I placed the cap on the end of the test and washed my hands. The last time I did this the test was blank. The ones before it had been blank too. Why did I expect this one to be different?

I dried my hands on the towel and walked into the living room.

“Well?” Jeremy asked.

“We have to wait three minutes.” I exhaled.

“I’ll set a timer on my phone.” He tapped the screen and I walked around the couch.

I stared into the fireplace. I realized something didn’t feel right. I looked around. “What happened to my stuff? Where are my pictures and my Jane Austen collection?”

“Oh. Yeah. I packed it up.”

“To sell?” I heard the crack in my voice.

He laughed. “No, it’s all going back to New York. Are you ok with that?”

“Really? You want my hundreds of pillows?”

“Yes.” He shoved his hands in his pockets. I couldn’t believe he had spent the entire day packing the townhouse. It looked bare and empty. I hadn’t noticed because I was too focused on the test, but everywhere I looked Jeremy had boxed up my life. No more candles. No more books.

“I thought we were going to decide on a few things first. Our tastes are so different, Jer.”

“I can empty the boxes if you don’t want them to go.”

“No,” I shrieked. “I’d love to have everything there.”

“Good. Because I already called a shipping company and it will all be delivered Monday. One hundred pillows just for you.”

I laughed and for a brief second I had forgotten how nervous I was. God, I loved him for that. For how he could ease my soul with a wink.

His phone beeped and we looked at each other. “It’s time.”

“Ok.” I took a heavy breath. “All I have to do is walk in there and look at the stick.”

“Want me to do it?” he offered.

“No.” I shook my head. “It’s different this time, right? We’ve been working on this baby thing all month. The natural way.” I had to convince myself to go into the hall bath and look at the test.

I pulled the door open. The stick was lying on the counter right where I left it.

I held it in my hands and glanced at the small window in the center.

“What does it say?” Jeremy was behind me.

I hung my head. My heart was in my stomach. “Not pregnant.” I choked back tears.

He took it from my hands. His brow furrowed as he stared at the white oval. “But how? Maybe it’s wrong. I was sure you were pregnant.”

“Oh God. It’s not wrong. I knew. I knew.” I ran up the stairs. I couldn’t look at the disappointment on his face. I couldn’t see the pain in his eyes. He had been wrong. This was way worse than doing it alone. I had let him down too. Hurting my husband was unbearable.

“Evie,” Jeremy called. He jogged up the stairs. He strolled into my bedroom.

I wiped the tears with my palms, trying to compose myself, but it was pointless. My mascara ran and my powder was streaked with tears.

“Look at me, Evie,” Jeremy ordered. He sat next to me.

“I can’t.” My voice quivered.

“Fine. Then I’ll make it easier.” He knelt on the floor in front of me, pulling my hands from my face. “Now can you look at me?”

I sniffed. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Jer.”

“No. I’m not letting you do that.” His blue eyes looked severe.

“Do what?”

“Take the blame for something that isn’t your fault. It was one test. One try. One month. One time, Evie. One.”

My shoulders slumped. I’d felt this feeling before. The crushing defeat of knowing there wasn’t going to be a baby. The fear that there was something broken with my body. The utter despair that maybe it would never happen. Looking at it through his eyes was so much worse. The sting was biting.

“I’ve been here. Sitting in this exact spot, Jer. On my bed, crying because I couldn’t get pregnant. That was with treatments and doctors. I was full of hormones. I was a walking fertile incubator and I couldn’t get pregnant. I’m right back in Newton Hills and what has changed? I’m still not pregnant.”

He squeezed my hands. “We aren’t giving up.”

“We aren’t in a dug out,” I sighed. “There’s not a championship game. No troops to rally. I don’t need a rousing ninth inning speech.”

“See, that’s where you are wrong. We are a team. And if you need a hundred more pep talks, then I’m going to give them. Everything before this test doesn’t count. And hell, I don’t think this test counts. We just started trying to make this kid. We’re going to keep trying.”

