CHAPTER SIX
MY MADNESS
PAST
I felt so stripped of every normal, rational part of me with her that it was almost unpleasant at first.
Like air on a fresh wound.
I had so little control of myself where she was concerned. It was madness like I'd never known. Trembling urgency. Crippling desperation. Undiluted frenzy. Savage abandon.
It was an alien feeling, and I wondered sometimes why I didn't fight it. Why I didn't withdraw from it, why I never even considered staying away.
I couldn't quite believe how much I'd lost it, couldn't understand this total upheaval of who I was, this assault on my peace of mind, and most of all, couldn't comprehend how I could love it, crave it, need it so.
"Hello," I answered my phone.
"Who's your best friend in the world?" Frankie's voice called out gleefully to me, on the other end of the line.
I smiled. "You are, of course. What's got you sounding so tickled, my dear?"
"If you liked me before, you're going to love me after you meet this new sub I found for you. She's perfect, James. Right up your alley, and you know I know your type."
I stiffened, blinking slowly.
It wasn't so unusual. Frankie had introduced me to girls before. She was more involved in the scene that accompanied our lifestyle than I was. But the timing was off.
In fact, after what had happened last night, it was horrible.
She kept talking, not noticing right away the significance of my utter silence. "Dark hair, gorgeous hazel eyes. Twenty-six and trained by the best. Body to die for. She's smart and sweet, too. It'll be a nice change for you."
She went on about this mystery woman's many apparent virtues, and my mind wandered for a bit, across the country, on a flight with my reticent lover of the night before.
Finally, I interrupted her. "I met someone," I said shortly.
She was quiet for a beat, then, "Oh. Is it . . . serious?"
I could tell from her tone just how unlikely she thought that was. I searched for the words to explain that it was more than serious. It was necessary.
"She's the one."
Heavy silence on the other end let me know that she was processing the information properly.
"Wow," she finally spoke, sounding equal parts elated and disbelieving. "That's wonderful! How is this the first I'm hearing of it, and have you set a date yet?"
"It just happened, and I wouldn't mark your calendar yet. I finally fell for a girl, but, and you're gonna love this, she's not sure she's that into me."
"Huh?"
"I'm not sure yet if she likes me."
"What?"
"She's doesn't know what to make of me."
"Excuse me?" Her tone was somehow more incredulous with each question.
I sighed. "She thinks I'm an asshole with too much money, and it might take a miracle to get her to come around. Does that clear it up for you?"
Her voice dripped with her utter delight. "I need to meet this girl. I can already tell I'll LOVE her."
She paused for a moment, then delicately, "So, are you going to do some demonstrations with her?"
I blanched. "No. No. No. Never."
"Will you be bringing her to the fetish parties?"
"No. Those days are over for me. What I have with Bianca . . . it's not something I can share. I have to keep it private. Anything else would drive me mad."
"I get it. Totally understandable. I'm so happy for you."
I was smiling when we ended the call.