Chapter Seven

Nathan

Sitting there and staring at my computer, I couldn’t think of anyone other than Ronni. I had mountains of work waiting for me, but none of it interested me. Only one thing was running through my mind, and it had nothing to do with business.

That night had been erotic, arousing, and absolutely amazing, but now that the smoke had cleared, my guilt was starting to take back over. I had visions of her riding me, moaning, her beautiful body clenching in ecstasy. It looped through my head like a movie I couldn’t turn off. This woman had been someone I was supposed to think about like a sister, but she was so sexy and so smart. Giving in to my feelings for her was the most natural thing in the world. I couldn’t keep my mind off this girl, and I had been sitting here for the second day in a row just running it through my head over and over again.

Looking back at our hot and heavy night, I had a feeling she hadn’t told me the whole story about her sexual history. It was the little things that made me think that, like how she fumbled with her clothes, how she moved rigidly at the beginning, and how tight her pussy had been. I had known her a very long time and had never thought of her as a party girl, or someone who would jump right into bed with someone. In fact, I was pretty sure, with her dedication to school, and the fact that she had never talked about another man in her life, that she was a virgin.

But if that were true, why would she have chosen me to give it up to? Initially, the thought of her being a virgin sent a tingling, masculine thrill through my entire body. The idea that I had taken her virginity, that I had been the first man ever inside of her was extremely arousing. Her taste seemed almost purer as I sat there, thinking about her untouched pussy. On the other hand, guilt was desperately trying to creep into my chest. She was drunk, upset from her dinner with Nick, upset with how my father had blown her off when she left the house, and I had been there to comfort her, to listen to her, and to support her dreams. If I didn’t know myself better, it would look like I took advantage of her.

I no longer was sitting here daydreaming about Ronni. Instead, I was now terrified that I had taken advantage of a vulnerable woman. My mother had sat me down after Ronni’s parents had died and told me how she wanted to make Ronni feel like part of the family. My mother trusted that I would be kind, and welcome her with open arms. She knew that Nick was a hot head and really full of himself, and she wanted to make sure that I was looking out for her.

When my mother died, Ronni had come to me, hugging me and crying to me. She had really loved my mother, and she had seen so much loss in her life. More than I could ever imagine feeling in that short amount of time. If my mother was still here, I couldn’t imagine that she would be okay with this in any way, shape, or form, especially since it was driving an even bigger wedge between Nick and me. I shook my head and ran my fingers through my hair. I had gotten myself into a bad situation. The entire time I was trying to protect her from Nick, I was unknowingly luring her into my own arms. I ended up treating her exactly how I hoped that Nick wouldn’t. It made me feel absolutely terrible. To top it all off, I cared about Ronni as a person, and I knew that this was going to drive a wedge between us, too. The best thing I could do at that point was go to her and apologize. I needed to live up to my promises, no matter how much I wanted to see her again.

The rest of the day flew by quicker than I had hoped, especially since I was dreading going to Ronni’s house and breaking the bad news to her. I was such an asshole, and to make matters worse, I had sent her flowers with the hope that she would want to see me again.

I procrastinated when it was time to leave the office, but eventually, I had no choice. I grabbed my things and headed down to the car. It was a chilly day so I left the top up, and the waves were crashing hard in the wind as I drove past the ocean. It seemed that mother nature was in the same mood that I was, except for her, it was acceptable. For me, not so much.

The sun in the distance was getting closer to the horizon, and the sky was lit up in bright oranges and pinks. As I rounded the corner and pulled up in front of her place, my stomach did flip flops. I approached the door, and I could see Ronni inside, folding her laundry. She looked really sexy in a pair of cutoff shorts and a white t-shirt. Her raven-colored hair was straight and shiny, and it hung down over her shoulders. I knocked on the door and waited for her to answer.

“Hey,” she said happily. “I wasn’t expecting you. Come on in.”

I walked in the door and stood there looking around. It was a really cute place, and the girls had decorated it to feel just like San Diego. I looked over in the kitchen where her roommate was standing. I smiled, but she glared over at me with a knowing look in her eyes. I turned back to Ronni and smiled nervously.

“Can we take a walk?” I asked her.

“Sure,” she said, grabbing a sweatshirt and looking over at her roommate. “I’ll be right back.”

