Kevin arrived at the restaurant at seven p.m. sharp and was surprised when he didn’t see either of his parents’ cars in the parking lot. His mother had texted the time and location that afternoon and had made him promise to be on time. Maybe they’d parked around back.
“I’m meeting my parents,” he told the hostess after he’d gone inside. “The reservation is probably under Nicole Vandemeer.”
The hostess’s eyes lit up and she gave him a knowing grin. “Right this way, Mr. Vandemeer.”
“Are my parents seated already?” he asked, following her.
“You’re the first to arrive.” She motioned to a white-cloth-covered table in a dark corner. A rose in small vase and a lit candle were in the middle of the table.
He looked around, then back at her. “None of the other tables have flowers and candles.”
She covered her mouth with her hand, doing a poor job of trying to hide her smile. “This was specially ordered.”
“Okay…” He rolled his eyes as he sat down. Leave it to his mother to make a production out of meeting for dinner.
“Can I get you something to drink to start you off, Mr. Vandemeer?”
If his mother went to this much trouble, it was a safe bet she wouldn’t approve of him getting a beer. And he was mostly here to appease her. “Water for now.”
“We’ll have it right out.”
He looked around the room, wondering if he was too dressed up. He hadn’t been to this restaurant before, but his mother had told him to wear a dress shirt and tie. He’d obeyed but paired it with jeans. He couldn’t conform too much or she’d get suspicious.
He really wanted to be back at his monstrosity of a house. He was about to tear out the kitchen. Matt had given him step-by-step instructions, and Kevin had almost psyched himself up to do it. He’d try to make this quick and then head back home.
After five minutes, a waiter had brought him his water but his parents still hadn’t arrived. He had pulled out his phone, ready to call his mother, when the hostess returned with a woman who looked vaguely familiar.
The tall blonde was dressed in a clingy teal dress and heels. She stopped next to his table, her eyes lighting up as she waited for him to react. Finally, she laughed. “Kevin Vandemeer, you look amazing.”
“Uh…” He stood. She obviously knew him. “So do you.”
She tilted her head and gave him a coy smile. “You don’t remember me, do you?”
“I’m sorry…” Who the hell was she?
“Bethany, silly. Bethany Davis. From high school.”
Oh, crap. He knew her, all right. “Wow. You haven’t changed.” Outwardly anyway, but he already suspected she hadn’t changed much on the inside, either. She’d always been empty-headed, but he had to admit that she did look amazing.
Based on the pleased smile that lit up her face, he’d said the right thing. She rested her hand on his arm and squeezed, like she was picking out a melon at the grocery store. “You’ve definitely filled out.”
He took a step back and looked around. Where were his parents? “Are you meeting someone here?”
She giggled. “I’m meeting you, silly.” Then she sat in the seat across from him.
He frowned. “My mom and dad—”
“Aren’t coming.” She set her shiny leather purse on the seat next to her. “Your mother set this up.”
He took a breath and pushed it out before he sat across from her. “I’m sure she did.”
“Wasn’t that sweet of her?”
“Ah…sweet wasn’t the word I was thinking,” he said, his voice tight.
She laughed, a high-pitched noise that sounded like a cross between Tinker Bell and scratching metal. “She said you were shy so we’d surprise you. Funny, I don’t remember you being very shy.”
“I guess some things have changed after all.” Damn his interfering mother.
She held up her hands, flashing her shiny, long red nails. “Now I have to tell you that I’m on a very restricted diet. Very holistic.”
“Okay…”
“And you have to eat it, too. I can’t be around unholy food. But your mother said it wouldn’t be a problem.”
Unholy? Did she mean food that hadn’t been blessed? “Of course she did.” He remembered that Bethany had always been quick to try the latest fad or craze. If the past thirty seconds were any indication, it was going to be a long dinner.
The waiter started to walk by and Kevin grabbed his arm. “I’ll take a scotch on the rocks.” He needed alcohol to get through this and he needed it fast. “Bethany?”
She put her hands on the table and gave the waiter a patient look. “Now this is very important. I want a glass of Pinot Gris, but it has to be from New Zealand.”
“Miss, we don’t have a Pinot Gris from New Zealand, but we have several fine vintages from France and California.”
She sighed and rolled her eyes. “The California, then.” She turned her gaze to Kevin. “I only drink wines from English-speaking countries. It’s part of my holistic approach. I believe the grapes can hear the language spoken around them.” She spread her arms wide, then brought her hands together, tapping her fingertips. “And that language is absorbed into the grape and then into the wine. If you drink a wine from a country you don’t understand the language of, it will upset your system because it’s literally bringing foreign elements into your temple.” She pressed her palms together and smiled softly.
The waiter stared at her, his mouth parted, then looked down at Kevin with fear in his eyes.
Kevin knew exactly how he felt. At least the waiter could run away. “I need you to make mine a double.” Then he added, “And bring the menus. Right away.”
