I feel lighter.
Resolved.
Like I should celebrate.
And that’s the only reason I agreed to meet Sean Slante over at an Irish pub for a round of beers. He’ll be my new boss soon, and it’ll take some getting used to that he actually acknowledges me, knows my name, and recognizes me as an asset.
Unlike him.
My thoughts flit back to earlier. When I’d boldly slapped my notice on Grayson Maxwell’s desk. How, for the first time in six years, he’d looked at me. A shiver courses through me at that thought. His icy blue eyes were narrowed but curious. I felt as though he were peeling off my clothes with every second that passed. With just one look. It was unnerving and a tiny bit satisfying.
I hope he liked what he saw.
I hope he realized what an idiot he was for not noticing what a hard worker I was.
The moment that I had his attention, though, it was strange. Too intense. Too much. Maybe it truly was a blessing that he’d not paid me any mind all these years. I think if he looked at me that way from the very beginning, my job would have been a whole helluva lot harder.
I could have gotten lost in that gaze.
Swallowing down my irritation, I scan the bar for Sean. He’s still not here yet. I nurse my beer and worry about my outfit. I didn’t want to wear work attire but I also didn’t want to appear too casual for my new boss. In the end, I’d settled on a black fitted dress and a pair of trendy matching ankle boots. My long legs are bare, unlike how I wear them to work, but I’m still maintaining some elegance. A part of me had leaned toward jeans but I’m still trying to make an impression, despite my accepting his offer.
“Letty!” a deep voice booms.
When I see Sean, I smile and slip out of the booth. He looks handsome in his dark jeans and powder blue, button-up shirt. The sleeves are rolled up and he’s gone without a tie. I let out a sigh of relief that I’m neither overdressed nor underdressed compared to him.
“Hi,” I greet and extend my arm.
The friendly man bypasses my handshake and pulls me in for a hug. He smells nice, but I can’t tell if it’s because he truly does or the fact I haven’t been this close to a man in a long time. I give him a polite hug back. When he pulls away, he doesn’t release me at first. His lips are pulled up into a half smile.
“I’m so glad you could meet up,” he tells me, his eyes flickering with concern. “I know Mad Max. He can be quite the pill sometimes. Was he okay with your resignation? Did the crazy old bastard throw his desk around?”
Again with the Mad Max.
I try not to feel defensive over the man who ignored me for six years. Sean is a nice guy. He’s not trying to be catty. If anything, he seems excited to have me, which is a huge change from what I’m used to.
Pulling away, I slide from his grip and sit back down. Thankfully, he plops down across from me. His long legs brush against my own under the table.
“He seemed surprised,” I admit before sipping my beer. “I don’t think it really sunk in. Probably won’t until I’m gone.”
Sean smirks and waves over a waitress. Once she takes his order, he directs his green eyes back over to mine. “You’re just a number over there, Letty. At Slante, you’re a person. Everyone at my company is recognized for their hard work. I know you’ll fit right in.”
A smile tugs at my lips. “Thank you for taking a chance on me. I know I’m not the most experienced person but I’m a quick learner.”
He gives me a wink. “You’ll do fine. And if you ever have any trouble, you come see me. We’ll sort it out.”
When he starts talking about a row of Brownstones he’s working on a loan for, something catches my gaze in the window. A shadowed figure leans against a wall between two buildings. It appears to be a masculine figure. He’s tall and broad-shouldered. The man simply stares straight at us. Sometimes my imagination plays tricks on me. Vaughn is in my nightmares so it’s only fitting he’s in my reality too.
But I know he doesn’t know where I am.
I’ve been careful.
Besides, if it were Vaughn, he wouldn’t simply sit outside and watch me have a beer with another man. He’d come in here with guns literally blazing and accost me right in front of everyone.
A shudder ripples through me. When I glance back outside, the figure is gone. Another figment. Always a figment.
“Hey,” Sean says with a husky laugh, his knee brushing against mine under the table. “I think I lost you there.”
I snap my attention to him. His eyebrows are pinched together as if he’s trying to figure me out. He’ll never figure out my messy head.
