CHAPTER 13: SNOW
“You’re avoiding me,” Ash said as I got into the car that Wednesday.
I totally was.
“No, I’m not,” I said back.
Ash snorted, put the car in drive and peeled out. Veronica’s seats were already heated to the perfect temperature. I picked up his iPod and switched it to the Patsy Cline playlist. Turning to the window, I hummed along. Crazy…I’m crazy for feeling so lonely. That lady sure knew what she was talking about.
“So, you’re not avoiding me?”
I shook my head but didn’t look at him.
“But you never talk to me at school,” Ash accused.
“Nothing to talk about.”
“Yeah, okay.” A beat, then, “Patsy Cline, huh? Thought you said you didn’t like country.”
Another shrug. I didn’t like Patsy. I loved Patsy. The woman had a way of channeling everything she felt into her voice. Singing your heart out wasn’t just a phrase for her, but a battle cry. I’d been listening to her compulsively ever since the Sadie Incident.
“Well, Miss Cline was pure country.” I could hear the grin in his voice. “I like this one better, though.”
The song suddenly switched to I Fall to Pieces, and I glared over my shoulder.
“Much more relevant, don’t you think?” he said. “All that talk about forgetting and how you pretend like we never kissed. Did I mention Sadie loves her songs, too?”
I shook my head. It was probably the only thing I didn’t know about Director Sadie at this point. Ash talked about her all the time. Apparently, today was no exception. Shoot me now.
“Well, she does. Sadie’s got great taste in music.”
I raised a brow. According to Ash, Sadie had great everything.
“I thought it was my day to DJ,” I said and changed the song again. As the first lines of Your Cheatin’ Heart blasted through the speakers, Ash ran a hand through his hair.
“Subtle,” Ash said and hit the forward button a few times.
“Hey,” I argued, but shut up when I heard his next song. I Love You So Much It Hurts. “You are just so hilarious.”
He grinned. “I wasn’t trying to be funny. But if it makes you laugh, hey, I’ll take it.”
I rolled my eyes and skipped ahead to If You’ve Got Leaving on Your Mind. A little too telling, a little too raw. This song put it all out there, but I wished Ash would stop already with his crap. I’d seen him with Sadie. These last few days I’d listened to him go on and on about her. As inexperienced as I was, I knew they had a connection. We sat silent, listening for a second as Patsy crooned.
Ash sighed and reached for the iPod.
“Jeez, Ash, I…oh, I like this one,” I said in surprise.
“I know,” Ash said. “You put on Emmylou and replay it a second time every morning whether it’s your day or not.”
“I do?”
“Yeah, I like it, too. Those girls in First Aid Kit are great. I figured we could agree on this one.”
“Good choice,” I grumbled.
“Thanks.” He put both hands back on the wheel, drummed his fingers. “And that is the longest conversation we’ve had in days.”
I shrugged again and faced the window. Most of our “conversation” had been made playing musical chairs. Thankfully, Ash stayed quiet the rest of the way. We listened to Emmylou three times before we reached the CCDS parking lot. The song always had a way of soothing my nerves. But then Ash had to go and ruin it.
“You should come watch me play today,” he said, shutting off the car.
“Can’t,” I said, but before I could jump out, he locked the doors. I frowned, looked back.
“Why not?” he asked all smiles. “Got something better to do?”
Not really, I thought. It was self-preservation. After last Saturday, I tried not to spend any more time with Ash than necessary. Watching him flirt with Sadie in between takes while I sweat like a pig? Yeah, no, I wasn’t into that. I didn’t want to go to his practice. Omma and I hadn’t gone back to his house—though we’d been invited several times. Like he said, I was doing a great job of avoiding him. Or at least, avoiding him as much as you could someone you saw every morning in every class and on every car ride home.
I lifted my chin. “Actually, Omma needs my help at The Academy.”
“You know, that’s funny,” he said, eyes narrowing. “Because I talked to Mrs. Lee, and she said you were free tonight.”
“What? You talked to my mom?”
He nodded. “Hit me with your next excuse.”
“It’s not an excuse,” I said. “I just can’t go.”
“Why?” he asked again. “It’s a simple question, ninja girl.”
