CHAPTER TWELVE
It was still dark when Isaac woke in Lilli’s bed. That was becoming routine for him; when Lilli dreamt badly, she usually did so in the predawn. They’d spent most nights together over the past few weeks, and he estimated that she woke violently at least as many nights as she slept peacefully. Sometimes she woke repeatedly. Mostly, the excitement happened between three and five am. So he was beginning to wake before her.
Only twice had she actually come at him while she dreamt. Usually, she simply started awake, sitting up as if alarmed. Other times she jumped out of the bed, ready to fight. Always, as soon as she woke, she shook it off and settled back in bed with him. She would not tell him what was going on. She’d say only that it was over.
Aside from the two times he’d had to fend her off, he’d intervened only once, and that had gotten him punched in the face before she was fully awake. So he sat and watched, waiting for her to wake. He always asked, but she never told him. He assumed it had something to do with her time in Afghanistan. He knew a couple of vets, and they had twitches, too. Lilli was extremely level in every other way. Whatever was tormenting her seemed to be relegated to the shadows of her sleep.
Isaac was frustrated, though. He felt protective of her and wanted to do something that would help her. The best he could offer was comfort when she settled back under the covers. She always curled snugly into him, and he held her while she eased back to sleep.
This morning, though, there was more on his mind than waiting to see if Lilli would dream. He could feel that there was something going on with her, something she was keeping from him that was more than the secrets he knew she had. They’d gotten close over these weeks, and despite the rapidity with which they were growing together, he knew it was real. His father was alive the last time he’d been any kind of serious with a woman. It wasn’t something he wanted or needed, at least not until now. What was happening with Lilli was something different, and he wanted it.
But the last few days, he could feel her putting a wall up. After he’d shown her the article Bart had found, and they’d talked, Lilli had been as easy and open with him as he’d been with her. Now, though, she was pulling back. It was subtle, and he couldn’t put his finger on how he knew, but he did. He could feel it. It was in the way she’d drift off sometimes, just for a second or two, while they were talking. It was more clear in the way she was avoiding going to the clubhouse. He hadn’t realized it until last night, because she’d been dodging it so deftly, always sending the conversation somewhere else, but she was dodging it.
It didn’t make sense. He knew she wouldn’t be intimidated by the men, as some women were. She’d met most of them and utterly won them over—and, anyway, she was plenty used to a roughhouse crowd. She was pretty damn roughhouse herself. He couldn’t imagine she’d have trouble with the women there, or with what went on with the women there. But there was something. He just didn’t know what it was. Not yet.
He wanted her there. Bringing her to the clubhouse made her more his. Now, in the minds of his club, she was his latest little bit of tail. Bringing her into the club changed that, made her his woman. With the shit that looked like it was about to come down on the Horde and on Signal Bend, getting her under the protection of the club was important, no matter how badass she might be.
Putting his ink on her would make it stick, but they were a goodly ways from that. That was not a thing Isaac took lightly. He’d never before had any thought of ever marking a woman, taking an old lady. He could see it happening someday with Lilli, but the secrets—all of them—needed to get cleared out first.
He’d told her the truth last night under the elm—he loved her. That much he knew. He trusted her. But she was holding something back. He knew it meant she didn’t feel like he did; she didn’t trust him completely. She was keeping a guard up. It didn’t change how he felt, and he wasn’t sorry he’d told her. Isaac liked to be straight. Lies and dodges made nothing better. And that’s why he was awake now, wondering what new thing Lilli was hiding.
About fifteen minutes or so later, she came awake with a gasp. It was still mostly dark, and he whispered, “Hey,” so she’d know he was awake.
She turned to him and scooted closer. “Hey. Did you sleep at all?”
“Enough.” He pulled her in and kissed her head. “Lilli, talk to me.”
“Isaac, I told you, they’re nothing. They turn to mist as soon as I wake up. I barely remember.”
He didn’t believe her, but it was a lie he understood. He’d let her have that one. There was a small lamp on the dresser next to the bed. He turned it on and shifted her so they were face to face. “No, Sport. Not the dreams. Tell me what’s going on. There’s something new. Something you’re avoiding.”