“I’m sorry,” I tell him with a forced chuckle. My hand pats his on the table. “It was a long, stressful day.”
Mischief dances in his green eyes. “How about we resolve to have no more of those types of days? I have just the thing to get you on the right foot.”
Just the thing turns out to be shots of tequila. And while I was hesitant at first to drink with my new boss, I immediately gave in when he gave me exaggerated puppy dog eyes. Sean is friendly and funny. I’ve been strutting along for so long with a stick up my ass that it’s nice to relax for once. By the third shot, I’m warm and giggly.
Sean disappears to go to the restroom, and I check my phone. I’m not sure why but I’d hoped for some kind of “please don’t quit” message from the sexy Grayson Maxwell. Despite his apparent shock and annoyance of my resignation, he sure as hell hasn’t tried to get me to stay.
“Miss me?” Sean questions with a chuckle when he comes sauntering back with more shots in his hands. He sidles into the booth beside me and pushes two shots toward me. “To new beginnings.” His grin is wide and flirty. “To new valuable employees.”
I swat at him. “Now you’re just being ridiculous.” But I’m smiling. Truth is, it’s nice that he sees such potential in me.
His arm stretches out behind me across the back of the booth, and he leans in. “I’m not. I knew it the moment I read your résumé. Now drink or I’ll consider it insubordination.”
Laughing, I grab my shot and drain it down.
“Good girl,” he teases and runs his fingers along the outside of my arm.
I shiver and pick up the second shot. Once I drain that one, I look at him with a lifted brow. “Who says I’m good?”
It’s been ages since I’ve been out with friends and done something as simple as joke around. Sean’s gaze darkens and he doesn’t respond. He sucks down both of his shots before slamming them back down on the table. “You’re trouble,” he says, his voice hoarse.
Warmth surges through me. I’m happy. I am finally leaving a dead end job and running toward a future. After a lifetime of mistakes, I’m going to start making something of myself.
“Thank you,” I tell him with a sigh and lean against him. I’m drunk now. The room is starting to swim. This was a bad idea.
His fingers curl around my bicep. “You’re welcome.”
Sean is warm. Approachable and nice. I wonder what it would be like to kiss someone like him. To straddle his firm hips and ride him right into an orgasm. My panties dampen at the thought of getting laid. It’s been years.
Would he kiss me in that soul-consuming way Vaughn used to?
Vaughn was bad for me.
Would he touch me in all the right places like Vaughn did?
Vaughn ruined me.
Would he fuck me like I belonged only to him until the end of time like Vaughn did?
Vaughn was a psychopath.
“Letty.” Sean’s hissed voice cuts through my confusing haze. I hate Vaughn, but imagining him while I touch myself is the only way I can get off. It’s humiliating. “You have to stop or I’ll come right here in my pants.”
I jolt at his words and look down at my hand that’s rubbing his erection through his slacks. Horror threatens to suffocate me as I jerk my hand from him.
“Oh my God,” I croak and start to pull from his grip. “I am so sorry.”
“Hey,” he murmurs against my hair. “This is my fault. I should have fed you before I liquored you up. Please don’t think I’m some pervert.”
Guilt infects me.
He thinks he’s the pervert?
I’m the one who was rubbing up on him like a dog in heat.
“Do I still have the job?” I whisper.
His chuckle once again warms me. “Of course.”
My eyes close and I think of Vaughn. His blond hair that was long on top and shaved on the sides. The way it would flop into his eyes and stick to his temple when he’d fuck me. The man was terror and beauty molded into one perfectly horrifying package.
“Letty…”
The voice is all wrong.
“I need to call you a cab. Right now. Or else…” A groan. “Or else I think we’re both going to regret this in the morning.”
When I drag my eyes open, I realize I’m practically in Sean’s lap. My lips are pressed against his throat with my fingers tangled in his hair. He has a death grip on my ass. The erection poking into my thigh tells me he really wants me and is barely holding back.
“Shit!” I groan and scramble out of his lap. “I…this…”
“Cab,” he says huskily and climbs out of the booth. “God…you have no idea how hard it will be to put you in that car and watch you drive away with this raging problem.” He gestures to his cock through his jeans, and a giggle escapes me. This causes him to chuckle too. “Laugh it up, angel. Let’s go before we get ourselves kicked out of here.”
