How Austin makes me feel about myself is one of my favorite things about him. He has this knack for seeing the best part in people and telling them. I’ve seen him do it with his bandmates.

I haven’t known many people who genuinely want to make others feel good about themselves without asking for something in return. Everyone’s looking for personal gain. Nothing comes without a price.

I’m used to the competition—the rat race. Even in relationships. What can I get from the other person? How will a relationship benefit me? How can this person get me to where I want to be?

It’s sad really.

It’s also sad that, as much as I want to have sex with him right now, I’d be far more concerned with the cleanliness of this bench than the pleasure he gives me.

“Can I please book us a hotel room?” I ask. “I promise it won’t be fancy.”

Austin sighs. “I will agree if you let me pick the hotel.”

I pause, unsure of how to respond. I know he’d never put is in a bad situation on purpose, but I’m still worried about the kind of place he’ll pick.

Austin calls me on my hesitation immediately.

“Compromise, Liz. It’s the key to successful relationships.”

“You’re right.” I nod and hand him my phone. “You pick the place. But I also get to pick up the tab for rooms for the guys.”

A look of surprise crosses Austin’s face. “You’d do that?”

“Of course.” I smile and brush my palm over his cheek and beard. “How mean would it be to stay in a hotel room and let the guys sweat to death in that van?”

Austin shrugs. “They’ve done it before.” His lips slide into a smile.

I smack his bicep lightly. “You’re a jerk.”

“I prefer diva. The lead singer is always a diva.” He winks at me.

My level-headed, sexy, scruffy boyfriend is the furthest thing from a diva.

He pulls me onto his lap, wrapping his arms around me as he scrolls the hotel options I’ve pulled up on my phone. Then he kisses the top of my head, an action that always makes me melt.

“You are the kindest, most generous person I’ve ever met, Miss Honey.”

“It’s no big deal,” I say, nestling into him, resting my cheek on the soft, worn T-shirt covering his hard chest. “Three hotel rooms at whatever place you pick will cost less than one room at any place I would’ve picked.”

“It’s not about the money, Liz. It’s about your heart.”

I tilt my head back so I can see his face. “I have the means. Why wouldn’t I?”

“Not everyone thinks that way.”

“I’ve never thought any other way.”

“I believe that, babe.”

“But I’ve always had the means, so—”

“I bet we can both think of instances where someone who was more than able to didn’t help out, yes?”

“Well, sure, but—”

“Liz?” Austin interrupts.

“Yeah?”

“Just take the fucking compliment.”

He’s not angry or exasperated. He’s genuinely trying to get me to see myself as he sees me.

“Thank you, Austin.”

“Better. Now let me find us a hotel so I can fuck you before I have to walk around Atlanta with the most uncomfortable hard-on ever.”

I bury my face in his chest again and laugh softly, inhaling the scent of sweat and detergent.

“I’ve been trying to ignore your conversation, but if I hear y’all start having sex, I’m getting it on video,” Tim says, glancing over his shoulder at us.

“We’re not having sex,” Austin replies. He returns his gaze to the phone screen.

“A sex tape gone viral might be the injection we need to take this shit to the next level,” Tim says. He actually sounds as if he’s contemplating it.

I glance at Austin, who dismisses it with a grimace and shake of his head. A wave of relief calms me. As much as I love Austin, the thought of being in a viral sex tape makes me want to puke. That’d be a great thing to have to defend and dismiss at every stage of my career.

As much as I love Austin.

It’s the first time I’ve admitted it to myself, though the feelings have been building for months—with every touch, every kiss, every conversation. Austin has burrowed himself into my heart, helping me overcome the devastation of the end of my surgical career, and helping me see the excitement of the next chapter in my life.

Pushing back the excitement of my personal revelation, I snuggle even closer to Austin and start scanning the hotel app with him. Once we start looking, we realize quickly that many of Atlanta’s hotels are completely booked. We finally settle on a place outside of the city that seems to meet my cleanliness standards, as well as Austin’s price point.

“Hey dickbags! My fucking amazing girlfriend got us rooms for this weekend. Let’s go put our shit down before we head to the festival.”

His announcement is met with:

“Sweet!”

“You rock, Liz! Thanks!”

“Sugar mama comes through.”

Austin scowls and immediately lurches forward toward Tim. “If I ever hear you say anything like that again, you’ll be sleeping in another band’s van.”

