Chapter 16
As bad as Bebe had wanted to see Miki he knew he had to do what he was about to do. His mother was right. He would have to sever ties with Miki. He needed what he couldn’t have with Miki. When he first set out to be the nigga on the side his every intention was to love her enough to compel her to leave Redd. She wasn’t budging. She didn’t trust Bebe to protect her. Miki saw it as riskier to leave over staying.
Miki showed up at his house like she said she would early Thursday morning. “Hey love,” she said sweetly. She pecked him on the lips.
“Hey,” he said. He was happy to see her because it had been a while. “You look nice as always.”
“Thanks,” she said removing her coat. She frowned. “What’s wrong? You don’t look too thrilled to see me.”
“I…am,” he said with hesitance. He didn’t bother to move from his living room. He leaned up against the arm of his sofa and folded his arms across his chest.
Still holding her coat, Miki walked upon him searching his eyes for an answer. “What is it Bebe?”
He sighed heavily and unfolded his arms. “I can’t do this anymore.”
“Can’t do what?”
“Us. This.”
“Bebe…” her voice trailed as she wrapped her mind around what he was trying to say. “Are you breaking up with me?”
Bebe let out a cynical laugh. “Breakup? What’s to break up if we’re not even together?”
“You know what I mean. So, you don’t wanna see me anymore?”
“I can’t see you anymore,” he said.
“You can’t, or you won’t?”
“I won’t. Not like this anymore.”
There was a pause as Miki looked everywhere but at Bebe’s piercing gaze. He was trying to read her and see exactly how she was feeling. He asked, “Can you understand where I’m coming from?”
“I guess,” she mumbled. She kept her eyes lowered.
“You don’t sound like—”
She interrupted, “I’m fine. I knew it would come to this anyway. So, is this the last time I will see you?”
Bebe nodded.
Miki sighed with defeat. She thought about how miserable life had been with Redd. She looked forward to seeing Bebe. He was the highlight of her week.
Bebe couldn’t reveal how he really felt about his decision. Inside he was torn. He loved Miki. He would even make her his wife but that wasn’t the life she was ready for.
Silent tears streamed down Miki’s cheeks. She tried to be quiet with her sniffles as she stared down at the floor. She looked up at him and he could see the streaks on her face. He looked at her lovingly but with desperation in his eyes.
“Miki, please leave him. That’s all you gotta do,” Bebe said softly. “Please don’t cry either.”
Miki grew angry and frustrated. It seemed insensitive how Bebe didn’t try to console or comfort her. He now treated her like she was just some girl he was acquainted with. “What you expect me to do? You think this shit is easy for me? It ain’t, Bebe.”
“I’m not saying it is.”
“I can’t believe you’re leaving me,” she spat.
“I’m not leaving you. You made a choice. I shoulda accepted your choice the first time you made me aware of it.”
“What choice?”
“You chose being with Redd just like you’re doing now.”
“It’s not a choice! What don’t y’all get?”
“What I get is that you care more about him and the consequences he’ll suffer if you stand up to him than you do about your own wellbeing. Don’t you wanna be happy and worry-free, Miki?”
“So, what are you suggesting I do Bebe?”
“Shoot his ass or call the police on him.”
“I can’t send him back to prison. I just can’t.”
“That’s what I’m talking about. Fuck his freedom. What about yours? I get so tired of seeing bruises on you. What kind of man am I to sit back and let him do this to you? Since you don’t want to leave him it’s best if I separate myself from this whole situation.”
Miki nodded her acknowledgment. “I get it Bebe…Well I guess I’ll see you around.”
He tried to reach out to touch her, hug her…anything. She jerked away from him. “Don’t,” she spat.
“I can’t get a hug?”
Miki slipped her coat back on and headed for the door.
“Miki,” he called.
“Just let me go,” Miki cried. She opened the door and slipped out.
Bebe wanted to open the door and yell out, “I’m just playing. Get back in here,” but he knew this was the best thing to do. He didn’t deserve to be some side piece when he was “the only man she need” material. There were plenty of women that would be willing to be his woman. But he knew that those women were not Miki. However, he had to move on.