“I don’t—”
“No. No lies. The secrets you have I understand. This is different. Lies I won’t deal with.”
He waited, holding her gaze, while she thought through whatever it was she needed to think through. Eventually, she sat up and really faced him. “I love you, Isaac.”
“Lilli, you don’t have to say it because I did. I’m more secure than that.” He smiled and took her hand.
“Then you know that’s not why I’m saying it. I’ve only said it to one other man, and I realized later that I’d been wrong. I made a promise to myself that I’d never mistake companionship for love again, that I’d never say those words again unless I was sure they were true. I need you to know that, because I’m saying them to you.”
“Well, that’s good, then. But what’s the catch? That’s not what you’re dodging, Sport. If you love me, don’t lie to me.”
The breath she took was shaky. He heard it, and he felt a thin catch of something like anxiety. “I lost my target. He’s just disappeared, fell right off the grid. My guy is looking. When he finds him, wherever he finds him, I have to go. It means I might have to start over somewhere else. Maybe far away. Maybe very soon.” She took another shaky breath. “I’m sorry, Isaac. I should have said, but I didn’t want you to pull away. That was selfish and shitty, and I’m sorry.”
Isaac was not an idiot, not by a long stretch. He was aware that Lilli had not exactly moved in to this little house in the country. Aside from the hummingbird carving he’d given her, there was virtually nothing in it that had any personality at all, and Lilli was chock full of personality. She hadn’t even been interested enough in the place to get to know her own yard. So what she was saying now didn’t blindside him. It swiped at him, because he’d been coming to hope—maybe even to expect—that once she took care of her business, then she’d settle. Whatever it was she did for a living, she could obviously do it here.
“Lilli. Can’t you come back when you’re done?”
“This isn’t the kind of thing where I can just sneak in and then right back out. I have to stay put for awhile wherever he is, to cast off suspicion. I’d rather not get caught.”
“Can you let him go?” He knew the answer, but he still had to ask.
“No. Part of me wishes I could. A month ago I would have flattened anyone who suggested that might be true, but it is. Part of me wants to let it go and just stay here. But people put themselves at risk to help with this, and I can’t let them down.”
“Baby, you have to tell me who you’re after. What he did. You’re telling me that you’re part of a fuckin’ conspiracy to kill a guy, and it might take you away. You have to tell me more than that.”
She shook her head. “I’ve told you why I can’t. I can’t extend the risk any further. And you can’t take that risk. There’s more than yourself you need to consider.”
“What if your guy doesn’t find him?”
“Then we fail. And I stay. And that asshole gets away with a lot.”
He was rooting against her, then, but he wasn’t going to say it. He wrapped his hands around her arms to pull her close, but she held back.
“You’re okay with this?”
He pulled harder and dragged her into his arms; she put up only a token resistance. “There’s a lot about that whole thing I’m not okay with. I’m not okay with you putting yourself in that kind of risk regardless. I’m not okay with the thought of you leaving and not coming back. But it’s not like I can put what I feel for you on hold while you work your shit out. So I say we deal with what comes as it comes.”
He’d pulled her to his chest; now, she sat up, her hands on his shoulders, and looked into his eyes. Her eyes glimmered with unshed tears. That was new; he hadn’t seen Lilli cry—or even come near it. He put his hand on her cheek, tracing his thumb over her cheekbone. “You okay, Sport?”
She smiled, and a tear fell onto his thumb. “Yeah. Just . . . I love you.”
“I love you. I don’t say that lightly, either. No lies, Lilli. If you can’t tell me something, at least tell me that. But no lies.”
She nodded, and he kissed her. Then he pulled her down to lie on his chest, and they slept until the sun was bright.
~oOo~
Lilli was off running in her tiny little stretchy clothes when the burner went off. Isaac answered. “Yeah.”
“Isaac, it’s Kenyon.”
