Anna
“Daniel’s just popped to the loo. Is it okay that he came?” Leah asked as she poured white wine into an empty glass opposite me at the restaurant.
“Of course.” I would have preferred just Leah and me for dinner. Not that I didn’t adore Daniel, but it was always slightly different when it was the three of us.
“Are you okay?” Leah asked.
“Yeah, I just—Ethan’s stressed and he was a bit snappy with me on the phone. I know I’m being over sensitive, he’s just never been like that with me and it just makes it worse when he’s so far away.” My throat began to thicken and I took a sip of my wine. “Maybe it’s all getting a bit too real for him and he’s having doubts?”
“He’s crazy for you. He’s not having doubts. It will be fine. Talk to him later.”
Daniel came back to the table and kissed me on the cheek. “What’s going on?” he asked. Have you got a moving date?”
“I’m still waiting to hear. I spoke to Paul earlier and he’s going to come back to me, but he sounded positive about it.”
“I’m going to miss you so much,” Leah said.
“God, Leah don’t. The mood I’m in, I’ll start bawling and you’ll have to carry me home.”
Daniel pulled a glum looking Leah toward him. “I go to New York all the time—you can just come with me. You’ll see plenty of each other.”
“The mood Ethan’s in, he’ll probably call it all off and I’ll be stuck here anyway.”
“Don’t be silly,” Leah said. “He was going to propose, I’m sure of it.” Leah then proceeded to tell Daniel about our New Year’s Eve and how Ethan had hired out the top of the Empire State Building. “Don’t you think it’s the sort of thing you do when you propose?” Leah asked him.
“He didn’t though?” Daniel asked.
I shook my head. “Just because he did something thoughtful and romantic doesn’t mean he was going to ask me to marry him. And anyway, I have no interest in getting married.”
“You don’t?” Daniel looked surprised.
“No, not really. I’ve never seen the point. So many people end up unhappy or divorced. Isn’t it more romantic to stay together because you want to, rather than because you signed a bit of paper?”
Daniel looked at me, almost as if he were concerned.
“And anyway, guys hate the idea of marriage,” I continued.
“Well, I’m a guy and I don’t hate the idea of marriage,” Daniel said. “I think it’s important to be able to say to the world and each other that you love someone, and you’re committing the rest of your lives together. I don’t know how I’d feel if Leah didn’t want to marry me. It’s true, I don’t care at all for the wedding, but the wedding and being married are two different things.”
“Yeah, but you’re Daniel Armitage. You’re not most guys.”
“Is Ethan most guys?” Leah asked.
“I don’t even know why we’re talking about this. He hasn’t asked me. We didn’t talk about it and after our conversation today we’re never likely to.” I surreptitiously checked my phone. He’d not even responded to the naked photo offer. Something must be up.
“Well, the top of the Empire State building for just the two of you on New Year’s Eve sounds like he wants you to be happy,” Daniel said. “And that can only be a good thing.”
* * * * *
Back at the flat, I’d still not heard from Ethan. I wanted to call him but I didn’t want to disturb him again. I decided to give Mandy a call instead. It would be about six in New York, so she was likely to be home and Andrew would still be at work.
“Hey, soon-to-be New Yorker,” Mandy squealed as she answered the phone.
I couldn’t help but smile. “Hey, I called to wish you happy New Year. Is now a good time?”
“Of course. Happy New Year. I’m so pleased you called. How’s the jetlag? Have you got a date for moving yet?”
“No date, but I’m hopeful I won’t have to work the full three months. I should hear in the next few days. I’ve started to pack things up in the office though, and I’ll start on the flat tomorrow.”
“You don’t sound excited.”
I didn’t feel it. I felt heavy. “Well, you know there’s a lot to do.”
“Ethan is desperate to get you over here as soon as possible.”
“Hmmm, maybe.”
“What do you mean ‘maybe’? Of course he is. The man would do anything for you. He’s head over heels.”
“He didn’t sound it earlier. I think we just had our first argument. Or maybe we didn’t and I’m just overreacting.”