A hundred reasons raced through my mind, but none I could say: Because you’re into Director Sadie. Because since Saturday, you never shut up about her. Because if you’re as awesome as Koi says you are, I might end up liking you even more. And that is unacceptable. Because I already like you too much.
“I have to—”
He held up a hand, eyes twinkling. “If you say you have to wash your hair, I’ll just offer to help.”
“That’s not it,” I said, thinking fast. “I’ve got to work.”
“But your mom said—”
“Not there.” The answer came to me so suddenly, the perfect out. “Sometimes I take extra shifts at The Singing Fish. It’s not cheap running a family business, you know.”
Ash frowned. “Didn’t you get the money my mom sent over?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I got it.”
“And you still need to pick up extra shifts?”
“Well…”
He had me there. I’d thought I was doing a good job—correction, I knew I was doing a great job for the Strykers. Not a blond hair on Ash’s head had been touched. But my first paycheck was crazy. It came in the mail the Monday after my first week of guarding Ash.
“Whoa,” I’d whispered, taking in all those zeros.
Mrs. Stryker hadn’t been lying. She paid me well to keep her son safe. Really well. It was almost enough to cover the Academy’s new roof—a project we’d been holding off on for way too long.
“If you don’t want to see me play, just say so.”
The defeated note in Ash’s voice made me look up. “It’s not that.”
“Then why?” he asked, head down, playing with his keys.
I didn’t answer. I was out of excuses, and no way was I telling him the truth: I couldn’t stand seeing him with someone else. How could I say that when I was the one who told him to back off? Man, I was a hypocrite.
“It’s what friends do, Snow,” he said quietly. “I thought we were trying to be friends.”
The guilt trip worked.
“Alright,” I sighed. “I’ll come and watch you.”
“Great.” He flashed me a smile, stormy to sunny in less than a breath, and I knew I’d just been duped. “I’ll pick you up at six. You’re gonna love this, ninja girl. Tonight is when the big boys come out to play. I can finally show off for you.”
“Great,” I echoed as we both got out of the car.
Ash leaned over the hood. “And you won’t even have to hang on the sidelines by yourself. Sadie’s coming tonight, so you two can sit together. Isn’t that great?”
“Yay,” I said weakly, face stuck in a smile I didn’t feel.
I shook my head as I followed Ash into CCDS. Sitting on the sidelines with the girl who’d stolen the heart of the guy I was into? Patsy Cline would’ve written a great song about this one.
* * *
Finley’s Field was a mistake. I’d known it the minute I slipped into Veronica’s front seat and saw Koi bouncing around in the back next to Smith. It wasn’t that I thought it was just going to be me and Ash—he’d told me Director Sadie was coming. But…yeah. I’d thought it would be just me and him on the ride over. So much for that.
“He’s like a freaking machine,” Koi said now. “What is that 30, 40?”
“46,” Smith said, sitting next to him. “He does 50 a set.”
“Dang.”
“And he does three sets to warm up.”
“Dang,” Koi said again.
After four more sit-ups, Ash was on his feet, doing high knees. He did thirty seconds then ran past us up the bleachers…and down…and up…and—
“He is one crazy mother.” Koi elbowed me. “Sorta reminds me of you, Snow Queen.”
Yeah, I thought as Ash dropped down to do 15 quick pushups. Except Ash did more reps, had more natural upper body strength, less body fat—and a cheering section made up completely of fangirls. Guys had it so easy.
“Hey, Ash,” one called as he ran past again. “We going to see that sexy stomach today or what?”
Ash grinned, not stopping, as the girl got high fives from her friends. There were four of them, wearing mini-skirts paired with the same black babydoll tee with “Chariot High” written across the front.
“Whoo, go Ash!” Koi yelled, then to me, “He is such a BAMF.”
Correction: Ash had fangirls plus Koi.
“Could you stop saying that?” I muttered. If I wasn’t so annoyed, I’d be embarrassed for him. “No one even knows what that means.”
“Just because you’re too lame to know, doesn’t mean the rest of us are.”
“Hey,” I said, and all of Ash’s girls turned. “You guys know what a BAMF is?”
The skinny blond who was apparently their spokeswoman raised a brow. “Yeah, we know,” she said and tossed her head toward the field. “That’s one down there. The Whip is a total bad ass.”
Ash saw us staring, caught my gaze and winked.
