EPILOGUE
“Cate,” Kian gently touched her shoulder. “Angel, what time’s Liv coming over? I thought she was supposed to be here by now.”
“Ugh,” Cate burrowed deeper under the lovely, warm duvet, she was so tired. “She texted me last night. She’s going to be late; she’s got a couple of errands to run first.”
Kian frowned, “how much later?”
“Maybe half an hour?” Cate said. “We can’t expect her to drop everything just because you think I need a babysitter.”
“If something happens…” Kian stopped. “It makes me feel better knowing somebody’s here with you, just in case.”
He sat down on the side of the bed and checked his watch. “I’ll wait.”
“No,” Cate dragged herself up to sitting, her back ached furiously. “I’ll be fine on my own for a few minutes.”
“Are you sure?” Kian leaned forward to kiss the tip of her nose.
“I am,” Cate smiled, stroking her fingers through his damp hair. “Now go.”
“Anyone would think you’re trying to get rid of me?” Kian grumbled, standing up.
Cate gulped; he wasn’t that far from the truth. She busied herself trying to get up, which wasn’t easy being so heavily pregnant. “You’d better go,” Cate looked at the clock on the bedside table, “my other boyfriend will be here soon.”
Kian frowned, “I thought you’d got rid of him. I told you, I don’t share.”
“I don’t think you have to worry about that,” Cate grinned, rubbing her swollen belly.
“Stop it. Even eight months pregnant, you’re the fucking sexiest woman I’ve ever seen.” Kian’s eyes darkened. He reached up and rubbed his thumb over the engraving on the back of her locket. “I’ll always worry about that. You’re my first half.”
Eventually, Cate persuaded him to go. Rovers had a home game against City that afternoon. If he didn’t leave now, he’d probably earn both him and Yoakey another late fine. He got in the car and looked back at Cate, who was watching him from the front door. She’d just woken up and looked so young; her black hair was all mussed up. Kian couldn’t shake this awful sense of foreboding. The last couple of days he’d had this really heavy feeling in his stomach, like something wasn’t quite right. Fuck it, he got out of the car and jogged back to the house. Cate looked confused, “did you forget something?”
Before she could say anything else, he captured her face in his hands and kissed her. He needed this. He tilted her head back, sliding his tongue inside her mouth. She tasted so fucking good.
“Kian?” Cate asked breathlessly. “What’s going on?”
“I just really wanted to kiss my sexy-ass wife,” Kian grinned, stroking the pad of his thumb across her bottom lip. He dropped to his knees, lifted up her t-shirt and kissed her bump. “Take care of your Mama, little one.”
As he drove down Cooper Lane, he licked his lips, still able to taste Cate on them.
A fox darted in front of the car and he slammed on the brakes.
He was suddenly more aware of how isolated they were. Apart from Ben and Erin’s house, the nearest building was the Black Horse pub. Ben would be at the match but Erin… Kian tried to remember if Erin was working at the hospital today. If something happened… Fuck, he slammed his fist on the steering wheel, cursing Liv for not being on time.
After she’d heard Kian’s car pull out of the driveway, Cate went upstairs and climbed back into bed.
Last night, she hadn’t been able to sleep. It wasn’t just the physical discomfort of being so heavily pregnant. When she did manage to fall asleep; after a few minutes, she would wake again in a cold sweat, her heart beating furiously out of her chest.
Kian had a match today so she didn’t want to wake him. She slowly got out of bed and walked down the hallway to what would soon be their baby’s nursery.
Cate hadn’t wanted it to be too girly, even though Kian was still convinced that they were having a girl. Liv had done an amazing job of painting the walls so they looked like fields; there were tall reeds of grass with fluffy, bunny rabbits darting in between them. She’d also painted the ceiling so it looked like the sky on a summer’s day with just a few little wispy, white clouds. They’d found the perfect carpet to match, it was the exact same green as the fields outside and so soft.
