Sitting on the kitchen counter, Lake clung to me as if I might disappear into thin air. I couldn’t really blame her. Even as I stood right between her legs, I could hardly believe where I was.

She’d begun to shake again. I wanted to gorge on her, lose myself in her, forget anything outside this apartment existed, but I worried that if Lake didn’t understand the life I was leaving behind, the worse it’d be when she was forced to face it. Tiffany wouldn’t lose just a husband, but a home, stability—and a future.

“When I got on the plane here, Lake, I knew what I was getting into,” I said. “If I arrived and saw that this was where I needed to be, I knew what I’d be leaving behind. But you don’t. You know nothing about my life there.”

“Why do I need to? Will it change anything?”

I hesitated. “For me, no. I already know what’s at stake.” Asking me to end my marriage was fine for Lake, because she hadn’t been around for any of it. I was the one who’d surprised Tiffany with a trip to the car dealership after her promotion to assistant buyer. It was me who’d fought with her endlessly over her dirty dishes and the dust I created working in the backyard and each of us forgetting to close the garage door. We were over halfway through a remodel on a home we’d bought together and for which we’d painstakingly chosen granites and paint colors and goddamn cabinet handles and God knew what else—it was always something with the fucking house. If it wasn’t the expense and energy of remodeling, it was the guilt I harbored for wearing a suit every day while other men built my home. Tiffany didn’t hear me when I told her I hated that not even a drop of my own sweat had gone into putting a roof over our heads. She even bought brand new furniture because what I made didn’t come from a store.

None of that occurred to Lake, though, because she lived in fucking la-la land where love was the only thing that mattered. And I loved her for it. I wanted her to stay there, but more than that, I didn’t want Lake to wake up one day and resent me or herself for the life she’d pulled out from under her sister. In the past twenty-four hours, I’d seen that Lake could handle herself here in New York, and if she could do that, then she could face the truths I would’ve kept from her years ago. “I hope it wouldn’t change anything for you, either,” I said, “but you should still know.”

“There’s nothing that can make me feel better or worse. Even if it’s a bad marriage.” She curled a hand against my back. “Is it?”

“In some ways, it’s the kind of marriage I thought it would be. We get along most of the time. We have fun. When she pulls shit with me, I call her on it, but I get tired of that.” Tiffany hated when I traveled and would go out of her way to make me feel guilty about it. And when I was home, she tried to manipulate me into doing things I didn’t care about, like shop, or go to rooftop bars with her friends, or sit on my ass at the beach when we had a perfectly good pool at home. I started to pull away from Lake. If we were going to talk about Tiffany, I figured I should get dressed. “I want a partner,” I said, “not someone I have to babysit or watch myself around.”

“Don’t go,” Lake said, climbing back onto me. “Don’t leave this spot. Don’t talk about her.” She nuzzled my cheek, then drew back to look me in the face. In a breathy voice, she said, “I just want you to promise me this is it for us.”

There were times at home I couldn’t picture Lake clearly, she’d been away so long. But I’d never, not one day, forgotten the unusual blue of her eyes. Anything I’d come across in that color had been like a blow to the chest, but not anymore. Now, I wanted to live in that color. “I promise you, Lake, it’s you and me now,” I said. “I wouldn’t be here now if there were another way.”

“I need more.” She moaned when I pulled her a little too far onto the head of my dick. “You owe me more.”

Her hair was tangled from my hands, her cheeks flushed from my cock partway inside her. What I needed was to either separate from her or fuck her, to feel the friction of her airtight pussy. In that moment I’d give her whatever she wanted. “I thought the passion my parents had could only turn me bad,” I said to her, “but it’s going without it that’s put me too close to the edge. I need to be able to feel you whenever I want. What do you need?”

She breathed through her mouth, looking about as frustrated as I felt not being inside her. “Leave Orange County and come live here,” she said.

