CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
LATER THAT EVENING, Louie and Bridgette played superheroes in the backyard, donning capes and eye masks and chasing invisible villains, while Bodhi cooked hamburgers—and imagined Bridgette wearing that mask later, in the bedroom. He knew he should start putting up barriers, find that cold place he’d lived within for so long, but no part of him wanted to do that. He’d spent a lifetime being strong. Didn’t everyone deserve to be weak at some point? At least for a little while?
They packed the burgers and a picnic dinner, and took Dahlia down to the lake. Large white tents were set up along the fairgrounds, and orange cones marked off the parking area, in preparation for the Peach Festival tomorrow. They set out their blanket by the water and ate dinner while Louie told them about plans he and Zane had made to build a tree fort in the backyard. Jealousy gnawed at Bodhi over another man, even an uncle, being the one to do those things with Louie. As he listened to Louie’s excitement, his mind skipped forward to a dark place he hadn’t allowed it to go before. After he and Bridgette ended their relationship for good, she would one day fall in love with another man. He wanted that for her. A lifetime of happiness with someone stable who would be there to watch Louie grow up and go away to college, or play baseball, or whatever it was he chose to do. He wanted her to be adored by a man who would never intentionally hurt her or put her second. In his mind, all those thoughts were real and true and born of his love for her, not clouded with jealousy. But in his soul, he couldn’t even begin to try to picture her in another man’s arms.
He wanted to be that man more than he wanted his next breath.
So much had changed since he’d come to Sweetwater, he wasn’t even sure he was the same person he’d been when he’d arrived. He hadn’t gone for a run in two nights. Usually that would leave him restless and edgy, but tonight all he felt was thankful that he hadn’t been called in for a mission during the last couple of weeks. He looked at Bridgette, who was watching Louie with a serene expression as he chased Dahlia a few feet away. She was leaning back on her palms, her gorgeous legs crossed at the ankles in those sexy leather boots that made her look like she belonged on a ranch. He could imagine her on one, leading horses and showing Louie how to ride. He wondered if they’d ever been riding. There were so many things he’d like to know if they’d done, or seen, and even more than that, things he’d like to do with them.
Louie tumbled to the blanket giggling, breaking Bodhi’s train of thought.
“Whoa.” Bridgette leaned back as Dahlia leapt over her, onto the middle of the blanket, and pushed her nose under Louie’s belly, causing another fit of giggles.
“Dahlia.” Bodhi motioned for her to lie down, and she sank obediently to the blanket. “Good girl.” He petted her and touched Bridgette’s hand. “You okay? Did she scratch you?”
“I’m good. She just startled me.” She glanced at his hand on hers, and when he went to move it away, she hooked her index finger over it. “This has been really fun.”
Louie put his hand over theirs. “Super fun! Can we have a sleepover with Bodhi and Dahlia?”
A sly smile lifted Bridgette’s lips, and he knew she was thinking the same thing he was. A sleepover sounded perfect, but he and Bridgette would do very little sleeping.
“Please?” Louie pushed to a sitting position and crawled onto Bridgette’s lap, holding her face between his little hands, the way Bodhi did when he wanted her full attention. “We can make a fort in the living room and show him how we watch a movie in it. We can play games, and he can read me a bedtime story, and I promise to be good!” He was talking so fast it was hard not to chime in and beg for him.
Bridgette put her arms around her excited little boy and smiled. “Tonight is Bodhi’s last night in town. He probably has a lot of things to do at his house to get ready to leave tomorrow evening.”
Louie turned hopeful eyes to Bodhi. He crawled across the blanket and perched on his knees in front of him. “Are you too busy to spend the night with us?”
Bodhi glanced over his shoulder at Bridgette, who looked as conflicted as he was. The eager little boy asked for so little, and he wanted to share this special night with him. But he also wanted to make love to Bridgette one last time. To hold her in his arms and feel her love for him in every way possible.
Louie bobbed to the side, directly into his line of sight. “Bodhi? Please can you and Dahlia have a sleepover with us?”
The memory of his last few minutes with his father slammed into him. Dad, you’ll come back, right? If Bodhi hadn’t been so young, he would have seen what he saw now when he recalled his father’s face as he’d answered, I sure hope so. He would have noticed the way his father’s eyes had darted to his mother before landing on him. He would have understood the uncertainty in them, and maybe then he could have done something differently. Hugged him longer. Said something more meaningful than, Okay, see ya when you get back.