Cate curled up on the rocking chair, which Ben had found and painted and Erin had reupholstered. “You’re already so loved, little one,” Cate murmured softly, rubbing her swollen belly. This room was definitely a family affair. She wrapped herself up in the super-soft blanket Remy had sent from Italy. Rocco and Luca had made them a poster, which said “Welcome to the Family” in Italian and featured crayon drawings of all the Klein-Warners. When Sinead had moved in with Fabrizio, she’d asked Cate if they would use her old chest of drawers for the nursery. They’d painted it white but Cate could still see the spot on the side where she and Sinead had carved their initials, C+S BFF when they were younger.
Cate grinned as she remembered Kian trying to put the cot together.
“Fucking stupid, fucking thing,” He yelled. Cate was putting the washing away when she saw the crumpled-up instruction manual come flying out of the doorway.
“You OK in there?” Cate grinned, peeking around the door of the nursery.
Kian scowled. He was sat on the floor, with all the various pieces of the cot spread out around him. “What do you think about Moses baskets?”
“It can’t be that difficult,” Cate teased. “Let me have a look.”
She was just about to crouch down to pick up the instruction manual when she felt Kian take hold of her hips.
“Don’t you dare,” Kian grunted.
“Somebody’s got to build the cot. Our baby is not sleeping in the cardboard box.”
“Hello,” Yoakey stuck his head around the door.
“What the…?”
Yoakey grinned, “heard you needed some help. I happen to be an expert at building cots.”
“Ha,” Yoakey’s wife, Sara scoffed, coming up behind him. She had their son, Noah in a sling. “I remember the first time you tried putting Noah’s cot together. It looked great until we put the teddy bear on top and it collapsed in on itself.”
“Hi,” Cate grinned at Sara. Ever since Noah was born, they’d started spending a lot more time with Sara and Yoakey.
As they kissed cheeks, Noah blinked open his eyes and stared up at Cate. He really was one of the cutest babies she’d ever seen; he had thick, curly black hair and huge, chocolate-brown eyes. “Oh Sara, he’s so adorable,” Cate cooed. He reached out, wrapping his tiny fingers around her thumb.
“You’ll have one soon enough,” Sara gestured to Cate’s swollen belly. “Come on; let’s leave these guys to it.”
Even though she wasn’t due for another couple of weeks, Kian wanted everything planned to the nth degree. He was obsessed with finding the quickest route from their house to the Handsworth Hospital. That afternoon, he’d come home all excited because he’d found a shortcut that would cut 3 minutes off their journey time.
“That’s great,” Cate teased, “but what if we’re not at home when I go into labour?”
“Crap,” Kian frowned. “I hadn’t thought of that.” He picked up his phone. “I guess if you’re at your Mum’s, we could…”
Cate swiped the phone out of his hand, “stop it.”
“Hey,” Kian scowled. “That’s not funny, give me my phone back.”
“Only if you promise to stop being a geek – I don’t want AA Route Finder, I want my husband.”
“Fine, I promise to put my phone away, if you promise to finish packing that bloody hospital bag.”
“I’ll do it later,” Cate yawned. “I’ve got plenty of time. I’m not due for another couple of weeks.”
“Cate,” Kian warned.
“Kian,” Cate glared right back at him. “Fine,” she said eventually, when she realised she wasn’t going to out-stare him. “I’ll finish it after dinner.”
Later that night, Cate had almost finished packing the bag when she saw Jane Eyre on her bookcase. She picked it up and put it on the top of her bag. “You don’t need that,” Kian said, briefly looking up from his phone.
“Don’t start,” Cate warned him. Despite his earlier promise, she had a sneaky feeling that he was checking routes to the hospital again on his phone. “I always carry a book with me; that’s not going to change.”
“When are you going to read it?” Kian asked. “Sorry nurse, I can’t push right now, I just need to finish this chapter.”