Southern California was the only home I’d ever known. I’d fought my way to a living. I had a house, a wife, and a career that was making me richer than I’d ever dreamed I’d be. I knew what Lake would say to that, though, because she’d said it before—those were just details. This, her and me, was what mattered. Back then, I’d told her it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t going to do that to her again. “Of course I’ll come,” I said. “I had more than enough time to think it over as I sat outside your door all night. What I’m more worried about is work and supporting us.”

“You cannot work for my dad anymore. I want nothing to do with them. That’s the only way we’ll work.”

I took a few measured breaths, scanning her face. I couldn’t picture myself in a city, but I already knew I wasn’t going to be anywhere Lake wasn’t. What she was asking for, it was an easy promise to make, because it was exactly what I wanted. “I’ll do anything to get you, Lake. If you want me to quit and move, consider it done.”

She gripped my shoulders. Her strength, the urgency in her voice, surprised me. “Promise me.”

“This’ll break your relationship with Tiffany,” I warned. “I can’t protect you from that.”

“It’s already broken. I can handle it. Just promise me.”

“I promise. The move, the job, the divorce, I promise, now tell me what else you want.”

“I want . . .” She avoided my eyes, struggling to get it out, and that had me hanging on her every word. Was there anything I couldn’t give her? “I want—I want you inside me.”

With that, I lost any sense of what we were talking about. I pulled her nearly off the counter and onto my dick. The sheet fell in a heap at our feet. She slid on easier this time, but it was still the tightest fit I’d ever experienced. To know I was the first man to make her feel this good, to love not just her mind and her heart, but now her body, too, it did things to me. Things that terrified and exhilarated me. I’d kept her at arm’s length for a long time because the passion between us, even when it’d been strangled, scared me.

“Why’d you sit outside my door all night?” she whispered hotly. “Why didn’t you just come in?”

“You know why. I wanted you to be sure and come to me. I didn’t sit there waiting, though. I was worried about the broken lock.”

She sucked in a breath as I filled her all the way, until I couldn’t get any deeper. “The lock?” she asked.

“Had to make sure you were safe from intruders,” I teased, murmuring in her ear. “But believe me when I say, I thought about breaking in. Intruding on you. Why do you think I was standing at the door when you opened it, fighting myself from coming in?”

Her arms clenched around my neck, her eyes squeezing shut as I started to slide in and out of her. “I want you to come in,” she said.

I growled a little, watching her take me deeper and deeper. “Look at you,” I murmured to her. “You’re perfect for me.”

“You’re too big,” she said.

“No I’m not.” I never wanted to hurt her, especially her first time, but admittedly, it turned me on to know I was breaking her in—that we’d spend a lifetime fitting ourselves together. “I’m not too big and you aren’t too small,” I repeated, “because my body was made just for yours.”

“Erase it for me,” she whispered.

It killed me that in that moment, she was thinking about the women—woman—who’d come before her. If I thought ending things with Tiffany now instead of later would make this easier, maybe I would’ve, but I owed Tiffany more than a phone call from her sister’s apartment. All I could offer was to make Lake feel good. I wanted to do that above all else. “I can erase it. I can fuck it all right out of you. Just say the word.”

She nodded. “Do that.”

I twitched inside her just remembering how she’d asked for it earlier to cover up her timidity. Her virginity. Which now belonged to me. It was my own fault she’d waited this long, but I couldn’t say I was sorry about it. Once, I’d wanted her to stay that untouched girl. Not anymore. Now, I wanted those words she’d swallowed and saved, as much as I wanted to be the only man to ever get them. “Do what?” I encouraged.

She lowered her eyes. The flush that crept up her chest turned my rock-hard erection to steel. She wasn’t the same girl I’d met six years ago, but I hated to admit that her innocence still turned me on as much as anything. So many times I’d restricted my fantasies that it had become a sort of game for me. The things I couldn’t have. I’d get so overcome with my need for Lake, that some nights, picturing Lake was the only way I’d get off.

“I can’t say it again,” she said. “I’m too embarrassed.”

