I paced up and down outside the apartment as I waited to get picked up, and for the first time in about ten years, I craved a cigarette. I had never been much of a smoker but I always saw my high-school friends puffing away to take the edge off their nerves and it seemed like it worked for them. So why not for me?

I had good reason to be nervous, too – Adam and I were going on another date, and I was going to tell him about Jacob. I had no idea when I should break the news to him or how, but I had sworn to myself that it was going to happen today no matter what and was doing my hardest not to give myself excuses or talk myself out of it before we met up.

We’d been texting back and forth all week, and even Jacob had noticed that my phone buzzing was accompanied by an excited grin on my end. I couldn’t hide it – I was falling for this guy. Getting to know him had proved that it was hard to really get to know anyone when you were just reading profiles online and gleaning what you could from pap shots and promotional footage. He was so much smarter than I’d ever imagined, and I had to fight to keep my giddy crush out of the first draft of the article that I sent along to Irina. When I sent it out at the end of the weekend, it was after hours of going over the article with a fine-tooth comb to make sure that there wasn’t a hint of my feelings for him hidden up in there.

He was taking me out to dinner, or at least that's what he'd suggested. I hoped it would go the way of our first date, with the two of us sneaking off somewhere less fancy so we could actually just enjoy each other's company. Except for this time I wouldn't sprint off as soon as our lips touched.

A little shiver ran up my spine as I thought about our encounter in his dressing room. Who knew what I could expect now that we were officially on a date? I had no clue and it was getting me flustered in the best possible way.

Suddenly, I heard a car coming around the corner and I found myself dancing from foot to foot in anticipation. Was it him? It had to be him. Surely. I craned my neck to see the taxi pulling up – and my jaw dropped when I saw who was right behind.

Adam was driving, in the front seat of a sports car that looked like it cost at least twice my yearly rent. He looked up at me and cocked an eyebrow as though acknowledging the fact that he was being pursued by at least a dozen paparazzi. I adjusted my coat, pulling it up and over my face in the hopes that no-one would be able to get a clear shot of me. Adam climbed out of the car, shooting a look over his shoulder as a bunch of photographers came spilling from the vehicles behind him and started shooting pictures of him at once.

I turned my head away from him, back against the wall. I didn't want this. Not a chance. But it didn't seem like I was going to get much of a choice.

“Hey,” Adam greeted me, and I glanced up at him with disbelief. Could he not see the people taking pictures of us right now?

“What the fuck are they doing here?” I hissed, ducking my head and marching as fast as I could towards the car. Adam went to open the passenger door, but I wasn’t going to wait around for him to be a gentleman. I pulled the handle and climbed in, sliding down in the seat as he shot a dazzling smile towards the cameras before getting into the front seat next to me.

“How the fuck did they know where you were going to be?” I demanded, craning my neck as we pulled away. They were hurrying to get into their vehicles to follow us, but we were out of sight before they had a chance to get themselves together.

“Fuck knows,” Adam shrugged cheerfully, and then glanced over at me. “Hey, are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” I slowly unfurled myself from my jacket as we put some distance between us and the paps. “I just wasn’t prepared for that. Does it happen a lot?”

“Once in a while,” he nodded diplomatically, and I had the feeling that he was downplaying the seriousness of his encounters with the paparazzi for my sake.

"I don't know if I can handle that," I mumbled, half to myself and half to him. I had been so excited just a few minutes ago, and now I felt like the wind had been thoroughly puffed out of my sails.

“I don’t really discourage them,” Adam admitted. “But I can get my security team tighter if it makes you uncomfortable. I don’t want anything to…”

He trailed off, as though he’d given away more than he intended to. I shrugged up my shoulders and put a smile on, trying to push my discomfort out of my head for the time being.

“Hey, let’s start again,” I suggested. “It’s great to see you. I’ve been thinking about you all week.”

“Me too,” he grinned. “You look amazing, too.”

“Thank you,” I glanced down at my outfit, glad I had picked out something a little more casual. I felt a hell of a lot more comfortable like this, and it must have shown.

“I’ve been thinking about you too,” he remarked, glancing at me in the mirror, his eyes glinting, and I knew exactly what he’d been thinking about. “That day, in my dressing room…”

“Yeah, me too,” I admitted, flashing him a nervous smile. “It was…”

“It was some of the best sex I’ve ever had,” he filled out for me, his voice dropping slightly. “I’m so glad you could meet again this week. I don’t think I could have waited much longer.”