I vaguely remember him slapping down a wad of cash and ushering me into a cab. Just when he’s helping me inside, I hear heavy footsteps. Then, a pop followed by a groan. The car door on the opposite side opens up, but I’m already blacking out. My address is hissed from a familiar voice beside me the moment the car door slams shut. The cab begins to move, but all I can think about are the strong fingers stroking through my hair. The rugged, masculine scent filling my nostrils.
“Shhh,” the voice whispers in a possessive way. “I have you now.”
Who had me before?
Better yet, who has me now?
His gentle caresses send me right into a slumber without a care in the world.
I have you now.
Sometimes love isn’t black or white. Sometimes love isn’t even in color.
For me, love is red.
Bloody, dripping, bright, and crimson.
Violent.
Messy but brilliant against my otherwise dull world.
“Tell me you love me,” Vaughn murmurs, the slight stubble on his chin dragging along my lower belly. “Tell me.”
When our eyes meet, his are bloodshot but not angry. No, right now, he’s in a rare mood. Contemplative and borderline sweet. Just Vaughn. Not the unhinged man he’s slowly evolved into.
“I love you.” Because right now, I do love him. In this exact moment, it’s true. My love for Vaughn changes. Rises and sets like the sun based on his moods. When he’s warm and shining his bright smile upon me, I bask in all that’s him. But when he clouds himself from me and his features darken, my love flickers and dims. Sometimes my love fades away completely.
“You know I wish it could be like this always,” he says in a whisper before kissing my hipbone. “I wish my life wasn’t fucked-up chaos.”
Boy, do I wish that too.
“You have me,” I tell him with a smile. My entire body is humming with energy. I want him, just like always. Even when he makes me hate him. I always want him.
His grey-colored eyes turn to hard steel, causing a shiver of anxiety to skitter up my spine. “Of course I have you. I’ll always have you.”
Not always.
Not when you take away my last breath.
That time is coming.
As if to read my thoughts, he roughly parts my knees. I’m naked and wet and my body accommodates his. Like always. He pushes his thickness inside of me while gripping my thighs. The cold steel in his eyes softens just a bit as he regards my quivering frame. I’m shaking with equal parts desire and fear. The concoction that only Vaughn Brecks can mix up.
His mouth meets mine and his powerful body rubs against me with every thrust. I’m powerless with this man. He’s the wicked storm, and I’m nothing but a piece of debris swept up in him. I float in his wake, following him along his path of destruction.
“Sweet Letty,” he murmurs against my mouth as his strong hand curls around the front of my throat. My heart rate quickens in my chest, but I don’t stop him. You don’t stop Vaughn. You simply let it happen. “You’re mine. Always mine. Nothing will ever change that.” His fingers dig into my pale flesh as he squeezes. My breath becomes lodged in my throat with nowhere to escape to. His soft lips hover over mine as he fucks me while squeezing the ever-loving hell out of my neck. Once upon a time, I fought him. And in those stories, I always lost. But when I don’t fight. When I give in to the darkness that swallows me whole. When I let Vaughn do whatever it is he wants to do. I’m free. My mind detaches from my body and drifts off to somewhere else. Someplace dark and warm. No confusing red. No color. Just muted grey and mine.
“Letty.”
When I come to, his grip is gone. His eyes flicker briefly with concern before he chases it away with satisfaction. He’s on his knees between my thighs and no longer inside me. Thick, warm cum coats my belly and runs down my side, wetting the bed below. I don’t remember him finishing. I certainly don’t remember coming.
“Get dressed, Letty Spaghetti,” he chirps, melting me with one of his charming grins. “We have errands to run.” My melting quickly turns cold. I’m frozen. Errands. Errands mean trouble. Errands mean pain.
“I’m not feeling so well,” I rasp out, my voice still hoarse from being choked unconscious.
His glare is severe as he tosses me a pink scrap of spandex material. “It wasn’t a request. It was a demand. Make yourself pretty. You’re looking like a strung-out whore.”