“Mmm.” I angled to kiss her neck, her collarbone. “I tried so hard not to corrupt you, and now I don’t plan to do anything but. You don’t have to ask me for anything this morning. We’ll get there.” Reluctantly, I drew back from her. “But first we need a condom.”

Lake chewed her bottom lip. “Maybe we should just . . . I mean, do you really think I’d get pregnant?”

Well, fuck. I hadn’t expected her to say that, and it made my erection rage harder. I’d thought a lot about having kids in a big-picture sense but the primal urge to procreate was specific to Lake. In other words, I wanted to put a baby in her now. I had no desire to put a layer of anything between us. But one urge of mine trumped all others—protect her.

“Until you and I are here and settled, we gotta use a condom,” I said, internally cursing myself. I’d lost control earlier, and as goddamn heavenly as it’d felt, I couldn’t put Lake at risk again. “So I better tear myself away and go find a convenience store.”

Lake scooted to the edge of the counter and used her foot to open a kitchen drawer. Amidst loose batteries, chopsticks, and a laminated Blockbuster card laid a chain of Trojan packets. “Good thing Val likes to have sex,” she said.

“Good fucking thing indeed,” I said, picking them out of the junk pile. I was about to tear one off, but instead, I palmed the whole string of them, picked Lake up off the counter, and carried her to the bedroom. I’d had enough of this cold, soulless kitchen.

“Should we leave any for Val?” she asked with a half-smile.

“Nope.”

I set her down. I wanted to watch her put the condom on me, but not now. I was too eager. “On the bed,” I said.

She slid back on the mattress, watching as I ripped a packet open with my teeth and rolled on the condom. As I secured it, I had to admit I liked the apprehensive yet rapt look on her face.

I crawled over her until she was on her back, noting how her lips were already reddened and roughened from my mouth. I catalogued her freckles as I kissed my way over her right shoulder, down to her elbow. I turned over her forearm, touching the faint crescent scar from a kitten bite, and pressed my mouth to the thin skin of her wrist. Her stomach rose and fell. I inspected the lines of her palm, the downy hair on the backs of her knuckles, the delicate pink of her fingernails. I laced our hands together, turning them over.

“What are you doing?” she asked breathlessly.

“I want to know all the ways you fit me.”

“Why?”

I put her right arm back and started on the left. “Does it feel good?” I asked.

“Yes.”

“Then let me do it.” I was learning her. I’d have the rest of my life to do it, but I was greedy. I wanted to know now. I’d been confined by my imagination all these years. No more. If I touched her and she twitched, or her nipples stood a little taller, or her hips bucked, I’d tuck that information away for later.

I ghosted my mouth between her tits, and her areolas went pink and pebbled. I palmed the bottom of one breast and stretched my fingers to her collarbone. Her nipple grew into the heart of my palm.

“I’m sorry they’re small,” she said.

“What?” I asked.

“My breasts. They aren’t that big.”

I looked up at her. If they were small or perky or blemished or gold-tipped, I didn’t notice. They seemed just right, and they were hers, and mine, so I wouldn’t change a thing. “Are your nipples sensitive?” I asked.

“I think so.”

“Does it feel good to have my hand on them?”

Slowly, watching me, she nodded.

“How about my mouth?” I lowered my head, taking half her breast into my mouth, sucking up until I’d reached the tiny pink peak. If I splayed my fingers wide enough, I could squeeze both tits in one hand. I’d sink my cock between them and they wouldn’t meet over the top of my shaft. These were things I needed to know. I’d known nothing up until hours ago, and now I’d learn it all.

Lake fisted my hair. I realized I’d been sucking on her nipple hard enough to make her squirm. I tugged it between my teeth, and she urged her pelvis into my chest. Gently, I felt her between the legs. She was wet enough that I knew it was working. However long it took to get her off, I’d do it, but sooner was better so I could start over again.

I slid down farther, to the bottom of her ribcage, her belly button and pubic bone. She was covered in fine light hair that begged to be caressed. It didn’t look as if she’d ever shaved, and she was blonde enough that she didn’t need to. I would show her how, though. My chest inflated as I thought of designing her most intimate parts to my satisfaction.