The waiter walked away and Bethany gave him a curious look.
“I’m starving. I’m working for Matt Osborn now, with his construction company. Remember him?”
She nodded. “Your mother mentioned it. That’s so sweet of you.”
“Excuse me?” Oh, God. What had his mother told her? He picked up his water, wishing he already had his drink. He might have to call a cab when this was all said and done.
“Putting your life on hold and helping him out in a bind like that.” She shook her head and stared at him in awe. “You’re like a living saint.”
“I’m definitely not a saint.”
“Aww…and so humble, too.” She took a breath, her eyebrows rising as her eyes danced. “You know how sometimes you just know things? Like it’s just fate? That’s us. We’re going to make beautiful babies, Kevin Vandemeer.”
What the hell? He spit his water across the table, putting the candle out.
Bethany was up in an instant. “You poor dear! Are you choking?” She stood behind him, leaning forward and draping her arms down his chest, and began stroking his abs. “I know the Heimlich.”
He pushed her arms off his shoulders. “That’s not the Heimlich.”
“Are you sure? I’ve given it to several men and none of them said it wasn’t.”
He stood. “Excuse me. I have to go to the restroom to dry my shirt.”
“If you like, we can go back to your place and you can take it off there.”
“Yeah, that’s okay.” He pointed over his shoulder with his thumb. “I think I’ll just go to the men’s room.”
“Don’t be so silly.” She pushed him back down and grabbed the napkin off the table and dabbed at the wet spot, letting her hand linger on his left pec. “You must lift weights.”
He grabbed the napkin from her hand. “You know, it’s really not that wet. It’ll dry. Have a seat and tell me what you’ve been up to.”
She looked torn, as though trying to decide if she should be upset or pleased, but pleased won out as she sat down. “Well…I’m a licensed masseuse.”
“You don’t say.”
“I have magical crystals that exude an electromagnetic energy that fills my touch with healing powers. I’m sure you felt them when I touched you a moment ago. Sometimes it can be a bit jarring.”
Where the hell was his drink? “I totally feel jarred.”
She smiled. “I have my own holistic center. I have so many customers I might have to expand.”
“Wow. Really?” People actually believed in this crap? “How many?”
“Well…maybe ten? My mother is always complaining about the amount of people tromping up and down her stairs to the basement.”
“You still live with your mother.”
“I’m still waiting for my center to take off.”
“I see.”
The waiter brought their drinks and Kevin held up his hand and took a big gulp, then said, “Bring me another.”
“Another double?” He leaned close to Kevin’s ear. “You won’t be able to drive, sir.”
“Yeah, I know,” he whispered. “I’ll get a ride.”
“All right, then.”
Bethany gave him a questioning glance.
“He was filling me in on the specials.”
“But I didn’t hear them.”
“It was mercury-filled sea bass. I told him to find something else.”
Her gaze followed the waiter and her lips pressed into a pout. “But that sounds interesting.”
Kevin drained his glass, his chest already warming. He looked into her startled face. “I was thirsty. It’s hot working outside all day.”
She nodded. “It’s important to hydrate.”
He was going to kill his mother.
The waiter came to take their order, bringing Kevin’s drink with him. Bethany leaned forward. “I would love to hear more about your mercurial sea bass special.” She tilted her head, her eyes narrowed as she focused. “Exactly how temperamental were the fish? I’m worried they were too stressed.”
Kevin choked on his drink again and Bethany gave him a look of concern.
“I really think you should let me do a crystal cleansing on you.”
He finished the drink, then set the glass down with a bang. “I want a moody fish dinner.”
The waiter looked startled. “The best I can do is salmon grilled on a cedar plank.”
Bethany shook her head. “No, Kevin. I think you have too much strife in your life to get the mercurial fish. You need something calm and soothing. Like smashed potatoes.”
Kevin paused, trying to keep a straight face. “But I would think the potatoes would be stressed from the smashing.”
“Oh, dear. I hadn’t considered that.” She turned to the waiter. “What is your mellowest meal?”
“I…uh…” he looked back at Kevin, giving him a look that said traitor. “I would say it’s the spaghetti and meatballs. It makes me think of Lady and the Tramp. Something that cute is soothing.”
Bethany nodded. “Yes, I agree. We’ll take two of those.”
Kevin ordered another drink, then listened to Bethany talk about crystals and how they harnessed the earth’s energy and how she insisted on giving him a private reading.
When their food and his third drink arrived, he hoped she’d focus on her meal, but she then went on to describe her holistic diet, the purest foods being Swiss cheese and angel food cake. For obvious reasons.
“Where did my mother dig you up?” Kevin blurted out. The alcohol had loosened his inner censor.
“Oh, she planned my engagement party.”
“To me?” He nearly dropped his fork in his instinct to run and never look back.