He kissed my cheek. “I wanted it to be positive. But I love trying to get you pregnant. I’m ok trying as long as it takes.” He tilted my chin toward his. “I won’t stop trying. Don’t give up on me, Evie. I’m not giving up.”

“I’m sorry I asked you to buy the test. It got your hopes up. I could have waited a few more days. I shouldn’t have said something so quickly. I’m sorry.”

“I’m not sorry. Now you have a pile of them for next time.” He was taking the news well. He seemed to handle it better than I did.

“I feel stupid for letting myself believe we had done it so quickly. Really? Who gets pregnant on their honeymoon?” I tried to laugh at how absurd we had been.

He ran the pad of his thumb over my bottom lip. “Don’t feel stupid. I thought we did too. We are going to do this. We are going to make a baby together.”

I let a laugh slip out. “Team mission statement?”

He chuckled. “Exactly.”

“Oh shit.” I looked at the clock on the wall. “We have fifteen minutes before we have to leave for dinner. This day couldn’t be more insane.”

I scrambled off the bed, but not before Jeremy snaked a hand around my waist and shifted me against his body.

“Do you want me to cancel the dinner for you? I’ll do that, if you need it.”

I stared in his eyes. I melted. “You’re willing to risk your life at the hands of the Rossi clan, so I can stay home and eat ice cream?”

“Yes. I’ll do that for you. I will tell Mr. Rossi it’s a bad night for us.”

I wrinkled my nose. “How did I end up marrying you again?”

He laughed. “Drunken sex in the basement.”

“Oh right. That.” It was the reason we couldn’t cancel dinner at my parents’ house. “I’m going to jump in the shower and try to regroup. I think we can show up a few minutes late, but we can’t cancel. No matter what the reason is. I can forget about the test. This is your night for redemption.”

“And how exactly am I supposed to pull that off?”

I dropped a trail of clothes as I turned the shower to hot.

“Don’t try too hard,” I explained. “Ask my dad about things he likes.”

“Ok. What does your dad like? I don’t know what normal dads like. Mine liked money and buying corporations.”

I stepped into the shower and reached for the shaving cream. “He golfs,” I offered. “Oh, and he does woodworking in their basement. Ask him to show you some of the furniture he has made.”

“I play golf, so that’s an easy one. I’ve never built anything. But I’ll ask him.”

The more we talked, the more I forgot how disappointed I was.

“Marcus never talks to him, so you can definitely score points tonight if you act interested.”

“What about the kids?” he asked. “Are they going to like me?”

I ran the razor along my shin. “Yes, they’ll love you.” I wasn’t worried about them. “They will be loud and crazy. And someone is going to spill something.”

“Sounds like my kind of party.”

I rinsed off and twisted the faucet. Jeremy handed me a towel as I stepped out of the shower.

“Thanks.” I tucked the corner against my chest.

“Anything else I should know?”

I picked up my toothbrush. “Don’t ask about Bella’s.”

“Why not? That’s one thing I do know. Great chicken parm.” He winked next to me in the mirror.

“If you open that window, you’ll never get it closed. And I’d rather not hear about the family business all night. If it was a bad day at the restaurant my father won’t stop talking about it. Let’s not go there. Trust me,” I warned.

I knew that was Jeremy’s comfort zone. He understood business. He knew how to talk about what was working and what wasn’t. It was fascinating to him no matter the scale. Whether it was a baseball franchise or a small Italian restaurant, it was the one thing he could relate to.

We walked out of the townhouse five minutes later than I wanted, but at least I had pulled it together. Jeremy kept his hand on my knee as we drove to my parents’ house. It was a simple reassuring gesture, but I knew it meant so much more. With the closeness of his hands on my body, I knew Jer was going to be there for me. He had enough strength for me to lean on him. He would pull me through the rest of this night, and tomorrow, and the day after that.

With a gentle squeeze of my knee I knew he was turning into the kind of husband I needed. I smiled when we pulled into the driveway. His timing couldn’t be better.