Erica

 

 

Today is the day. I laid in my hotel bed and chanted the same words over and over again. Today had to be the day. The day where I felt like eating, touring the city, breathing deeply again.

I missed Matt so bad that my body hurt, my brain ached, my teeth even felt sore. Forcing myself into the shower, I turned on the hot water and pressed my back against the cold tile wall. I wanted him so fucking bad that I honestly felt as if I were willing to do anything to get him back.

"Then tell him what happened. Make him listen to you!" I yelled at myself in the shower as a torrent of emotions raced through me, threatening to force me to my knees in anguish.

But he wouldn't listen. I knew it for a fact.

Memory after memory assaulted me, each one weakening my resolve to leave the hotel room. I cried out and closed my eyes, pressing my palms against my face and trying hard to hold myself together.

"What am I going to do without you in my life?" I let another sob go as the first time we made love raced behind my eyelids.

 

We barely made it inside the door to my condo before he pulled my shirt off. I'd never experienced passion like that before. I'd only been with Tanner, but we'd had some fantastic romps in the sheets. Fear blazed through me that I wouldn't be enough, but the feel of Matt's hands tearing at my clothes and the wetness of his tongue against my neck and the tops of my breasts decimated any thoughts from my mind. Carnality took over, and I dove in headfirst.

"God, I need you," he groaned against my throat as he ground into me. I pushed off the wall he had me pressed against and broke away from him.

"Come with me into the bedroom." My walk turned into a jog as he jogged after me. I moaned loudly as he crashed into me and lifted me off my feet, tackling me to the sheets and turning me over roughly.

"My turn to taste you, you naughty bitch." He pulled at my jeans, tugging them over my hips without undoing them.

"Only for you," I mumbled and worked to help him get me free from my pants. I started to work on my panties, but he grasped my hands tightly and glanced up.

"No. You're mine to unwrap. Lay there and do what I tell you to do." He lifted up and kissed me hard, forcing his tongue into my mouth and pressing his strong body against mine. This was the guy he'd kept locked up. Excitement tore through me.

"And if I don't?" I lifted my leg and brushed my knee beside his face as he moved down to hover above my mound.

"I would offer to spank you, but something tells me you might beg for that." He smiled up at me before leaning down and running his tongue over the front of my panties. "You want me down here?"

"Fuck yes. Don't stop until you have your fill." I figured I'd better fight fire with fire.

"I won't." He jerked my panties to the side and laid waste to what I imagined to be the perfect orgasm. His tongue and fingers played me like a well-worn fiddle, and I found myself twitching and whimpering like a needy whore within minutes. He trapped my legs beneath his strong shoulders and brought me over the edge three times before I could force him off of me.

I rolled onto my stomach and panted loudly as stars danced behind my closed eyes. Never in a million years had I expected pleasure to be so intense, so demanding of me.

"I've got a pack of condoms in my bag. Wait here." He gripped my ass with both hands and leaned down to lick at me a few more times from behind.

I moaned and pressed back against him, finding myself addicted to the pleasure he could provide. It scared me how fast he'd learned the movements that made me purr like a kitten.

There was nothing left to do but enjoy the ecstasy of the moment. I slid my hands along my cold sheets and pressed my face to the comfort they offered but kept my ass in the air. The alpha male that had taken over my creative billionaire was worthy of my worship and would probably shock the world if they ever got the chance to see him, but they wouldn't. He would never allow that.

That I had was saying a lot. Too much maybe.

"God, you're beautiful, woman. Did you know that?" He moved up on the bed behind me.

"Why did you bring condoms to Seattle?" I moved up to my hands and knees and pressed back as he rubbed his erection against me.

"Because I knew there was a slim chance that I was going to let myself go with you."

"Did you just bring them for me?" I didn't want to ask because honestly, I didn't want the answer to be anything that would shut the night down.

"You know I care about you, right?" He moved over the top of me and pressed his fists into the bed beside mine as he pressed the head of his cock inside of me.

A guttural sound ripped from my chest as I pressed back on him. I needed everything he was going to give me. It had been so damn long since I'd let myself be handled by a man. Every part of me screamed for a long night of drowning in his tight grip, his dark scent, his demanding tone.

"I know you do." I let my head drop as he kissed the top of my neck and whispered so softly that I almost didn't hear him.

"Good. Remember that while I fuck you like I don't."

 

 

White-hot need pumped through me as the image came to life. Matt's strong hands on me, his body tucked deep inside of mine. I wanted to touch myself, to feel the elation of an orgasm with his name on my tongue, but I couldn't do it.

The pleasure would hurt my heart too much.

After forcing myself to go through the movements of washing my hair and running the soap over my body, I dried off and got dress. The simple acts of getting clothes on exhausted me, and I dropped down in a chair by the window and watched people on the streets of Vancouver living life.

I had to change my focus. My future.

Whether things worked out with Matt or not. I had to decide who I wanted in my life and who had to go. There were too many toxic pieces to my puzzle, and I'd lived my life for everyone else up to that point.

It was time to start living for me.

 

*

 

"Aren't you beautiful, lass, but so melancholy." A middle-aged bartender with a thick Scottish accent leaned toward me as I slid onto a barstool at the pub down the street.