Bodhi could no sooner look Louie in the eye and deny him this than he could have left them there waiting for him. “I’m not too busy, buddy. I’d love to have a sleepover with you and your mom, and Dahlia. But we’d better make a pretty big fort.”
BRIDGETTE SHOULD HAVE expected that Bodhi was a master fort builder. After giving Louie a shoulder ride back home from their picnic, they put Dahlia in his yard and then set to work building their fort. She and Bodhi hadn’t had a second alone to talk, and even though he wasn’t acting as though he was bothered by their plans, she wanted to make sure he didn’t feel pushed into this sheet-fort sleepover. She was disappointed not to have the evening alone with Bodhi, as she’d been thinking about being in his arms all day. But one look at her bright-eyed little boy set those selfish thoughts aside. At least for now.
“The first thing we have to do is clear the area to build the fort. I need your help, little man.” Bodhi showed Louie where to put his hands and stood behind him as he pushed the furniture to the perimeter of the living room.
“Come on, buddy.”
He carried in the chairs from the kitchen, letting Louie hold one side. The pride in Louie’s eyes was worth the time Bridgette was missing in Bodhi’s arms. She helped Bodhi move the kitchen table into the living room. She was a little worried they wouldn’t have enough space to sleep, but Bodhi moved from one thing to the next like he’d come up with a plan on their walk home, so she went with it.
“The thing about forts,” Bodhi explained, “is that when you sleep outdoors in a real fort, you don’t want to sleep on the ground if you can help it.” He tied sheets together and wrapped them loosely around the width of the table, creating a giant sling underneath.
“Come here, little dude.” He pushed down on the sheet hanging beneath the table. “Climb into this hammock. Let’s see if you like it.”
“Wow! Look, Mom. A hammock like the one in Grandma and Grandpa’s yard!” He climbed into the hammock with a wide grin. In the yellow sheet he looked like a banana in an open peel. “There’s even room for Jeter!”
“If you were out in the woods, you’d tie the two ends of whatever you have—a tarp or blanket—around two trees to make a hammock,” he explained.
“That is pretty awesome,” Bridgette said.
He cocked a brow.
She rolled her eyes. “Okay. It’s very awesome.”
He chuckled, and they spent the next hour stringing sheets, using the couch and chairs as anchors, until the entire living room was one giant fort, with Louie’s hammock in the center. They covered the floor of the fort with blankets and pillows and brought Dahlia in from the yard.
“I think we’ve constructed the coolest sheet fort in the history of mankind. Louie”—she pointed to the ceiling—“run up and change into your pajamas and brush your teeth so we can watch the movie.”
Dahlia followed him upstairs. When he was safely out of earshot, Bridgette said, “I’m sorry, Bodhi. I hope you didn’t feel pushed into all of this.”
He drew her against him. “I didn’t, and I hope you’re not too disappointed. But he hasn’t asked me for anything, and I didn’t want him to think I was too busy for him.”
“I’m a little disappointed. Aren’t you?”
“More than a little at not having another night alone with you, but I think this is good for Louie. Did I do the wrong thing by agreeing?”
“You’re so careful. You never do the wrong thing.”
He gave her a chaste kiss, and she slid her arm around his neck, pulling him in for another and deepening it before he could pull away.
“I can think of plenty of things I’ve done wrong, but leaving Louie unhappy hopefully won’t be one of them. Besides, now I can wake up beside you again. That’s two times more than I thought we’d ever get.”
Louie and Dahlia came downstairs, and Bodhi took a step back, the longing between them as tangible as a living, breathing person.
Dahlia lay across the opening to the fort, guarding them as they played Candy Land and Uno. Bridgette and Bodhi passed furtive glances, brushing knees as they played. When Louie began a string of yawns, they put the games away, and he curled up with Jeter in the hammock to watch the movie.
Bodhi covered him with a blanket and kissed his cheek. “I’m going to say good night now in case you fall asleep during the movie. Thanks for inviting me to sleep over, little dude.”
“Good night, Bodhi. I love you.”
Bodhi held her son’s gaze like he wanted to be sure Louie heard him, and said, “I love you, too, Louie.”
He put a hand on Bridgette’s back as they switched places, and she realized how much they were asking of each other with their here and now relationship. It was clearly as difficult for him to stay on the right side of the lines they’d drawn as it was for her. She wondered what it would be like to have a relationship where Louie was aware of their feelings and could trust and count on them. She knew that could never be with Bodhi, and she pushed the thought away as quickly as it had come.