“Why, what did you have in mind?” I asked, mostly teasing, but a little part of me dead serious. I felt something wake up between my thighs, my body still getting used to the fact that I actually had a guy who was into me and that I wanted right back.

"Huh," he cocked an eyebrow, apparently running down the possibilities in his head. And then, he peered out the front of his car and turned down a road I didn't recognize.

“Where are you taking me?” I asked, playful. “I thought we were going for dinner.”

“I’d rather eat you out,” he replied, his tone casual but his words taking me by surprise. I had to pause to catch my breath, and he eyed me in the mirror once more.

“Are you serious?” I asked.

“Deadly,” he shot back. “I’d pull this car over right here and fuck you in that seat if I could.”

I crossed and uncrossed my legs, the thought sending shivers down my spine. And then it hit me -why the fuck not?

“Do it,” I replied, my voice a little shaky as though I couldn’t quite believe what I was proposing. He looked at me and raised his eyebrows.

"Are you serious?" He asked, disbelief in his voice, and I nodded.

“Deadly,” I replied, a grin playing at the corner of my lips as I repeated his words back to him. He grinned and turned his eyes to the road, reaching over to casually tuck his hand between my thigh in a gesture that made me realize that yes, this was really, seriously, truly happening. I felt a little buzz in my chest at the thought. Could I do this? The paparazzi had only just left us, and the thought of being caught in the act with Adam was…well, much as I’d have liked to pretend I was horrified at the thought, it was a huge turn-on. He grazed his thumb up my bare thigh and I parted my legs just a touch, enough to let him know that I wasn’t playing any game of chicken here. I wanted him, and I didn’t want to have to wait till dinner to get my hands on him.

Glancing around, Adam pulled the car into a small alleyway that led off one of the quieter streets in the center of town. He pulled the car to a halt, making sure to park it so that it wasn't visible from the street beyond, and turned to me.

“Are you sure about this?” He asked, and I could tell that he wasn’t asking because he didn’t want me; he was making sure that I wasn’t having second thoughts. Knowing that he was sweet enough to think twice about what we were doing just made me want him more, and I leaned over, clambered on top of him, and wrapped my arms around his neck.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” I replied, leaning in close and brushing my lips against his lightly. He groaned as he ran his hands up my back, gripping my shoulders for a moment before he traversed back downward and caressed my thighs and my ass. He grabbed the back of my skirt and flipped it up, groping at my bare ass as he leaned up to kiss me.

“I can’t believe we’re doing this,” he murmured into my ear and I grinned as he landed a kiss on my neck.

“Why, you think I was too prudish for that?” I teased.

“I guess I shouldn’t be surprised considering what we did in my changing room,” he remarked, running his lips up my throat and biting my lip lightly. I moaned; now wasn’t the time for talk. I needed him inside me, and I needed it sooner rather than later.

He seemed to sense my urgency, and reached down between my legs to pull my panties aside as I fumbled with the fly on his pants. It was dark in the car and I couldn’t see much but that didn’t matter. I was more than happy to feel my way through the experience, and besides, I loved the surge of excitement that lanced through me as I finally got my hands on his dick.

“Condom?” I panted. He pulled one from the glove compartment and I couldn’t help but shake my head with amusement.

“Always prepared?”

“Always,” he confirmed, leaning up to kiss me hard and wiping the smile off my face as he pushed his tongue deep into my mouth. I grasped his head to hold him in place as he quickly sheathed himself, and moved my weight from one hip to the other as I went to ease myself down on top of him.

“Oh, fuck,” he groaned against my mouth as he slowly entered me. I heard footsteps not far from the car and we both froze up for a moment as we waited for them to back off, but soon enough they did and we were able to lose ourselves to the moment once more. My heart was hammering in my chest but I couldn’t pay attention to how nervous I was, how aware I was that someone could walk in and catch us at any second. I just needed to feel him inside me.

After a few more seconds, he was all the way in, and both of us let out a long, deep breath as he held himself there for a moment. And then, he began to fuck me.

