The further Benjamin got from Cressmouth, the emptier he felt inside. The long empty path ahead seemed both physical and metaphorical. How he hated that he hadn’t been able to find Noelle before he left! One more separation without a goodbye in a long, sad history of regret.

The snow swirling all around him evoked the sleigh ride they had shared. The frosted tips of the evergreens lining the road reminded him of how warm it had been in that greenhouse when he’d finally given into temptation and kissed her. He was a long way from home and the distance was getting further with every mile.

At that thought, his chest tightened. When he had clasped the locket about Noelle’s neck, he wasn’t giving her his heart. She was his heart. The locket was now just an object, but she was everything. And he had been forced to leave her behind.

The horses slowed as they pulled the carriage over a narrow bridge. It felt as though he were crossing not just a stream, but from one life to another. From laughter to loneliness. From Noelle… to nothing.

His stomach twisted. Returning to London should not feel like a part of him was dying. He was being responsible. He was performing his duty.

Yet all he could think about was Noelle. Watching her giggle and tear up at a play she had seen a dozen times. The mirth on her face when they realized Mr. Fawkes had delivered a pear tree instead of a partridge. The way she had teased him about goats and birds and perfume. How brilliant she was. The counting house, how helpful she was to her friends, how quickly she had arranged the opening ceremony for the aviary. His breath grew shallow.

Every moment of the northern holiday he had never wished to take, Noelle had stood by his side. She had done much more than make it bearable. Whether they were laughing together, working together, or making love together, she filled his heart with joy. He was his happiest when he was with her. She was the missing piece he had been looking for all along.

And now she was gone. His heart banged against his chest in protest.

The driver picked up speed. This far from Cressmouth, the snow had disappeared. The ground was no longer frozen. The steeds carried them further, faster. No matter what Benjamin’s heart might want. He rubbed his face.

The only person he could blame for leaving Noelle behind was himself. This morning, he had chosen to summon his horses, climb in his carriage, return to London. But he’d put up his walls long before that. Years ago when they’d shared their first kiss, he had already become cold and inaccessible.

This time was worse. He had closed her off from his heart when all he wanted was to let her inside. She made him a better person. Her willingness and ability to force him out from where he was most comfortable had been good for him. Good for them. She enriched his life.

And she didn’t even know.

He slumped back against the squab. He had been a fool to leave without telling her. Without explaining how much she meant. Even if he returned for occasional visits… it would be far less than she deserved. Far less than he wanted.

He touched the scarf about his neck. The one Noelle had knitted for him, even before he had given her a reason to forgive him, much less trust him. All he’d given her in return were more reasons to lose faith in him all over again. All in the name of England.

The road widened as the carriage exited the forest and clattered out between wide swaths of farmland. At this pace, they would make it to the first posting-house in no time. Be in London earlier than expected. One more face amongst the many. An automaton serving the House of Lords and nothing more.

Was this who he wished to be? Cold, dutiful, emotionless? He was not that man anymore, if he ever truly had been. He would have to do better. Noelle deserved so much more than he’d been able to give.

Sharp, familiar fear pricked the edges of his mind. The terrible conviction that if he opened himself up, if he let himself love, if he admitted the truth out loud, he would lose her anyway. He drew in a shallow breath.

Weren’t some things worth everything? Wasn’t Noelle worth the risk?

For so long, Benjamin had believed he would be worth nothing as a gentleman if he did not give his all to the House of Lords. He now suspected the lowlier man would be the featherwit who let the chance of the love of a lifetime slip away yet again.

What use was being the hero of Parliament, if he could not be a hero to the woman he loved most?

With a sudden movement, he signaled the driver to stop the coach at once.

The horses halted obediently. It was Benjamin’s heartbeat that ran amok.

Carefully, the horses turned the carriage about in the slippery lane and headed back in the direction they had come. He urged the driver to make haste.

Winning Noelle back wouldn’t be easy. Perhaps he was already too late. He had left her twice. She might be unwilling to try a third time. But it didn’t matter. He had to try. She was worth any risk at any price. Love was worth it.

The horses raced back up the narrow path curving around the mountain. There would be no return toward London today. By the time the beasts would arrive at the castle, they would be too exhausted to continue on.

Benjamin didn’t want to continue on. Not alone. He wanted Noelle. He needed her to know how much he loved her. How much he regretted every moment without her. How he hoped never to part again. He had to get to her. Snow sprayed from the wheels of the carriage as he took curve after curve.

Mr. Fawkes was right. It was better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all… But it was even better to get his imbecilic arse back to Cressmouth posthaste and do his damnedest not to lose Noelle.

He knew how much she loved her mountain village, how much a part of her it was. She had no reason to trust him. She might not wish to share her life with him even if she believed his heart was true.

Perhaps the issues weren’t insurmountable. He would beg her hand and find a way. Although he couldn’t promise himself solely to Cressmouth, he could promise himself to her. Even if he turned out not to be enough, Noelle was worth fighting for.

He had to try.