Chapter Three

Mattie

“I’ll get it,” I said, handing Brian to Hailey as I forced myself to move.

Katie frowned as she put her knife down and followed me. Then she reached back and pushed the knife into the rack. Little fingers were ever curious.

Taking a deep breath, I quickly wiped my hands on my jeans and opened the door. Kevin shot me a smile that made me happy inside. A hint of nervousness hid in his eyes. But I could tell he was happy to see me also. A fact that sent my soul soaring.

One hand was resting on his cane, the other held a brightly wrapped present. I smiled to myself. He was dressed in civilian clothes today. But that didn’t take away from the pure hotness that was Kevin Hays. A blue and white flannel shirt, unbuttoned, over a green T-shirt with the words *Semper Fi in gold. Jeans, boots, and hair cut so short you could barely tell it was red.

High and tight, they called it. And yes, I had spent the last two days googling everything about the Marines I could find.

The two of us stood there, looking at each other, neither of us moving. Those darn ex-boyfriend rules confusing me.

“Kevin,” Katie said as she pushed past me and pulled him into a hug.

He smiled widely as he sank into her embrace.

“Katie,” he said with a touch of tenderness that surprised me. He needed this, I thought.

She pulled back to examine him from head to toe, a tear in the corner of her eye. She lingered on the cane for just a moment. Then she smiled at him and pulled him back into another motherly hug.

“You and I will discuss you not letting me know you were in town later, for now, come in. There is someone I want you to meet.”

She pulled him into the house, ignoring me as if I wasn’t even there. Kevin shot me a quick smile and shrugged his shoulders. I smiled back. When Katie took charge, people just naturally did what she wanted. It had to be that way if she was ever to control my big lug of a brother.

“Brian,” she called out. “There is someone I want you to meet.”

The young boy raced into the hall, sliding to a halt when he saw the strange man there. His eyes automatically going to the wrapped present he held.

“This is Mr. Hays,” She said to her son. “He is Mommy’s and Daddy’s very good friend.”

“Happy Birthday,” Kevin said as he bent over to give Brian the gift. I noticed his knuckles turn white on the cane while he fought to maintain his balance.

“Take it and put it with the others,” Katie told her son. “You can open them later.”

“You got lucky,” Kevin said to her, “He looks like you and not Scott.”

She laughed.

“You always were a mouthy punk,” Scott said as he stepped into the hall. My giant of a brother and my ex-boyfriend stared each other in the eye for a long second while my heart refused to work.

The corners of Kevin’s lips curled up slightly, then the two of them crashed together in a tight man hug. A lot of back-slapping and grumbles while they both tried to hide what they were feeling.

“It’s good to have you back,” Scott said. I gulped and noticed that just like me, Katie had to wipe away a tear.

Kevin nodded and I swear he swallowed hard to hold back a tear himself.

“The Seahawks,” He said as he punched Scott in the shoulder. “You couldn’t play for the Chiefs?”

Scott laughed. “Hey, I’m just lucky they let me play at all.”

“Come on,” Scott added as he draped an arm over Kevin’s shoulders. “Let me introduce you.”

I smiled to myself. It was like the two of them had seen each other yesterday.

Both Hailey and Casey shot me quick looks of approval after they had met Kevin. I tried not to roll my eyes. Neither of them would ever understand that Kevin was a friend. Nothing more. Yes, we had a history. But no more.

When Scott took Kevin out to the grill to meet Ryan and Austin, Katie pulled me aside and whispered, “How bad was he hurt? Under that tan, he looks pale, if that makes any sense.”

I grimaced and shook my head. “I don’t know. I don’t think he wants to talk about it.”

She nodded, but I could tell her mind was working a mile a minute trying to figure out a way to get the information she needed. Secretly, I wished her luck. I too was burning up with curiosity.

I glanced out the back door at the four men standing around the grill. Kevin, nodding, as he listened to my brother tell stories. This feels right, I thought. For some reason, my world made sense.

