I woke up early the next morning with William in my arms.  I didn’t remember everything about the previous day, but I remembered what he had done for me when I was at my darkest point.  I squeezed him tight before I climbed out of bed and walked to the bathroom.  I could smell the whiskey oozing out of my pores, so I decided to have a quick shower.  I was glad I had the day off because I wasn’t sure I could stand the sight of the ambulance or risk taking another call that didn’t end well for the person I was trying to help. 

I finished my shower and dried off, walking back into my bedroom with a towel around my waist.  William was still sleeping, so I went to the kitchen and started making coffee.  The smell must have roused the sleeping omega, because he appeared at the doorway a few minutes later, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.  I poured two cups and slid one across the table to him.

“Thank you.”  He took a seat and smiled as he lifted the coffee to his lips.

“I’m the one that should be thanking you.”  I sat down across from him.  “You showed up at the perfect time last night.”

“After all of the things you’ve done to help me and help the other omegas at the shelter—it was about time one of us repaid the favor.”  He smiled again and sat his coffee cup on the table.

“Yesterday was hard.”  I nodded and sighed.  “It was like living Trevor’s death all over again.  I’m sorry, I shouldn’t talk about him with you.  That isn’t fair.”

“I’m so sorry.”  William’s eyes filled with sadness and he reached for my hand.  “You can talk about him if you want.  I know he was special to you and I’d love to hear all about him.”

“Really?”  I raised my eyebrows.  “It doesn’t bother you to hear about the omega I used to love?”

“Not at all.”  William shook his head.  “I don’t feel like I’m competing with him.  He’ll always have a place in your heart.  The fact you still carry that weight is admirable because it means you truly did love him.”

“He was my mate.”  I looked down at the table and blinked to avoid tears.  “We were in college when we fell in love.  He was such an incredible omega—he was a lot like you.”

“How so?”  William tilted his head and his face reflected nothing but compassion.

“He loved helping people.  He was from a wealthy family, but he never let that go to his head.  He volunteered at the soup kitchen, did clothing drives for the homeless—anything to give back.”  I smiled and sipped my coffee again.  “He graduated from college and got a desk job, but he still volunteered anytime he could.  I was still in med school, but we decided to go ahead and get married once he graduated.  We were already mated by that point, so the ceremony was more for the family than us.”

“I saw the photo.”  William motioned towards the living room.  “You both looked so happy.”

“We were.”  I nodded but I felt my stomach churning with bile when I started thinking about what followed the wedding.  “Happy to be together and once we were married, happy to start a family.”

“Even while you were in med school?”  William raised his eyebrows.  “I guess you were up all night studying anyway.”

“That’s exactly what I said.”  I sipped my coffee and nodded.  “That’s when things started to go wrong.”

“You don’t have to say anything else if you don’t want to.”  William reached over and took my hand again.

“No, you deserve to know.”  I took a deep breath and exhaled.  “It wasn’t an easy pregnancy.  Right from the start, the doctors said the baby was growing too fast and Trevor’s body couldn’t handle it.  Neither of us believed in abortion, but when I saw Trevor suffering, I’ll admit it challenged my beliefs.”

“I can understand why.”  William squeezed my hand harder.

“One night, Trevor started to have a seizure.  I rushed him to the hospital, but there was nothing they could do.  There was no way to save the baby, but they tried to save him—he didn’t make it.”  My blinking finally couldn’t contain my grief and a single tear rolled down my cheek.

“Oh my god...”  William’s eyes started to get moist and he cried along with me.

“There was nothing they could do.  His body was simply too weak to survive the surgery.”  I stared at the table and shook my head.  “I would have done anything to protect him and everything to save him...”

“I’m sure he knew you loved him.”  William wiped his eyes and picked up his coffee cup.

“I hope so.”  I nodded and sighed.  “It took me a long time to feel anything again.  I couldn’t focus on med school, but I still wanted to help people.  I needed some sort of distraction from my dark thoughts—I guess I should have known being a paramedic would put me in situations that made me relive Trevor’s death.”

“You’ve done amazing work.  Just think about the omegas you’ve been able to help.  Lance wouldn’t be where he was right now if it wasn’t for you.”  William smiled and tried to sound cheery.

“I know.”  My face twisted into a half-smile.  “Seeing the omegas you help is part of what keeps me going.  No matter how shitty it gets out there, I know there is someone who wants to make the world a better place.”

“There’s two of us.”  William squeezed my hand again.  “I guess we’re just peas in a pod.”

“And here we are.”  I lifted my eyes and looked at him.  “Peas in the same pod.”

“Perhaps we will one day have the family you wanted—I know it’s way too soon to talk about that.”  William actually looked scared when he realized what he had said.

