I was angry at myself when I drove away from Lance’s new apartment.  I had been struggling with the idea of asking William out, even though I was incredibly attracted to him, and when I was finally at the brink of doing it, we were interrupted.  There was no way I could steal Lance’s moment by asking William out, even if I saw pain in William’s eyes when I let Lance’s news become another excuse not to go through with it.  William was the first omega that had captured my attention after I lost the love of my life.  I spent a long time feeling like I didn’t deserve a second chance at happiness, but I felt like that could change with William.  He was a beautiful omega and I knew his relationship history was rocky, even if it wasn’t a tattered mess like mine was.  I took the moving truck back to the company William had rented it from and got an Uber back to my apartment.  The second I got the door closed, I felt whiskey calling my name.  I didn’t drink very often, but I needed something to quell the despair slowly growing inside my chest.

“I promised there would never be another omega after you.”  I sipped my whiskey and picked up a picture from my wedding day with Trevor.  “I hope you meant it when you said I should find someone else if anything ever happened to you.”

I sat down on the couch with our picture in my hand.  It was the happiest moment of my life, but one that brought me even more joy followed when I found out he was with child.  I was on my way to becoming a doctor with the world at my footsteps and eternal happiness in front of me. 

Trevor had been a lot like William.  He loved helping people and went out of his way to do it.  A tear rose up in the corner of my eye and I immediately killed it with an entire glass of whiskey.  I walked back to the kitchen and refilled my glass as I felt the whiskey start to course through my veins.  I would have taken my own life if it meant I got to spend one more day with the omega I loved, but I knew he wouldn’t want that.  He would have wanted me to be the strong alpha he fell in love with and I had tried to do that.  I walked to the bedroom next to mine and peered into the darkness.  The crib that was supposed to hold our baby was covered in dust, and there were splinters next to it from the changing table that fell victim to my rage when everything I cared about was ripped away from me.

“I would have given you a good life.”  I picked up the sonogram picture of our child—the only evidence I had that was going to be a father.  “You were everything we wanted.”

The whiskey couldn’t contain the tears any longer.  I sank down to the floor and clutched the sonogram in my arms.  Alphas weren’t supposed to cry.  Alphas weren’t supposed to show any emotion.  It was weakness in our society, but in the privacy of my own home, I didn’t give a shit.  My tears fell against the frame and I traced the image of my child.  From the moment Trevor told me he was pregnant, I dreamed of holding my baby in my arms.  I didn’t care if he was an alpha, an omega or a beta.  I would have loved him no matter what.  I drank until my glass was empty and stood.  I put the picture back on the dresser where it had been since the moment Trevor presented it to me.  I could have drank until the sun came up and drowned myself in my sorrow, but I needed sleep.  There would be people depending on me when I got behind the wheel of the ambulance the next day and they deserved better than a drunk.  I put my empty glass on the kitchen counter and walked to my bedroom, feeling more alone in the world than I had in a very long time.

I’ll have to be honest with William.  He deserves to know what kind of broken mess he’ll be crawling into bed with if we have a chance at happiness.

I had already pissed in the face of our society’s customs by becoming a paramedic in the first place.  Community jobs like that were normally reserves for betas or the rare omega that fell closer to that side of the spectrum.  Alphas were expected to lead grand lives, become masters of their craft, and run the world.  My family had practically disowned me after I dropped out of med school and took a community job.  My father was a proud, stone-cold alpha that didn’t understand how his son could get consumed in grief.  He expected me to bounce back from losing my family and find another omega to spend my life with.  I didn’t even think that was possible until I got to know William.  My attraction to him felt like a betrayal to Trevor’s memory at first, but they were getting too strong to ignore.  I felt like I could put the past behind me, cherish the memories, and move on.  I just hoped William would be able to handle an alpha that didn’t exactly lean towards tradition.

***

“I’M FINALLY GOING TO do it.”  I looked over at Manny as I opened my locker and started unbuttoning my shirt.

“Finally going to do what?  And since when do you change clothes after you get off duty?”  He smirked and sat down on the bench next to me.