That could only be bad news. Kenyon had called twice in the past week or so, bearing nothing but bad news. Lawrence Ellis was indeed looking to buy Will out—by one kind of incentive or another. Ellis was indeed looking to annex the meth trade as a complement to his robust cocaine and heroin enterprises. Get the junkies all up and down the socio-economic and cultural spectra. The Northside Knights, Ellis’s point men for crack in St. Louis, seeing an opportunity for an up in their own beef with the Horde, had set Ellis on the Horde’s heels. And Ellis was putting muscle and money on the ground.
Seeing dark clouds on the eastern horizon, Isaac had turned west, meeting in Joplin with crew heads from there and Tulsa. So far, things were quiet in that direction, but they were much smaller and more remote from the power centers. St. Louis, with its proximity to Chicago, looked to catch fire. Becker, from Tulsa, and Dandy, from Joplin, were mostly interested in not getting singed. So Isaac left that meet knowing he’d need to sweeten the pot before he could hope for their backup. What looked to be brewing was big enough that decades-long alliances weren’t strong enough on their own.
And here was Isaac, trying to hold together his little town of a few hundred souls. Damn, he hoped Kenyon was right, that it was the strong ones who stayed. Because these poor saps must be tough as jerky by now, all they’ve been through.
“Kenyon. What’s the word?”
“Not good, I’m afraid, brother. Not good. I’m thinking I’m in need of some fresh air, maybe a ride into the country. I’m wondering whether I might pay you a visit tomorrow.”
Kenyon had never come out before. There was no need. The Horde escorted the product to him. Isaac’s brain kicked into gear, working out the implications of this request. “Of course. You want me to set you a place at our table?”
“No need, Isaac. I’d just like a chat with you.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow, then.” They ended the call. Then he called Show and had him gather the troops. They were all working their day jobs, but they’d need to take a few hours off. Isaac had an idea that the shitstorm was threatening to become a tsunami.
He took a quick shower before he left; he wanted to give everyone time to get there. When he was dressed and ready to go, Lilli still wasn’t back yet. She ran a fucking long time—which probably accounted for the brilliance of her ass. He left a note on the counter, explaining that he needed to get to the clubhouse but he’d see her later.
~oOo~
Isaac walked into the clubhouse and scanned the room. As he walked through the main hall toward the Keep, his brothers fell in line behind him. Showdown came from his right, from the office, and joined Isaac at his side.
“Where’s Wyatt?” He was the only member Isaac hadn’t seen as he moved through the clubhouse.
Show gave him a look as he stepped back, so Isaac could go through the door into their club meeting room first. “Out of touch. You know—he takes his brother out and they do their Wild Man thing every year, camping and fishing and, fuck, howling at the moon for all I know. Left over a week ago. They’ll be off the grid another two weeks.”
Off the grid. Isaac took another couple of steps toward his leather chair at the head of the gleaming ebony table—his own design and creation—and stopped in his tracks as a whole slew of pieces he’d had no idea connected suddenly fell into place.
Wyatt and his younger brother, Ray, were off the grid and had been for more than a week. Ray was an Army vet. Jesus, now that Isaac thought about it, he was pretty sure Ray had been a pilot. He’d done a couple of tours in Afghanistan, and he’d come back pissed and deeply weird. Mostly, these days, he was a hermit and a drunk.
Motherfuck. Was Lilli gunning for Wyatt’s brother? Isaac couldn’t believe he hadn’t made the connection before. He’d spent no small amount of time trying to work out who Lilli was chasing, and Ray had never even fucking entered his consideration. But Ray was club family. When Lilli told him she wasn’t interested in the club, and he’d believed her, he guessed he just stopped thinking about anyone having to do with the Horde.
Oh, Christ. Christ. How could he let her kill a brother’s brother? How could she let him stop her? Had she known all this time that he had a connection to the Horde?
No. No way. He refused to believe she’d known. No.
“Boss?” Show put his hand on Isaac’s shoulder, and Isaac looked around to see everyone sitting, looking at him with varying expressions of curiosity and concern. He cleared his throat and sat down. He was going to need to go back to Lilli as soon as this meeting was over. They needed to fucking talk. But for now, he had to set that aside and focus his attention on the problem of Lawrence Ellis and the coming visit of Kenyon Berry.