____________
Miki couldn’t rationalize in her head why she had allowed things to fall as they did. If she wanted to get away from Redd being with Bebe would have been her opportunity. Now she felt foolish for even attempting to have something with another man. She didn’t have the courage it took to leave Redd. She wasted her time and Bebe’s time. Well her time wasn’t wasted because she enjoyed every moment she shared with Bebe. She wanted to keep Bebe in her life because he balanced everything out for her. He was the joy of her week. However, she felt she needed to be there for Redd.
“I think you’re dumb,” Kat huffed.
“I know what you’re thinking,” Miki said with a roll of the eyes. “You’ve told me plenty of times.”
“I think you’re scared,” Kat said. “You’re afraid of moving forward with a real relationship.”
“So are you. You sit around and take Ox’s shit.”
“Don’t be flipping this shit on me,” Kat said. “You had a perfectly good man in your face that treated you like a queen.”
“Yeah for now. Who knows what he would have acted like in nine months.”
“So now you’re gonna base every man off of Redd’s crusty ass.”
“No.”
“Then what is this?”
“My life,” Miki said. She was growing annoyed with this conversation.
“If I was Bebe I wouldn’t have a good thing to say about you. You basically used that man. You treated him as if he was nothing ever to you.”
“No, I didn’t.”
“I never thought you were but you’re selfish as fuck,” Kat said matter of factly.
“No, I’m not. If Redd is willing to change and be a better man why should I not give him an opportunity? I got time invested with him. With him I know what I’m working with. Bebe, not so much. And he has a temper on him too. Why would I leave one mess to get with another one?”
Kat stared at Miki in an unbelieving blank manner. “Something is wrong with you. One minute you’re in love with Bebe and he’s this and he’s that. Now you tryna make him out to be another Redd.”
“Why are you so bothered and against me?” Miki questioned.
“Because this is stupid!” Kat exclaimed. She got up from her couch. “Shit I wished I had met Bebe first.”
“And done what? You wouldn’t have left Ox completely alone.”
Kat gave it some thought. “I only fuck with Ox because of the money. As soon as I meet someone new I’m cutting his ass completely the fuck off.”
“Like Ox gonna let you do that,” Miki said doubtfully.
“If I give the nigga no choice.”
Miki wondered what Redd was up to. He hadn’t exploded on her in a while. He had been nothing but loving. Miki blurted, “I’m pregnant.”
“What?” Kat gasped.
“I’m pregnant. According to my due date my conception date was around the time of that bathroom incident with Bebe. But Redd also had sex with me that night. I wanna tell Bebe but I don’t want it to seem like I’m telling him to keep him. You know what I’m saying. I don’t wanna be one of those girls.”
“So, you don’t know who the daddy could be?”
“I can’t be one hundred percent sure, but Redd pulled out because he know I ain’t on birth control. Bebe usually use condoms but we were caught up in the moment.”
“Are you gonna tell him?” Kat asked.
“I don’t know.”
“Are you keeping it?” Kat asked.
“I’m not doing an abortion Kat. I just can’t.”
“So whatchu gon do when that baby come out looking like Bebe and not like Redd?”
“I don’t know. Redd will probably kill me and the baby.”
“Don’t say that,” Kat said. She shook her head. Kat confessed, “I’ve been seeing Dwayne.”
“Dwayne? Dwayne who?”
“Toya’s Dwayne. Ox and Redd’s friend Dwayne.”
Miki grimaced and sucked air through her teeth. “That’s not good Kat. What the fuck are you thinking? What is he thinking?”
Kat shrugged. “It just happened. He came over one night. Things got heated right away. We went at it. Ox must’ve been at some bitch house because Dwayne didn’t feel worried about Ox possibly coming by. We got to talking shit and one thing lead to another.”
“Dang,” Miki mumbled. “And I thought my shit was fucked up.”
Kat exhaled heavily with despair. “Miki, we gotta get our shit together.”