She laughed. “No, silly. To my ex-fiancé.”
“What happened to him?”
She pursed her lips. “He moved to Hong Kong.”
Kevin had to wonder if that was far enough to escape her clutches. “Did my mother meet yours at the country club?”
“Yes!” She squealed. “How did you know?”
His mother, if nothing else, was predictable. He stood. “If you’ll excuse me for a moment, I need to go to the restroom.”
“Of course.”
He disappeared down the hall and pulled out his cell phone, calling his sister. “Megan. I need your help.”
“Kevin?” She sounded worried. “Are you okay? What’s going on?”
“I’m stuck on the blind date from hell and now I’m drunk as shit and can’t drive home. Come get me.”
She chuckled. “I can’t believe you agreed to a blind date.”
“I didn’t. It was thrust on me. Thrust—I bet Bethany likes that word.”
“Where are you?”
His mind fixated on the word thrust and for some reason the thought of his neighbor came to mind—lying on his bed, as he—
“Kevin. Focus. Where are you?”
He blinked. God, he was such a lightweight. He used to drink his friends under the table. Now, he was drunk as shit on three drinks. Okay, they were all doubles, and he hadn’t had more than a few beers at a time in months, but still.
“Kevin!”
“Café Rustica. On Seven Highway.”
“Oh, nice place. Totally date worthy. You really wanted to impress.” He heard the grin in her voice.
“Mom wanted to impress. She set this whole thing up.”
She laughed. “No kidding. This has her stamp all over it.”
“So will you come get me?”
“I owe you, remember? Sit tight and I’ll be there in about ten minutes.”
Bethany was watching for him when he got back, concern in her eyes. “Are you okay? You were gone so long.”
“I think maybe that spaghetti was just as cantankerous as the fish, if you know what I mean.”
She gave him a blank look, then her eyes widened. “Oh…your bowels.”
He shifted in his seat. “Funny thing. My sister, Megan, called while I was in the restroom and said she needs my help. It’s an emergency.”
Worry filled her eyes. “Oh, my. Is she okay? What’s the emergency?”
Crap. What was it? “She needs my help picking out a name for her baby.”
“Shouldn’t her husband help her with that?”
“His names are ridiculous. He wants to name him Pickle.”
“Oh, dear. That’s terrible.” She gave him a pout. “I was hoping to come see your new house.”
“Maybe another time.” He flagged down the waiter and asked for the bill.
She leaned over the table, her voice sounding husky. “So do you want to pick me up tomorrow night or should I meet you somewhere?”
“Excuse me?”
The waiter brought the check then ran off, looking over his shoulder at Bethany. Kevin pulled cash out of his wallet instead of using his card. He didn’t want to wait a second longer than necessary.
“Our next date.”
“Yeah.” He grimaced. “Let me get back to you on that. Matt said something about me pulling a few evening shifts.” He hated lying, but in this instance it was better than telling her Never, because you’re batshit crazy.
She reached across the table for his hand. “Well, at least give me your number so I can call you.”
He tried to look nonchalant as he pulled his hand from hers, sure he wasn’t as smooth as he hoped, given his inebriated state. “Why don’t you just give me yours? I’m kind of old-fashioned and want to be the one to call.”
“Oh! Okay.” Her face lit up and he felt bad, even though he was more than a little creeped out by her. She reached into her purse and handed him a business card. He wasn’t all that surprised to see that it was covered in sparkles.
“Crystal Living Center,” he read.
She pointed to the card. “That’s my cell-phone number. I have my phone with me all the time.”
“Got it.” He didn’t feel right just leaving her here at the table, yet he didn’t want to lead her on even more. His manners won out. “Would you like me to walk you to your car?”
She radiated with happiness. “Of course.”
Guilt washed through him as he walked her out into the hot, humid evening, but there was no turning back from this now. The only other alternative was to try to let her down gently. He stopped at the back of her car, feeling slightly less drunk but nowhere close to being ready to drive. “It was great getting to see you again, but I’m going to be honest—I don’t think I’m ready for a relationship yet.”
“Oh.” The light in her eyes dimmed and he felt like a jerk. Damn his mother.
“See, I’m at weird phase in my life right now. I think I need to figure out me and where to go forward before I start something with someone.”
Her smile returned. “You think you need to wait?”
Well, shit.
Before he could react, she kissed him hard on the lips, then took a step back. “Challenge accepted.”
Challenge? Shit! “Bethany!”
But she had already gotten into her car and gave him a little wave through the side window.
Frustrated, he spun around, almost falling over from his screwed-up equilibrium, and headed straight for his sister’s car, which had just pulled up to the curb in front of the restaurant.
She was giggling when he climbed into the passenger seat. “Is that your date? She’s very pretty.”
“She’s batshit crazy—on a level that astounds even me. And that’s saying something.”
