James watched the dancers as they swirled past him. Agnes looked lovely, of course, in her dress she had borrowed from Ainsley. His eye travelled to the little blonde who had been taking up more and more of his thoughts. Ainsley wore the same dress she’d been in the night he’d insulted her in front of everyone. She’d clearly given Agnes her best gown. And while he’d already seen the gown she was wearing, he had to admit, he’d never seen her shine as she was this evening.

She was quieter, not drawing attention to herself. Not that it mattered. In her understated manner, men flocked to her side and each dance was with a different partner.

He’d thought her like his mother, beautiful but vain. Only caring for herself. But the longer he knew her, the more obvious it was that she loved her family and would give up a great deal to make them happy. How could he ever have thought she was like the woman who’d given him away?

Her eyes had found his more than once, but always she looked quickly away.

“You should ask her to dance.” Callum came up next to him, his eyes also following Ainsley.

“Why haven’t you?” James turned to his friend. He hadn’t asked yet, but something had changed. Callum no longer sought out Ainsley’s company.

Callum paused, “She informed me that she didn’t have an affection for me.”

Surprise, and if he were honest, pleasure, made him stand a little straighter. “The peacock told you not to pay attention to her?”

Callum gave him a withering look. “You’d better stop calling her that. You’ll regret it.”

“Why would I regret that?”

“Because she does have an affection for you. And when you finally get yer head out of yer arse, ye don’t want to have ruined yer chances entirely.”

He nearly choked on his protest but Callum gave him a pat on back and walked away again. He might have followed, if only to proclaim that he wouldn’t change his mind. His attention was caught, however, by Ainsley as she made her way toward him on the arm of her latest dance partner. She didn’t look at him. In fact, she appeared to looking everywhere but at him.

A primal urge to push the twit who escorted her straight out the front door made him twitch as they passed.

“Are you sure you can’t spare another dance?” He heard the little fleck of sheep’s dung ask. McDurvey, he thought he’d heard someone call him.

“So kind, but I really need to rest,” Ainsley replied. Though her hand rested in the crook of his elbow, she walked as far away from him as she could.

“I’ll sit with you,” the man tried again.

Ainsley stopped and tugged her hand out from his arm. “If you’ll excuse me, I actually must attend the ladies’ lounge.” And she bolted toward the doors.

He gave the man a sinister smile as he followed. But Ainsley did not go to the lounge. In fact, she headed for the grand staircase and made her way toward the east wing. He followed her easily, as her silk skirts rustled ahead of him. He wasn’t sure why he followed her other than he was drawn to her, whenever she was near. And his jealousy made it near impossible to stay away.

Finally, she reached the end of the hall. He’d never been to this part of the estate, but he’d guess it was where Ewan and Clarissa’s rooms were located.

As if to confirm his thoughts, Ainsley knocked softly on a door and Clarissa called out, “Who is it?”

“It’s me,” Ainsley replied and then opened the door.

Quick as he could while remaining silent, he hustled to the door and stuck out his toe to keep it from closing tightly behind her. He tried to ignore the voice that said he was a cad for doing this. It was just that part of him craved her company. And he didn’t dare spend time with her directly. He dropped his guard whenever he did.

“Why aren’t you downstairs?” Clarissa asked.

Ainsley didn’t answer right away and when she did, her voice was soft. “I am just not in the mood tonight.”

Clarissa gave a small gasp of surprise. “You’re not serious.”

It was even longer before Ainsley answered again. “I don’t know what has happened to me. I used to love those compliments on my dress, my hair. But suddenly, they’ve grown empty. They’re so short-lived, they give so little.” There was a pause. “Hand me Ava, I’ll rock her.”

He heard the rustling of blankets and the soft coo of the baby. “I understand what you mean, though I am proud of you for getting there. There are compliments that truly matter, those are the ones you should seek.”

“Can I ask you something?” Ainsley’s voice was quiet, thoughtful. “How did you know Ewan was the right man for you?”

“It took me a long time. But I think at the end, not only was he the right man for me, but he brought out the best I have inside. Why do you ask? Did you meet someone tonight?”

“No, no, not at all.” Ainsley let out a sigh. “I sometimes wonder if I ever will.”

“You will,” Clarissa let out a yawn. “I don’t think I’ll go back down. This little one has been keeping me up nights.”

“I’ll hold her while you change if ye like.” Ainsley offered.

He heard an interior door open and close and then, without warning, the sweet clear sound of Ainsley singing a lullaby rang in his ears. It was as though his chest had been pierced by a dagger. No one in his entire life had ever sung to him like that. It was ridiculous, he was a grown man, but somehow it mattered that Ainsley loved that baby enough to give her such a beautiful gift.

