Chapter Twenty-Seven
Amy
A numbness settled over me. A cloud of disbelief mixed with a scrambled mind that fought to understand. I had gone from the luckiest girl in the world to a devastated wreck. How was this possible?
Every thought was tinged with fear and pain. Every emotion from anger, to hope, to terror, flowed through me on repeat cycle. Over and over.
I watched them lead Luke away and my heart shattered. It was over, it was really over. He didn’t think I was worth fighting for.
But he needed me. Especially at a time like this. Didn’t he understand? How could he toss me aside like this? Especially now. And my father … A burning rage flared inside of me as I turned on him and gave him my most hateful stare.
“Amy,” he said as he reached for me.
I shrugged away from him and stormed out of the ER.
He had ruined everything and I would never forgive him. I knew deep in my soul that our lives had changed. Never again would I look on him as the fountain of knowledge and what was right. I wouldn’t accept his belief for anything. He could say the sky was blue and I wouldn’t believe him.
The realization of what I had lost with my dad hurt but not near as much as what I had lost with Luke.
As I got outside, I stepped up next to Mrs. Prescott and Jenny. The cops were putting Luke in the back of a police car. A hand on his head to make sure he didn’t slam it into the car. When they slammed the door, he twisted and our eyes met. He looked so lost, so alone. My heart broke. Even now. Even after he had kicked me to the curb, even now I still loved him.
He grimaced, then turned to stare forward. Dismissing me. Dismissing us. The us that I thought would last forever.
As the police car drove away, I felt my world disappear.
Luke’s Mom and Jenny both put an arm around me. The three of us stood there, too stunned to even process what was going on. Finally, Luke’s mom gave a heavy sigh and said, “I guess I need to go talk to a lawyer. I should probably use the same one as last time.”
Jenny wiped at a tear as she nodded. I looked at them and it sank in. It was over. Really. There was no hope in the world.
.o0o.
Luke
The loud clang of the cell door slamming shut sent a shiver down my spine. I had vowed to never hear that sound ever again. Once again, I had failed.
The cell smelled like Clorox, piss, and fear. That unique aroma of our finer penal institutions. The kind of smell that forced a man to examine his life and his many failings.
Taking a deep breath, I rubbed my wrists and sat down on the edge of the metal bench and examined the stainless steel sink and commode. This is just a holding cell, I reminded myself. The hell that was real jail still lay in my future.
As I closed my eyes, I let the words of Doctor Jensen sink in. He was right. So right. I didn’t deserve to be in the same world as Amy. She was destined for so much more. He was right. I wasn’t good enough.
The realization sat at the bottom of my stomach.
As I came to accept my worst fears, I wondered what my life might have been like if things had been different. Those flights of fancy automatically pulled me into thinking of my future without Amy.
A long dark torture chamber lay before me. There could be no other way. In fact, the only reason I wasn’t already headed there was that my parole had expired last month. If that had still been hanging over my head, I’d be back inside so fast, I’d have to add whiplash to my busted ribs.
I don’t know how long I sat there. As I’ve said before. Time gets messed up on the inside. No clocks. No windows. It could have been minutes, it could have been hours. But each second, I hurt. Not just the physical pain, but the realization of what I had lost and would never have again. It was enough to make a man question life and why it was even worth fighting.
Finally, one of the guards pulled the cell door open and nodded with his head for me to get out.
My brow narrowed as I tried to figure out what was going on.
“Your lawyer is here.”
Mom, she must have done this. Once again, a deep sense of shame filled me. No way she could afford this.
Sighing heavily, I pushed up off the bench and stepped outside the cell. The guard pointed to the end of the hall where a small conference room waited for me.
Mr. Stewart sat at a small table. The same lawyer I had last time. He looked up from a file and flashed me a quick smile as he shook his head.
“Do you make a habit of attacking three large very dangerous young men and beating them to a pulp?”
I laughed. “Only when they deserve it.”
He smiled and returned to reading the police report. Then took out another file, and somehow, I knew it was the record of my last conviction and my time inside.
Closing the file, he folded his hands together and said, “Tell me what happened.”
My gut turned over. No way was I letting Willie get away with this. Not again. So, I told him. Everything. Willies demands, my refusals, the three of them attacking me. Everything.
He nodded slowly, occasionally making notes. Every so often shooting me a quizzical stare.
“And no witnesses to any of this?”
I thought of Amy at the gas station. But no way was I pulling her into this mess.
“No.”
He pursed his lips and opened the file once again then sighed heavily.
“I don’t know. I’ll try and get the charges dismissed. In all honesty. It will depend on how strong the others stick together. But I know the prosecutor. She’s not an idiot. Maybe I can convince her. The Dawsons don’t have a very good reputation in this town. So maybe. In the meantime. You don’t talk to anyone without me there. Do you understand? Not the guards. Not the cops, no one.”
I shrugged my shoulders. What could I say? Even if I did talk to them. They wouldn’t believe me. As for getting the charges dropped. He could try. But only as long as it didn’t cost Mom too much money.