“Good night, honey. I love you.” She leaned in to kiss Louie, and he threw his arms around her neck, kissing her hard.
“I love you, too. Thanks for letting us have a sleepover. Bodhi, my mom’s kisses are magic. They keep bad dreams away.” Louie yawned. “Mommy you should give Bodhi a good night kiss.”
“Yeah, Mommy. I want one of those magical kisses.” Bodhi pulled her down and kissed her just as hard as Louie had, making a dramatic mwah noise and earning a sleepy laugh from Louie.
“If you get uncomfortable up there,” he said to Louie, “you just climb out and sleep right here.” He patted the space between him and Bridgette.
Bridgette turned on Finding Dory and returned to her spot, an appropriate distance away from Bodhi, wondering how a handful of inches could feel like the enemy.
WHEN HE WAS sure Louie was asleep, Bodhi moved closer to Bridgette. They lay facing each other, her knee tucked between his thighs, kissing and whispering.
“When Louie’s grown up and madly in love,” he said, “you need to tell him what you sacrificed for him tonight.”
“He’s not going to ever grow up. He’s staying five forever. It’s easier that way.”
“You’re going to have a hard time when he starts getting into trouble, kissing girls under the bleachers, and sneaking out.”
She scowled. “Who are you kidding? I’m going to have trouble when he starts kindergarten next month. Besides, he’s never going to sneak out, because I’m going to buy one of those house-arrest cuffs and put it on him.”
“Says the rebel who snuck out all the time.” He kissed her softly. “Do you remember your first kiss?”
“Yes. It was a total disappointment. I had gone to a party in ninth grade with this boy, T. C. Calloway. I waited all night for that kiss, and when he walked me to the door, he kissed me on the lips. It was the wettest, most Dorito-smelling kiss I’ve ever had. To this day, I can’t eat Doritos. Do you remember yours?”
“I do, and it was the best kiss of my life.” He watched disappointment rise in her eyes. “She had the sweetest mouth, the most luscious lips, and when I held her, she made these sounds that drove me out of my mind.”
“I don’t really need to hear all the details,” she said, pulling away.
He held her tighter. “I remember not wanting the kiss to end. She kissed me softly, but her body—Jesus, her body—was glued to mine. To this day, I’ve never met anyone sexier. Anyway, she pressed against me so hard, I couldn’t help but take the kiss deeper—”
“Bodhi!” She tried to push out of his hands.
He tipped her chin up, smiling because he knew how pleased she’d be when she heard his next words. “We were so into each other, she stumbled, and her back hit a brick building.”
She stilled, a smile curving her lips. Then she pushed at his chest again and whispered, “That was cruel! I thought you were being a jerk, telling me about some other girl.”
He pressed his lips to hers and felt her smile.
“Do you really remember your very first kiss?” she asked.
“Your kisses have erased my memory of anyone else.”
“Now that’s the best answer you could give.” She snuggled closer, and they lay in silence for a long while.
“Bodhi?”
“Hm?”
“Thanks for giving Louie tonight.”
“I should be thanking you two.”
He wanted to give Louie years of tonights. There was a world of want inside him, and he was trying his hardest to shove it all behind a door and bolt it closed with a heavy chain. But every thought brought another. Louie should have siblings, like you do. Surround him with enough love that he’ll never be alone. He wanted to make it so she never had to work late and could be home when Louie was sick. He wanted to ask about her hopes and dreams and fulfill every one of them. His wants filled the room inside him, pushing against the door and rattling the chain.
Her uneasy expression told him her mind was circling tomorrow, just as his was. He covered her mouth with his, reveling in her touch, her taste, her heart. Before he knew it, they were greedily groping each other all over. He forced himself to break the kiss before he took things too far.
“Baby,” he whispered, and kissed her forehead, tucking her against him to try to regain control. “Louie can’t wake up and find us like this, but I want to hold you a little while longer.”
“What if I say I want to wait for you?” she asked breathlessly. “What if I tell you I can’t say goodbye tomorrow?”
He glanced at Louie, his entire being heavy with regret. He didn’t respond, because he knew he didn’t have to. He held Bridgette as they drifted off to sleep.
Bodhi awoke before dawn to the feel of Louie climbing between them. Bodhi wrapped them both in the safety of his arms and closed his eyes, wishing here and now could last forever.