He slid to the floor, his back against the wall and listened as she sang song after song to little Ava. Closing his eyes, he pictured her, not in her dress, but in a night shift, hair in a simple braid as she sang to a little baby all her own. He swallowed because in his mind, he knew that it was his baby too.

What kind of mother would Ainsley be? Would she love her child absolutely? His hand clutched his shirt.

A child loved its mother without reservation. He remembered the day his father passed, remembered holding his mother’s hand as he looked to her for answers. None had come. Instead, she’d given him the same glance of annoyed resignation she always did.

The singing stopped but he couldn’t get up, didn’t hear the softly spoken words nor did he realize that Ainsley was leaving the room until it was too late.

He heard her gasp as she softly clicked the door closed. In an instant her face was a breath from his. “Are you all right?”

He didn’t mean to do it, but his hands reached out and pulled her into his lap. She hadn’t expected it and she tumbled into his arms. “Fine,” he lied.

“Then what are you doing here?” Her hands had come to his shoulders to steady herself and he couldn’t help it, he buried his face into the silky skin of her neck.

“Listening to you sing.” He voice was muffled as his lips pressed to the soft skin of her collarbone.

Her arms wrapped around his neck and she pressed him closer. “What happened to your parents that you were raised by your uncle?” She was doing it again. Looking into his thoughts. Seeing what no else did and putting together the pieces of his past.

“My father died when I was nine.” His hands wrapped around her tighter. He’d never told a soul what he was about to tell her. He thought he’d grown past the hurt a long time ago. “My mother is still alive as far as I know. When she remarried, a year later, she sent me to my father’s half-brother. He hated my father and he hated me, but it was his duty to raise me. I was the only heir to both my father’s inheritance and the English earldom.”

“Your mother sent you away?” He heard the disbelief in her voice, the pain. “That is awful. How could she do such a thing?”

Because I am not worthy of love he thought before he pushed those words back down and avoided the question. Even in this moment, he couldn’t reveal just how deep the wound went. “Can I ask you something?” He lifted his head and tilted it back to look in her eyes. “If something happened to Clarissa and Ewan, where would Ava go?”

She blinked, confusion clouding her vision, but underneath that, he could already see love. “Wherever they choose for her, but Agnes and Keiran would raise her as their own. So would my mother and father, so would I for that matter.”

It made him feel joy to know to see that baby so loved. Babies should have that sort of security. An army of people ready to care for them. It also made him ache too. Because he’d had so little of that.

“Say my name,” he asked. It was wrong but he wanted a little of that love for himself. She was nothing like his mother, and, he knew without asking, that she would never do what his mother had done. No matter what flaws the child had. He’d thought her like his mother but he’d been wrong. His mother had always cared only for herself. The longer he knew Ainsley the more he was certain she’d do anything for her family. His heart had known that all along, but his head had taken a while to understand.

“No,” she answered, biting her lip.

“Please,” he tried again.

She shook her head. “It muddles things too much.” But she did drop her forehead to his, using her hands to hold his face in her grasp. “But anytime you wish to talk, I will listen.”

He blinked up at her. Bloody hell. The offer took his breath away. Without meaning to, he tilted his chin to take her lips with his own. So soft and sweet they made him ache. She clung to him as he kissed her over and over, her breath quickening until she ripped her mouth away from his.

“Stop,” she rasped.

“Why, love?” He nestled her closer, if that was even possible as he tried to capture her lips again. She was likely right. He was weak and he knew she’d fill some small section of the hole within his heart.

“I’m not your love. You don’t even like me.” She pushed off his chest. “I can be your friend. But I can’t do this. I can’t have your attention in these moments and then be ignored. I am, after all, a peacock.”

He was most certainly going to hell for that comment. “I do like you, you’re wrong. You are not demanding nor are you a peacock. I’ve kept my distance because you are a strong woman who is smart enough to see through a cad like me.”

There was no use holding back now. He’d done too much to push her away. And somehow, tonight, he’d realized that she was the woman who would give love, not take it from him.

“James,” she blushed as she used his name and the fire that was burning inside him from their kiss blazed into an inferno. “Don’t say such things.”

“Love,” he rasped. In this moment, he was hers to command. In general, he was hers to command. “I can’t help it. We’re too close. Besides, I don’t want to. Now that I’ve started to tell you how I feel, I don’t want to stop.”

“We already went over this. I’m not your love. Your words are pretty now, but in the morning you’ll go back to being mean to me by either insulting me or ignoring me.” She tried to stand but he held her firm. She had every right to think that. He had been treating her that way. It was a defense on his part to keep from being hurt.