“Hey,” Cate threw a pillow at his head. “You are so taking your life in your hands. Can I just remind you that I’m about to give birth to your child. If I want to bring everything that Charlotte, Emily and Anne Bronte have ever written to the hospital with me, that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”
“But…”
“Nope,” Cate shook her head, putting her finger to his lips. “You don’t get to say anything - unless, it’s of course Cate, whatever you want?”
Kian smirked, “of course Cate.” He swirled his tongue up and over the tip of her finger. “Whatever you want.”
Cate looked down at the thickened ridge in the front of his trousers and started laughing. “Hey,” Kian scowled. “Stop laughing at my cock.”
“I’m not laughing at your…” Cate blushed. “I just can’t believe that you’re turned on. Look at me; I couldn’t be less sexy right now.”
“I very much disagree,” Kian murmured. “Have you finished packing that bag?”
“Yeah,” Cate nodded.
Kian got up from the bed. “I’m going to take this downstairs and you’re going to take your clothes off. I’ve been doing some research.”
“Ugh,” Cate groaned, “if you’ve found a way to cut another minute off our journey time to the hospital?”
“Not that kind of research angel,” Kian swatted her arse. “Take off your clothes and I’ll show you.”
Back in the nursery, Cate jolted, feeling a stab of pain at the base of her stomach. “Shh,” she murmured, thinking that the baby was kicking. “I know it’s uncomfortable in there but it won’t be for long, I promise.”
She got up and walked over to the cot in the corner of the room. “You’ll soon be here, little one. Look how much space you’re going to have. You can kick your little legs to your heart’s content.”
The truth was that she was scared. She felt safe, carrying the baby inside her, away from the outside world. But what would happen after he or she was born?
Cate wanted this baby inside of her to have the best life. She knew that it would be loved; she could already feel the love streaming from her heart like rays of sunshine. But could she protect it? She couldn’t stop thinking about all the ways the outside world could hurt her precious, little baby. She’d read all the books, studying harder for this than her A Levels. She wanted to know everything she could; to be the best mother she could possibly be. But what if it wasn’t enough, what if she missed something, looked away for a split second?
Cate felt the start of another panic attack; her chest constricted and she had to fight to get her breath. She gripped the side of the cot. She hadn’t told anybody, not even Kian, that she’d been having them.
As her due date approached, she’d been having them more often. They seemed to be getting worse; the one she’d had earlier that day had been the worst yet. Jean had been her designated babysitter while Kian was at training. She’d made them both lunch and afterwards Cate had got up to wash the dishes.
“No, you don’t,” Jean said kindly. She guided Cate back to her chair at the counter. “I’ll do that.”
“I’m fine,” Cate protested.
“You’re carrying my first grandchild,” Jean smiled. “Let me pamper you.”
As she walked back to the counter, Cate wasn’t concentrating and scratched her arm on the sharp edge. “Ow,” she winced, looking down at the scratch rapidly turning pink on her arm.
“What happened?” Jean turned quickly.
“I’m fine,” Cate was embarrassed. “I just banged my arm.”
She traced her finger over the edge of the counter, which was sharp. That needed to be fixed.
“Lola” by Barry Manilow was playing on the radio. Cate felt her chest start to constrict. What if instead of it being her arm, it had been her baby’s head that had hit the edge of the counter?
She felt really hot; the early afternoon sunlight streaming in through the kitchen window hurt her eyes. She pressed her hand over her heart; it felt like it was hammering against her ribcage. She excused herself to the bathroom and stood in front of the sink, gripping onto the basin.
“It’s fine,” Cate repeated, trying to talk herself down. “It’ll be years before he or she can reach the height of that counter and by that time, you’ll have had the sharp edge smoothed out.”
But it took longer than ever to calm down. Her breathing had just about returned to normal, when she heard a knock on the bathroom door. “Cate?” It was Kian.
“Just a second,” Cate called back. She flushed the toilet and quickly wiped her face and hands. “You’re back early,” she greeted him with a smile.
Kian looked at her warily. “Are you OK?” he whispered, so only she could hear him.