I gasp, startled at his threat. Then I place my hands on his shoulders and pull him back. “Austin, please don’t.”

“Jesus,” Fozzie whispers.

“I was joking,” Tim says.

“It’s an unacceptable joke.” Austin’s jaw is hard, unyielding. I know his reaction encompasses more than just the current situation.

“Get a fucking grip, Austin.”

Leaning close to his ear, I whisper, “Please let it go. You’re all excited and stressed about this festival. Tempers are high. I knew he was kidding.”

The truth is, I don’t think Tim is kidding at all, but it doesn’t matter. What matters is not allowing the band to get into a fight about something so stupid a day before they’re about to play their first big festival.

Never mind that the “something so stupid” is me.

As the van pulls into the hotel parking lot, I hold back a groan. Wealthy or not, I don’t know one person that isn’t creeped out by hotels with room doors on the outside. I don’t know why. Maybe it feels like a lack of security. Anyone can walk right up—hitchhikers, prostitutes.

Suddenly, I’m ripped out of my thoughts because all eyes in the van are focused on me. Even Jimmy, who’s driving, is looking at me in the rearview mirror.

“Don’t worry, Liz. We’ll keep you safe from hitchhikers and prostitutes,” Fozzie says, breaking a moment of awkward silence.

I close my eyes and cover my face with one hand when I realize I voiced my concerns out loud.

“You’re on your own with Austin, though. No one can tame him,” he adds.

Interesting phrasing.

“I don’t want to tame him,” I answer, placing my hand on Austin’s thigh and squeezing. “I like him wild.”

I swear I hear his chest puff out, despite the laughter from the other guys.

It's true, though. There’s not one thing I would change about him.

Once we check into the hotel and get rooms sorted, Austin and I hurry to ours. There’s a king-sized bed, waiting for us to consummate, and yet, I can’t help but wonder…

“You want to have sex in the van, don’t you?” I ask, setting my phone on the dresser next to the TV.

Austin’s face lights up, a sheepish grin turning his lips upward. “I’ve always wanted to fuck in there. It’s a weird bucket list thing before we make it big and move to a tour bus.”

I shake my head in disbelief, not at his fantasy, but at the words that are about to come out of my mouth. “Should we sneak out there tonight and do it?”

His eyes widen and that grin slides into a full kid-at-Christmas glow. “You’d do that for me?”

I nod without hesitation. “How can I say no when something so easy is bucket-list for you? I mean, that’s a big-time fantasy.” My heart speeds up as I realize just how much I’d do for this man.

“You’re so fucking awesome.”

His compliment both delights and confuses me. I’ve never had anyone think of me that way—and no one like a hot, brooding musician.

At the same time, I’m trying to wrap my mind around how unsanitary and uncomfortable it’s going to be.

Boys are gross.

But the idea must make Austin happy, because he plants a quick kiss on my lips before skipping to the door. “You get settled and ready for bed. I'll be right back.”

“Okay…”

“Gotta get pretty for my girl.” He winks before disappearing through the door.

The room is brighter and cleaner than I imagined when we pulled up. Still, I immediately roll down the comforter until it’s a fluffy log on the floor at the foot of the bed. Not going to touch that thing.

With Austin gone, it’s my chance to freshen up from the sexy, sweaty bus ride. I’ve never had this kind of reaction to anyone before. That’s not to say previous partners didn’t get me aroused, but it’s constant with Austin. All it takes is hearing his voice or seeing his face—hell, even an innocent text saying hello—and my body reacts. It’s a bit embarrassing when I’m in public and he’s not around.

Screw those guys who said I was cold. Maybe it was them. Maybe they didn’t get me hot and bothered. I can’t make my body react if it isn’t stimulated.

As I unzip my Kate Spade weekender bag, I glance at Austin’s grubby duffel. Sliding my finger across an especially worn area that looks like it’ll rip at any moment, I make a mental note to get him a new one when we get home. He’ll need a better bag for all the upcoming travel. I smile, proud, as I think about all of the hard work that has gone into getting where they are right now, and thrilled at the amazing opportunities they have lined up.

Because my head has been so scattered recently, I decide a mental note isn’t going to do. I stand up and cross the room, grabbing my phone from the dresser. After a few quick searches, I decide on a beautiful sturdy Tumi bag and place the order immediately. It’s basic black, nothing extravagant or flashy, as I know he wouldn’t like that, but it’s definitely something that will last through the upcoming travel.

