Getting ready to embark on a major three-month tour is no joke. Thankfully, we’ve done it on a smaller scale so our team knows what to do. Still, it’s stressful making sure everything is in order. From having all of our gear packed into the trailer with care, to driving schedules and sleeping arrangements.

It’s even more stressful knowing I’m leaving in a few hours and I still haven’t heard from Liz. The one thing that could take my mind off the stress is spending my last night in town with her. I need to hold her in my arms. Feel her heartbeat against my chest. Her peacefulness calms me. Before I leave I need to know that we’re okay.

But it’s been three days since I saw her and she hasn’t answered my texts or calls.

I’m trying to keep my shit together. I know I need to set it aside and focus on the tour. As much as I love her, my career is my main priority right now.

But fuck! I can’t stop thinking about her. She knows we’re leaving. Why the fuck would she wait until the last minute? Is she even going to make time to see me? Was our fight really that bad?

I can’t think that way. She’s going through her own shit. It’s not about me. There’s no reason for me to be so selfish. She told me how devastated she is right now.

When Liz finally texts me and says she needs to talk, I’m overcome with relief. As much as I knew I had to give her the space she needed, I’ve been dying to hear from her. I need to hold her and apologize, and let her know that nothing we go through is too much. We can work through anything.

My heart practically bursts out of my chest when I open the door and see Liz standing on my porch.

“Hey babe,” I greet her. I can’t keep the stupid-ass grin off my face. I immediately lunge toward her, with my arms extended, ready to sweep her off her feet. She leans back and holds up a hand, stopping my advance.

“I need to apologize for how I acted and how I treated you,” she begins. Her eyes are vacant. Her face is pale. Her voice is robotic. She seems really out of it. “I had no right to get angry at you. What I did was irresponsible and selfish. I’m so sorry for the way I acted.”

“It’s okay,” I say softly, reaching out to touch her arm. She steps back. “What’s wrong, Liz?” I ask.

“I’ve been thinking a lot since Atlanta and—” She stops to lick her lips. “I think we should break this off.”

“Excuse me?” I ask, completely puzzled. Maybe I hadn’t heard her correctly.

“I told you from the start that I have expectations from my family that I have to uphold.” Liz’s gaze drops to the floor. At least she’s nice enough to avert her eyes instead of lie to my face.

“Fuck your family’s expectations, Liz! I thought that—” I rest a hand against the door frame, which serves two purposes; keeping my body open to her while holding myself up. “I thought what we had would make you forget about all that shit.”

She hasn’t forgotten, despite countless conversations. And by the vacant look on her face, it seems as if she knew our relationship would never turn into more. How had I never noticed that before? Had she always been indifferent? Had I been making everything up in my head this entire time? Romanticizing the depth of our relationship?

“I can’t just forget, Austin. It’s my family. They aren’t going away. They aren’t going to make this easy.”

I drop my arms and take a step toward her. “I know that. Nothing worth fighting for is easy. Once they see how much we love each other and that we aren’t giving up, they’ll just have to learn to accept me, right?”

“It doesn’t work like that, Austin. We come from two different worlds. I don’t have the time or energy to try to mesh them.”

Her words leave me speechless, confused, and hurt.

“So that’s the real story, eh? You don’t want to make the time for me—for us.”

“I’m trying to make this as easy as possible.”

“Easy? You think this is easy? I love you, Liz. I have never loved anyone the way I love you. And you’re dropping this on me the day I leave for three months.”

Today started with so many wonderful possibilities. It should have been the best day of my life. Instead, it’s morphed into the worst.

Mom warned me about this. Focus on my career, not the girl. Don’t let my heart get in the way of my dreams. I thought I could handle both, but I was wrong. She was right. She’s always right.

“I’m sorry about the timing, but I didn’t want to do this over the phone or text.”

“Come on, babe. I thought we were in this for the long haul. I thought we were going to make a life together. Jesus, Liz, I see myself having a family with you.”

She closes her eyes for longer than a blink. “You’ll never be able to give me the life I’m used to, Austin,” she says. “But you can have a nice life for yourself with the money my father gave you to stop seeing me. You won’t have to worry about making ends meet.”

“What? What are you fucking talking about? Your father didn’t give me any money.”

Is she delusional? I’ve heard people talk about “suicide Tuesdays,” which is the nickname for the effects someone, who used ecstasy over the weekend, feels when they fully come down from the high. The depletion of endorphins causes an extreme sense of hopelessness, depression, fatigue—maybe delusions? I don’t know. I’ve never done X, so I can’t even speak from experience. Are the drugs fucking her head up this much?

“Just let it go, Austin. Let everything go. You don’t have to pretend anymore. Just forget it. You won’t have any trouble finding someone else.” She turns around and starts down the steps. “You’ll be better off with someone else anyway.”

“Liz, you gotta help me out here. I have no clue what you’re talking about. You’re not making any sense.”

She won’t even look back at me, let alone answer me.

My phone, which has been ringing constantly since I woke up this morning, goes off again. I check the screen quickly. Nelson again.

“Look, I’ve gotta talk to Nelson. We’ve got so much to do today before we leave. Can we please talk about this tonight?”

“There’s nothing left to say.” Liz looks up at me, finally meeting my eyes for the first time since she got here. “Kick ass on tour,” she says before continuing down the walkway.

It’s the first time I’ve ever heard her swear—so minor, yet the words are a sword slicing my heart.

“I don’t give a fuck about what your family thinks of me. I have no clue what’s going on right now, but I still love you, Elizabeth.”

She doesn’t turn around. Doesn’t acknowledge me at all. Just jerks the door open on her shiny new SUV and climbs inside.

Rain starts to fall, pelting my head as I stand in the driveway, watching her vehicle get farther and farther away.

I shouldn’t be surprised. Shouldn’t be hurt.

Elizabeth Commons was never mine. She’ll always be tied to the expectations and obligations of parents who have control over their daughter’s minds. She’ll always be tied to the way of life she grew up with—unable to find happiness with someone who doesn’t fit that mold.

I should be relieved to be rid of all the complications that came with dating her.

Instead, darkness flows into my blood, my heart pumping it through my body fast.

I don’t even have time to deal with the shock or grief right now. My world—the world I spent years working my ass off to create, to get to this very moment—is still turning. My stomach lurches as I shut my emotions off and switch into the lead singer of Drowned World.

Tonight, when I’m in the back of the van, staring out the window, as we drive to the first city to meet up with Walk on Mars, that’s when I’ll be able to overthink and analyze and grieve.