Chapter Fifty-Four

Covered in black, smudgy ash, Francis stood at Ashley’s front door. Some four hours prior in the wee hours of the morning, he, along with Harrison Wesley and a few of the other men, had escorted her home with orders for her to get some rest.

A gnawing anxiety tormented his gut. He’d killed a man. A man had died because of his action. When he’d gone after Kelly, he hadn’t given much thought as to what would happen when he found him. If Colton’s life hadn’t been on the line, Francis wasn’t sure he’d have had the nerve to shoot.

Killing an animal was one thing; killing a human being, something totally different. Francis was different inside because of it. Changed. He wasn’t the same man who’d pulled on his boots yesterday. One thing he did know, he’d do it again for Colton or any of the McCutcheons. Ashley too, of course. Any of the people he loved.

And what about Ashley? When they’d said good night, she’d kept her gaze trained far from his. Granted, he’d been flanked by the judge and others, but still, he’d thought they had something special between them.

The scent of cooking apples wafted to where he stood at her front door. Perhaps he should have taken time to wash and change, but Luke and the men were making ready to set out for home. Taking a calming breath, he removed his hat, then lifted his hand and knocked. He heard footsteps. Prayed they belonged to the girl he loved.

Her mother opened the door.

When she recognized who was calling, her gaze softened, and a smile resembling Ashley’s appeared on her face.

“I’d like to apologize for being so hard on you, young man,” she said first. “I was wrong about a lot of things.”

“Nothin’ to apologize for,” he said in a clear, strong voice. “You were only lookin’ after your daughter. I’ve come to speak with her, if I could.”

“She’s resting.”

The time was nearing eleven. Her room would be filled with the eastern sun, making sleep impossible. Surely she’d want to speak with him before he left Priest’s Crossing. How far should he press her mother? He’d only just crossed over from her bad side, and he was not anxious to return.

“I figured as much. My boss is almost ready to pull out of town. Do you think I might have one minute to say goodbye?”

Mrs. Adair ran a trembling hand down her apron and glanced at the hallway.

She’d forgiven him for seeing to her daughter, but she still didn’t seem keen on him as a suitor.

“I guess checking wouldn’t hurt.” She nodded for him to step inside and then quietly closed the door. Hurrying away, she returned in less than a minute. “Actually, she’s not in her bedroom as I’d thought. I’m sure you will find her out with her trees.”

Relief flooded his body. They’d get to speak in private. “Thank you.” He offered a friendly smile.

She nodded.

Not seeing Ashley close to the house, Francis walked down one row of trees, the scent of the fruit strong. Much work remained to be done. More, he thought, than the two women could accomplish before the critters ruined much of the fruit. He went deeper. Didn’t see her anywhere. Glanced about. Went to the patch of saplings, and still no Ashley. Without telling her mother, had she walked into town to see him? Was she as worried as he was about their parting? They were young and had just met, but that didn’t change the way he felt. A man knew when the right girl crossed his path.

Climbing the rise, he spotted her sitting on a rock by the stream. His heart swelled and happiness filled his soul. She must have caught sight of him, because she stood and waited. For the first time ever, her hair was loose, flowing around her shoulders. Strands glimmered in the sunshine and danced in the breeze. Her unreadable expression caused more trouble with the butterflies in his stomach. Red rimmed her beautiful green eyes. She’d been crying.

He reached for her hands taking them in his own. “Ashley.” That word was all he had. Unless he poured out his heart. He was sure that wasn’t the right thing to do. The men in the bunkhouse always said the fastest way to lose a woman was to proclaim your undying love too soon.

The warmth of her hands felt so right in his own. The connection the most magnificent feeling Francis had ever experienced, even over the kiss they’d shared. This moment could define his future. Never had he experienced a more significant instant in his life, except, maybe the day he’d been born. He didn’t want to lose her, and yet, in her eyes, he knew he already had. “I’ve come to say goodbye.” And beg you to come with me.