I wince at his words more than his tone. I look like a strung-out whore because he made me that way. If I were to look in the mirror right now, my pale, haunted face would stare back. My normally bright brown eyes would be dull from whatever pill he stuck on my tongue before he stripped me down earlier. Dark circles would ring my eyes from either lack of sleep or from one of Vaughn’s “lessons.” And my full lips would be chapped from overuse coupled with malnutrition.
I’ve spent eleven months with this man and I can’t seem to pull my head out of the red fog that follows him long enough to straighten out my life. Not that he’d let me go anyway.
His hand tangles in my hair, and I’m dragged out of the bed to my feet right in front of him. Even furious and impatient and on the border of psychotic rage, Vaughn is a glorious vision. He pins me in place with his piercing glare—a glare that promises pain and punishment and, one day, death.
“I love you,” he seethes. I believe him. I truly do. “But right now, you’re pissing me off.” His free hand grabs my bruised and bare ass hauling me against his erection. “We have shit to do, so stop dragging your feet.”
I try to nod at him, but his grip in my hair prevents me from doing so. A small yelp of surprise escapes me when he hauls me over to the end table beside the bed. He rummages around until he finds what he’s looking for. Little happy pill. I can’t help but smile.
“Good girl.” He grins back before shoving it into my mouth. I gag but swallow it down. Within minutes, I’m needy, and the dress he helps me put on is too much. Too clingy. Too scratchy. Too much. The urge to seek out pleasure consumes me. I claw at his chest and plead with him to fuck me again. His kiss is gentle but the way he cups me between my legs is not. “You’re going to get fucked,” he assures me with a cold growl. “I told you we had errands.”
I can’t find the sadness that usually plagues me. No tears well in my eyes. I’m not even upset as he guides me out of his shitty house to his suped-up sports car that doesn’t fit well in the ghetto neighborhood. It’s the kind of car that should get jacked or broken into, but nobody touches it. Nobody touches anything that belongs to Vaughn Brecks unless he says they can. Unless they pay him whatever his asking price is. Otherwise, they won’t live to see another day.
I’m blitzed out of my mind, squirming and begging the entire drive to wherever it is we’re going. He teases me with gentle caresses to my bare thigh and brief rubs against my clit where I’m naked under my dress. By the time we roll up to a high-end condo building, I’m dripping with need.
“You ready to make us some money, sweetheart?” he questions, his grip tightening around my thigh. I’ll be bruised, but right now it feels good. Any touch feels good.
“I thought I was yours only,” I pout through my haze.
His face becomes murderous. “Of course you fucking are. This is just business, baby. You belong to me. Not this rich fucker who wants to get his dick wet because his fat wife won’t put out.”
As terrible as they are, his words warm me. They warm me so much that I’m on fire by the time we enter the glitzy condo where the client awaits. Vaughn’s grip on my bicep is possessive, but he still hands me over to the man. Accepts a wad of bills and gives me a slight push toward the foreign man with the large stomach. I squint to try and figure out his nationality, but as soon as the door closes behind Vaughn, the man is on me. He paws at me like I’m the first Christmas present he’s ever received. And the shit Vaughn gave me has me buzzing with desire. I want to ride this ugly man with the black mustache and beady eyes. I want to grip his greasy hair and fuck him while I think of my boyfriend.
Vaughn’s steely grey eyes are at the forefront of my mind as the man manages to push my dress up my hips and bend me over his expensive dining room table. He fumbles with his pants. Then I hear the familiar tear of a condom. Always condoms. At least Vaughn looks out for me. And then the man’s thin penis is inside me. He’s taking what doesn’t belong to him, and I don’t care. I let him because he feels good. His reverent touches running up my back. The way his hairy balls slap against my pussy. Nearly inaudible grunts from an unfamiliar man.
I come.
I shudder in ecstasy while thinking of Vaughn.
I take the orgasm he wouldn’t let me have not an hour earlier.
God, how I love Vaughn.
The man behind me claws at my hips as he groans with his own release, causing slices of reality to bleed inside of me.
God, I have to get away from Vaughn.