I pushed her thighs open, and she tried to close them. “Stop,” she said.

She was embarrassed. I planned to inspect every part of her, but I understood if she had a long way to go until she was comfortable with me. “Have you ever looked at yourself?” I asked.

“No.”

I thumbed her folds apart and found her pink as candy. I licked my lips as she tried to shove my head away. “Manning.”

“It’s your first time?”

“Yes.”

“Mine too.” That was a lie, but as far as Lake was concerned, it was true. She didn’t look placated. Maybe she didn’t realize what a big deal that was. Eating a girl out was as intimate as kissing her. I’d never cared too much for it. I did it to be fair. But with Lake, I needed it, and bad, and in that sense, it was a first for me.

“Maybe we should wait,” she said. “I haven’t showered since before the show.”

“I need you like this,” I said. “Not perfect and clean and shiny. I want to eat you when you’ve been out all day, after you’ve been fucked and filled by me.” I passed just the tip of my tongue over her clit so I wouldn’t scare her. “Don’t make me wait, Lake.”

She didn’t answer, but she stopped trying to push me away. Still holding her open, I tasted her. She responded so quickly, squirming under me, that I had to slide my hands around her thighs and hold her in place as I gorged on her. Her tightening grip in my hair and the moans echoing through the room told me it was working. When her pussy was nice and slick, when it got more pliant and metallic-tasting, I pulled my mouth up and continued on my way, kissing down her thigh until she was forced to release my head.

“Why’d you stop?” she asked.

“The first few times I make you come, I want it to happen on my dick. After that, you can come any place you like.”

“These aren’t the first few times you’ve made me come,” she said. “I’ve lain in my bed at my parents’ house and orgasmed just touching myself while I thought about you.”

I groaned with my mouth on the inside of her knee, noting with interest that the closer she was to orgasm, the bolder she grew. I still had plenty of skin to cover—toes, ankles, calves, and more—but my erection was getting painful. Holding the underside of her knee, I stood and hooked her ankle over my shoulder. I ran my hand up one of her legs, along her thigh and then right into heaven itself, pumping two fingers inside her.

I flashed back to my time in solitary confinement when I used to lie on the floor, overcome with guilt and remorse when I couldn’t force away the fantasies any longer. Lake on her back for me . . . welcoming me inside . . . begging for me, only me. Young and tight and willing. My heart pounded as I wet my thumb with her own juices and massaged it over her clit. “You have no idea how good this feels for me,” I said.

“For you?” she asked. Her cheeks and chest were bright red. “Oh, oh. Oh, God.”

I watched my knuckles disappear inside her. “There’s nothing in this world like your pink pussy, Lake.”

With a shocked gasp, she turned her face into the comforter, her expression contorted like she couldn’t bear it. “You can’t say that.”

“I just did, and I don’t want you to ever forget that it’s true.” I rubbed her, bringing her climax on slowly but surely. Just like when I’d made love to her earlier, it was clear that words and memories helped send her over the edge; I could practically see her aching from what I’d said. Once I got inside her, I wouldn’t last long, so I needed her ready before I fucked her. “Nothing will ever feel this good. Understand me? You and I . . . we’re going to do this for the rest of our lives and I can tell you, there’s nothing better out there.”

Her folds fluttered around me, and she trembled with the quakes. Her hair made intricate art, strands of blonde branching and entwining over the white comforter. I kept her leg pressed to my neck with one hand and angled my sheathed cock against her with the other. When I’d gotten my head in, I flexed my hand over her chest. My fingers, wet from her, left damp spots on her skin. I wanted to cover her, box her in so she felt completely mine. Once I had her back pinned to the mattress and her calf to my neck, I plunged into her.

She cried out, grabbing onto my forearm. I wondered if it still hurt. For all the times I’d kept my hands to myself, I wanted to go fast, hard, have my fill of her and then some. I angled even deeper so she’d feel every ridge, every vein, from her toes to her fingers and know she belonged to this, to me, to us. “I love you, Lake,” I said, pounding her. “And I want you to fucking come.”