“I’m going to ask William out.”  I stripped off my blue shirt and reached for the black one hanging in my locker.

“Oh, I guess that explains the change of clothes—you should probably shower first.”  Manny raised his eyebrows and held his nose.

“Fuck, do I still smell like vomit?  I thought it was just my shirt.”  I leaned over and smelled my arm.  “Shit.”

“Yep, you smell like shit.”  Manny chuckled.

Most days I didn’t care, but I certainly didn’t want to stop by the shelter smelling terrible when I intended to ask William out.  I walked to the back room and stripped off the rest of my clothes before I started the shower.  I was getting close to my rut, which meant my natural scent was strong, but the musk wasn’t enough to overpower the stench left behind by the drug addict that vomited on me when I started loading them onto the stretcher.  I ran soap across my body and scrubbed my arms several times before rinsing it off.  I hoped William wouldn’t be upset with me for not asking him out the previous day.  He had to know that was my intention when I said what I did. 

I finished my shower and dried off before walking into the locker room and getting dressed in regular clothes.  The shelter wasn’t far and while I normally would get a ride there anyway, I decided to just walk.  On my way there, I picked up several pizzas from one of my favorite restaurants and carried them up to the front door.  It was unlocked like always and when I pushed the door open, I could hear the television in the common room playing.

“Dinner’s here.”  I called out as I walked into the room and held up the pizza.

“Pizza!”  Sam immediately jumped up and ran over.  “I don’t have to cook!”

“Seriously?”  Ricky folded his arms and scowled.  “I was looking forward to a home-cooked meal.”

“I got you a spinach pizza.”  I held out the top box.

“You’re amazing.”  Ricky’s scowl turned to a grin and he bounced out of his chair before running over to take it from me.

“Say thank you, Ricky.”  I heard William’s voice as Ricky ran off with his pizza and Sam took the other two.

“Thank you!”  Ricky waved to me as he dropped into his seat and opened the top of the box.

“Pepperoni and sausage.”  Sam looked at William.  “Want me to fix you a plate?”

“I’ll get my own.  Thank you for bring these by.”  William walked over to the pizza and nodded to me with gratitude.

“You should skip the pizza.”  I walked over to William and positioned myself between him and the boxes.

“Oh?”  I looked up at me with surprise.

“I was actually thinking you and I could get dinner out tonight.”  I finally said the words I had wanted to say for so long.

“Wait, did you—”  Sam’s eyes nearly bulged out of his head.

“Oh shit.”  Ricky paused with a piece of pizza halfway in his mouth.

“You’re serious?”  William’s eyes flashed with emotion and he took a step back.

“I am.”  I nodded and smiled.

“He says yes!”  Sam quickly interrupted our moment.

“Of course he does.”  Ricky’s voice was muffled by pizza.

“You don’t have to speak for me.”  William flashed them a befuddled look and then turned his head back to me.  “I need to get ready—I’m not ready to go anywhere.”

“I’ll be back in a couple of hours.  Take your time.”  I squeezed his hand before turning and walking towards the door.

There were hushed whispers followed by laughter as I walked away.  It felt like a weight had been lifted off my chest by just saying the words.  They had been tangled in my mind for so long and I had rehearsed them several times, but saying them out loud had been exhilarating.  There was no way to bottle them up again after they left my lips.  Regardless of what the night held for us, our relationship would forever be changed.  I really hoped it would be for the better.  I really didn’t need to go home since I was already dressed for the date, so I went to a bar nearby and killed the two hours over a couple of drinks.  I drank slow enough to avoid a real buzz, but it did help to ease the tension brewing inside of me.  I wanted things to work out with William more than I had wanted anything in my life.  I didn’t feel like I was disrespecting Trevor’s memory by going on a date with another omega and that was an accomplishment in itself.  I used my phone to get an Uber and had them come to the shelter before walking back up to the front door.  Before I could open it, it sprang open in front of me and I saw Ricky’s smiling face.

“William will be ready in just a few minutes.”  He grinned and bounced on his toes.  “This is so exciting!”