I dig my toiletry case out of my bag and wander into the bathroom. I hadn’t planned on taking a shower, but sweat still rolls down my back and I realize, it’s a must. It was so hot out today and all we were doing was walking around Atlanta. I can’t even imagine what it will be like standing outside tomorrow with the sun beating down. Austin’s set is at 3:30 p.m.—when the sun is at its peak.

Leaning over the tub, I reach over and turn the water on, keeping my hand under the stream until it reaches the perfect temperature. After placing my shampoo, conditioner, and body gel on the edge of the tub, I whip my sundress to the floor and slide out of my underwear, before stepping into the shower. The cool water pelting my skin feels amazing.

As I work the shampoo into my hair, I start singing my favorite song of Austin’s. I can’t get over how much emotion it evokes from me, and I can’t explain why.

“Hey, babe. I’m feeling dirty. Mind if I join you?”

“Holy crap!” I jump, almost knocking my head on the tiled wall. “Geez, Austin, you scared me!” My heart pounds against my chest, not just from the scare, but because this gorgeous man just climbed into the shower. I’ve never showered with anyone before.

He places his hands on my waist and steps closer, and I have to mentally remind myself to keep breathing. Shampoo slides down my temple, but I’m frozen to wipe it away.

“The most beautiful girl I’ve ever laid eyes on is naked, wet, and singing my song. I can tell you with complete honesty that I have never been this turned on.”

Heat zings through my body, causing me to shudder. Austin feels it, because he tightens his grip on my waist. Then he brings his face to mine and kisses me softly. So softly. The flutter of his lips so gentle it’s as if air whispers over my lips. A hint of passion, desire…

Love.

After our shower, I step out of the bathroom and scan the room, tapping my index finger against my lips.

“What has you perplexed, babe?” Austin asks, wrapping his arms around me from behind and placing a kiss on my neck.

“I have no clue what I’m going to wear tomorrow.”

“Nothing?” he whispers, then slides his tongue over my ear. His teeth settle on my lobe, biting softly.

I press my backside into him and grind against his pelvis. The action is met with a low moan and I almost think he’s going to devour me.

“Fuuuuck.”

“Will you have any of those long, black tank tops at merch?”

“I can’t answer merch questions right now, babe. I want to be inside you so bad.”

“Focus,” I say, turning my head slightly to meet his eyes.

“I am so completely focused I can’t think of anything else.” He moves his hands to the top of the towel secured above my breasts.

“I thought we were doing this in the van?”

The towel drops to the floor.

“Throw some clothes on. I need to fuck you right now,” Austin growls, then slaps my bare bottom.

I jump and look at him with wide eyes.

“You like that.”

It’s a statement, not a question, because he knows the answer without me having to say it.

“I’ve got tanks in the van,” he says as he slides a pair of silver basketball shorts up his legs.

“Oh good!” I grab a tank top and oversized boxer shorts out of my bag. “Can I buy one to wear tomorrow?”

Austin looks at me like I have three heads.

“What? Is it completely dorky for me to wear a band tank? Is that frowned upon?”

“No. I can’t wait to see you rocking our stuff. But you’re not going to pay for it.”

“Why wouldn’t I pay for it?” I ask, stepping into my shorts.

“You’re my girl,” he says as if that’s all the answer necessary.

“So?” I ask. “I should still pay for a tank top. You paid for it. You have to recoup the money.”

“You’re not paying.”

“Austin.”

“Why you always gotta argue?”

“Because I like to be a pain in your ass.”

“Oh girl, I’d love to be the pain in your ass,” Austin says with a wide smile. He takes two steps toward me and we’re nose to nose.

“I don’t know how I feel about that comment.”

He licks his lips. “I love when your cheeks get red because of something I suggest, because I know that no one has ever even suggested it before.” He reaches between us and tweaks one of my nipples. “And I know that you’re entertaining the idea in that beautiful brain of yours.”

I bow my head, but he immediately places his fingers under my chin and lifts my face to his.

“You never have to be embarrassed with me, Liz. I would never do anything you didn’t want. I respect you completely. I’m literally a slave at your feet.”

His words are everything any girl wants to hear. Things every girl wants to believe. And all I can think of is how much I want to believe him, but then a stupid flash of insecurity peeks through and I wonder what he sees in me.