“Why do we always end up in the kitchen and the guys around the grill,” Casey asked as she poured herself another glass of wine.

Katie laughed. “If you think I’m letting Scott James in my kitchen you are crazy. Half the food would be gone before it made it to the table.”

We all laughed. My brother trained year round which meant he was constantly packing away the calories for fuel.

Once the burgers were done, everyone made plates and congregated out on the patio. The spring sun sort of demanded it. We had several months of gray skies to make up for. Brian sat on his father’s knee, stealing food off his plate. Shooting curious looks at Kevin from under his brow.

Brian continued to study him then asked, “Why do you walk funny?”

“Brian,” Katie gasped, her cheeks turning bright red at her son’s rudeness.

“No that’s okay,” Kevin said with a smile that reminded me why I had always liked him. He didn’t get upset at other people.

“I got hurt at work,” Kevin said.

Brian nodded. “Daddy got hurt at his work, he plays football.”

Kevin nodded. “Yes he does,” Kevin said as he handed Brian his cane to play with.

“Hey, I could hook you up with the team's doctors,” Scott said.

“Scott,” Katie exclaimed as she rolled her eyes.

“What?” Scott asked. “They’re pretty good. They did a great job with Jordan’s ACL.”

Kevin laughed and shook his head as he tapped his knee. “There isn’t an ACL or MCL left. In fact, most of it is metal and rubber bands.”

My heart turned over imagining what must have happened to cause such a traumatic injury.

“The guys at Maddegan are pretty good too,” he continued. “They’ve had a lot of practice.”

A silence fell over the table as each of us thought about what that meant. Of course, the military doctors had a lot of experience working on men like Kevin. Too much experience.

Katie, feeling the awkward moment growing. Stood up and announced it was time for presents.

“And cake,” both Scott and Brian said at the same time. Everyone laughed and the somber moment was broken.

It became a small child’s birthday party. All about Brian. He blew out his candles. Opened his presents and beamed at all of the attention. I could only shake my head. The boy was already on overload. The coming sugar high was going to put him into overdrive.

He opened each present, thanking us, then opened Kevin’s and smiled from ear to ear. Kevin had bought a simple Dump Truck. The perfect gift for a three-year-old boy. Within minutes, Kevin was crawling around in Katie’s flower bed, building a fortress.

The afternoon sun sank slowly, giving the air a quick chill.

“Maybe we should move inside,” Katie said as she started gathering plates.

“Oh, Mommy,” Brian complained. “ten minutes,”

She laughed and nodded, “Ten minutes, then inside. You can play with your new toys in your room.”

Brian frowned but nodded. He well knew it was the best deal he was going to get.

“I think I should probably get going,” Kevin said. “I’ve got to catch a ferry and need to call an Uber.”

My heart fell. We hadn’t had a chance to talk. Not really talk. No alone time. Once again, it was as if Kevin couldn’t get away from me fast enough.

Scott frowned. “Why don’t you crash here, I’ll take you down to the ferry tomorrow. We’ve got a couple of guest rooms. Mattie stays with us all the time.”

Kevin hesitated, I could see him trying to figure out if it was a good idea or not. I held my breath, afraid if I said the wrong thing he might leave.

“Come on man,” Scott said putting his arm around him. “You and I need to get drunk and howl at the moon.”

Katie scoffed, “Actually Scott, you need to do the dishes while I get Brian ready for bed. And of course, Kevin is staying the night.”

Smiling at Kevin, Katie slipped her arm into his and took him off to show him where he would be staying. My insides relaxed. It wasn’t over yet.

After we cleaned up, we all settled into the living room. Scott lit the fireplace and Katie settled Brian down next to her, shooting me a look that let me know he’d be asleep in minutes.

Shortly, everyone was wrapped up in each other’s life. As usual the talk revolved around football, computers, cars, or Hailey’s nursing school. Casey’s business courses and my Accounting stuff didn’t qualify as interesting enough to talk about.