Besides. Even if he did. My world would still suck. Amy would no longer be a part of it.
“It might take a few days,” he continued. “I don’t know If I can’t get them to drop the charges right away. They’re going to want a final report on the injuries on the other guys. So, you sit tight.”
I laughed. “It’s not like I’ve got a lot of choices.”
He smiled sadly at me and started putting my files into a briefcase. “I’ll try to get you bail.”
The idea sent a bolt of fear to my gut. I could well imagine Mom mortgaging the farm to pay for it. I knew that she’d never lose the money. I’d show up for trial. But once she mortgaged the land. There was no telling what might happen.
“No bail,” I told him.
He frowned for a second then said, “With your record, your age, the nature of the alleged crime. I don’t know that they will let you out on your own recognizance.”
“I don’t care. But you make sure my mom doesn’t go into debt to get me out. Do you understand?”
He studied me for a long second then nodded. “Okay. But, hopefully, I can get them to drop the charges.”
“Thanks,” I said as I slipped past him and preceded the guard back to my cell. The idea of not getting bailed out really didn’t bother me. They would count any time served towards my sentence. So, it all worked out in the long run when you thought about it. In fact, every day in county and not prison was a good day.
Besides. The idea of accidentally running into Amy was a prospect I wasn’t ready to face. As things stood now. I didn’t deserve to be a part of her life.
.o0o.
Amy
Three days of pure misery holed up in my room. Half the time crying my eyes out. The other half of the time raging at the world. Mom thought I was going crazy. And she might have been right.
She’d stick her head in the door and I’d glare at her. Daring to explode at any moment. She would wisely pull back and let me simmer.
When Dad tried, I didn’t even bother to merely glare. I screamed at him. Literally screamed.
Again, he had the good sense to leave me alone after that.
Three days of this. No school. Nothing but wallowing in my own misery.
It was Jenny who told me what happened. When she called, my heart stopped. We hadn’t spoken since the hospital. I had been too afraid to confront my worst nightmare. Too afraid to actually accept the new reality.
“They dropped the charges,” she said breathlessly on the other end.
“Really?” I asked as the tension in my stomach finally released. I had been so worried about him. My heart soared. Maybe now we could return to the way we were.
“Yeah,” Jenny said. “I guess their story didn’t match up. The idiots couldn’t even lie right.”
I glanced up at the ceiling and said a silent prayer of thanks. My biggest desire had been granted.
“But,” Jenny continued, “the school is still expelling him. All of them in fact.”
“What? That isn’t right. It wasn’t his fault. What was he supposed to do? Let them beat him up?”
“I know, right. But they say they don’t care, rules are rules. Mom was on the phone with the principle all morning. But they aren’t going to back down. I get the feeling that they wished Luke had never come back. None of this would have happened if he had just stayed away.”
My mind raced with the injustice and unfairness of life. Luke had tried everything to make it right …”
“Can I talk to him?” I asked as my insides tightened into a knot. I held my breath while I waited for an answer.
She paused for a long time, each second a twist to tighten the knot.
“He’s not here,” she said finally.
“Where did he go?” My world was still ending. We couldn’t fix this unless we had a chance to talk.
“I don’t know. But he and Mom had a big fight while I was feeding Bailey. Even Grandma got worried enough that she came out to the barn. All I know is that he threw a suitcase into the back of the truck. Hugged Nellie, hugged me, and said that he had to take off for a while. That he’d write me.
My heart stopped beating as my mind scrambled to process what she was saying. Write? That meant he would be gone for a long time. We weren’t talking hours. Not even days. Luke had left. Without saying goodbye.
“I asked him about you. Honestly, he can be such a jerk,” Jenny continued. “But he told me what your dad said and how he sort of agreed with him.”
It was as if someone had punched me in the stomach. A blow that knocked the wind out of me. He agreed with my father that he wasn’t good enough. How was that possible? And besides. By what right did he think that? I got to decide that for myself. Not him.
How was this possible? Where did he go? NO! he couldn’t do this to me. Not Luke.
“When did he leave?” I asked as I desperately wondered if he was on his way to me at that very moment. Maybe he had decided to whisk me away. To deny my father and his stupidity. An idea I was perfectly willing to entertain.
“About an hour ago,” Jenny said with sadness. “And he turned east, not towards town,” she added.
“East?” I asked as I tried to figure out why. Why had he left without saying goodbye? Because he said goodbye in the hospital, I reminded myself. He had already broken up with me. There was no need in his mind to do it again. That was like Luke in a way. He knew I had been hurt so there was no reason to do it again.
Both Jenny and I paused for a long few seconds as we felt the reality of the new situation fall over us. She had lost her brother. I had lost the love of my life.
“I’ll talk to you later, okay?” I said between sniffles. I needed to get off the phone and crawl into a ball of uselessness. I know it wasn’t very strong of me. But really, what else could I do? He wouldn’t even give me a chance to stand with him against my father.
“Yeah, I understand,” Jenny said. “I’m sorry.”
“I know. So am I,” I said. “So am I.”