The girl in the kitchen stared me down as I closed the door behind me. I started to think she could read my thoughts, but that was just my guilt. We walked across the street and down to the small private beach below. I had my hands stuffed in my pockets since I was trying to avoid reaching out and touching her. I knew if I touched her, I would lose my nerve, and I needed to do what I thought was right.

“The other night was really amazing,” I said, smiling. “Like beyond amazing.”

“It was,” she said, blushing.

“That being said,” I continued. “I made a promise to my mother a very long time ago that I would always look out for you. I would always treat you like family. And that night, I didn’t do that. I feel like I took advantage of you because you had a bad night with Nick, you just moved out, and you were kind of drunk.”

“No,” she said, shaking her head with hurt in her eyes. “I was fully aware of what I was doing.”

“Right,” I said, shaking my head. “But I didn’t realize until afterward what I had done. I had gone against everything I had promised my mother, and it can’t happen again.”

I looked at her face as we walked forward. She was staring down at the sand beneath our feet, and I could see how much my words had hurt her. She looked like I was stabbing her with knives in the heart. Immediately, I wanted to reach out and take her in my arms and apologize, but I knew in order to move past this, I needed to say everything.

“You are an amazing woman,” I said. “You always have been. I’ve been there as you’ve grown into the most gorgeous person, inside and out. It makes it really hard for me to follow my mother’s wishes. I want you to know, I don’t regret what happened. I just think that we should end it there. I don’t want to lose you as my family.”

“Right,” she whispered. “I understand, and I appreciate you coming to speak to me in person. Oh, and the flowers were beautiful.”

“Ronni,” I said, turning toward her and grabbing her hand.

“Thank you,” she interrupted, staring sadly at me. “For all of your amazing advice. It really was a life saver. I can’t thank you enough for that. Anyway, I should go back. I have dinner plans, and it’s getting late.”

She grabbed my arm and leaned up, kissing me on the cheek and lingering for just a moment. She turned and jogged back toward the street. I swear I could see the glimmer of a tear on her cheek as she turned. I felt absolutely horrible. Ronni was such an amazing woman, and I would be lucky to have her in my life. If it weren’t for the promise I made to my mother, I would be on cloud nine right now, trying to woo her and wine and dine her. She was exactly the woman I was looking for, and I didn’t know until that night that I had been looking. I turned and watched the sun dip below the horizon. A cold wind whipped along the beach and down the collar of my shirt.

I walked back to the car and looked up at Ronni’s window. She was standing inside with her hands covering her face. Her roommate was hugging her, and she looked up at me angrily, before leaning forward and pulling down the blinds. I hadn’t realized I would have such an effect on her. I jumped in my car and headed to the gym. I needed to get these emotions out and the only thing I could think to do was workout.

I grabbed the gym bag from my trunk and headed into the gym, thankful they were open twenty-four hours. There was barely anyone inside, not that it mattered, and after I had changed, I jumped on the treadmill. With every step, my gut dropped, thinking about Ronni’s face when I told her. I picked up the pace, now running full speed. I breathed heavily and wished the knot in my chest would disappear. After about forty minutes, I got off the treadmill and headed over to the weights, doing as many reps as I could handle. I worked out harder than I had in a really long time, but still, I didn’t feel any better about what I had done. I had broken Ronni’s heart, which was the complete opposite of what I set out to do in the first place.

I finished my reps with the weights and walked over the punching bag, slipping my headphones in my ears in an attempt to drown out my own mind. Nick was supposed to be the villain in this scenario, not me. And yet, I continued to punch the bag as hard as I possibly could, feeling the sting in my knuckles. This girl had really done something to me. She had touched me in a place that I couldn’t describe, and I didn’t just mean my dick. Being with her was not a normal hookup. It was years of bonding and love, all compressed into one really hot night. She was smart, probably smarter than I was, and determined like I had never seen. She wanted to make something out of herself, and she wanted to do it all while spending time with me and giving herself to me fully. Had I known she was giving her virginity to me, I would have held her longer, caressed her more gently, and made her feel like she was the only woman in the world.

I took in a deep breath, reared back, and punched the bag as hard as I could over and over again. My knuckles swelled and cracked as they met the plastic material. I grabbed the bag, stopping it from swinging, and leaned my head against it. No matter how many times I punched this bag, I was still a giant piece of shit.