Sitting back, I watched my friends. Every so often, I’d glance at Kevin across the room on the couch. A beer in his hand and a strange look in his eyes. What was wrong? I wondered as I watched him follow the conversation.

I continued to study him. This man that I had known so well. Before, I could practically read his mind with just a look. But no longer. That special skill had disappeared along with any hope of us.

Something was bothering him. Something deep in his gut that he might not even be aware of. Then it hit me. We were talking about our recent past and near future. Talking about what we were learning. What we had done. Young people passionate about what they did. But what of Kevin. What could he talk about that we could even relate to? How could he talk about killing and the constant fear of being killed, to people like us?

He is an outsider, I realized. He would always be different. See the world differently than the rest of us.

Kevin glanced up and caught me studying him. I grinned and tried to let him know I understood. He smiled slightly as he stared at me. Our eyes communicating just like they used too. And for a moment, I saw that he knew that I understood what he was feeling.

He smiled, then he sent a chill through me as he scratched above his left eye. Our signal. The silent request to get away and be just the two of us.

My heart raced as I tried to understand if I had actually seen what I thought I saw. Kevin smiled and did it again.

I gulped and looked around to see if anyone had noticed. Seeing that everyone was oblivious, I nodded just slightly. Kevin fought to hide his grin as he worked to get up out of the deep couch.

“If it is alright,” Kevin said as he leaned on his cane. “I need to take a walk, get some fresh air. My knee stiffens up if I sit too long.”

Katie frowned, obviously upset, probably worrying about whether she was being a good hostess. “Do you want …”

“I’ll go with you,” I said before anyone could offer to tag along.

Scott shot me a quick frown as he tried to understand what was going on.

“I need to walk off some of that cake,” I added.

“Cake,” Brian moaned from his slumber.

Everyone laughed, even fast asleep, my nephew was the life of the party.

Kevin shot me a quick look, silently telling me to lead the way.

I took a deep breath and made a point of not looking at Hailey or Casey. I knew the knowing smirks I’d get. I also knew that I was probably breaking a dozen different ex-boyfriend rules. But my heart didn’t care. Kevin had given me our signal. If he wanted to be alone, he wouldn’t have asked me to join him.

As he moved around me to open the front door, I took in his aftershave. It was different than in high school. A musky scent with a touch of smoky leather. My insides turned over. When had he changed? Had some girl given him this new cologne? This isn’t the same Kevin I reminded myself.

Shooting me a quick smile, he opened the door while his hand touched the small of my back.

A shiver ran up and down my spine. Even after all these years, the man could still make my body react.

Taking a deep breath, I stepped out into the night. Kevin let out a long sigh. As if he had reached somewhere safe.

“Your friends are nice, And both Scott and Katie are just the same. The best people in the world. I just needed a break. I get all antsy sometimes,” he said as we started down the sidewalk.

I nodded, “I understand. I imagine it must be a lot different from what you are used too.”

He smiled at me, that smile that told me I had hit the mark.

“Austin used to be like that sometimes,” I said.

He frowned, waiting for an explanation.

“He grew up on the streets. Literally. For the longest time, he couldn’t be in a room unless he had two exits mapped out. Casey told me once that even now, he gets nervous if he sees a police car.”

Kevin nodded as he looked off into the distance. I wondered what he was thinking about. What horrors were haunting him.

“It’s hard to explain,” he said, still looking far away.

“That’s okay,” I said, placing my hand on his arm. “You don’t have to explain. You don’t have to worry about us. You do whatever you need to do.”

He stopped and turned to look at me, his eyes probing mine. “I don’t think I’m ready to talk about it. Not yet. But if there was anyone I ever could talk to, it would be you.”

My heart melted as I looked up into his eyes. Kevin Hays. What had happened to this man and how could I ever make it right?

We continued to stare at each other. There was no longer any chance of an us, I realized. But that didn’t stop me, without really thinking it through, I stretched up on my toes and kissed him. My mind whirled with doubt and fear, but I couldn’t stop myself. This was Kevin, my Kevin.