Her chin trembled as she looked up at me. Maybe I was hurting her. Maybe she was scared. Before I could slow down, she said, “I never thought about sex until I met you.”

“Yeah? When was that?”

She arched her back, squeezing her eyes shut. “Before the fair, I think?”

“That early on?” The thought of young Lake lusting after me had me thrusting harder into her. I couldn’t hold back any longer, but I kept my eyes on hers as my control slipped. “What’d I do to you in your fantasies?”

“You were just so big. You eclipsed everything else. We’d be alone, finally, and that was all it took to . . .”

“But I must’ve touched you.”

“It would be in the truck or on the kitchen counter at your old apartment or at my parents’ house. That was the only way I knew how to fantasize—to have you finish what you started.”

“I’m going to start and finish every time,” I promised her. I wished I had three, four, five hands. I wanted to touch her everywhere. I released her leg, but she kept it where it was as I put fast pressure on her clit. She didn’t have to tell me when she was coming. Her pussy suctioned me deeper and that was all I needed. For fuck’s sake, I’d been ready to come since I’d last blown my load, so I went hard and climaxed with her, tearing through nirvana for the second time in hours.

My heart pounded, my hairline was damp, but I didn’t have time to recover. Lake started to cry. I eased her leg off my shoulder. The heavy, wet way my half-hard cock fell out of her made me feel a little sick. As I peeled and tossed aside the condom, I scanned for blood or any sign I’d hurt her.

“What is it?” I asked. I fell to my knees and tugged her into a sitting position so we were face to face.

Her bottom lip trembled, her eyes crystal blue with tears as her shoulders curled inward. She put her arms around me and burrowed into the crook of my neck. “I . . .” she whispered. “Nothing. Nothing.”

She wasn’t hurt, just overwhelmed. I pulled her naked torso against mine, comforted by the skin on skin contact, but it wasn’t enough. With one arm firmly around her, I looked her in the face. “Shh,” I said. “You know what?”

She shook her head.

“I’ve loved you for a very long time. I have thought of you in every capacity possible. I thought I’d never have you, Lake, you have to understand that. I thought there was no chance. That people like me didn’t get a life like this.”

“Why shouldn’t you?”

“Why should I? What have I done to deserve any of it?”

She kept crying, touching my face, seemingly memorizing the parts of it with her hands like she’d be blind by the end of it. “If you don’t deserve to be happy, then I don’t, either.”

“You deserve everything.”

“You are, and always have been, my everything,” she said. “If you think I deserve that, why did you take it away?”

I had no simple answer for that, not that I needed one. She knew all of it. I pressed my face to hers. Her wet cheeks cooled the heat in mine. I kissed her slowly, thoroughly, until we were crawling back toward the headboard. I got behind her, pulling her against me. Her smallness sank right into the crook of my body, completely sheltered by me. I pulled a blanket over myself and tented her. I could be her shelter, her shield, her home. Her body nestled into mine like a butterfly in its cocoon. I would happily be an ugly, mottled shell to protect her beauty. Her innocence, on the other hand, I had kept intact long enough. I would strip that from her in its entirety. It couldn’t be any other way. If she was finally mine, then I’d need to have her in all ways possible—physically, mentally, and emotionally.

I kissed her all over, drinking salty tears off her face and making up for all the times I’d wanted to feel her skin against mine but couldn’t. My dick hardened against the softness of her thigh, but I reached between us and shifted it out of the way. I wanted to go again, but it wasn’t the time. I raked her hair away from her face to take her in. Did she believe me when I said I loved her? I only had myself to blame if not. I would have to prove it. Over and over. Day in and day out. Having spent all night vigilant at her door, my eyelids threatened to close, but I forced them to stay open until she’d drifted off. And finally, I got everything I’d ever wanted . . . to have Lake, to feel her from the inside out, to sleep with her in my arms.