Anna
“You did? What is it?” I asked.
“Go take a look,” he repeated.
I scrambled out of bed, went over to Ethan’s drawer and pulled it open. The sight of the almost-empty space made my stomach flip. Another reminder that he wasn’t here anymore. But it wasn’t completely empty. There was a small orange box stamped with the now familiar Hermès logo. I grinned, grabbed it and headed back to bed.
“Did you find it?”
“I did. You don’t need to buy me gifts.”
“I want to. I think you’re the only girl ever born who complains about getting gifts.”
“I’m not complaining. I just don’t want you to think you have to.”
“I want to. Do you like it?”
“I’ve not opened it.”
“We should be doing this by video call or something. I want to see you.”
“Three weeks. Where are you now?”
“We’re just pulling in. Open your gift.”
I did. I loved that he’d thought about leaving me something when he was gone. He was good at this boyfriend thing, even if he hadn’t had much practice. It was a beautiful blue enamel bracelet. “God, Ethan, I love it. Thank you.”
“Put it on. I want to imagine you in nothing but a bracelet.”
I grinned at the thought of being his fantasy. And his reality. “It fits beautifully, thank you. I’ll send you a picture.”
The sound of the street echoed more clearly on the other end of the phone. “Where are you?”
“I got out to walk. I’m just at the end of the block.”
“I want to hear more about your day.”
“It was completely uninteresting compared to you in our bed, naked.”
Our bed. He still thought of it as ours.
“Tell me. I want to hear everything as if you were beside me chatting.”
“If I was there and you were naked, I wouldn’t be talking about my day.”
I wondered how many women had flirted with Ethan today, on a day I wasn’t going to be there to wrap my hands around his cock and make sure it was my eyes he was looking into when he came. I had to push the thoughts to one side
“Tell me, what would you be doing?”
“Oh, beautiful, you might be the death of me. But I’d die happy, that’s for sure.”
My whole body heated. The thought of being the one that made him happy? That I could do that to him? It was all I could want. The sounds of the street began to fade.
“If I were there now,” Ethan continued, “I’d lay you on your back on our bed and drink you in for a few minutes. I love your skin, how soft it is, how it tastes. I love the feeling of my fingers on you, in you, all over you.”
There was familiar wetness between my legs at his words. It was if he was worshipping my body.
His voice and the buzz across my skin made his absence more acute. I was aware of everything I didn’t feel. Everything he would be doing to my body if he were here. The almost too-hard press of his thumbs below my hips. The drag of his lips across every inch of my skin. The feel of his hard body under my fingers, my lips, my tongue.
My nipples tightened and grazed the sheets I was wrapped in. I squeezed my thighs together. “I wish you were here with me.”
“Beautiful, there’s nothing I want more, right this second.” On the other end of the phone keys jangled and doors slammed.
“Are you hard?” I asked, almost embarrassed, but not quite. Our relationship had been, until now, so much about the physical stuff between us. It was how we communicated, it was how we were comfortable. We were in new territory here. I got confidence from his desire for me. Now I was blind. I didn’t want to make a fool of myself. I needed to be there with him, to see, to feel for myself.
“Like a fucking stone. Like I said, you just have to exist to make me hard. Having the image of you naked on the other end of the phone makes me like steel. If I were there, would you be ready for me, baby? Tell me how wet you are.”
“Ethan.” I wasn’t sure I could do this. It felt strange and unfamiliar.
“I want you to reach between your legs. Stroke that perfect pussy of yours and tell me how wet you are.”
Tentatively, I moved my free hand down across my stomach, then lower. I was ready for him, but I wanted to do what he said.
“Tell me, Anna.”
My slickness quickly coated my fingers. “I’m ready for you, Ethan. Really ready for you.”
“You’re ready for my tongue, my fingers or my cock?”
I couldn’t help but groan. “Ethan.”
“That’s right, you’ll have all of them.”
I started to circle my clit with my fingers and my back arched.
“Jesus, I want to be inside you right now. I’m so hard. I want to be surrounded by your pussy. It’s my favorite place to be. I love the feel of you around me while I slide into you. The way your eyes widen every time, like I’m almost too big.”
“Fuck, Ethan,” I whimpered.
“That’s right, beautiful, tease that pretty clit. Imagine my tongue bringing out your pleasure.”
I was close and then the phone slipped out of my hand. As I pulled it back to my ear Ethan seemed to slip away from me. My body went cold and my mind was distracted by his absence.
Something left me and I wasn’t going to get there. It wasn’t enough for me to pretend that he was touching me. In fact, it was worse. It just made me more aware that he wasn’t there with me, doing what he did best.
“I’m so hard for you. Are you close? I want us to come together,” he said.
“Yeah . . . I love you Ethan.” I wanted him to get off even if I couldn’t. I wanted to make sure he wasn’t walking around with a hard-on without me being around. I wanted this to work.
“Anna?” His tone changed quickly. He sounded serious. “Anna, are you bullshitting me?”
“I . . . I . . .” How could I answer him?
“Were you faking it with me?”
“No! Never. I would n-n-never,” I stuttered.
“But you’re not about to come.” It wasn’t a question.
“I’m sorry. I was and then I just missed you and it left me.” The beginnings of tears began to gather in my eyes.
“Don’t be sorry. Don’t ever be sorry. Jesus I wish I were there. I want my arms around you.”
I laughed. “And the rest.”
That broke the tension and Ethan laughed, too. “Yeah, and the rest. But seriously, this situation sucks.”
“It does.”
“You’ve never faked it with me, have you?”
I laughed again. Ethan had never been insecure about the power he had over my body—to think that he had the slightest doubt about the way I responded to him was laughable. “I’ve never needed to fake a single thing about our relationship, and certainly not the way you make me come. I can’t say I’ve never faked it, but I’ve never faked it with you. I couldn’t stop myself from coming even if I tried when you touch me.”
“You say the sweetest things. If I were with you I’d be fucking you for the second time tonight.”
“Now I’ve left you with blue balls.”
“Yeah, about that . . . is getting myself off cheating if you’re not on the end of the phone?”
“No. I mean, did you when you were in London? Do you think it should be?” Why was he asking me this? It felt weird talking about it. But at the same time I was pleased. Ethan seemed to have no boundaries. He hid little from me and I loved that, but I wasn’t used to it. No one in my life had ever been as open as Ethan was with me. As much as it made me slightly uncomfortable at times, it was exactly what I needed.
“I never did in London. But I spent half my time inside you.”
I smiled. “Why would you think that I wouldn’t want you to?”
“I just didn’t know how you would feel about it. So I wanted to ask you.”
“You are the best boyfriend ever. Do you want to know how I feel about it, no bullshit? I think that I want you to get yourself off twenty times a day if you need to. Anything to ensure that you’re not tempted to go near another woman while we’re apart.”
“Okay, that’s not what I was expecting you to say. You’re worried that I’m going to cheat on you?”
Was I? I was worried that I would lose him, but would he cheat? I didn’t know if he could go without until the next time we saw each other. He did, after all, have the sexual appetite of a nineteen-year-old boy and he’d never had to think about being monogamous before. “I don’t think I’m worried, but it’s natural to notice other women, and I guess you’re more likely to act on that if you’ve not had sex for a while.” I was trying to sound rational. I was trying to feel rational. “You’ve never had to deny yourself before Ethan.”
He was quiet on the other end of the phone.