“I’m fine,” Cate whispered back. “The baby’s just pressing on my bladder.”
Kian insisted that she needed a babysitter but Cate knew that if there was always somebody around, it wouldn’t be long before they found out that she was having panic attacks. She didn’t want them to think that she was a silly, little girl. She knew her stubborn husband would never give in so she’d secretly texted Liv to let her know that she wouldn’t be needed for babysitting duties the following day; she’d lied that Jean was coming over instead.
Back in the nursery, her eyes darted wildly until she found the purple monkey on the chest of drawers. She focused on that for a second; it was the silliest thing she’d ever seen. She picked up the monkey, hugging it to her chest so the fur tickled her nose. It made her think of Kian, fast asleep just down the hallway. Cate put the monkey back on the chest of drawers and left the nursery just as she’d found it. She walked back down the hallway to her husband and their bedroom.
“Is everything OK?” Kian asked softly, as she climbed back into bed.
“Everything’s fine,” Cate smiled, kissing him gently before settling down on her side. “I just needed the loo.”
“Mm,” Kian said, already going back to sleep. He lifted up his arm and she pushed back against him. She could feel the heat of his body, right down from her neck to her ankles. He tucked her cold feet between his calves and wrapped his arm gently underneath her breasts. “I love you,” he whispered, kissing her shoulder as he fell back asleep.
Later that afternoon, Cate felt the start of another suffocating panic attack. The walls seemed to be closing in on her. Bracing herself against the kitchen counter, she closed her eyes and tried counting to 10. “It’s OK; everything’s going to be OK.” When she opened her eyes, it took a couple of seconds for the kitchen to stop looking blurry. She felt faint. I probably just need some fresh air, Cate tried to reassure herself. She grabbed her denim jacket from the hook by the back door.
At first, being outside seemed to help. She was partway up Cooper Lane when she felt a searing pain slice through her stomach. She’d stopped close to one of the wooden gates leading into the fields and quickly grabbed the post for support. She bit down too hard on her lip; she could feel the metallic taste of blood filling her mouth. She tried to breathe through the pain but it was relentless, just wave after wave with no respite. “You’re OK,” Cate repeated to herself, trying really hard not to panic. The hospital had warned her about false labour pains; she wasn’t due for another couple of weeks.
She fumbled in her pocket for her cell phone, before realising that she’d left it charging on the kitchen counter. She hadn’t meant to be gone more than 10-15 minutes. She looked up and down Cooper Lane but it was deserted. Cate decided that she was nearer to the Black Horse than she was to home. She could call Liv from there. Even though the pain was getting worse; she gritted her teeth and forced herself to stand up.
She took a few more steps towards the pub and then suddenly, she felt a flood of wetness between her legs. When she looked down, there was a dark-red puddle on the ground. The pain was getting worse, she couldn’t stand up straight and her vision was getting blurry; the pub seemed to dance in front of her eyes.
“Keep it together, Cate,” she said, putting a hand on her lower back. She couldn’t stay there; she needed to get to the Black Horse.
“Ow,” she cried as another pain sliced through her stomach.
Somehow, she got to the pub. There were a couple of wooden picnic tables out front and Cate was so tired; the pain was almost unbearable, she lay down on the bench for a minute and closed her eyes.
Suddenly, she felt a hand on her shoulder. “Excuse me, are you OK?”
Cate looked up and recognised Wilf, the landlord.
She couldn’t lift her head up off the bench. “I think I’m in labour,” she said weakly.
“Oh,” Wilf’s face turned pale and he started twiddling the ends of his white moustache. “Oh.”
He went inside the pub and came back with his wife, Thelma. She took one look at Cate curled up on the bench and said to her husband. “Get the car. Now.”
Wilf and Thelma helped her on to the flattened backseat of their Volvo. There was a tartan blanket which smelled of dogs. Thelma held her hand all the way to the hospital. Every time Cate closed her eyes, Thelma kept repeating, “Stay with me, sweetheart. Everything’s going to be OK.”
