did you sleep with her while I was in the center?”
“What?” Skyler said, still trying to assimilate what she’d said before that.
“Did you sleep with Theresa while I was locked up at the center?” Billy asked accusingly.
“What makes you think I slept with Theresa again?” he said, his tone still calm.
“Did you see her?”
“Yes, I saw her once. Why?”
“Did you fuck her or not, Skyler?” she asked, still sounding surprisingly calm considering her accusing words.
“Or not,” Skyler said, narrowing his light green eyes at her. “What is it you think you know, Billy?”
“Why didn’t you want Alan Rothe to see me?”
Skyler was taken aback by the question. “I didn’t want him hassling you. Obviously, you took his calls.”
“No,” she said, looking away. “I saw him. He came to the center.”
“What? They let him see you?”
“Actually…” Billy shrugged, still not looking directly at him. “He kinda snuck onto the grounds and followed me out into the woods…” She trailed off, and Skyler could tell there was something else. He could also see that she was avoiding his eyes now.
“And then what?”
“What do you mean, then what?” Her eyes flicked up to his and then away again.
Skyler moved to catch her gaze. “What’s goin’ on, Billy? What happened with Rothe? Did he talk you into conning me into getting you out?”
“You are so far off,” Billy said, shaking her head. Then she surprised him by giving him a direct look. “He said the morning he called you that you were with someone. He said the voice sounded female,” she blurted out.
Skyler looked at her blankly for a minute, then started to laugh. “Oh, Jesus Christ, Billy, you’ll believe anything that asshole tells you, won’t you? I was with Michael, and his voice changed a long time ago. Rothe was baiting you, and you fell for it.” He shook his head, looking serious now.
Billy looked surprised at first, then embarrassed, then mad. “That sonofabitch!” she said, slamming her hand down on her leg. “He knew what I’d think. He knew I was mad about Kid going off on a vacation, and he played on that. That bastard.” She jumped up from the bed and started pacing back and forth, as if trying to walk off her anger.
Skyler watched, his expression one of mild discontent and curiosity. “What’d he talk you into, Billy?” he asked blandly. “Or should I say, out of?” he said then, his tone deepening considerably.
Billy stopped pacing and looked over at him. The look of anger drained away as she realized what he was asking, and that he’d already surmised what had happened. But she refused to be accused in that way. “You’ve got no room to talk, Skyler James Kristiani,” she said, her hands on her hips.
Skyler nodded, agreeing with her, which served to fuel her anger.
“Don’t agree with me! You’re supposed to be pissed off, jealous, enraged, infuriated!”
“Maniacal, incensed, furious…”
“Shut up!” Billy said, hands on her hips, blue eyes points of fire. “Why aren’t you mad?” She sounded almost petulant, but her eyes were still narrowed at him.
Skyler shrugged. “Because, like you said, I have no room to talk.”
“That’s not the point! I slept with another guy. That’s supposed to really tee men off. How come it doesn’t work that way with you?”
Skyler laughed lightly, then looked at her seriously. “Was he better than me?” he asked seriously, but his eyes were twinkling with humor.
“Yes!” she retorted, but he could see the beginnings of a smile on her lips.
“Then I’ll have to kill him,” Skyler said, standing and walking over to her.
She looked up at him. “He’s stronger than you,” she said haughtily.
“Ha.” Skyler nodded. “But is he faster?”
“Not where it counts.”
“But can he kiss?” he asked then, bringing his lips down to within an inch of hers.
“Oh yes,” she whispered.
“Not like this, he can’t,” Skyler said, his voice sure as his lips claimed hers. The fire that burned ever bright between them ignited the moments their lips came into contact. Skyler wrapped his hands around her waist. She reached up to wind her arms around his neck, and clasped her legs around his waist as he lifted her off her feet. He carried her over to the bed and sat down. He caressed her back, sliding his hands under her shirt. Her body shuddered at the feel of his hands touching her bare skin.
“Skyler. Skyler,” she whispered against his lips.
“Just remember that name,” he said huskily. “’Cause you’re going to be screaming it soon.” He sounded like he was only half joking, and Billy found herself shivering with anticipation.
Their lovemaking was almost frenzied as they realized how much they’d missed each other. Later they lay together, still trying to catch their breath. Skyler lay on his back, and Billy on her side with her back to him. She held tightly to the arm that he had curled under her neck and around her shoulders.
“I’m sorry,” she said quietly against his shoulder.
“For what?”
“Alan.”
“Don’t be.”
“Why?”
“Because… shit happens,” Skyler said. Billy felt his shoulder moving as he shrugged.
“It’s nice to know you’re so possessive,” she said caustically.
“Hey.” Skyler kissed the top of her head. “Who’re you here with now?”
“You.”
“My point exactly,” he said, sounding satisfied.
“Yeah, but—”
“Shhh,” he said, cutting her off. “Go to sleep, Billy.” He turned, snuggling up against her.
“Okay,” she said, sounding again like the petulant child. She pressed her lips to his shoulder, then laid her cheek back against the same spot, closing her eyes. She fell asleep feeling the warmth of his body at her back and his hand stroking the hollow of her waist. It was a good feeling.