Arin

Six Months Later

The lease was up on my apartment, and the landlord had emailed me, asking where to return my security deposit. I still had all of my things in storage. Most of it didn’t matter, except for a few pictures and a ring that was in the shape of a lion that I really wanted to keep. Instead of having her ship it, I thought it would be fun to take Huck to the States. He’d never been, and I wanted him to see where I had lived and spent the later part of my life.

The first few days we were there was mostly all sightseeing. Huck had been to cities all over the world, but none were quite like New York. I fed him pizza and bagels and pushcart hot dogs—things we could get in Bangkok, but they weren’t nearly as good.

On our last day, I set up a little surprise.

We both had appointments at a tattoo shop in lower Manhattan, and we were finally going to get inked together.

I was so nervous when I walked in the door of the shop. My body buzzed with energy. My eyes darted around the room until I found what I had been looking for.

And then I smiled.

I smiled so hard, I knew my face was red, and my feet were practically bouncing.

“Do you know what you’re getting?” Huck asked as he stood at the counter behind me after telling the woman we’d arrived for our appointments.

I closed my smile, shutting my lips, and I turned around to face him. “I do.”

“You’ll be up first, and your artist’s name is Steve,” the woman at the counter said to Huck. Then, she looked at me. “You’ll go after, and your artist will come and get you when he’s ready.”

“Thank you,” I said.

Huck and I took a seat on the couch.

When Steve came and got us, he brought us into his room.

Huck sat on the table and held out his hand and said, “I’d like a snake. Just a small one, orange-and-black stripes, and have it start here”—he pointed just above his thumb—“and end here.” It would go all the way to the nail on his index finger.

“You good if I freehand it?” Steve asked.

“Yeah, go for it,” Huck replied.

I sat on the stool beside Huck, and I watched Steve outline the snake in black. Then, he filled in each dark line and switched to orange to color in those blocks. When he was done, he held it up for me to look at.

“I love it,” I told him.

“Good,” Huck said. “Me, too.”

Steve rubbed some medicine over the tattoo and wrapped it in plastic.

Just as he finished, a man walked up to us. “You Arin?” the man asked. He had on black-rimmed glasses that I liked a whole lot.

“Yes,” I said.

He stuck out his hand for me to shake. “I’m Nix. I’ll be doing your tattoo today. If you guys are done here, you can follow me.”

I held Huck’s other hand, and we walked to a station on the opposite side of the shop. Nix sat down in a stool next to the table that I was now lying on top of.

He picked up a stencil off his desk, and he said, “I took what you emailed me, and I put my own spin on it. I’m going to place it in the spot you want it, and then you can tell me if you’d like anything changed.”

I almost laughed.

“No need,” I told him. “I’m sure it’s perfect. Just go ahead and start tattooing.”

He crumpled up the stencil. “I’m going to do it freehand then. It shouldn’t take me too long.”

I know.

“Okay,” I said.

He dipped the gun into the black ink and held my hand low and covered it, so only he and I could see it.

Each time Nix moved, he sent me some of his smell.

It was the spiciest scent.

A scent I’d tried to find on my passport, but the envelope had rubbed it away.

“Bring that chair over here,” I said to Huck, pointing at the one that was in front of Nix’s station.

Huck brought it over and sat on the other side of me. “How’s it feel?”

In the taxi on the way here, I’d told him I was a little anxious.

He thought it was because it was my first tattoo, and I was unsure about the process and how much it would hurt.

He was wrong to assume that.

“It doesn’t hurt at all,” I told him.

“My tough girl.”

I set my hand on my stomach, and I rubbed it in a circle as I listened to the humming of the machine. I’d never been to this shop, so I looked all around Nix’s station at the different animals he’d painted that were framed on his walls and of the pictures of the ones he’d tattooed.

Something on the floor caught my attention.

It was a purse. A large one with two round handles at the top and a body that could hold at least a few notebooks.

It was the kind of purse that was used by someone who had lots of tasks to complete and lots of things to carry around with her.

It was one I’d needed in my prior life.

Life before Bangkok, I liked to think of it as.

Sticking out the top of the bag were several sheets of white paper.

I knew what was written on them.

They were the letters I hadn’t sent.

And I knew what name I’d signed at the bottom.

Anonymous.

I loved that Nix had brought my bag for me. I was sure that, if I opened the inside pocket, the ring would be in there. And I would once we were all done here.

Nix took a paper towel and wiped my skin, removing all the excess ink.

He’d done hundreds of these over the years.

I was sure mine would be the best.

As Nix continued to clean and treat the tattoo, he said, “Have you named the baby yet?”

“We still haven’t decided on one,” Huck said. “I have a favorite, my girl here has a favorite, and we can’t seem to agree.”

“What are you having?” Nix asked.

“It’s a girl,” Huck answered.

Nix looked at me. “What’s your pick?”

“I’d like to name her Mina.” I gazed up at my husband and then back to Nix. “Huck doesn’t like that name because it reminds him of someone his mother didn’t like, but I think it would be perfect.”

“It’s a beautiful name,” Nix said with a wink. He pulled the paper towel away and released my hand, not before giving it a small squeeze. “You can check it out now.”

A warmth passed through me as I lifted my hand in the air to show Huck.

He stared at the piece and said, “Why did you get that?”

He was confused.

He didn’t understand.

I guessed I couldn’t blame him.

After all, it was a design that had been on his mother’s hand, and now, it was on mine.

But mine was a little different. Through the top of the piece was a snake. It was all yellow with a thin red stripe down the center. The snake was weaved underneath the deer skull that sat between my knuckles, and it slithered out the bottom.

“The snake is for us,” I told him. “It’s the first one I saw in your guest room, the one I know you loved so much, the one that was killed when Jack died.”

It was also the same one I’d killed, but Huck would never know that.

I’d had to start somewhere, and Jack had been the easiest one to find.

“What about the deer skull?” Huck asked me. He grabbed my hand and pulled it closer to him. “It’s just like my mom’s.” He gazed at me. “Why, Arin?”

I chewed the corner of my lip while I circled my stomach, recalling every step it had taken for me to get us here.

“I saw the picture of your mom that hangs in our living room, and I wanted to honor her in some way, especially after everything that happened with Shank. I don’t want to name our baby after her; that just feels weird. But putting a mark on my hand was something I could do.” I clung my fingers around his. “Now, I have a part of you and Jack and your mom, all combined into one.”

He still said nothing.

“Do you hate it?”

He shook his head. “No, I’m just surprised you’d do that for us.”

I smiled.

I’d done a whole lot more than that.

And Huck had done something for me in Venezuela.

He didn’t know that either.

My smile grew, and I felt myself blush. “Come kiss me.”

He got up from his chair, leaned down, and pressed his lips against mine. His scent wasn’t anything like the spice I’d smelled while I got my tattoo, but Huck’s was one I’d grown to love.

When our mouths finally separated, I hugged him.

I closed my eyes.

I saw the snake that I had shot, and I heard the words that had been screamed at me and the expression on that man’s face and all the silence that had followed.

I’d come full circle.

But, God, I still hated silence.

I hated when people were taken from me.

I didn’t have to worry because that would never happen again.

Huck loved me way too much, and he wouldn’t allow it.

I opened my eyes, and I noticed Nix standing several feet behind Huck. He stood in that spot, so I was able to see him.

I moved my lips out of Huck’s neck. I smiled one last time, and I mouthed, I’ve missed you, Daddy.