MEMORIES OF MY past fucking suck.
And right now, as I kneel before Luc, I am thrust into one particular memory that really fucking sucks.
“Dear Lord, please forgive me for what I am about to do,” I whisper before walking to the bed in the dark bedroom.
My plan is to execute Father Paul in his sleep. The kitchen knife I stole may as well be a fifty pound bag of rocks by the way I tremble to keep the seemingly heavy, foreign object in my hands. I worry I won’t be able to hold on to it. But I have no choice.
His soft breathing forces a shiver of terror through me. This monster haunts my dreams every night. I can only imagine how terrified the children are of him.
Not anymore.
I will kill him for Daniel. For all of them.
Prowling over to his bed, I squint through the darkness to make out his sleeping form. Clutching the knife in my hand, I raise it over my head and pause. With each agonizing passing second, my fingers become weak and useless. Before I lose my grip altogether, I let out a rush of breath and drive it down toward Father Paul. But the moment I get close, his strong hand swats it away and it clatters to the floor.
I’m stunned. I thought he was sleeping!
“Tsk, tsk,” he growls.
Before I know it, I’m yanked on top of him. His erection stabs into me like every other time I’m in his presence.
“I hate you!” I spit into his face.
Ignoring the spittle that my hatred brings, he gropes me through my nightgown. “Naughty girl. When will you understand that I am in charge here? I make the rules. Not you. And right now, I am going to punish you for trying to gut me with a steak knife.”
He rolls us over, and crushes me with his powerful weight.
“Hope you’re wearing panties today, sister, because I plan on making you scream and I need something to shut you up.”
“If I wanted to fuck a corpse, I would have gone to a cemetery.”
I snap out of my daze and pop my mouth off Luc’s cock. “Sorry. I’m not feeling well today.”
He glares at me. His rage ripples from him, and I shudder under his gaze.
“Leviathans don’t get to call in sick. Leviathans are always serving their master.”
Shit.
I’m too rattled. The memories. Omega. And now Luc’s oppressive presence. It’s all too fucking much.
I reach for his cock again, but he steps away and stuffs it back into his pants. My relieved sigh is too loud, and I instantly detest that I let my guard down.
He will see. He always sees.
“Get up.”
A whimper escapes me, and once again, I’m powerless—much like I was so long ago against Father Paul.
How did I weaken so much in one day?
I scramble to my feet and do my best to give him a sexy smile. However, he’s onto my game. He glowers at me and points to the bedroom. Without hesitation, I try to stay steady as I wobble into my room.
“Bend over the bed,” he demands.
The very idea of having sex with him terrifies me, but at least we won’t be in his nightmare of a bedroom. I can do this. I have to do this.
Obliging, I stretch across the bed and reach my arms over my sheets, which are rumpled from when Omega and I made love not even an hour earlier. I inhale the lingering scent of him and draw strength from it.
I can do this.
I will do this.
“I’m so wet and ready,” I purr. My voice grows stronger by the second as Lillian runs into the shadows of my mind. Lovenia is strapping her goddamned stilettos on.
His belt buckle jingles as he removes it. Wiggling my butt at him, I beg him to hurry. Truth is, I’d rather be anywhere but here, but there is so much to learn from the man behind me—information Pallas can use to solve the mystery of the inner corruption and Luc’s ulterior motives. Sleeping with him will protect Omega.
I will do this for the good of everyone.
I will do this for the opportunity to redeem myself and have a shot at something better in life.
He draws the shirt up over my ass, and an uncontrollable shiver ripples through me.
“Mmm,” I moan. But when I feel the leather of his belt drag over my ass, my heart stops beating in my chest. Surely not. Surely fucking not!
The swat that follows takes me by surprise, and I scream. Too many memories haunt me, and I’m hanging on by a thread.
“Please, just fuck me, Luc,” I sob.
He grunts and swats me much harder. This time, I scramble over the bed to get away from him. Missions be damned—I’m not fucking dealing with this again!
A hot hand snatches my ankle and yanks me back. My face drags along the sheets, and I attempt to draw up happy memories—memories of Omega and me from earlier.
The smell of his breath mixed with mine.
The way his curls got tangled in my fingers.
The mind-blowing orgasms he extracted from me.
His love.
Love.
“When my employees step out of line, I kindly remind them who they belong to,” he snarls behind me, jerking me from my thoughts of precious Omega. “And you belong to me. For fucking eternity.”
I cry out again as he whips me. The room tilts and spins all around me. Luc continues to speak, but I’ve become lifeless on the bed as he beats the living hell out of me.
Eventually, I give in to the darkness.
No.
No.
No!
It has been four months of taking Father Paul’s abuse. Four long, horrifying months. And now this.