“Oh my Lord,” the blond said, fanning herself. “Did y’all see that? He winked right at me.”
“Mmm-hmm,” said another, “he wants you so much, Krystal. It’s not even funny.”
I rolled my eyes, sat back. That’s what I get for trying to talk to girly girls.
“See,” Koi sniffed.
“What I see,” I said, “is about a thousand steps back in the women’s rights movement.”
“You’re no fun,” he said. “You know what I’m saying right, Agent Smith?”
Smith glanced at me. “You can’t fault the guy for having game. It’s not like he invites them. The girls come on their own.”
“Exactly. You got to let a player play, Snow Queen.”
Smith laughed, but I shook my head. “You did not seriously just say that.”
Koi shrugged and went back to watching Ash. He was on his last set of pushups when Sadie walked through the gate. She jogged up and sat right next to me. Oh joy.
“What’d I miss?” she asked.
“Just warm-ups,” I said.
“Oh good, those are so boring. I don’t see why he has to do so many sit-ups anyway. Makes him all gross and sweaty.”
Gross and sweaty, huh? Not the words I’d use. Watching Ash try and get his pulse up did crazy things to my own. His cheeks were flushed. I wanted to trace the lines of perspiration trailing down his neck with my fingertips.
Heart pounding, I looked away. Ugh, what was wrong with me? His girlfriend was sitting inches away for God’s sake.
I glanced at Director Sadie. Unlike the fangirls, Sadie was wearing a loose white t-shirt, old jeans and a navy blue ball cap. She quickly threw the jacket she’d brought across her shoulders. It said Corner Studio Ballroom on the back.
“Jeez, it’s chilly,” she nodded at my black sweat suit. “Smart choice.”
“Thanks,” I said. It didn’t sound like she was making fun of me. “You, too.”
Sadie shrugged. “I’ve been to enough of these practices to know how cold it can get.”
She had? “So, you’ve seen Ash play?”
“Only about a hundred times.” She dropped her voice to a whisper. “Those girls are just trying to impress him, you know? As if Ash would be into that. They’ve got to be freezing their butts off.”
“How long have you guys known each other?”
“Since we were kids,” she said. “Our mothers are besties. I think Mom and Mrs. Stryker planned it, her having a baby boy and mine having a baby girl and all. It was their lifelong dream that we’d end up together.”
I swallowed. Boy and Girl meet as kids, become friends, and fall in love. It had always been one of my favorite plots. Too bad this wasn’t my story.
“He’s such a showoff.” Sadie laughed as we watched Ash do some practice kicks. The sound as his foot hit the ball was like a crack of thunder—or a whip. The small crowd cheered in appreciation. I was pretty sure I heard Koi’s voice over the others. “I think that’s all for you, Snow.”
“What?” I startled. “No way, I’m sure he’s just doing it for you.”
Sadie’s brow crinkled in confusion. “Why would Ash need to impress me?”
Oh, I get it, I thought as Ash set up a couple more balls. He didn’t need to impress her because they were already together. Ash kicked the next ball so hard it nearly knocked over the practice net. Sadie waved when he looked back at us, and he grinned.
My chest tightened. And okay, maybe I shouldn’t have watched Some Kind of Wonderful and Juno last night. I didn’t know if Ash was the cheese to Sadie’s macaroni, but even I could see they were meant to be.
“Hey,” Ash called, pulling me out of my thoughts. “This next one’s for you, ninja girl.”
Sadie chuckled. “Ninja girl? That’s got a nice ring to it.”
I muttered to myself as Ash backed away. Why’d he have to call me out like that? Now, all his fangirls were giving me the evil eye. He ran forward, slammed the ball with the inside of his foot. The resulting crack was earsplitting. The ball hurtled toward the net as if shot from a cannon...
…but at the last second, someone stepped in. A big someone with broad shoulders, great reflexes and killer blue eyes.
“Nice shot, Stryker.” The guy who’d caught my ball smiled. “Looks like you’ve been practicing.”
Ash crossed his arms. “You playing goalie now, Kent?”
“Nope, still starting forward,” he said. “You?”
“I’m good in every position.”
“Still cocky, I see.”
Ash rolled his eyes, but the other guy just laughed, tossing the ball high into the air before catching it again. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t noticed him before. He was hard not to notice. Spying him, Ash’s fangirls switched gears. They were totally undressing the new guy with their eyes. Couldn’t blame them really. There was no denying it: He was hot.