“I won’t. I promise. I’ve never told another person about my mother and now that it’s done, we can’t go back to being what we were. Besides, I wouldn’t want to. I told you about her and no one else because I care about you. I trust you with my feelings.” He reached for one of her hands then and laced her fingers in his own. “I am trying to figure out why you have stripped me defenseless when no one else has ever been able.”

She blinked several times, a blush rising in her cheeks, a smile gracing her lips before she pressed them to his in a quick kiss. “I think it makes you look much more handsome that you shared with me. I like your honestly much better than your swagger.” Then her blush deepened.

“It doesn’t make me look weak?” he asked taking advantage of her pleasure to kiss her again. He understood, he liked the real Ainsley far more than her practiced façade.

“No, not weak.” She shook her head. “And you’ve changed me too. I am no longer content with empty compliments. That’s why I came up here. It seemed so pointless, the dancing and the flirting.”

“I think the flirting would be fun. With the right man.” Instead of kissing her lips, this time he laid a feather-light kiss on her neck.

She shivered under the touch. “James,” she gasped.

“I know I wanted you to say my name, but if you repeat it like that again, you’ll find yourself in my bed.” Now that he knew what she meant to him, he’d have an even harder time holding back.

“Oh…I…” she sat back blinking. He gently brought her body back against his.

“If that happens, we’d have to marry and then you’d be stuck with me for the rest of your life.” It was occurring to him that he would be fine with that but he wasn’t yet sure it was what she wanted. And this could only work if she wished to be his as much as he wanted to be hers.

Her mouth opened but no words came out. Holding her firmly against him, he stood and then gently set her down on the floor. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.” She finally managed to speak.

“It is for you, my love.” Then he dipped his head and kissed her again. Slowly letting her go, he reached for her hand one last time and brought it to his lips. He didn’t want to leave her now. He wasn’t sure he wanted to leave her ever. But they couldn’t go back to the party together because then there would no longer be a choice.

* * *

Ainsley watched him walk away blinking in confusion. What had just happened?

The conversation was the most heated and confounding she’d ever had. Well, the heated of course. No one made her blood boil the way he did. But it was like he was a different man in these private conversations. Vulnerable, hurt. And his thoughts weren’t always connected, as though there was more he wasn’t telling her.

“Ainsley,” Clarissa whispered as she cracked open the door. “Are you all right?”

Ainsley shook her head. “I am not sure.”

Clarissa poked her head out of her room. “That was…”

“How much did you hear?”

“A lot of it.” Clarissa bit her lip. “I had no idea the man that was underneath all of his bravado. He’s hurting and—”

“Clarissa,” Ainsley cut her off. “He’s still dangerous. I think more so because when he’s like that, he breaches my defenses.”

She nodded. “He’ll leave soon. Ewan says that he’s almost done fixing the ship.”

Ainsley swallowed. That news shouldn’t hurt. It would be better when he was gone and not clouding her judgment so. Not that he was all bad. In many ways, he had brought out a better side of her and the heat between them…but she was certain she was about to be burned. “I think I’ll go to bed too.”

“Why don’t you return to the party?” Clarissa reached for her hand. “It’s the one chance you’ve had to really have fun.”

She nodded her agreement though the party seemed anything but fun. Heading down the stairs, she tried to slip back into the ballroom unnoticed. But several sets of eyes found her, James had come back and he looked near predatory, but it was her mother who got to her first.

“Where have you been?” she hissed.

Ainsley clucked her tongue. “Helping Clarissa with Ava.” It was mostly true.

Relief made her mother’s features relax. “Don’t sneak off like that again.”

Ainsley nodded, but before she could sit, James was by her side. “Dance with me,” it was more of a command then a request as he swept her onto the floor.

“James,” she huffed under her breath. “I don’t think this is a good idea.”

He stopped abruptly on the edge of the dancers and gathered her into his arms. Far closer than was respectable. She blinked several times because he was somehow the same and yet different. He had all the confidence of the usual James but the intimacy she’d only seen flashes of when they were alone was still there. Honestly, this man stole her breath away. “I warned you what would happen if you said my name again. I may just kiss you in front of the entire assembly.”

She let out a small gasp. “You wouldn’t.”

“Try me,” there was a dangerous glint in his eye as he began to spin her about.

She was tempted to do it. Say his name and see what happened. Blood rushed in her ears at the thrill of it but her own preservation won in the end. While she’d seen a few glimpses of a hurting man underneath his veneer, it wasn’t enough to tie herself to him for the rest of her life and so she remained silent as he held her close. Part of her wished that she could forget that he might change his mind and just commit herself to him. Because in those moments, like they’d just had in the hall, he made her body come alive and her heart beat only for him.