They hadn’t met as a full table in a couple of weeks. In quiet times, they only had a scheduled business meeting once a month. The brothers knew their roles and had their schedules, and Isaac and Show dealt with adjustments on a case-by-case basis. But the quiet times were ending, and it was time to clue everybody in officially to what they’d all come to learn informally.
He explained about Ellis’s pressure on Will Keller to sell, and he described Will’s new hostility to Isaac. Everybody knew that Isaac and Will were friends from way back, so they understood that Will shutting Isaac down was a very bad sign.
Len spoke up. He was only a couple of years older than Isaac and Will, and he and Will had played on the church baseball team together for years. They were friends, too. “I’ll give him a run. Been awhile since I had the boat out. I’ll see if he wants to take a cooler and a couple of poles.”
Isaac nodded. “Len, it’s crucial, brother, that Will holds out. He needs to know we got his back. And he needs to know there’s more at stake here than money. He needs to be sure of that.” Len nodded.
Isaac looked around the room, the faces of his brothers reflected in the gleaming, dark surface of the table he’d made with his own two hands. The wood was a special import and had been expensive. He was proud of the work—lustrous wood pieced precisely together, the seams all but invisible, with a turned braid forming an oblong center. The table was surrounded by red leather chairs. The rest of the room was typical biker bullshit—plaques and trophies, framed photographs and carved platitudes. But the table was class.
He faced his brothers around that table and cleared his throat. “Look. The hard truth here is we’re getting dragged into a war. Hell, we’re the main enemy, looks like. This is more than the Northsiders gettin’ chippy. This is about big time money. I am doing what I can to get backup, bringing Dandy and Becker on board, meeting with Kenyon tomorrow. Dandy and Becker are gonna want something from us, cuz they’re not keen on bringing this down on them. I explained that if we fall they’re next, but I’m thinking we’re gonna need to break off some of our piece, share it with them. Show and I are working those details out, and we’ll bring it to you when we have a plan. For now, we need to focus on the town. Ellis is making some noise already. With Kenyon coming to us, my bet is things are about to get a lot louder. We need to keep everybody here steady.”
CJ spoke up. The oldest active member, he had a long club memory. “Sounds like you’re thinking this is gonna be like ’87 again.”
Isaac had been fourteen in 1987. He knew it mainly from stories, but he knew that what was about to happen was nothing like it. “No, man. ’87 was nothin’ but a turf war. Horde took the Dusty Riders down. Bloody, but brief. What’s coming is big money, connected money, on a bulldozer. Ellis is looking to turn Signal Bend into his company town, cooking meth on a mass scale. And he’s looking to flatten the Horde to do it. This won’t be a turf war. It’ll be a fucking extermination.”
The room was thick with quiet as the Horde contemplated the weight of Isaac’s words. He’d sounded hopeless. He was feeling hopeless. But he had to give them hope. “Let’s focus on what we know, what we can do. If we stand strong, we can fight this back. We just need the town behind us. Everything as normal, but we up our presence. You’re in town, you’re in your kutte. And you’re carrying. No exceptions. We protect our people.”
Havoc shook his head. “Can’t while we’re workin’, boss.” A club with day jobs outside had its complications, definitely.
“Keep ‘em close, then. And I’ll talk to Don. Any other concerns?” The table was quiet. “Okay, I’ll know more after the sit down with Kenyon tomorrow.” Isaac gaveled the meeting to a close and stood.
Show asked, “You want to talk about tomorrow’s meet?”
“Later. I have something I need to deal with first.” Isaac slapped Show on the arm and left the clubhouse. He needed to see Lilli now.
~oOo~
When he got to her place, she was walking toward the garage, apparently on her way somewhere. She looked surprised to see him pulling up, and not what one might call thrilled. She pulled her phone out and looked at it; no, he hadn’t called first.
She stayed where she stood as he parked the bike and dismounted. “Baby, we have to talk.”
“You didn’t call.”
“No. Lilli, are you after Ray Hobson?”