“Sal tells me you’re going to try walking on next year. That’s ballsy. She asked me to put in a good word at UNC. Any idea where you’re going to school?”
“Haven’t decided yet,” Ash smirked. “So, how is Spitz anyway?”
“She’s great.”
“Sounds like she’s worried about me. That must piss you off.”
“Not really,” the new guy said, but his jaw clenched. “Can’t say I understand it, but Sal can be friends with whoever she wants.”
“How mature of you, Kent.”
“I thought so.” Those blue eyes twinkled. “But I figure, as long as I’m the one she comes home to, I’m good.”
I leaned over to Sadie. “Who is that?” I asked, but it was Koi who answered.
“Shit, Snow Queen,” he said incredulous. Koi’s voice filled with reverence as he looked back to the field. “That’s Becks freaking Kent, UNC freshman and the best forward the school’s ever seen. Ash hates him.”
Smiling, Sadie crossed her arms. “This should be good.”
“Why does he hate him?” I asked as more players jogged onto the field. They fist bumped Ash and pounded his back like guys do sometimes. Most of them were wearing Tarheels blue. The others had on Chariot High lettermans.
Sadie dropped her voice. “Word on the street is Ash used to have a thing for Becks’s girl. But even his handsome mug was no match for true love.”
“They’re rivals on the field and off,” Koi added. “Ash is a close second. But Becks is the best soccer player there is. Period.”
“The best?” I lifted a brow. I couldn’t believe it. Some girl had chosen this Becks over Ash? It did not compute. “Give me a break, Koi. There has to be someone—”
“No,” he cut in, “he’s the best Snow. Just wait.”
Thirty minutes later, I saw exactly what he meant. I’d thought it was all hype at first. Koi was known to exaggerate. But this guy had some mad skills. Becks was a natural on the field. He’d already knocked in one goal, assisted another, and was the only player that seemed to be able to guard Ash.
And good Lord, I’d been right about him, too. Ash wasn’t just some pretty boy who liked to kick the ball around. His passion was undeniable. When he had the ball, it was like an extension of his body. No one, not even Becks, ran the field as hard as Ash did. No one got as pissed when the other team scored. He was cursing up a blue streak when they broke for water.
“Dammit, Rick,” he said to the guy who’d been playing goalie. “Why the hell didn’t you block that last shot? Kent couldn’t have made it any easier.”
“It’s Becks,” Rick said as if that explained everything. “You know he’s unstoppable when he gets that close.”
Ash scoffed then took a quick chug of water. “If you think that, we might as well throw in the towel right now.”
“Calm down, man. It’s just a game.”
“Do your job. Guard the damn goal. Then I’ll calm down.”
Rick walked away shaking his head, and Ash plopped onto the row in front of us.
“Hey,” Sadie said, patting his shoulder. “Don’t be such a jackass. You guys are tied, you know?”
“We’d be one up if Rick hadn’t given them that last goal.”
“Actually,” I said unable to stay quiet, “he didn’t give them anything. That Becks guy took it. Your goalie tried to block, but he wasn’t quick enough.”
“Yeah, I know.” Ash sighed and held his hand out to the field. “And now he’s stolen Koi, too.”
I looked to where he was pointing. Becks was giving Koi tips on how to make a penalty shot. Koi was hanging on his every word. After taking four steps back, Becks ran up and kicked the ball so it went in a wide curve to the right then turned abruptly to end in the center of the net. Soccer’s version of a curveball, I guess. If he could get Koi to do that, even I’d be impressed.
“My biggest fan turned against me,” Ash muttered.
“Koi’s got a man crush on you and Becks.” I shrugged. “He loves you both. I wouldn’t take it personally.”
“But he is gorgeous,” Sadie sighed.
Ash and I looked at her.
“What?” she said. “I’m sorry, but it’s a fact. That boy was put on Earth so us girls could ogle and not feel the least bit ashamed.”
Frowning, Ash said, “Thank you, Sadie. That’s very helpful.”
“Snow, you’re with me on this, right?”
Was she trying to make him jealous? I didn’t know, but as I looked back to the field and watched Becks instruct Koi, I could kind of see her point. Becks was great looking and obviously talented. Still, I preferred the blond sitting next to us.
