Arin

Yesterday’s shift marked a full week of work at the brothel, so Lawan called me over to her desk this morning and handed me an envelope.

“Your pay,” she said with a smile and a bow.

I’d never discussed money with Huck. I had no idea how much he intended to pay me. I only knew that I would keep working until the moment I got on the plane to head back to the States. No matter what happened between us, I didn’t expect any of this for free.

“It feels heavy,” I told her, opening the flap to see how much was inside.

I did a quick count; it came out to thirty-five thousand baht. Doing the math in my head, I estimated that to be a little over a thousand dollars.

It was more than I’d expected.

More like triple.

There was no way the women in this brothel, the ones who worked the same position as me, were paid that much. They probably didn’t even earn that in three months.

Just because I was sleeping with the boss didn’t mean I deserved a higher wage.

I needed to speak to Huck.

“Can I keep the money locked in your desk until the end of my shift?” I asked her.

She reached for a section of my hair and ran her fingers around it, like she was trying to tame the frizz. “Course.”

I thought she would have backed off and doted less as I healed. Just the opposite was true. The more time I spent here, the warmer she was around me.

It was her touch I enjoyed the most.

It was soft and motherly. For the briefest of seconds, I just wanted to close my eyes and let it bring me back to my own mother when she had done the same thing to me.

Her touching was her thing.

But I couldn’t close my eyes, and I didn’t want to get emotional, so I took a breath and asked, “Do you mind if I take my lunch outside?”

She let go of my hair to reach inside her desk, returning with a key that she placed in my palm. It went to the back door. I’d been using it every day since my walk.

“Bring it back when you’re done.”

I knew that, too.

“Thank you,” I said, bowing my head as I left.

I grabbed a cup of mango and brought it outside with me. I took a seat on the ground, leaning my back against the building. While I ate, I pulled up the Internet on my cell and found the website for the embassy. I’d already researched the process, what paperwork they needed, and now, I had the money it required.

Once I was sent my replacement passport, I would be headed home.

I typed my answers along each line of questions, and then I exited out of the website and brought my empty cup of mango back inside the brothel. It was too hot to spend any more time in the sun.

As I was walking to Lawan’s desk to return the key, a man stood from one of the chairs in the lounge and started coming toward me. The closer he got, the more he mirrored my path. If I stepped to the right, he did, too, and the same when I shifted to the left.

He was tall, like Huck, but he wasn’t nearly as built, and he was probably somewhere around his mid-twenties. His light coloring told me he wasn’t from India.

I’d never seen him before.

When I couldn’t take another step without running into him, I said, “Can I help you with something?”

I’d never spoken to a client. I didn’t even know if I was allowed to. Huck had made it very clear that he didn’t want them anywhere near me. Maybe I would wait for this guy’s response, and then I would kindly ask him to get out of my way.

“How much are you?” he barked.

How much…am I?

He wants to buy me?

He was American. For some reason, that made his question hurt even more.

His stare dropped to my breasts, and he licked across his top lip, showing teeth that were dark and chipped.

I felt like I was going to be sick.

“I’m not for sale.”

When his hand ran across my cheek, I tried to slap it away, but he grabbed both of my wrists with his other hand. He was so much stronger than me.

“Get off me,” I snarled. “Let go of me right now.”

He ignored me, continuing his journey all the way to the other side of my face where he paused at the corner of my mouth.

“I’m not kidding. Get your hands off me, or I’ll—”

He squeezed my cheeks, so I couldn’t open my mouth. “You’ll what? Scream? Looks like you can’t do that now, can you?”

Panic ran through me.

Where’s Lawan? The bouncer? Why is this man touching me, and no one is stopping him?

I looked a little past his body to see where everyone was. Lawan was standing next to her desk, speaking to a client and the girl he had chosen. Her back was to me; therefore, she had no idea this was going on. I looked to the right, and the bouncer was patting down a group of men who had just come in. He was too busy to notice me.

“Mmm,” I tried to hum to get someone’s attention.

A knee jabbed into my stomach, and all the air was kicked out of my body.

“Make another sound, and I’ll shove my fist straight up your cunt.”

I tried inhaling though my nose, but I was so worked up, I couldn’t calm myself enough to let any air in. My body turned numb. Anxiety had completely filled my chest. I was shaking. I was seeing black dots.

He released my cheeks, and I opened my mouth enough to fill my lungs. But air wasn’t the only thing that went inside. His fingers did, too, spreading my jaw as far as it would go. When I tried to make a noise, he pushed down on my tongue and gagged me.

“This one will do,” he said.

My heart rate sped up even more as another man joined us and said, “Think we can carry her back to our motel?”

The new man moved behind me as the first guy continued to inspect my mouth. It watered so badly, saliva dripped off my chin. My nostrils were flaring, and I still wasn’t getting enough air in.

There were hands on my ass that felt around each cheek and down my crack, and they went all the way up my back to my shoulders.

“Yeah, she’s real light,” the grabber said. “I should be able to sling her right over my shoulder.”

With the other guy still holding my wrists, I couldn’t punch. With him still in my mouth, I couldn’t scream. But I could kick, and I did it as hard as I could.

The second my toe hit his leg, the grabber roared into my ear, “No fighting, darlin’, or you’ll force us to get rough with you right here.”

There was no way out of this.

Bile began to churn in my stomach.

“Do we offer a couple of hundred to take her?” the guy in my mouth said.

“That much?” Grabber said. “There’s nothing special about her.”

“Then, I’ll offer them fifty. If they want more, I’ll pick her up, and I’ll walk the fuck out.”

“They won’t stop us. I’ll make sure of that.”

The fingers were suddenly pulled from my mouth, and a hand was slapped over it, so I couldn’t scream. Then, there were arms around me, and I was picked up into the air.

My nose was blocked. It wasn’t allowing any air in. I couldn’t scream. I had nothing to fight with. I couldn’t even wiggle now that he was holding me so tightly. My lungs were pounding. My throat felt thick and tight. Blood was rushing to my head, and the black dots returned.

I was about to pass out.

I needed air.

There wasn’t any.

The black dots were turning into giant circles.

They grew again.

Quickly.

“Put her down,” I heard.

I still felt us moving.

I still didn’t have any air.

But I knew that voice. That gravelly, erotic deep voice.

And then I heard that same voice say, “Put her down right now, or I will fucking gut you right here.”

“He’s got a gun, man.”

I wanted to see the guys’ faces one last time, like I was able to see the man’s face in Mumbai. I wanted to see their hands, like the ones I’d memorized in India.

And I wanted to see Huck’s.

But I saw nothing. Just big globs of black that were filling all the white spots.

My body hit something hard.

Everything inside me bounced.

Then, I hit the hardness again.

I felt pain.

I felt nothing.

The darkness grew until it completely took over.