When they got to the hospital, a stretcher appeared and Cate was lifted on to it. Thelma came inside with her, still holding on to her hand. “Is there anybody you want me to call?” she asked Cate.
“Excuse me ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to wait out here,” a nurse stepped between them.
“Kian,” Cate said and then the stretcher was gone, through the swinging doors.
“Is she okay?” Wilf asked, putting a hand on Thelma’s shoulder. He’d been parking the car.
“She wants me to call Kian but she didn’t give me his surname?” Thelma asked Wilf. “Do you know him?”
“She must mean Warner,” Wilf said, twiddling his moustache. “He lives at the end of Cooper Lane.”
Wilf knew he was a footballer for Manchester Rovers and found a telephone number for the club’s main switchboard. “Hello, Manchester Rovers, Lucy speaking, how can I help you?”
It was Lucy’s 1st day on the switchboard and Wilf sounded genuine so she gave him the number of Dave, Kian’s agent.
“Hello?” Dave shouted to be heard above the noise of the crowd inside the stadium.
“I’m trying to get in touch with Kian Warner, are you his agent?”
Dave laughed. “He’s a bit busy at the moment, mate. How did you get this number?”
Thelma took the phone from Wilf. “Listen here, you tell Mr Warner that there’s a girl about to give birth at Handsworth Hospital and she’s asking for him.”
“Who is this?” Dave demanded. The noise of the crowd disappeared; he must have gone inside.
“My name’s Thelma Harris and my husband and I run the Black Horse pub. The poor girl… Wilf, what’s her name? He says her name’s Cate. Anyway, we found her collapsed outside our pub, she was in a bad way the poor thing, there was a lot of blood…”
“Okay, I’m sorry, thank you,” Dave raced over his words. “I’ll tell Kian straight away. Thank you.”
“What a horrible, little man,” Thelma said, sitting back down next to Wilf.
Dave made a call to Bob, the Rovers kit manager. “You need to substitute Warner.”
He quickly explained what had happened and a minute later, the board came up, announcing that Kian was being brought off. The fans booed and Kian had a face like thunder. “What the hell?” He asked the assistant manager who met him at the side of the pitch.
“Bob, take him to the dressing rooms,” The assistant manager said tersely. “Now.”
When he got to the tunnel, Dave was waiting for him. “What are you doing here?” Kian asked.
“Come with me,” Dave said quietly. “Bob will get your stuff together.”
Kian followed him out of the stadium, where a car was already waiting for them. “I can’t even get changed. What the fuck is going on?”
“Let’s go,” Dave said to the driver, who immediately sped off.
“Cate’s gone into labour.”
“What?” Kian looked shocked. “But she’s not due for another two weeks?”
Dave told him everything that he knew. Kian called the hospital but they could only tell him that she’d been taken into surgery.
When they got to the hospital, Kian felt sick to his stomach. The last time he’d been there was when his Dad had died.
Dave took control, finding out where they needed to go. When they got there, there were two people sat outside one of the rooms. Kian opened the door but it was empty. On the white board above where the bed should have been, Cate’s name was written in big, red letters. Kian found her denim jacket on the chair and picked it up, holding it to his face. He could smell her blackberry shampoo on the collar. The bottom of one of the sleeves was still damp and when he looked at it, it was stained with blood.
Kian looked down at the floor; there was a pool of what looked like blood. Was that Cate’s blood?
He stepped out of the room as a nurse walked past him. He grabbed hold of her arm. “Hey,” she said sharply.
“I’m sorry,” Kian quickly removed his hand from her arm. “My wife was brought in here, Cate Warner?”
She softened a little. “She’s still in surgery; they had to do an emergency C-section.”
“But she’ll be OK, right?”
“She’s in good hands,” the nurse patted him on the shoulder. “I’ve really got to go.”
Kian stood there in a daze.