“He’s got nice quads,” I said diplomatically.
Sadie rolled her eyes. “Well, yeah, but don’t you think he’s smoking hot?”
“He is”—Ash cocked a brow at that—”but he doesn’t really do it for me.”
“Interesting,” he said, eyes on mine. “So, ninja girl, who does do it for you?”
“I don’t know,” I said.
“I think you do.”
Heat speared my cheeks as he continued to stare.
“Heads up!”
I heard the shout but didn’t react fast enough. It was all Ash’s fault. His words, that knowing look, made me sluggish. Later, I would find out that Becks was the one who called out. Koi had apparently taken his penalty shot, and the ball didn’t “bend” like it was supposed to. But right now, all that mattered was the black-and-white cantaloupe-sized object making a beeline for my face.
Ash threw himself in front of me. His head and the ball connected with a resounding pop right before he fell to the ground. The ball shot away from us and settled harmlessly in the grass. I was the first to reach him, the idiot. Why’d he have to go and do that?
“Hey, you okay, man?” Smith said from the bleachers. He didn’t sound too concerned which pissed me off.
“Fine.” Despite what he said, Ash looked a bit dazed, and there was a pink spot just above his left brow. “Snow, you okay?”
“I’m fine,” I said, shaking my head. The situation brought me back to that night in the alley. It had been a bottle that time, not a soccer ball. But he’d tried to defend me then, too. “How am I supposed to guard you if you keep jumping in front of flying objects?”
“Automatic reaction,” he said.
“Who’s the bodyguard here? Me or you?”
“Something comes at you, and I get in the way.” Ash shrugged. “That’s just how it is.”
Alright, so he was a cute idiot. “But why?” I asked.
Before he could answer, Sadie was there, taking his face into her hands and poking his forehead for injuries.
“Ow,” Ash said when she pushed too hard. “Good God, Sadie, be gentle.”
“No permanent damage,” Sadie smiled and sat back. “At least none that wasn’t there already.”
“You could kiss it and make it better,” he suggested.
“Yeah, right, I think I’ll leave that one to Snow,” she said.
Ash threw me a wink, and Sadie laughed, but I didn’t see what was so funny. Were they teasing me? Why would they tease me when I’d already been forced to accept that Ash wasn’t for me? All the warm and fuzzy I was feeling went cold real quick.
“Man, I’m sorry,” Koi said, jogging over. “I was aiming for the net.”
“I think you missed,” Becks said, extending a hand as he and Koi pulled Ash up. “But Stryker’s head is basically made of concrete anyway, so at least you picked a good target.”
“Ha freakin ha,” Ash said sarcastically.
“Sorry,” Koi said again.
“It’s okay, man.”
“Nice header.” A new voice came from behind us. “I saw it all the way from the parking lot.”
“Sal.” Becks went up to the girl who’d spoken, threw an arm around her waist, and placed a lingering kiss on her lips. “What took you so long?”
“Got stuck in traffic,” she said and pressed a kiss to his jaw.
Becks’s girl was a little taller than me, light brown hair, freckles. Maybe not pretty in the traditional sense—but you wouldn’t know that from the way Becks looked at her. She was a queen in his eyes. That was obvious. I gave a mental sigh, wondering if anyone would ever look at me like that. The Gryffindor jersey she was wearing made me want one of my own. I’d nix the Star Wars doughnut hairdo, though.
“So, how you been, Stryker?” she said, smiling at Ash.
“Not too bad, Spitz.” The smile he gave back made my heart cringe. “You look happy to see me.”
“Of course. You happy to see me?”
“Always,” he said.
As they laughed and hugged, I knew I’d never stood a chance. Director Sadie didn’t look worried. She simply stood back, smiling, watching them. She wasn’t even threatened by this girl who Ash had apparently crushed on. Their relationship was that ironclad. Great. Wonderful. Now, Ash and I could really be friends.
Just friends.
Nothing more than friends, exactly what I’d wanted.
Why did the thought make me wish Koi’s ball had met its mark and knocked me out cold? Anything so I wouldn’t have to feel this. The ripping sensation in my chest was like taking a hundred of Bruce Lee’s kicks at once.
In other words: It hurt like a mother.