“Stop thinking,” Austin commands. “Because I don’t like whatever is going through your head. It’s not true. You’re the most phenomenal human I’ve met in my entire life. I don’t care if you don’t believe me right now. One day you will. I’ll spend every fucking second until that day proving it to you.”

Tears spring to my eyes.

“Nope.” He licks the outside of my eye, where a drop has slid out. “Too high up for you to be wet.” As he speaks, his fingers slide under one leg of my boxers and slip into me. “That’s where I want you wet, babe.”

I know I’m not disappointing him. Everything he does turns me on. Especially after his heartfelt declaration.

“Where were we?” he asks. His fingers work me without relent. My breathing gets heavy, deep, fast.

“I was paying you for a tank top,” I manage to say, as I try to ignore his deft fingers; getting back to solid ground will help hold my emotions at bay.

“How about I give it to you to wear in exchange for—” Two fingers curl, pumping at my G-spot, faster and harder until I’m bucking onto his chest and squeezing his hand between my thighs.

“Austin!”

“Yeah, babe,” he whispers, holding me as I collapse onto him. “Come for me, babe. I love when you come all over my hand. You’re so fucking sexy.”

He removes his fingers from inside me, twirls me around so my back is against his chest, and reaches around, hitting me with a three-finger assault on my clit, rubbing hard and fast in a circular motion. He knows exactly how to get me off. I try to breathe through it to enhance the orgasm and make it last, but I can’t. My breath comes out in short, fast pants. The only thing holding me up is Austin’s free arm around my waist.

“Oh! Oh god! Oh god!” When the orgasm hits, I arch against his chest and scream, “Austin!”

“Yes, Liz, yes! Fuck yes! I love when you say my name when you come.” He knows I’m in the zone, but he won’t let up, plunging his fingers into me again, his deft digits piston on my G-spot, helping me ride it out. Finally, the wave relents and I slump against him.

He kisses my neck as he removes his fingers. “I will never get enough of watching you come, Liz.”

His hard, thick cock presses against my back, making my pussy throb.

“I will never get enough of letting you watch me come,” I tease, still trying to catch my breath.

Austin laughs, then spins me around and wraps his arms around me. He rests his chin on my head, while I bury my face in his neck and inhale the scent of my amber, vanilla body wash on him.

“You ready to go get that tank top out of the van?”

“Do I get to ride your dick while we’re out there?”

“Of course.”

“Will you let me pay for the tank top?”

“You will be wearing a tank top with my band’s name and logo all day long at our first major festival. That’s called advertising. Giving you a free tank top in exchange for advertising is an intelligent business decision, wouldn’t you agree?”

Shoot. He’s got me.

“Yes. I agree with the statement.”

“I knew you’d see it my way.” He kisses me quickly. “But Liz—you’re my girlfriend. You’re gonna get free band shit. You gotta get over it.”

“Fine!” I laugh. “Now that I know I’m a walking advertisement, I’m completely on board.”

“Good. Now put some clothes on, woman! It’s time to fuck in the van.”

Once we’re both wearing enough to walk around outside without being too risqué, Austin leads me down the sidewalk and around a corner. The van is parked in the back of the lot between two huge semi-trucks. Guess he’s not as much of a voyeur as I thought.

Or maybe he did it for me, thinking I’d be more comfortable tucked away. It’s comforting, but the thought of someone seeing us in the van is actually turning me on. Like when he fingered me at The Market. I never thought public sex acts would be such a turn-on. It’s like he’s peeling away my straight-laced layers one by one.

“You hid the van away?” I ask.

“Didn’t want any hitchhikers or prostitutes walking in on us.” He winks. The reference to my outburst earlier makes me giggle.

Austin opens the door and takes a step back so I can climb in. The scent of Lysol wipes fills the air—and I realize that’s why he left the room earlier. He was out here cleaning the seat. My heart swells.

As I climb to the back, he smacks my butt and I lurch forward. “Geez!”

“I want to bite your ass so badly, Liz. It’s perfect. Smooth, round, firm.”

“Oh my gosh! Stop!”

“I want to do other things to it, too, but I won’t scare you with all that tonight.”

It’s the second reference he’s made to anal tonight. It’s not a thought I’ve ever entertained before. Ever. But with Austin, in the right environment with the right preparation, it doesn’t seem like it’d be so bad. If that’s what he likes, I trust him enough to try.

“It doesn’t scare me, Austin. I feel completely comfortable and safe with you,” I say, looking at him as I collapse onto the bench on the last row.