“Do you want me to call anybody?” Dave asked.
Kian shook his head. He wanted to wait until he found out whether she was OK before he worried anybody else.
“I’ll get you some clothes,” Dave said, eager to get out of the hospital.
Thelma and Wilf were still sat outside Cate’s room. Kian sat down next to them.
“Is she going to be okay?” Thelma asked.
Kian shrugged, “she’s in surgery.”
All Thelma could think about was the blood. “Well, she’s in the best place. It’s a good hospital.”
“How do you know Cate?” Kian asked.
Thelma explained that she and Wilf ran the pub at the end of his road. “That’s where we found her.”
“Now you’re here,” Wilf interrupted, “we’ll be on our way.”
“We can stay if you want,” Thelma said. “Just until you know?”
“Thanks, I’ll be okay,” Kian said. He hated hospitals. He kept thinking about his Dad. It was the same hospital.
As Wilf and Thelma were about to leave, Kian suddenly got up. “I’m sorry. I should have said this straight away. Thank you for looking after her.”
“Nonsense, anybody would have done the same,” Thelma said. She gave him a warm hug. “I’ll say a prayer for you all.”
After Wilf and Thelma left, Kian was on his own. He couldn’t stop thinking about that pool of blood on the floor.
Was Cate going to be OK? He put his head in his hands, the blood rushed through his ears. “Please Dad,” Kian prayed. “She’s my first half. Please bring her back to me.”
Eventually, after what felt like ages, a nurse came and found him. “Mr Warner? They’ll be bringing your wife up soon.”
“She’s okay?” Kian asked.
“She’ll be a little bit groggy at first but yes, she’s okay.”
“Oh, thank God,” Kian breathed out a sigh of relief. “Thank you so much.”
As soon as the doors swung open and the trolley was wheeled through, Kian was by Cate’s side right away.
“Angel, I love you,” he repeated, kissing all over her beautiful face. Her eyes remained close; she was still sedated.
He grasped her hand and held it firmly inside his own. “I love you so fucking much,” he whispered, kissing each of her knuckles.
As the sky darkened outside, he said another prayer. “Angel, please wake up.”
Eventually, her eyes fluttered open. “Hey,” Kian said softly, his voice cracking. He felt like he’d won the Lottery.
“Where am I?” Cate looked around anxiously.
“You’re in the hospital, angel,” Kian stroked her cheek. “It’s OK.”
Cate felt empty, she ran her hand over her stomach. Her eyes darted back to Kian’s; she noticed that he was still wearing his Rovers’ shirt. She tried to swallow but her throat was so dry, she started coughing. “The baby?” Cate spluttered.
Kian felt like shit, he hadn’t even thought to ask, he’d been so concerned about Cate. The nurse updating the chart at the end of the bed smiled at them both. “She’s fine, she’s in the nursery.”
“She’s…” Cate’s eyes welled with tears. “Really, she’s OK?”
“She’s perfect,” The nurse smiled.
Cate turned to Kian. “Can you believe it? We have a daughter.”
Kian buried his face in Cate’s nightgown. He’d tried so hard to stay strong but now he knew Cate and the baby were OK, everything hit him all at once. Less than a year ago, he’d lost his Dad in this hospital and tonight he’d almost lost Cate. But he hadn’t, she was right here and she’d given him a daughter. He smiled through his tears, thinking about how much he couldn’t wait to meet this tiny, little thing that was a part of him and Cate.
You were right, Dad. I did hurt Cate but I’m here now. I love her with everything that I have. I’m going to be the best Dad to that little girl, my daughter. I can’t wait for late-night feeds and dirty nappies. I could have lost them, both of them. Thank you for bringing them back to me, Kian prayed, hoping his Dad could hear him.
As if she knew what he was thinking, Cate didn’t say anything, she just gently stroked her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck.
“Have you thought of a name for the little cutie yet?” The nurse asked Cate.
Cate looked down at Kian. He’d been right all along. “Lola.”