The eyes of most of the assembly were upon them, as the dance moved faster. Several fans snapped open as whispers began to swirl. “You’re causing a stir,” she whispered, seeing Ewan standing to the side, with his arms crossed and his stance wide. Keiran stood in the same manner next to him.

“Tell me to stop.” He gave her a wicked grin. “Say, stop, James.”

Her eyes narrowed. “What are you playing at? It’s as though you want to marry me.”

He didn’t reply as he moved into the final turn of the dance.

When the steps ended, he stood looking down at her, his eyes dark and intense.

“Are you going to escort me off the floor?” More fans were opening, more whispers.

His hand tightened at her waist. “No, I thought we’d dance again.”

She huffed a little breath. “I thought you didn’t want to be tied to me. Keep this up and we’ll be announcing our engagement in the morning.” He was being ridiculous, though part of her wanted to lose herself in the fantasy that was tonight. In the morning, however, he would go back to being a cold and distant man. She held onto that thought, desperate to keep him from hurting her, dying to press close to him.

He grimaced and offered her his arm, leading her to the chair next to her mother. She sat gratefully, feeling worn by the evening’s events.

He stood just behind her, his hand discreetly fiddling with her hair. Turning back to him, she looked up past his broad chest to his strong face towering over her. “What are you doing now?”

He leaned down so his face was just inches from hers. For a brief second, she thought he might kiss her, here in front of everyone. But he leaned in to whisper in her ear instead. “I’ll not watch anymore men dance with you tonight.”

She blinked several times. What a confoundingly irritating man! He was teasing her, it was the only explanation. And tomorrow, she’d be crushed when ignored her again. Standing, she turned to her mother. “Mother, would you mind if I retired for the evening?”

Her mother’s eyebrows rose up but a slight smile played at her lips. “Of course, dear.” Her mother stood too and together they left the room, stopping to give their regards to Agnes and Keiran.

Once alone in her room, Ainsley unpinned her own hair as a maid undid her dress. She dismissed the girl quickly, wanting solitude. Shaking her head, she thought James may have accomplished the impossible. She no longer cared about a dance. In fact, it had been trying, nearly tortuous.

She was about to braid her hair and crawl into bed when a soft knocking came from the other side of her door.

“Ainsley,” James called.

That infernal man. What had gotten into him tonight? She had kissed him. But she didn’t think that could be it. They’d kissed one other time and he hadn’t been so insistent. He was already dangerously close to ensnaring her heart forever. “Go away.”

He didn’t answer for a moment and she thought he might have just left but then he called through the door. “If you don’t start acting nicer, I might get the impression you don’t like me.”

“I’m not sure that I do,” she huffed.

“You said you were my friend and that I could talk to you,” he answered so quietly but she heard him and it did make her creep over to the door.

“I am your friend and you can talk to me. But this is dangerous and I don’t think—”

“Open the door, love. I can’t talk like this. I’ll get caught out in the hall.”

She stood for the count of at least five, knowing that it was a terrible idea but wanting to hear what he had to say. Finally, reaching her hand for the knob, she turned the lock, and opened the door.

He stood leaning against the jam but as soon as he saw her, his eyes devoured her.

She grabbed his hand and pulled him into the room. “The point is not to get caught,” she hissed as she shut the door behind him.

It required her to lean around him and as she did so, he brought his hand up to cup her neck and splay his fingers into the strands of her hair. “It is,” he whispered.

“And to talk,” she attempted to keep her voice steady but he began lightly rubbing her scalp in a delightful massage. “Not to touch.” She choked on the last word, betraying her lack of control.

“We can talk while we touch,” he returned as he slid his arm about her waist to pull her close.

Her knees wanted to give way. As more of her body pressed against his, he felt lean and strong against her. So right. “It’s a bad idea.”

His lips came close to her ear. “Not when you hear what I have to say.”

“What?” she lifted her face to look into his, which was the absolute wrong thing to do. He immediately captured her lips with his.

When he finally pulled back, he spoke softly. “I want you to marry me.”

“What?” she asked again, her shock likely written all over her face.

His mouth pinched. “You heard me.”

“I did,” she took a steadying breath. “But not an hour ago, you swore that I wouldn’t want to marry you. This morning and every other morning, you’ve acted as though I don’t exist. When you’re not insulting me. If I said yes, which man would I wake up to in the morning?”

“This one,” he insisted, but Ainsley wasn’t so certain.

“I need time to consider it.” He was wreaking havoc on her, she knew that. It was best to give it thought before she committed herself.

“Fair enough. But the next time I ask, I won’t ask again. It will be the last.” He straightened, and then, without another word opened the door and left her room.