What did I do to deserve this?
My eyes blur as I stare at the home pregnancy test I purchased earlier today. It required sneaking out, stealing some cash from one of the offering trays after mass, and a few lies to a few clergymen along the way, but I obtained it nonetheless.
Pregnant with Father Paul’s child.
An abomination.
I could kill myself. Simply steal another steak knife and slit my wrists. The pain and suffering would end. Finally.
But who would protect the children then?
And this baby is innocent. Like Daniel.
I am innocent, despite trying to kill that awful man once before.
A ragged sob pierces the air, and I shudder. With shaking hands, I drop the test into the wastebasket. There has to be a way to rid this planet of the evilness that is Father Paul. If Mother were here, she would encourage me—help me, even. She wouldn’t sit by and allow this man to harm others the way he does. Who knows how long he’s been doing this?
I know what I must do.
With fierce determination, I storm out of the bathroom and toward the janitor closet. When I reach it, I wrench the door open and flick the light on. It doesn’t take me long to find what I need.
I’m going to burn him like he deserves—send him straight to Hell, where he belongs!
After striding over to his closed office door, I pour the jug of ammonia all over the wooden floors in front of it and make sure to splash his door and walls.
He’ll be expecting me soon, like always.
I don’t interrupt anything anymore.
I am the one he lives to torment.
Once I’m satisfied that I have soaked it good and plenty, I scramble over to the ax inside the locked glass case. With a force only a slightly unhinged person would possess, I smash my elbow into the glass. The inflictions of the sharp edges sting my skin, and blood trickles down my arm. But it doesn’t slow me. Time is of the essence.
I yank the ax out and pull the fire alarm.
Ignoring the wails of the alarm, I walk through the ammonia pool, careful not to slip, until I’m standing in front of his office. The nuns and clergy will safely get the children out of the dormitories. But I will make sure Father Paul isn’t going anywhere.
When the door doesn’t open, despite the ringing alarm, I turn the knob and fling it open.
He gapes at me as I enter the room. Murder and hate glow from my normally innocent eyes. If looks could kill, he’d be dead in this moment.
“Fire drill. You should get going.” He sounds bored. Distracted, even—until he sees the ax. His lips pull into an amused smirk as he rises from his desk. “You tried once, sister. And you failed.”
Glaring at him, I storm over to his credenza and grab one of the long-handled lighters he uses to light the candles with.
“What the hell are you doing?” he demands, concern causing his voice to crack.
“Don’t come any closer or I’ll split your skull in two!” I threaten back and swing the ax for show.
He halts his movements as I retreat backwards. My plan is to set the fire and lock him in his office. But, like always, he anticipates what I want to do next. So he charges. I’ve barely turned around to run when he tackles me to the floor. My chin slams against the wood floor, and for half a second, I am stunned.
The ax is easily torn from my hands.
But I still have the lighter.
The moment I pull the trigger, flames run away from me in all directions where I had doused the place with ammonia. Problem is, though, I’m on the wrong side of the office door.
I would mourn this thought, but I’m thankful he’s here with me.
He’s cursing behind me, no longer on top of me, and I scramble away from the licking flames back into his office.
I’m going to burn to death.
But so will he.
I turn to see Father Paul gawking at the flames. He’s completely immobile, the ax hanging in his hand. The heat assaults us with its punishable intensity with each passing second, and we retreat farther from the flames.
My poor baby.
I find myself clutching my flat stomach and aching for something that could have been loved despite how it was brought into this world. I was going to turn something bad into something really good.
But now…
I scoot behind his desk and see him staring hopelessly at the fire that’s inching its way toward us. Though I should be devastated at having been trapped, all I feel is happiness. Father Paul will die a horrible death soon. No more children or women will suffer at his hand.
But I realize the error of my ways the moment something touches my ankle, causing me to squeak in surprise.
Horror washes over me.
Regret floods my veins.
“I’m scared.” Daniel.
“What are you doing here?” I hiss as he crawls out from under the desk and into my waiting arms.
“I was being punished,” he reveals and the sorrow in his voice claws at my heart. “But you saved me again.”
I squeeze him to me and howl for what I’ve so foolishly done. The crushing unfairness threatens to end me, not the raging fire, the moment my despondent eyes meet the satisfied ones of Father Paul.
He won again.
“You’re going to Hell, sister. Killing innocent people is a sin!” he snarls.
“You’re not innocent!” I scream back through angry tears and squeeze Daniel to me.
The smug bastard smirks at me. “He is.”
I look down at the boy hugging me.
What have I done?
Daniel peers up at me and smiles. I’m thankful it will be one of the last things I see before I die.
“Sister Lillian?”
“Yes, sweet boy?”
“Everything is going to be okay.”