“That’s the best thing you’ve ever said to me. You’ll always be safe with me, Liz. Body and soul.”

No one has ever spoken to me like Austin does. He hits me in the heart and the brain. He’s stability and strength in a way that I’ve never experienced before. Stability has always been the guy who went to a prestigious school, and has a good job and who can provide. More of a business transaction than a heart connection.

I reach out and pull him onto me, but I’m cramped in the back with my knees, and he falls directly on top of them rather than between, accidentally spearing him in the gut.

“Oh my gosh, Austin, I’m so sorry! Are you okay?” I ask, opening my legs so his body slides between them.

“Yup,” he responds through teeth clenched in pain.

“Thank you for sanitizing the seat,” I say in an effort to make up for the knees to the stomach. One hand slides through his hair, comforting him.

“How did you know?”

“It smells like what I imagine a red-light district bedroom smells like between clients.”

Austin busts out laughing. “What the fuck, Liz?”

“What?”

He shakes his head, the smile still painted on his face. “You crack me up.”

He places a hand on the back of the seat, and uses it to shift a bit and lift himself toward my face. I know he’s trying not to put his full body weight on me, which makes for a very awkward position for him.

“Maybe you should straddle me?” he suggests.

“Oh! Yeah! Good idea.”

Figuring out logistics of fucking in the van is taking the sexy spontaneity out of our tryst.

After he lifts himself up and leans back on his calves, I scoot up enough to allow him to sit down, before throwing one leg over to straddle his lap. When I wiggle my butt, getting comfortable on his legs, I feel him hard and ready underneath me. Evidently the comical way we’ve gone about getting situated hasn’t hindered his excitement.

“Fuck, that feels good.”

I look into his eyes and lift my hands to his face, stroking his beard on both sides from temple to chin. I love how soft it is and I know he loves when I do it. He closes his eyes and I see the tension in his shoulders release. Knowing that he’s completely relaxed makes me happy. I lean down and place my lips on his. The touch is soft at first. Then I move my hands to his hair and grab hold, pulling at the roots as I intensify the kiss.

Austin doesn’t hold back. He grabs my hips, digging his fingers into my flesh. Our tongues tangle with greater need the longer the kiss goes on. When I pull away, he catches my bottom lip in his teeth.

“You’re really turned on by this, aren’t you?” I ask softly.

“I’m fulfilling my groupie-van-sex fantasy with my hot girlfriend. What’s not to like about that?”

His words make me laugh, but I want to play the groupie role, so I reach down, grab the hem of my tank top, and pull it over my head. Austin watches with hooded lids as I arch toward him, presenting my breasts to his face. He leans closer and licks one of my nipples. The touch makes me shiver.

“That’s it, baby,” I whisper seductively. “Make me your dirty whore.”

Austin bursts out laughing for the second time in minutes. He hides his face between my breasts, though I can still feel him shaking.

“What?” I ask.

He removes his face from the valley between my boobs. “I wasn’t prepared. I’ve never heard you say anything like that. I don’t think I’ve ever even heard you swear before.”

I shrug. “I’ve never had a reason to talk like that.”

“Never?”

“If any guy I dated wanted a whore, he’d pay for one.”

Austin flinches, which makes me want to take back my words immediately. I grab his face with both hands and say, “I didn’t mean it that way. I just meant that none of those guys ever asked me to play that role. They didn’t think I had ‘bad girl’ in me.”

“That’s hard to believe. You have such a dirty, sexy mind.”

“They didn’t know that. I never really felt comfortable enough to show that side of me. I don’t know.” I lean back, releasing his cheeks, and tuck my hair behind my ears. “All they saw was a book nerd. The girl who was always studying. I told you I haven’t had many boyfriends, Austin. Some of them—” I glance out the side window. “A couple of them called me cold.”

“Cold?” Austin asks.

I turn back to him, but don’t lift my eyes, focusing instead on the intricate lines of his neck tattoo. “Cold. Ice Queen. Emotionally unavailable.”

In my peripheral vision I see a look of understanding cross his face. He leans toward my exposed breasts and presses a kiss onto my chest, right over my heart.

“Fuck them. You’re not cold. You’re guarded. You don’t share yourself with men easily because they have to prove their worth before you give your heart away. But make no mistake, Elizabeth Commons. I’ve never known someone with a more beautiful soul. Warmth and love radiate from you. I felt that the first time I saw you—even when your lips were blue and you were shaking.”