“What did you argue about? New Year’s?”
“No, and what about New Year’s?”
“What were you arguing about then?”
“He was just snappy with me, and told me I was disturbing him and that he had a hangover. But what about New Year’s?” Was she deliberately avoiding my question?
“Yeah, he had too much whiskey last night.”
“He was with you?”
“And Andrew, he came by on the way back from the airport.”
Why hadn’t he said anything about going to Andrew and Mandy’s? It was so unlike him.
“Anna?”
I didn’t know what to say. Something felt really off, but there was nothing I could put my finger on. Mandy had just confirmed that he had a hangover. I knew today was going to be a busy day for him. Although his response was asshole-like, it shouldn’t have created the feeling that my heart was going to crash through my chest.
“Yeah, I’m here. Mandy, tell me about New Year’s. Why would we be arguing about it? I know you’re Ethan’s friend but I need you to tell me which bit of the puzzle I’m obviously missing.”
“I love you guys together. I want you two to make it work.”
“Mandy,” I warned.
“Anna, he will kill me if I tell you.”
“And if you don’t, I will.” My mind was racing. Did he have a secret love child or a gay past? What was Mandy about to tell me?
“Jesus, Anna, if you tell him I told you, I’ll kill you. How’s that?”
“I won’t. I promise. Please put me out of my misery.”
“He was planning to propose. On New Year’s.”
Shit. Leah had been right.
“Anna?”
“I’m still here. On New Year’s Eve? Why didn’t he?”
“Apparently you told him that you didn’t want to marry him earlier in the evening.”
“When earlier?” We’d not talked about getting married.
“I don’t know exactly. He was planning to ask you at the top of the Empire State Building, so sometime before that.”
“I didn’t say I wouldn’t marry him, I’d not really considered it. I just don’t get marriage. It’s not important to me, but he knows that, I think. Was he seriously going to ask me?”
“By the look of the ring I saw a picture of, I’d say he was as serious as he’s ever been about anything.”
“And now he’s pissed off. I’ve hurt him.” It wasn’t a question—it just all made sense. If I thought about it, things had been off since that night. He’d seemed a bit distant and distracted. I’d not been paying attention.
“He’s questioning himself and whether you want the same things that he does. You just need to talk about it. I know how you feel about him. And deep down, so does he. I reminded him that you’re moving continents for him, but all he can focus on is you not wanting to marry him.”
There was nothing I wanted more in that moment than to be able to transport myself to New York. I needed to explain myself. “Thanks for telling me. Thank god you did. Please don’t tell him that we’ve had this conversation. I’m going to make this right.”
I fished out my blackberry from my coat pocket and emailed Paul, saying that it was really important to me that I finish as soon as possible and that I needed to take next week off, even if they couldn’t let me go for good at the end of this week.
I then found my phone and texted Ethan.
A: I love you. I miss you.
I couldn’t have him doubting my heart for a second.
Then I logged on to my laptop and booked myself a one-way ticket to New York for Saturday. I had four days to pack up my life. If work didn’t release me from my contract, I’d take unpaid leave or go sick or something.
I jumped at my phone’s text alert.
SG: Good. Me too.
I smiled at the words. I hadn’t expected him to reply given his earlier mood but I was glad that it didn’t sound like he’d given up.
A: I spoke to Paul. He’s talking to the other partners. I’m going to speak to him again tomorrow.
Before I’d put my phone down after I’d sent my text, it started to ring. The words ‘Sex God’ flashed up.
“Hey handsome. How’s the hangover?” I answered.
“Hey. Not good. I went to Andrew and Mandy’s last night and drank too much whiskey.”
“I wish I were there so I could run you a bath and give you a head massage.”
“Yeah?” He sounded tired. “I wish you were here, too.”
“Really? You were pretty grouchy with me earlier.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I just have a lot going on . . . ”
“I thought we had a rule that we shared stuff.” I really wanted him to tell me what he wanted for our future. I wanted the no-bullshit Ethan.
“It’s just boring work stuff.”
I wondered if that had been the first time Ethan had bullshitted me.