I had to place my hands on the ceiling of the car just to keep myself from going through it, he was moving with such force inside of me. I closed my eyes and pressed my palms flat, loving the way he felt as he drove himself into me, again and again. All that training came in handy for something more than soccer, it seemed. He caught me by the chin and tilted my head down so that I was looking straight into his eyes, and then leaned up to kiss me once more, slowing his pace for a few thrusts as though to savor the sensation. I flexed my hips back and forth on top of him, making sure he could feel every contour of my pussy, and he panted against my cheek as he slipped an arm around my waist and began to fuck me hard once more.

He sank his fingers into my ass, his nails raking against my skin as I wrapped my arms around his neck and stared down at him. I loved the way he looked when he was like this, loved the way he felt beneath me – strong and powerful but also completely under my spell. I glanced up, and saw that there were a couple of people lingering at the end of the alleyway we’d parked at.

“People are coming,” I panted. “We need to go quickly.”

“Anything you want,” he replied, driving himself deeper inside me and moving with long, slow thrusts, his breath coming faster and his body tensing, and I knew he was getting close. Looking down at him and seeing him like that, seeing how turned-on he was but what we were doing, was enough to tip me over the edge, and I came, my hands braced against the ceiling once more as I pressed myself down as far as I could go against his dick. He felt fantastic, in that split second his cock feeling as though it was filling me up to the brink and then some as I let out a cry of pleasure that was muffled as he reached up to cover my mouth so we wouldn’t attract any more attention than we already had. With one last thrust, he pushed himself into my pulsing pussy and held himself there, his cock twitching as he leaned back and clenched his jaw and gritted his teeth and came inside me.

"Quick," he motioned for me to get back into my seat, and I rolled off of him, doing as I was told. I readjusted myself as quickly as I could as I watched him dispose of the condom and pull the car out of the alleyway, buckling up his pants as he did so. We made our way past the couple of people who'd been lurking half-watching us, and he waved a hand to greet them. They grinned excitedly back.

“Fans?” I asked, still breathless from having just been fucked senseless in the front seat of this outrageously expensive car.

"Probably," he replied as we pulled away and turned back onto the road. "As long as they didn't get any pictures, I don't care."

“Shit,” I giggled, still giddy. “I didn’t even think of that.”

“I can’t remember the last time I fucked in a car,” he grinned at me playfully. “You for sure ruined this one’s innocence, though.”

“I’m glad I was the first,” I shot him a smile. “Now, can we get something to eat? I’m fucking starving.”

“Yeah, of course,” he agreed. “I booked a table at a restaurant not far from here. Nothing fancy, but the food’s good.”

We drove and caught up on our respective weeks, and part of me struggled to believe that we had just hooked up in an alleyway mere moments before. I had never shared chemistry like that with anyone before. Sure, my high school boyfriend, Jacob’s Dad, we had some decent sex, but we had only been together because we were teenagers at the same high school who didn’t find each other notably repulsive. It wasn’t like there was anything close to crazy attraction there. But with Adam, things were different. I wanted him, even looking at him now having just had him. If he’d suggested we go back to his place and spend the rest of the night fucking furiously, I would have done it in an instant and without a second thought. Good thing he seemed so intent on dinner, because I actually did want to get to know him outside the bedroom, too.

We arrived, and he opened my car door for me and gave me his arm. I noticed a few people glancing up when we walked in, but it wasn’t like the last place when everything had come to a halt when we’d arrived. No, no-one seemed to give much of a damn, and I liked it that way. We took our seat, and Adam reached under the table to squeeze my leg.

“I’m so glad you could come out tonight,” he remarked, but he made it sound like a confession. “I don’t, uh…I’m not great at second dates, to be honest.”

“Me neither,” I admitted. Well, it was the truth, even if my reasons were likely completely different to his. He cocked his head at me, and smiled as though I had revealed something he hadn’t even considered about me.

“Really?” He shook his head. “I just…fuck, I can’t imagine any guy turning down a second date with you.”

"You'd be surprised," I replied, and reached for the menu. We were getting dangerously close to the territory where I could have revealed that I had a kid, and I just wasn't ready to dump that cold water all over the night quite yet. "Do you want to split an appetizer?"