“Are we back to the groupie fantasy thing?” I ask, confused at his words. “Because I was burning up the first night we met. All that dancing and all those people cramped together.”

Austin pauses, then shakes his head and laughs, “Yeah. No, I know. I was in another world for a second.”

Tears prick at my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. He’s either mixing me up with another girl, or I really did give off a cold vibe that first time we met at The Underground. What had I done wrong? I thought it had been a wonderful night. I was open and free.

He’s right about me. It does take me awhile to open up. Which is why I’ve never said I love you to any man. Not even a guy I dated for two years. Because I didn’t love him. And I’m not going to throw those words around. They mean something to me.

And to think, I almost said it to Austin.

“You thought I was cold that night, didn’t you? Stand-offish? Bitchy?” I fold my arms across my chest, trying to hide my exposed breasts. It’s not going to work, because they’re pretty large, but it makes me feel better to be somewhat covered.

“Fuck no! Liz! I just told you the first time I met you I was completely taken with you. I—Jesus Liz, I couldn’t take my eyes off you. And—fuck. There was so much more.”

“What does that mean?”

“Can I tell you a story?” he asks. “About the song Open Your Heart?”

“Please,” I say, intrigued because of how much the song resonates with me.

“I was late for class driving through a crazy-ass ice storm, when I saw a vehicle on the side of the road, smashed between two trees. I pulled over immediately and ran to the driver’s side to make sure the person inside was okay. But she wasn’t. She was slumped over the steering wheel, blood coming from who knows where.”

I listen intently, keeping my eyes on Austin as he speaks.

“I ran back to my truck, grabbed a crowbar, and pried open the door, then I lifted the girl out gently and carried her to my truck. I didn’t call nine-one-one. I should have, I know.” He brushes hair away from my face and lets his fingers slide through until he reaches my shoulder. “It was pretty stupid of me to move her, but I had no clue how long she’d been there and the hospital was just up the road, so I took the chance.”

“It wasn’t until I brought her into the hospital that I saw her face. She was the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen, despite her blue lips.” He smiles.

My mind—and my pulse—are both going a million miles a minute as his words come back to me.

The most beautiful girl he’d ever seen—despite her blue lips.

“…Warmth and love radiate from you. I felt that the first time I saw you—even when your lips were blue and you were shaking.”

“When I told the nurse what happened, she immediately took the girl back to triage. As I stood there, another employee informed me of who the girl was.”

I’m hanging on every word, my heart pumping faster with each piece of information he reveals.

“It was the daughter of one of the wealthiest, most powerful men in the city. My heart dropped. I walked out of the hospital dejected. There was no reason to even think about her again because I didn’t have a chance. We could never be together. But it was all so romantic, right?” He looks at me with warm eyes. “The star-crossed lover’s thing. Rich girl, poor boy. I decided to keep the secret to my grave and write a song about forbidden love with that beautiful girl.”

“It was you?” I swallow hard as tears fill my eyes. “You saved me?”

“I took you to the hospital.” Austin looks at my chest while drawing an invisible heart with his finger. “I think the ‘saving you’ part is all in my head.”

I reach up and place my hand on his cheek. “Did you tuck my hair behind my ears that night?”

“I did, yes.” He brings his gaze back to mine. “I wanted to remember your face.”

“I knew—when you did that after your set at The Underground. I could feel that you’d done it before. It was surreal. Why didn’t you tell me all of this before?”

Austin takes a breath, releasing it as he lifts his eyes to the roof of the van. “I don’t know. I wanted to see if this connection was real—and not some kind of obligation because I helped you.” He laughs. “I mean, I didn’t even do anything. There’s nothing to be repaid for. I just—”

“Thank you.”

“You don’t have to say that.” He shakes his head and casts his eyes downward.

“I’m alive because of you, Austin! That’s not something we can push aside.” I take his face in my hands and lift his head so our eyes meet. “Thank you for saving my life. And for encouraging me and listening to me. Thank you for always making me feel good about myself. I’ve never had anyone treat me the way you do.”

As soon as I say it, I curse myself. Why do I keep playing the pity card in front of him? That’s not me. I’ve never been that person. I’ve always focused on accomplishments and being strong.

Confidence is not only the number one rule of dating, it’s the number one rule in medicine. Confidence, not cockiness. Making someone feel like you’re the most in-demand person and they’re lucky to have you.