"Life has kicked me in the gut." I shrugged and pointed to the bottle of Jack he had behind him. "I'll take a Jack and Coke."

"Single or double?" He gave me a warm smile.

"Double, please." I glanced around to find the little place homely, and quite busy for late in the afternoon. Maybe people got off work early on Thursdays?

"Here you go, love." He set the liquor down in front of me. "You look a little piqued. Care for something to eat? We have the best Fish and Chips you'll ever put in your mouth."

I nodded. "Yeah. That sounds nice, actually."

"Excellent!" He bellowed and rubbed his belly as he walked away.

The sight of him caused me to smile. Matt would have loved to mimic him later in the night. I pulled out my phone and checked for missed calls and messages. I had a few texts from Lanie and one from Damon, but they were just worried about me.

I hated to leave them that way, but I wasn't ready to talk. Not to anyone. 

"So, lass. What has you up here in Canada?" The bartender returned, and I found myself happy to see him back. Something about him settled my spirit.

"What makes you think I'm not from here?" I twisted my accent a little.

He gave me a funny look. "That has to be the worst Canadian accent I have ever heard. For that, your first drink is on me."

I laughed, feeling a little bit alive. "Well, thank you. I'll try to make it more and more horrid as the night goes on. Nothing like drinking for free when you need to drown your sorrows."

"And what sorrows does a beautiful, young woman like yourself have?" He leaned a little closer, but nothing inappropriate. The warmth in his eyes made me want to talk. My only problem was that I had no clue how to explain what I'd done, and what happened because of it. It was too long and complicated.

"My boyfriend and I parted ways on Sunday over a misunderstanding." I glanced down at my liquor.

"And he's too prideful to explain himself, and you're too stubborn to listen?"

I smiled and glanced up. "It's the other way around, but you hit it on the head, for sure."

"And you love him?"

"So much." I picked up the glass and kicked back a little.

"Mind if I ask what you do for a living?" He leaned over and pulled out a beer, popping the top and handing it to another old guy who moved up and took the stool on my left.

"I'm an Advertising Director for a large accounting firm based out of Texas. They have a branch in Seattle, and I live down there."

"And you're into that corporate American big-building bull shit, are you?" He lifted his eyebrow.

"Not at all." I finished my drink and enjoyed the painful burn as it slid down my throat. "Can I have another please?"

"That one is on me." The guy to my left smiled and nodded. "Nice to meet you, Miss. I'm Sid. The local artist that painted all this stuff you see in here. Jander is my brother." He nodded to the bartender.

"Nice to meet you both." I let my eyes move along the walls, not realizing until then that there was artwork lining every square inch of the place. "Wow. How beautiful."

"Thanks. It was a hobby when I was younger, but my ma and pa talked me into following my dreams, so I did."

"As did I." Jander finished pouring my drink and smiled at me. "What are your dreams, lass?"

"To marry Matthew and build a huge art studio together." I shrugged and reached for my drink. "To have a few kids together and grow old beside each other."

"Matthew your beau?" Sid asked.

"He was." I turned my attention back to Jander. "But I fucked it up."

"Then fix it." He winked at me and moved down the bar.

"Is he always so detailed with his helpfulness?" I glanced over at Sid.

The old man snorted and chuckled, the sound warm and inviting. "He's right on this one, ma'am. Just fix it. No matter what it takes. When you find someone you love, you work around everything and anything to make it right. Whether you're at fault or not."

"And if they won't listen to you?"

"You make them."

"How?" I asked.

"Plague them to death if you have to, but you force yourself in front of them and tell the truth."

"And if they won't accept the truth?"

"You don't move from that spot until they do. If your dreams are wrapped around this young man, then it would seem you don't have much of a choice, now do you?"

"I guess you're right. I don't have a choice." I picked up my drink and took a long sip. My phone buzzed in my pocket. Damon.

He'd been such a good friend to me over the years. I owed him the peace of knowing that I appreciated him and that I was okay.

"I need to take this. Don't let anyone get my seat?" I asked Sid as I slid off the seat.

"Never. She's yours all night, love." He patted it and smiled, causing me to laugh.

I pulled the phone to my ear and walked outside to get away from the lively crowd that had shown up. "Hey."

"Erica. Thank God. Fuck, woman. We were all getting sick with worry. I was about to send out the National Guard."

I smiled. It was good to hear his voice. "They won't do you much good. I'm up in Canada for a little while. I just need some time to myself."

"I'm just glad you're okay." He let out a shaky sigh. "We got your letter of resignation today. I wanted you to know that I'm proud of you."

Emotion built up in the back of my throat. I squeaked out my response. "Oh yeah? For quitting?"

"For following your heart. It's hard to try and be someone you're not, and you've done a damn good job of it. You're always welcomed at my firm, and in my family."

"Thank you," I whispered as another round of tears rolled down my face. "How is Matt?"

"He's been better."

"Okay. Well, I'm fine. Thanks for calling."

"Erica. One more thing."

"Sure." I turned and wiped at my tears, embarrassed as hell to be crying in the middle of the street on a Thursday night. My mother would have had a meltdown all over me because of it if she'd been there.

"Do you love my brother?"

I glanced up at the darkening sky as my heart broke in my chest once more. "More than you or anyone else will ever know." I dropped the call and went back to the bar. Two drinks weren't going to do it.

But three might.