“I don’t know if I can try that again.  I really like you—hell, I’m not going to lie—I fell in love with you long before our first date.  I just don’t know if I can risk losing someone I love again.”  I looked at the table again.

“I understand.”  William’s words were flat and I could sense that he didn’t like what I said.

“If that’s a problem, we should probably talk about it.”  I pulled my hand away and reached for my coffee cup.

“No, it isn’t a problem.”  He shook his head, but his words had the same flat tone.  “I really should get back to the shelter.  I have a lot of work to do.”

“Even on the weekends?”  I raised my eyebrows.

“The weekends are the worst.”  He forced a smile.  “That’s when all the donors check their emails.”

“Want me to get you a ride?”  I looked around for my cell phone.

“No, I’ll take care of it.”  He leaned in and quickly kissed me on the cheek.

We had another kiss at the door before he departed and then I was alone in my apartment again.  I felt like I needed some time with my own thoughts after telling Trevor’s story to William and I was fine if he needed time to process everything.  I spent a few hours lost in my own head before getting dressed.  Even though Brandon wasn’t technically my patient once I dropped him off at the hospital, I still wanted to check on him.  I wasn’t sure if he would even be awake, but if he was, I wanted to discuss the Omega Rescue Shelter with him.  I didn’t know his situation, but being without his alpha would be hard.  William had a bed with Lance’s departure and if Brandon chose to go there, I would at least know he was safe. 

I arranged for a ride and walked out to the street, waiting on the car to arrive.  Watching the happy couples pass me by after talking about Trevor made my heart ache, but I knew I was finally ready to move on.  The car arrived and I climbed into the backseat.

***

“DR. LEWIS!”  I MOTIONED for the surgeon when I saw her walking down the hallway of the hospital.  “How is Brandon doing?”

“It was a rough night.”  She put the chart she was holding under her arm as she stopped walking.  “There were a couple of scares, but he made it.  That’s a really good sign.”

“Is he awake yet?”  I folded my arms and looked down the hallway towards his room.

“No, not yet.”  She shook her head.  “I think he’ll wake up at some point today, but we’re letting his body decide when the time is right.”

“Thank you.”  I put my hand on her shoulder for a moment before walking down the hallway towards his room.

The beeping of the monitors and the steady rhythm of his heart on the monitor was the only thing that confirmed the omega in front of me was still alive.  He looked so innocent and sweet.  I wished I could just take all of his pain away and take his place in the bed.  He didn’t deserve what he had endured and the suffering was going to be even worse when he woke up and had to face his life without his mate. 

As I stood there staring at Brandon, the rage over what his alpha did to him started to ignite again.  It coursed through my veins until all I could see was red and I started thinking about driving straight to the police station and tearing apart the station until I left him in a pool of his own blood.  I shook my head to try and get the thoughts to settle down, but they were still burning in my mind.  I walked into the bathroom and splashed some water on my face, but when I leaned back I started to understand why I was feeling so aggressive.

Oh god, I’m about to enter a rut.

Being with William had concealed the feeling, but it was definitely going to happen soon. The blood vessels in my eyes were starting to stretch and couple of them had already burst.  My pupils were as wide as saucers, despite the fact there was plenty of light in the bathroom.  I hadn’t experienced a true rut since Trevor died.  They were usually pretty mild and I could even go to work if I masturbated before I left for the day.  Having an omega’s scent on me was not going to make the one that was coming very peaceful.  My body would go into overdrive and although I was unsure about my future with William or having a family with him, my primal lust would take over.  I would try to mark him if we were together and if we fucked, I would definitely knot.  It might not be enough to impregnate him if he wasn’t in heat, but it wasn’t a risk I was willing to take.  I got on the phone to my supervisor as I left the hospital and let him know what was going on.  He was an alpha, so he would understand.

This is going to be a rough one.

I could feel my cock getting hard in my pants before I ever got upstairs to my room.  The scents in the air were magnified and every omega in my building stood out like they were on a radar.  I finally got to my room and closed the door.  If I had realized the rut was coming, I could have taken medication to quell it, but it was definitely too late for that.  It had likely been building for days—which explained the aggression I felt when I was on my last call and found Brandon.  Having sex with William and then having him pleasure me the night before had kept some of the other symptoms muted.  I hardly even noticed when I was going to rut when I was with Trevor.  Sometimes it caught both of us by surprise.  As a little more time passed, I started to feel like a teenager again with my cock throbbing so much it hurt.  I tried to stroke it and give myself some relief, but it didn’t want the callousness of my hand.  What it craved was a omega’s slick anus and there was nothing in the world that was going to compare to that when I still had William’s scent proving there was one for the taking.