Who am I kidding? I have zero confidence with men. Even after months dating Austin, who hasn’t given me any reason to doubt how he feels.

But leave it to me, at the lowest point in my life, to keep digging into a dark hole.

“How is someone like you attracted to someone like me?”

The light that’s been on Austin’s face, since he told me how he feels about me, dims. “What in the world do you mean?”

I open my mouth, but he continues without letting me answer.

“What do you mean someone like me, Liz? A loser from the wrong side of town, who sold pot in middle school to afford instruments, and barely graduated high school?”

“No. Austin—”

“Why the fuck would someone like you—a beautiful, smart doctor—want to be with someone like me? I don’t have a safety net, Liz. I’m an uneducated guy with no money in my savings account and zero job skills. If music doesn’t work out, I’ll be sweeping floors and stocking beer coolers at The Market for the rest of my life.”

“It’s a job that pays your bills. There’s no shame in that.”

“I know, I—” Austin closes his eyes for a beat and takes a deep breath. When he opens them, he says, “Can we just enjoy this time with each other, Liz? We’re two imperfect people who found each other. I’ve had an amazing time with you since the very first moment we met. Being with you makes me happy. You make me feel. You lighten the darkness inside me. You make me want to be a better person—because of the good I see in you. And because of all the good I know you’re going to accomplish in your life. You’re saving lives—and I’m writing songs.”

“You’re saving lives too, Austin. I know that for a fact. I’ve read the posts on social media about how your music has affected people. About how your music has saved them—and I know it because I’m one of those people, Austin. Open Your Heart saved me, too.”

Now that I know the story behind the song, that’s currently holding steady at Number Three on the Billboard Alternative chart, and tearing up Satellite radio, I feel empowered to tell him how much it resonates with me.

“I can’t even explain how much that song means to me. From the very first time I heard it, I felt like it was for me. It grounded me. Listening to it brought me back to life over the last few months. Or maybe it brought me to a new life?” I pause. “You saved me. You changed me. You helped me figure out who I really am and what I can give to this world.”

“I didn’t—” Before he can dismiss my feelings I interrupt him.

“I love you, Austin.”

Out of any moment in my life, this is the moment I should be making eye contact with someone. I’ve never been so sure of my feelings. Not since I decided that I wanted to be a doctor. That I wanted to make a difference.

And yet, I can’t look at him because I’m afraid of what I’ll see.

“What?” he asks, lifting my chin with gentle fingers.

“I love you,” I repeat. This time I say it louder while looking straight into his eyes.

“Fuck, Liz!” he exclaims.

I’d be offended, except there’s a huge goofy grin on his face. The grin of a kid who seems flabbergasted to hear that a girl loves him.

“You’re telling me this in the back of a smelly tour van?”

I laugh, understanding why he’s amused, but he still hasn’t acknowledged my declaration. And though I feel completely confident in my words, I’m getting a bit worried that he doesn’t feel the same.

It’s weird, because I’ve never said it to anyone outside of family and a few close friends before. I’ve never been so anxious waiting for words before.

He grabs my hips, then moves one hand to my heart, then brings them both up to cup my face.

“I can’t—I—fuck! Just hearing you say that is amazing. I love you, too, Liz.”

Relief washes over me. Each word a new wave of acceptance.

“I almost don’t want to fuck you like a groupie in the back of the van anymore.”

“Really?” I ask. “Because that’s exactly how I want to celebrate this moment.”

Austin cocks his head, not taking his eyes from my boobs, which I’ve just remembered are still bare and basically in front of his face.

“As long as you’re cool with it.” He lifts his hips—and me—off the seat and reaches between us to shimmy his shorts down enough to release his cock.

I bite my bottom lip at the sight—hard and thick and so ready.

“You look like a kid in a candy shop, Liz.”

“You’ve got something very lickable right there.”

“You can lick it later, babe. Right now, I want you to take me deep. I want to feel your pussy squeeze my cock as you ride hard.” He reaches into the crevice, where the seat back meets the bottom, and pulls out a condom.

I push one leg of the boxers aside and lift myself up so I can slide onto him once he’s sheathed. As I lower myself slowly, Austin releases a low moan.

“I fucking love you,” I tell him. It’s the only response I have. It’s the only truth I know right now. My career—as I know it—is over. My life, which has been planned out for years, has suddenly come to a complete standstill. I don’t know who I am or how I fit into the world anymore.

The only thing I have is this moment with Austin.