She nodded. Her lips twitched as she struggled to smile. “I thought as much.” She lifted her hand and cupped his cheek. “You look tired. Did you get any rest at all?”

“Naw. Still too much happenin’ in town.”

“And you’re leaving? Soon?”

“I’d say within the hour. The men are anxious to get home. I can’t blame ’em in the least.”

Her shoulders slumped. She dropped his hands to gaze at the water. So many things rushed through his mind. What would she say? Was this the end?

“I’m glad Mr. McCutcheon is feeling strong enough after what he went through.” She turned back, wiped away a tear. “I’m so thankful he survived and no one else was hurt.”

Pink Kelly is dead. A Cheyenne arrow lodged deep in his chest, next to my two bullets. But he knew what she meant. He was thankful, as well.

“Ashley, I’d like to stand here and make small talk all day, but my time’s run out. If I don’t speak now, I may never get another chance. This moment will pass, and be lost. We’ll separate and grow into different people. I don’t want to have a regret like that hangin’ on my heart. I want to tell you how I feel and what I’m thinkin’. I hope you’ll hear me out with an open mind.”

Her lips twisted and her brow drew down. A trembling came over her limbs.

He’d never seen such devastated sadness on her face. Stop now, before all is lost. Give her some time. Ride back next month. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and all that…

Stifling his feelings would be the prudent thing to do, but he couldn’t. He had to know how she felt.

“I love you, Ashley. I want to marry you.”

In one blink, her eyes filled with tears and overflowed in a mighty gush. She brushed them away and kept staring at his face.

Not the reaction he’d hoped for, but she was still listening. “I plan to always work for the McCutcheons, but I promise that will provide a good life. You won’t be sorry. My goal every day will be to make you happy.”

She placed her fingers on his lips. “Please, Francis, I can’t. Even if I wanted to with all my heart. I can’t leave my home. My mother. She has no one else.” She brushed away more large, glistening tears and then looked off at the orchard. “And I can’t leave my trees. This truth will be difficult for you to understand, but they’re everything to me. I’ve been tending them with love for nine long years. So many things tether me to Priest’s Crossing. And what about my teaching position? I can’t forget about the children who depend on me either. I love what I do. My hands are tied well and good. Even if I wanted to marry you, Francis, I just can’t.”

Two large crows landed in the tree on the top of the bank and cawed out a mocking taunt. The fruit was in danger. And so was his heart. She couldn’t give up her life for him, but in all honesty, if she asked him to move here to Priest’s Crossing, could he give up the McCutcheons and the ranch for her? That was a scary thought.

“Twice you’ve said, ‘even if I wanted to.’ Do you want to, Ashley? Do you want to marry me? I know we’re only eighteen, but that’s not so young. I know plenty of couples who have done just fine starting out young. If you could, would you? If all those other factors weren’t issues?”

“That doesn’t matter. They are issues. And my heart is breaking because of them.”

Crushing defeat almost cut his knees out from under him. This exchange was really the end. He’d been dreaming for days, and especially since the kiss, that somehow, like in a fairy tale, everything would work out. She’d return with him to Y Knot, they’d marry, and everyone would live happily ever after. That just wasn’t happening.

When he returned, the men would give him sad looks and pat him on his back. They’d say he’d get over her in time, that he and Ashley were young, didn’t know their minds. That he’d thank God when he met the real woman that was meant for him, but Francis didn’t think so. All he knew was the love of his life was turning him down. In the next hour, he’d ride out of her life, and the break would be final. He never figured this result to be the end of his dreams.

I can’t make you love me.

Stepping closer, he wrapped her in his arms, pulled her close, and found her lips. He’d probably regret this move, but he couldn’t stop himself. His heart, as large as he’d believed it could grow, ached, and then pushed out farther, throbbing with love, with want, growing in his chest even as sorrow pushed in behind. He didn’t know if he could look her in the eye when the time came to walk away.

Her hands pulled him closer, running up and down his chest to finally loop around his neck in the most perfect fit. The kiss turned from sweet to urgent. She understood as well as he did this embrace was the end.