The rest of the night flew by, and without the Dictaphone sitting between us, I found that things flowed easily between Adam and I. He told me a little about his life back in England, and I ran through the handful of funny stories I had from being an overachiever in high school. We spoke dream jobs, holiday destinations, perfect cities and the fantasies of a middle-of-nowhere rural life that we both secretly shared. It was about as close to perfect as I could have asked for, and I realized, with something of a start, that I liked this guy. A lot. We had only known each other a couple of weeks, but I felt this bond with Adam that I hadn't felt with any guy before. And the way he kept on looking at me, with something close to disbelief, made me think that he was having the same thoughts on his end. As we finished up dessert, which I insisted on because I so rarely got round to baking anything special for anything outside of birthdays with everything I had to do, I took a deep breath. I knew that if I skipped the issue for a minute longer, it would look like I was hiding the truth from him, and I didn't want that.

“Adam, there’s something I hate to tell you,” I managed to get the words out haltingly, and he looked up at me from over his almost-finished glass of wine.

“What’s up?” He sounded concerned, his brow furrowing as soon as he saw the look on my face.

“It’s nothing…it’s not a big deal,” I blurted out, and then shook my head. “Well, it is, but it’s not…shit, I just want to be honest with you, that’s all. Can I be honest with you?”

“I’m pretty sure that’s what we’ve been doing up until this point,” he smiled slightly, but there was a nervousness to it that hadn’t been there before. “What’s up?”

“I have…” I trailed off, wanting to linger in that space before I told him the truth just for a moment longer before I broke the news. But then, I knew I couldn’t wait any longer. Now or never. Either I got the words out, or I got to my feet and sprinted out of the restaurant and pretended that I was only using him for his ability to get me into fancy food places.

“I have a kid,” I finally finished up, speaking slowly so that I could gauge his reaction to my words. “A son. Jacob. He’s seven. His Dad’s out of the picture and has been for pretty much his entire life, but he’s…yeah, he’s pretty much the most important thing in my life right now.”

Adam was silent in response to my statement, and I stared at him, willing him to shrug and brush the news off as he had done everything else up until this point. But he didn't move a muscle, didn't even look up to make eye contact with me. I shifted in my seat, uncomfortable. The camaraderie we'd shared through the night seemed to have dropped away, just like that, and I had no idea how to feel about it.

“Adam?” I prompted him after a couple of seconds, and he finally looked back up at me, but he seemed distant. Something had snapped and changed, something that I wasn’t sure I could put back together.

“Yeah, sorry,” he shook his head. “I was going to get the bill, you want a lift home or should I call you a cab?”

Ouch. I practically flinched at his words.

“The night doesn’t have to be over yet,” I glanced at my watch. “The babysitter said she’d be okay to stay till-”

“I have training tomorrow morning,” he replied, his voice monotone. “I don’t want to risk it. I should probably be getting back.”

I was tempted to ask him to give me a lift back, to give us some time to figure out what had just happened here, but I could see in his eyes that what he needed was time and some space to deal with what I’d just told him. I knew it was a big bombshell, and I had no idea what kind of reaction I should have expected from him.

"I'll get myself a cab," I replied. "I saw a stand not far from here."

“I’ll walk you,” he replied, but it seemed more an automatic response than it was an attempt to display his affection or extend the night. He paid up and I got to my feet, and he kept his distance. What had been red-hot at the start of the night felt dull and distant now, and I hated it more than I could say.

He walked me down to the taxi stand, and I went to tuck my hand through his arm. He didn't brush me away, but he stiffened at my touch and it was clear that if he could have pulled away from me and not looked like an asshole he would have done it in an instant. I left my hand there, a reminder of the fact that I was into him and nothing had changed on my end, but things weren't that easy for him.

"Thanks for a great night," I turned to him as we arrived at the taxi stand. "I'll be fine from here. Maybe we could do this again sometime soon?"

“Yeah, maybe,” he agreed, his tone dismissive. He wasn’t even looking at me, and I clenched my fists to avoid waving my hand sarcastically in front of his face to get his attention.

“I guess I’ll catch you later,” I replied through gritted teeth, and went to plant a kiss on his cheek. He didn’t get to fuck me in his car and not even give me a kiss on the way home. He let me kiss him, but didn’t go in for anything more. My heart sank. Ok, this was seriously bad news.

I shot one last look at him, and saw the tension in his face; the clench of his jaw, the furrow between his brows. And, with no intention of torturing myself any further, I climbed into the back of a cab, gave the driver my address, and pressed my forehead into the palm of my hand. Well, that couldn’t have gone any worse.

As we made our way across town, it was as though the thread of affection that had been growing between Adam and I was stretching, stretching, stretching – and then snapped, leaving nothing between us but a little trailing thread to remind me of what we could have had if things were different.