CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
BODHI HAD STEPPED on a land mine, and he was terrified of making a move. He hadn’t meant for his feelings to tumble out, but for the briefest of seconds he’d forgotten who he was and what was at stake. Bridgette looked like she was going to fall apart any second, and he needed to get to her without making things worse.
“Who wants dessert?” Roxie burst into the room, reaching for Louie, and saving Bodhi’s ass.
“Me!” Louie cheered, and happily climbed out of Bodhi’s grip and into hers.
“Good idea,” Willow said, her eyes darting between Bodhi and Bridgette. “We’ll—”
Ben pushed to the front of the group and herded them toward the stairs. “Downstairs, everyone. The ticklefest is over.” He glanced over his shoulder and gave Bodhi a look that told him he had his back.
When they were safely out of earshot, Bodhi quietly closed the door and went to Bridgette as she sat down on the edge of the bed. He stood before her and took her hands in his, telling himself it would be easier for her if he covered up his feelings. He met her gaze, and the hope and fear in her eyes brought him to his knees before her. He gazed up at her, love seeping out of his pores. His gut clenched with the realization that he was an asshole after all, because he wanted her to love him back, even if only for their last few days together.
“I never meant to fall in love with you,” he admitted, and her eyes went damp. “I thought I could do this, but you and Louie . . .” Overwhelmed by his emotions, he paused to try to regain control and cradled her face in his hands. He was probably holding her too hard, but he was afraid to let her go—and afraid not to. Tears streamed down her cheeks, slipping over his fingers. “I fell, Bridge. I fell so hard I feel like I’m breaking apart. I love you and Louie, and I know I shouldn’t, and it’s unfair, but—”
She crushed her mouth to his, silencing his confession. Her salty tears slipped between their lips as they tried to hide from reality.
“Don’t say it,” she said into the kiss.
“Bridgette.” He sank back on his heels, lifting her onto his lap as they kissed. “You’re mine, and I’m yours. Right now we have this.”
She cried harder, all the while kissing and touching him all over as he was touching her, like they were each making sure the other was real.
“I never meant to hurt you.” His devastation came out loud and clear, and he hated himself for putting them in this position.
“I know.” She drew back, a shaky smile appearing and disappearing in quick succession. “I fell, too, Bodhi, and I know it’s not fair to Louie.”
The pain inside him erupted, piercing him with the force of a hundred wild beasts trying to claw their way out.
“Maybe we can make it work,” she said through her tears. “I can handle being apart a few weeks at a time.”
“Baby.” His throat thickened to the point of every breath causing pain, but he loved her too much to gloss over this subject. He held her face again, gentler this time, brushing his thumb over her lower lip, then pressed a soft kiss to it. “I know you can handle a few weeks, but can you handle not knowing if I’ll live or die every time I go to work?”
She swallowed hard.
“Can you handle when they show up at your door and tell you the man you love is never coming back? Can you imagine telling Louie I’m gone?”
She turned away. He guided her trembling chin back toward him, and she closed her eyes.
He kissed her wet cheeks. “Please look at me, Bridge.”
Her eyes opened, and he nearly drowned in the despair in them.
“The ball is in your court,” he said as firmly as he could. “Do you honestly want to go through that . . . again?”
“It might not happen,” she said angrily.
A memory he’d buried long ago raced through his mind. It was the last time his father had been home on leave. Dad, you’ll come back, right? His father had looked him in the eyes and said, I sure hope so. Hope wasn’t good enough for Bridgette and Louie. He couldn’t do that to her.
“You’re right,” he relented, then forced himself to man up and take the hit. “But if it does? Baby, we went into this relationship with our eyes open, remember? Can you look me in the eyes and tell me you want this? That you’re willing to risk the devastation of losing me? Maybe not in a month, or a week, but every single time I go to work, it’s a risk. Are you willing to put Louie through that?”
Her chin fell to her chest, fresh tears sliding down her cheeks, and she shook her head. “I can’t do that to Louie,” she said so quietly he almost missed it. She fisted her hands in his shirt and met his gaze. “But I want more time with you.”
“I know. I do, too. But I have to report for a week of training Sunday night.”
“I know.” She sat up a little straighter, killing him with her strength. “We promised each other every night until you left. Willow and Zane said they’d babysit Wednesday, and I asked them to take Dahlia, too. I planned a special night. And the Peach Festival is Saturday. Can we just have that? Can you stay until Saturday evening?”
“My sweet, beautiful Bridgette. Every day I stay will make it that much harder when I leave. Are you sure that’s what you want?”
Her eyes brightened and she nodded vehemently, her hair tumbling around her face. “I want whatever I can get. A day, a week, an hour.”
His gut told him to say no, to make it easier on her, but as it had been doing all evening, when he opened his mouth, the truth poured out. “Then I’m going to love you every second we have left, so you never regret it.”
He wrapped her in his arms, trying to escape the torment between them, and for the first time in his life, he questioned his career choice.