She took off her sunglasses and gave him the once-over. “She must be crazy if you drank too much to cope, Mr. I’m Always in Control. How many drinks did you have, anyway?”
“Too many.”
“That much is obvious.” She slid her glasses onto her nose and shifted her car into gear. “You want me to take you home or to Mom’s so you can lynch her?”
“As tempting as the lynching is, home.”
She shot him a grin. “Oh, I was really looking forward to the lynching.”
“I can’t believe she did this. I had no idea. She told me to meet her and Dad for dinner, and instead Bethany showed up.”
Megan turned onto the main street. “Oh, I believe it. She’s desperate for you to get married and have kids. She’s tired of waiting so she’s taking matters into her own hands.”
“By setting me up with a crazy woman?”
“Why are you so surprised? Crazy doesn’t recognize crazy.”
Oh, my God. She was right. He was crazy, too. Otherwise he would have seen the signs in Lacy and all the previous crazy girls before her.
Unaware of his inner turmoil, Megan moved on to another topic. “How was your first couple of days working with Matt?” Megan shifted her gaze to him, then back to the road. “I hadn’t thought about him owning a construction company. Does that mean he’s going to help you work on the house?”
He leaned his head back into the seat and wished Megan’s car would stop spinning. “Matt’s given me some pointers, but I haven’t had a chance to do anything yet. I’ve been too busy returning dishes to my cute neighbor and going on blind dates with women our mother picks out.”
She grinned. “I want to hear more about your cute neighbor.”
“There’s nothing to tell.” He closed his eyes. Last night he’d argued with himself all the way home from his dinner with his friends. He’d convinced himself to dump the rest of the lasagna, rinse out the pan, then take it over to her—and then made himself go home before he molested her right there on her front porch. What kind of guy would he be if he hadn’t helped her climb in her window? Of course, checking out her ass and touching the bare skin of her abdomen had been a bonus. But tonight with Bethany had been the reminder he needed to stay the course of the bachelor brotherhood. “I’m giving up women. They’re all bonkers.”
“Hey!”
“You bought me a piece-of-shit house without my consent. You qualify as crazy.”
She paused. “I suppose I deserve that.”
“I have to have a talk with Mom. Setting me up on blind dates is unacceptable.”
“And throwing me a baby shower I don’t want is? Not to mention that she’s hounding me to tell her if it’s a boy or a girl. Why can’t she accept that Josh and I don’t want to know?”
“You’re comparing my situation to a baby shower? Please. That date ranked up there in the top three worst dates ever. She’s into crystals, and nonfighting food, and English-speaking wine.”
“What?”
He shook his head. “Whatever. My date was way worse than a stupid baby shower.”
She pulled up to a stoplight and stared at him in disbelief. “Are you kidding me? You saw the fiasco she made of the family party before my wedding. And we won’t even go into the fiasco at Blair’s wedding shower. This is a bigger disaster.”
“Give me a break,” he scoffed.
“Fine. You think it’s not so bad, then you come to the shower and see for yourself.”
“To a baby shower? No way.” He was still trying to get out of playing bartender. If Megan found out their mother had roped him in, she’d make sure there was no way he could get out of it.
“Then good luck on your second date with Crazy Pants.”
He sat up. “What’s that mean?”
“It means come to my shower, and I’ll get Mom to back off.”
He scoffed his disbelief. “You can’t get her to promise that.”
She rested her hand on her belly. “No, but her grandbaby can.”
His eyes narrowed. “Now you’re crazy.”
“Trust me on this.” They drove the rest of the way in silence until she parked in his driveway. “Hey, how’s your kitten doing?”
“It’s not my kitten, and it’s doing just fine. I locked it up in the unfinished basement this morning since it’s hot as hell in my un-air-conditioned piece-of-shit house.”
A grin spread across her face.
“It’s not funny, Megan.”
“Kevin, just trust me on this, okay?”
“No.” He opened the car door and stomped up to the front door.
“Kevin!” She followed behind him, then took his keys as he fumbled with the lock. She got the door open, then looked down at the porch. “You fixed the hole.”
“I can’t have Girl Scouts suing me after they break their leg when they show up trying to sell me cookies, can I?”
“You have months until it’s Girl Scout cookie season.”
He groaned and leaned his head against the door frame, but she pulled him into a hug.
“Trust me.”
“You keep saying that, but I’m still in a shit hole.”
She laughed and kissed his cheek. “Josh and I will come help you on Sunday. If you come to the shower on Saturday.”
“That again?”
She gave him an ornery smile.
He was figuring out that his little sister was used to getting what she wanted. No sense making it easy for her. “I’ll think about it.”
“I’ll take that.” Then she kissed his cheek again and walked down the steps. “Now go drink some water and take some aspirin. You’re gonna have a killer hangover tomorrow.”
Dammit. She was right.
He was going to kill his mother.