“Thought I’d find you here.”
Lena blinked as she saw Jax looming above her, his green eyes soft as his mouth stayed fixed in a straight line. His stare seemed soft, and she started to fall into him when she remembered who he had become.
“Just a hunch?” she asked as she pushed away from him.
A light gasp left his lips, and he tried to bring her back into his arms. Something in his hold… no. She knew what it was. Too close to the darkness, and Lena kicked away from him and turned her back.
“What the hell, Lena?” he demanded. “You were never like this.”
Not when she still had a hope of having him, not when he met her at her stoop and carried her books as he peered like a hawk when it came to her day-to-day. Should she have told him when it all went south? Part of her wanted to try her luck now, but her mind spun with the fact that he was right here at the supposed perfect moment. Was is sweet, or had he learned more from Eric than she had ever imagined?
“Are you suddenly keeping tabs on me?”
“Keeping tabs? What are you talking about?”
Lena charged back to his side and started to grab his neck when she suddenly held back and pressed her hands to her sides.
“Maybe you just couldn’t resist to get in another jab,” she spat. “Feeling me out for the others.”
Jax’s eyes blazed as he started to speak, but Lena held her ground as her lip quivered slightly.
“Try to take it back,” she challenged. “
“I didn’t mean it,” he muttered. “I know you.”
Extending his arm, his fingers flexing against the supple line of her wrist, Lena savored the feel of his skin on hers for all of a second before pulling away again. “Don’t be so sure,” she started. “I’m sure as hell not.”
His lips curled into a tight frown, and she watched with baited breath as his hand curled and uncurled into a tight fist. “Don’t say that, Lena,” he whispered. “I said I’m sorry, okay? But please…” As their eyes locked, the anguish plainly masked his face. “I was pissed, okay?” he confessed. “All that time without seeing you. And then we get into it before I even knew why you left.”
Relieved that the secret was still hers, Lena sighed softly and turned away from him. “Thanks for that,” she said. “Glad that you don’t really think that I’m a whore.”
She tried to step away when Jax grabbed her arm. “You know I don’t, Lena. You’re the sweetest thing. Of course you’re not. You never could be.”
“Don’t say that!”
Lena started to meet his mouth, forgetting what he had said and what she had done. But for a second, for what might be the last time that she could stand to stay at his side without a twinge of regret, she kissed him lightly. His lips were soft, and her pulse intensified as took her into his arms. His hold was strong and, as the creek swirled behind them, she wanted nothing more than to get back to the place where his soft touch and his sweet smile was her entire world. Pushing away from him, she saw his eyes full of the hope, and she took his hand. Studying the lines of his palm with a small sigh, Lena’s body started to sigh as he touched her back, and she nearly sank into his touch as she left his hold and kicked close to the edge of the creek.
“You should forget about me, Jax.
“Lena, listen, I---”
“I’m not sweet,” she muttered. “Lots of things you don’t know about me.” Watching her reflection as it peered up at her through the ripples, Lena wanted the image in the water to belong to someone else, someone who might be worthy of him and the feel of his body surrounding hers. If his halting breath so close to her back was to be believed, he might’ve press her to the edge of the water and taken her. She wouldn’t fight; in the end, that did no good. But it wasn’t how she wanted him most, and Jax laid his hand on her shoulder.
“So there’s someone else,” he said.
Lena froze as she turned to meet his eyes, and she trembled under the force of his stare. “Someone else?” she echoed. “So you do think that I’m easy?”
“What? I… no, Lena.”
“I was at school, Jax. Remember that?”
“So who looked out for you?” he spat. “I wasn’t there. You had to have had someone.” His voice stopped as Lena’s heart shook in her chest.
“No one looked out for me,” she muttered. “Had to look out for myself.” But no one on campus scared her as much as a single moment from her past.
“Is that a fact, Lena?”
His words still hurt, but Lena managed to find his eyes. Maybe she could tell the truth about something. “No one’s touched me since I went away.”
Jax’s face stayed like slate until a smile poured across his cheeks, and she froze as he took her into his arms and tried to kiss her again.
“Jax, please don’t.”
“I’ve been waiting for you, too,” he insisted. “Forget everything I said. Just let me show you.”
He kissed her quickly, and Lena’s hands started to move to her thighs. In some ways, it was like every dream she’d ever had coming true. How many times has she pictured their bodies mingling beside the creek as they stroked one another and kept kissing? Starting to sink to her knees, Lena met his eyes when he spoke again.
“Let me be your first.”
Reeling away from him, Lena slapped a tight fist to her palm as she kept her eyes on his prostrate form and twisted her head over her shoulders. “You so sure of that?” she asked.
“Lena,” he started. “You just said that---”
“What if it happened before I left?” she said. “Did you ever stop to think of that?” She had already said too much, and Lena tried to move away when Jax took her into his arms, his breath hard and fast as he peered into her eyes.
“No,” he said. “You would have told me."
“Don’t be so sure.”
“I always have your back, Lena.” His words tugged at her soul, and Lena sighed as she started to move back to his mouth. He would feel so good, taste even better, and she was on the verge of falling into his kiss and trying to tell herself that there was still some chance of everything that invaded her dreams night after night. She was nearly sure when all that what she would have to tell him in time was too much to stand, and she pushed him back with tears in her eyes. “I can’t do this. It hurts too much.”
Jax’s stunned expression singed her soul, and his eyes went wide as he forced a shaky smile and tried to make sense of her change of heart.
“Why would you say that?” he asked, confusion coloring his tone as she pressed her palms to the air and started to back away.
“Just listen to me,” she pleaded. “I’m forgetting. You need to… you---”
Her voice came to a halt as she started to slip against the bank. Her arms flailed wildly, and as the water came close to her eyes, she feared that this was her destined end, to drown in the spot where she had first loved him most and best. Resigned to her fate, Lena continued to slip when Jax’s arms surrounded her and he dragged her back to solid ground.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” he asked.
“Jax, let me---”
“So I was a jerk,” Jax went on. “But you don’t have to be so afraid!”
“It’s not you,” she said. “But I still can’t.”
“Lena, please!”
He tried to bring her back to his chest, and when his lips were nearly at her ear, Lena moaned for all of a second before she pushed him back and clenched her fists.
“You have to let me go,” she said. “Think good thoughts if you can, but---”
“My Lena.”
“But I’m not yours!”
He looked stunned as she slapped his hand away, and she was almost ready to fall back into his arms and calm the tension poking forth through his shoulders when she pressed her hand to her mouth and shook her head. “I need to… I have to go,” she said. “Don’t follow me.”
“Lena, I just---”
“We can’t get it back!”
Breaking into a run, she pumped her legs as she fought to move away from what never could be.